


He is my Best Friend..?

by 2Gay2funktion



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends to Lovers, High School AU, I want my babies having a cliche high school Au for them, Jealousy, M/M, Major OOC, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Possessive Andrew, Possessive Neil, other than that RENISON, that's violence and non con, there is only a chapter with all the triggers associated with aftg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-22 13:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 89,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11968401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2Gay2funktion/pseuds/2Gay2funktion
Summary: Andrew and Neil have been best friends for three years now,until things start to change between them.





	1. New neighbour or a new mystery?

He is so awkward that it physically hurts me to look at him.But he is good at faking a calm poise.

  
That's my first impression of him which quickly changes as I take a look at his clothes.They are so pitiful that I have to look away.I light my cigarette,while sitting on the fence on our porch.

  
New neighbours,I snort.

  
But I still find myself looking at him and realize he is already looking at me.He takes in my stoic face calmly,too calmly.He shifts his eyes to the workers arranging the furniture on his orders.Quite expensive furniture if you ask me for this area.This neighbourhood isn't bad,on contrary it is quite good,for people who earn decent money and deal with their own business.That is one of the reasons I like this nieghbourhood,second would be Renee Walker living down the road.

  
Back to boy who now has scoured the whole area meticulously while appearing too casual for an awkward kid like him.

  
He doesn't add up,that's my second impression that quickly changes as he looks back at me and doesn't look away.

  
I keep the eye contact and notice light blue eyes.Or they seem from here.Brick red hair and scarred face.I raise my eyebrow and he only smirks in return,which spreads into a grin as I keep looking at him unimpressed.

  
Problem.A pretty attractive problem.That is my third impression of him.

  
I stub my cigarette making my way inside.I look around.No Bee here.  
She must be in her hive.''Bee B-bee,'' I shout as I make my way to her office.

  
I think about knocking but choose against it as I burst into her office.''Hello,my ex psychiatrist and current adoptive mother.''

  
I ask her,but I can't stop a small smile seeping into my lips at sight of her.Her messy bun,big goofy glasses on her nose and loose shirt that says, ''PAVLOV that name rings a bell.''

  
She is sitting on her window,probably snooping on our new neighbour.No wonder she adopted _me._

  
She smiles back at me,''Hello back,my favourite patient and current son.'' She doesn't add adopted,my chest feels warm at that.

  
I walk to her,looking at her serenely in afternoon light.She raises her hands slowly and at my nod,adjust my bangs.  
Damn I would kill for this woman.

  
The loud crash brings our attention to our new subject.  
''So conclusions?''

  
We play this 'game',we would pick a random 'subject' and try to scrutinize them.She does her psychiatrist mojo jojo and I ,my famous life-was-shit-so-this-is-how-I-survived-it observations until we come up with a rough personality for our victim.She hesitates mostly but indulges me most of the times.

  
''Well,he is alone.Alone in a way he isn't expecting anyone to help him move in.Independent,knows how to instruct the workers given he is around your age,13 or 14.He may have done it many time or saw someone do it efficiently.'' She is too polite to mention the scars but we both notice them.

  
''Doesn't care about his appearance, I mean look at those clothes.'' I chime in,she nods sympathetically.Then smiles softly but eyes sharp.She continues,  
''Kind,in a way he didn't say anything to the worker breaking that expensive vase or maybe he just doesn't care.Fidgety,he can't keep still.In short,if I were to place my bet,.''

  
''A runaway.'' I complete it for her.That is my fourth impression.She smiles at me,  
''We'll see laters,if that's correct or not.''  
Seems someone is equally interested in our new mess of a neighbour as me.We stand there for a while before she leaves for an excuse of making some dinner.  
Interesting,that's my fifth impression in one day of a lanky boy that's now my neighbour.

 


	2. Shit I don't understand sign language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so these chapters in the start are precap,kinda, to the actual story.  
> Thought everyone would like to know how they became friends before becoming best friends.  
> Andrew is kinda similar to canon (well as much a I can make him in this au) but he wont be in the future.  
> Guys hang on,the story will start in a chapter or two.

Next time,I met him was a bad day for me.

  
I woke with an ugly nightmare and realized I had school in half an hour.

_Wow frickin great.Kill me already._

  
Had a muted breakfast.Betsy realized in the first ten minutes that today I was not in a mood to talk.So we both ate our pancakes with unhealthy amount of maple syrup on it.  
After finishing the breakfast,I picked up my bag and house keys.Today Bee had to take the car so I couldn't. Which pissed me off more because I would really like to drive right now.  
I said a sullen goodbye to Betsy,I tried not feeling bad about it but the look on her face eased me.She understood me.

_And that is why I am living her now_.I remind myself.

  
Trying to dissociate myself from my past.

  
I walk,blasting some angry songs in my ears.Yes they seem pretentious but _Fuck_ they are relatable.

  
The school was more strenuous than usual.I sent a msg to Renee telling her I won't be able to have lunch with her.She asked if she could help.I thought about it and realized,today I couldn't bother with anything.So declined her offer.

  
The boy was the talk of the school which aggravated me more.Ugh yes he exists,stop talking about it.There was something particularly annoying about listening to people talk about one thing over and over again.

  
And teachers... don't even get me started on teachers,so freaking annoying.They never take a no for an answer.

  
But today,I couldn't indulge their petty displays of authority.I didn't talk back,or tell the correct answer just to piss them off.I just did nothing.

  
I couldn't today.Why the world was not getting a hint?

  
After Patrick's scalding insults about insolent students and silence dipped in never ending carelessness from my side,I realized that our certain blue eyed boy-yes now I could see they are blue- was looking at me.I looked at him and then away.  
I did not have time for him today.

  
As if the day could get worse,during off time some stupid girls who were so busy laughing did not realize that in a narrow corridor YOU CAN'T WALK ARM IN ARM, THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WALKing.

  
They were laughing,their head rolling like a decapitated zombie.I would scoff but it just annoyed me today.Immensely I might add.

  
I got out of the hellhole(finally).And took a minute to thank the fake god about _the day I realized what a blessing music was_.My bag hung over my shoulder and ipod -the first gift Betsy gave me- tucked in my pocket.I made my way home.

  
Home.Betsy wouldn't be home till seven in the evening.I went inside as soon as I reached it and went straight to my room.Throwing my bag away in the corner of my room.Fuck food.I'll just sleep.

  
I woke up after the sun had set and the clock on my phone showed 6:45.Betsy might be on her way.I removed my ear phones,putting my ipod aside.I sat on my bed.  
And sighed.  
I sat there for a while getting enough energy in me to change my clothes.

  
I changed into comfy sweat pants and a shirt,picked up my cigarettes and went on our porch.  
Why wouldn't the day end already?  
I lit my cigarette and was busy thinking about nothing.Letting the numbness wash over me.  
Nothing.Nothing.  
Old habits die hard.Betsy tells me that it would be better if I started calling myself Andrew Dobson in such situations,to remind myself that I have an identity.That I exist.That I have a home now.A life,away from abuse and hell.

  
But hell lives inside. _I know I spell hell pretty but doesn't mean I enjoy it._

  
I feel my armbands,I think about sharpening my weapons later and it comforts me somehow.

  
'Hello',a quiet voice with quiet feet that I didn't even hear.''Can I sit-''  
I look at him dead in the face,I won't lie he does intrigue me but not today.Maybe tomorrow.  
I don't know what takes over but before he can finish his sentence I am saying 'I can't hear or speak' in sign language.

  
I once read a book on it in the library because it seemed fun,and thanks to my eidetic memory remembered this.Though it bored me pretty quickly and I could memorize 20 phrases or so.  
He looks at me,taken aback,his lips forming a small O.

  
He looks stupid like that.God why isn't he going away?

_Hush Hush away annoying but pretty humans._

  
Another day,I wouldn't have let this chance go.But not today.

  
He looks at me for a while then nods and signs something back.  
Okay I'll admit.I have no idea what he just said.

  
I look at him not knowing what to do.Fake fuckin God.

 

I think probably nodding my head is a better option because I just want to have few good moments before Betsy comes.And want to get rid of this conversation.If he talks more I'll just go inside.Fuck peaceful cigarettes.

  
And he looks at me,as if deciding something.Which makes me think what did I agree to.  
Was he asking me the colour of my bed sheets? My favourite cereal? My name??

  
Who knew? But he smiles slowly,signs something -that I know means 'Thank you'- and sits down next to me on the stairs of the porch.  
Leaving a foot or two between us.Urm?? Now what?

  
Here I would like to say I start my daily session of cursing my life in my head,where midway I realize that he isn't taking.He is just siting silently,shoulders relaxed or as relaxed as they can be.

He is not saying anything or asking even though he does know sign language.I find it weird but accept the silence gratefully.

  
We sit there for five more minutes and then he gets up.Cleans his pant.Wow looks like someone had a wardrobe change.Probably someone forced,to buy something suitable for school.And stretches his body.  
He takes the time to turn around and mutter 'Bye' at me with wave.  
Before he is jogging off to his house.

  
Well that was weird.To the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Neil was asking 'can i sit with you?' not the color of Andrew's bedsheets.  
> Kudos if u have had days like Andrew's and know how annoying they are.
> 
>  
> 
> PS my friend once did the same as Andrew to get out of a conversation which i thought was pretty hilarious and weird at the same time


	3. For a flashlight? Are you kidding me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy.  
> Excuse my terrible story telling skills.And my mistakes.  
> Cuz if I make a mistake i most certainly won't realize it twice.As in if i proof read it myself.

**ANDREW**

  
It's pretty simple, if you try to understand it.I have made a new deal with the universe.  
It has stolen from me everything,it is only reasonable that I steal some back from it too.

  
So experiences,dangers,disasters,perks.All of it,even the life itself,is now for me to take.  
Vengeance ,you realize, is pretty sweet even though it's petty.

  
****

  
**NEIL**

 

It's been a month since I transferred here with Stuart.

  
This side of town is nice peaceful even.Stuart is nice to live with too,after mom....after mom we couldn't stay in England.So Stuart decided to operate his business from America.But he almost visits England monthly though.And stays their for weeks too.

  
He insists on me buying clothes every weekend to make up for my lack of 'decent' clothes.He is mostly absent which is a relief,I can't live with him doting me 24/7.  
Right now,I sitting on a bench in front of a huge super market.Why?

  
Don't ask me.I am crazy like that.HA.Kidding.

I was running and got tired, so thought of buying a water bottle and resting for a bit.And then I never moved because I was busy thinking how different life has gotten and how fast.  
This life,it was too normal.School normal.Running was a hobby/form of exercise instead of necessity.Normal neighbourhood.Well with an exception.  
My neighbour... I don't understand him.He is apparently mute and dumb,which was a surprise and not a surprise at the same time.He just talked too much with his body language and expressions,even though most people wouldn't think that.His perpetual silence and cursory glance added weight to his words.As if he ever engaged in a conversation,it would be worth things that people struggled hard for.  
Make sense of that.

  
Footsteps,fast and heavy footsteps.That's what has me looking to my left.A guy with a mask on his face in black hoodie is running like he has dogs behind him.My every instinct yells at me to run away,without knowing what are we running from.He is halfway here,when he takes off his mask and looks left and right.Suddenly our eyes lock.And I notice two things.  
First,it's him.My mute neighbour.And he is smiling.Smiling like he is having a time of his life.And second he is running towards me.

  
''C'mon hurry up,pretend you know me.'' he says before lying on the bench with his head on my lap and arms crossed on his chest.

  
Wait...DID HE JUST SPEAk.????

''You can talk?'' I ask shocked,looking at the boy in my lap.What is he doing there?  
He rolls his eyes before replying,''Duh. I just talked.Didn't I?''

  
''But ..'' I start but stop mid way as I notice two pigs running on the road that leads to the bench.They look around,searching for their goose.  
''Shit.'' I hear him mutter.  
''What is happening?'' I whisper yell at him.

  
''Shhh..Just pretend,you know me.''

  
I am about reply him in my not-so-kind words.First he lies to me.To me...A pathalogical liar myself.Secondly,now he wants me to lie to pigs for him.I open my mouth and..  
''Excuse me.'' I look up and find both of the pigs looking at me.

  
Their tags tell me one is Officer Higgins and other one is Officer Hernandez.

  
''Yes,Officer.'' I say putting on my best expression of an innocent yet concerned civilian.  
It works because they start using their soft voice as they realize I am only a 14 year old.

  
''Urm,kid.'' Officer Higgins start.See told you.Just a harmless 14 year old.His eyes shift at the boy,who gives him a mocking two finger salute, before he looks back at me and continues,  
''Have you seen a guy with black mask pass by here?'' he asks.Now that he mentions,where did the mask go?

 

''Urm.'' I pause,and feel him tense in my lap.Good.

  
And then I don't know why but,yes that's exactly what I do.I lie for him.

  
''Actually yes.He did,Sir.I found it quite weird myself.''

  
The Officers nod at me and then look at the boy skeptically.  
''So,what about you?'' They ask the boy.

  
While he just looks at them, silent and expressionless.Oh Fuck him.

  
''Actually he is my cousin.And he can't talk or hear.A trauma in his childhood that left him with impaired hearing and selective mutism.'' I say,sounding like every awkward/worrying teenager.A pretty picture I have painted.  
They look at him,now a little sadly.Wow it worked.Kudos for me.

  
I feel him pinch my stomach,I guess for mocking him on his lie.I look at him worriedly and sign ,asking about why he is the biggest douche in the colony?

  
He looks up at me,like he doesn't understand a word.Which I guess he doesn't.He looked the same when I asked him 'Can I sit with you?' last time.Oh so apparently his knowledge on sign language is only limited to signing 'I can't talk or hear'.Asshole.

  
Thanks mother for making me learn this language,comes handy while you are insulting your clueless delinquent neighbour.  
He signs several swear words back.Wow so he does know how to swear in sign language.I guess he is one of those guys,who specially learn all the swear words in every language.

  
I smile sympathetically,look back at the officers and mutter ''He is asking why are we being questioned? He is getting nervous in your presence.Trauma,Sir.Trauma.It makes you anxious in such situations.''  
They look uncomfortable now,looking between us.I know he looks nothing like a person who is nervous,more like someone who is so bored that they would rather mentally indulge themselves in choosing between their favourite snacks than bother with this conversation.

  
What is his favourite snack? Suddenly I want know everything about this boy.His hazel eyes shinning from the streetlight on our left,as he looks up at me.Laters.For sure.

  
I look at offciers,''Anything else,Sir.''  
''Urm no.Nothing,kid.Take care of yourself and...'' Officer Hernandez points his finger at the boy,awkwardly.'' and your cousin.''

  
''I will,Sir.'' I wave them as they walk back,deciding to give up on their chase.  
As they are out of my sight, I ask,''So what did you do?''

  
He smirks at me and pulls out a flash light from his hoodie. And waves it in front of my face.

  
''A fucking flash light? You had pigs running after you because you stole their flashlight?''  
I ask incredulously.This is plain idiotic,given I spent major part of my life trying to never end up in such situation while he willingly got in one.  
''Why?'' I couldn't help but ask.  
He looks at me his smile dropping.He sits up,his feet back on the ground.Thinking.  
Until he lifts his finger,tapping them on his neck.Following his heart beat and mutters,''Feeling.''

  
I look at him,but in some weird way,it makes sense.This new life.It was weird for me.  
I was used to being scared,looking behind my shoulder.Getting hit.Always running.  
This normal life made me feel stuck.I ran to feel in my new carefree life.He stole and got into dangerous situations to feel.

  
So I only nod and ask him his name.  
He looks at me,calculating as always.  
''Andrew.Yours?'' he asks,voice low now.As if taking a first step towards the end.

  
''Neil.Neil Hatford.'' I give him my hand,for a shake.It's weird but seems right.  
He looks at my hand comically,raises an eyebrow while I just snort in reply.And shrug as in 'Just shake it,idiot.'

  
I think of pulling my hand away before I have a warm hand in mine.''Andrew Dobson.''  
I can't help but smile.He huffs at my expression.Pulling his hand away and standing up.He walks a few step away,looks back,only to give me his signature salute with a smirk.And starts walking towards his home.

  
And I sit there,looking at my hand,feeling warm inside.'Andrew.Andrew Dobson.' I say it slowly.As if taking a first step towards the end.Or a great beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOO...????!?!?!?  
> how was it...???Q??!!?  
> Any suggestions,scenes you wanna see.??


	4. I like you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual excuse my mistakes..  
> two chapters and the real story will start.  
> ENJOyyy

**NEIL**

 

'This is stupid.'

I think as I look at a newly bought black mask in my hand.So fucking stupid.

  
****

  
**ANDREW**

 

I enter my house and hear the voices of chatter filling the hallway.Oh Stephanie is here.

  
I turn around the corner to enter the living room and there,Bee and Stephanie,are chatting like teenage girls.Sometimes I forget who is the adult one here.

Stephanie Walker is decent woman of age 35,I guess.And foster mother of my old friend (Betsy says I should use that word),Natalie.Now known as Renee.Stephanie has brown hair and light eyes.A cross around her neck and soft smile on her face,those were a constant part of her appearance.I go and sit on the sofa's arm on which Betsy is sitting.

  
I don't see Renee around,so after saying my greetings to Stephanie and trying to have a pleasant small talk,I ask her about Renee,''Oh,she was tutoring a student from her School.'' She says with a smile that I have been seeing on Renee's face lately.Good for both of them I think.

  
I nod and look at Betsy.She is wearing another shirt that says,KEEP TALKING.I AM DIAGNOSING YOU.Damn those shirts.

''Hey,can I borrow your car?'' I ask her.  
Instead of replying, she smiles and tells me where her keys are.

  
I say my goodbyes,after dropping my bag in room.  
Yes car time.I do have some cigarettes to buy.

  
So I put the keys in ignition,and practically growl with satisfaction.Good here we go.

A few hours of just blind speed and adrenaline.

  
****

  
Damn,the first puff of cigarette always feels like heaven,even though people would call it poison.As if heaven is any different.

  
''START THE CAR.'' I hear someone shout from a distance.

  
And I turn to look at the masked man running faster than anyone I have ever seen before.He keeps looking back.He takes off his mask and I don't waste time thinking about Deja vus and throw my cigarette away to get in the car and starting it.

  
In a second,I see him opening the door and getting in.''Start,start.'' he says in a hurried voice.

  
And I don't wait for him to tell me fourth time.And we are off the street.

  
That idiot starts laughing loudly as he opens the window letting the air in.

  
''What the hell,Idiot?''  
He just replies with a cheery,''Don't worry.They were too behind to see the car.''

  
I look into the mirror and see empty road,''Fuck.''  
I look at him when he laughs loudly.And I certainly _do not_ think about how nice it is.

  
I sneak a look at him as he pulls his zipper down to bring a pair of gloves out,to throw them on the dashboard.

  
''They are of those cops that questioned us last time.'' he says,flashing me a blinding smile.I just look at them,mildly impressed.Because those were hanging from their belts last time I saw them,right opposite to flashlight.

  
''Fuck,you were right.It does feel amazing.'' he references our meeting a month ago.

  
The last month had been...pleasant if I dare myself to admit.  
This idiot,Neil,had apparently decided that we are acquaintances now and started sitting with me during School.Now I had a constant commentator beside me commenting on every stupid thing that happened around me.

  
He would sit behind me in class,making sarcastic comments about everyone.And I realized I couldn't stop myself from smirking, smiling or even laughing on few.We would eat lunch together,sometimes Renee would join.He was particularly wary about Renee but I don't blame him that woman is a demon.Especially,if she is feeling protective over me.She was ready to play 20 questions with Neil,before I told her to wait.

  
So what I could get from these two months was,he is as troubled as me.If scars on him are anything to go by,and early mornings when I find him outside his house,same as me,preparing for a run.Because nightmares don't stop,they latch onto you in one place where you can't control anything.

He would also get this haunted look in his eyes,when someone mentioned common words like 'beach','father' and most importantly 'knives'.

  
So I take a sharp turn,leading us on way to practically nothing.  
He looks at me,I look back calmly.Raising my eye brow at him,daring him.He just smiles in return and nods.  
Asshole.

  
I drive for an hour.I text Betsy letting her know that I'll be late,so she won't worry.

  
And stop on this cliff that's high enough to look at the town below us.The roads empty on our both sides.I get out my car and sit on the bonnet,pulling two cigarettes out and lighting them.  
I give him one.He just looks at me questioningly but accepts it nevertheless.

  
I needed another cigarette for this conversation.I'll let Betsy know later.

  
''Okay to put it lightly,'' I say.He is looking at me expectantly,eyes still buzzing with electricity,small smile on his lips.Ugh fuck it.I open my mouth and say those words.

  
''I really _fucking_ like you.''

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again...did u like it???  
> suggestion are open...


	5. Truth for a truth,if you'd dare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late.  
> Busy schedule so editing light be shit.forgive me.  
> Warnings:  
> mentions of rape,abuse,self harm,murder,attempt at suicide and ugly past life.

_''I really fucking like you.''_

''And that's a huge compliment coming from you?'' he says.Cheeky shit.

  
''Shut up.Okay.'' I say angrily.Such an idiot.Why am I even doing this?

  
''No one likes a smart mouth.'' I say taking a drag.Until I hear a certain asshole saying,'You do' under his breath.He knows I heard it.

  
What have I gotten myself into?Why? Why? Seems like this question is going to be a constant one through out the night.

  
I still have time though.Oh fuck it.I know I want this,I have been thinking about it for weeks now.

  
''Okay.I have proposal for you,'' I say in my most serious voice,I won't lie.It does feel scary.I can feel my heart telling me to not say my next words with every beat.

''Be my friend.''

  
I finish and sneak a look at him.He looks shocked,his mouth opening and closing,like he can't seem to decide what words to say.

  
''We have spent almost all of the last month together.That's enough for people like us to know someone.'' I try approaching the issue from a logical aspect.I continue when I see him nodding solemnly.Good so we are in the same mood.

  
''People like us don't do friends.Too scary,too unnecessary.It's considered a weakness,given the lives we have lived.'' I try to tell him,'yes I know it's not what we ever had the chance to do,to have.But that doesn't mean we can't have it now.'

''You seem like a runner,but you look like you are staying.'' If he is shocked at my admission,he hides it well.  
''But when you look at our hide,we both have different strengths.And right now, want the same from life.'' I have seen him looking at normal people doing normal things,like he is questioning can he have it? does he want it? what will happen when he does?

  
It's easy to know when the same thoughts have crossed your mind a thousand times.Like knows like.Whatever that was.

  
He keeps nodding,thinking.''Like I said,I like you enough to consider you a potential friend.And we don't take words like 'Friend' easily,fuck I only got to know a year ago,it existed.''  
''So I don't want us to be each other's weakness.Let's be strength.  
Allies,Comrades,whatever you wanna call it.You, yourself, have sensed it by now.We do well together.So just,think about it.''

I end.I believe this is the longest I have talked with him,given I have talked with him.Which is something,I don't do with anyone.  
He thinks for a while and then says,''Not gonna lie.That idea of having a friend,another person I could even make myself familiar with,was beaten out of me.But somethings survive.I want a friend.I want it.We can imagine each others strengths and ticks,given we were not only spending last month together joking around,but testing each other too.''

I knew it,we were on the same page from the start,and somehow he passed the test for me,when he got into my car today.

  
This idiot is serious for the first time,I can appreciate it.''We are compatible.Strength,yes I could do that.So.. it's a yes.'' It seems like he has thought about it too,maybe that's what it was for him today too.The last test.

  
He looked nervous,scared even.I was too,playing with my cigarette.Think I'll need another one.

  
''But I want..'' I start but stop.How can I really trust?

Do I trust my senses to know that I have known him right in the past month? Am I really ready?

Fuck.

  
'' I-I don't us to leave without-,I want us to see the sun of tomorrow knowing each other.I want to know your life better than mine.Your secrets,your thoughts.I want to know it all.''  
I pause,I can see panic behing his eyes,dancing and dancing.Taking the lead of his thoughts.  
''That's my proposal.Truth for a truth.You tell me shit you have tried your best to keep hidden your whole life.And I'll do the same.'' I pause,making myself ready as well for what the night demands.No questions.No doubts.

  
''You can say no.I'll take you back to your home.But I won't let someone in,or try to,without knowing them.I never had a chance to pick my enemies,but I'll pick my friends on my terms.Carefully and wisely.''  
He looks...like he is considering pros or cons.I know I am too.He is a runner,what if he runs?  
But that I know,his run is over.That is why he is always anxious,stealing gloves from cops like me.We sit there for another fifteen minutes before I hear a weak murmur.  
I look at him,and he says his next words a little stronger,''Yes.''

  
And if my heart goes erratic slash crazy at that,I try my best that he doesn't know it.

  
****

''So you took two today?Why?'' he asks.I make a gesture with my hand,asking him to elaborate.

  
''Your cigarettes.I have always seen you have one per day.'' Fuck.He sure as hell is dangerous.Good,I want someone to make it interesting instead of boring.  
''Bee,Betsy Dobson,my adoptive mother,'' I explain,I promised truth.Truth is all I'll give tonight,no matter how sour.''She allows me to smoke cigarette at age of 12,the age when she adopted me,but only if I had one a day.And if it is a bad day,I could have more,but after letting her know.She...she doesn't want me doing something self destructive until she approves of it and I can respect that.''

  
He looked at me like he was debating something and then understood.It was weird,people would have taken it as me being a sissy,but not him obviously.

  
''My uncle,stuart,that's who has adopted me now,'' he pauses,takes a breath.Looking down at his hand he says,''Now,that my mother is dead.''

  
''Why is he mostly absent?'' I ask,as I have rarely seen anyone around his house.  
''He has lived in London his whole life,so he still visits it for work.''  
''Why America then?'' I ask.  
''We had work to do here.'' he says,quietly.

  
''Okay I am getting tired with this careful shit.'' I proclaim and then launch into the most horrific narration of my life.

  
''Hey,I am Andrew.Was born an orphan.Spent most part of life going through foster homes and being abused there.You realize real early when you are an orphan,how shitty the world is.But I hadn't known true hell until I was 10 and I had to live with...'' I pause at her name.''Cass,'' another breath,''Cass Spears.''

  
I point at him asking for his story now.He looks at me for a moment before starting.  
''I was born as Nathaniel Wesninski.'' then he takes a pause longer than mine.''My father was known as the Butcher of Baltimore.'' He looks at me cautiously,waiting for me to recognize the name.I don't and I tell him that.''His name was Nathan Wesninski,I was named after him.My mother...'' a gulp,and then in a shaky voice.''Mary Hatford.''

  
I look at him and think,we both need another cigarette.Bringing it out,lighting myself one and then throwing it his way.I start again,as he lights his ciagarette.  
''Cass Spear was everything,I would've wanted if I'd ever let myself want.In some torturous moments,I did allow myself.Kind,suburban mother.Always smiling,thoughtful.Richard Spear was the 'cool' dad.He would play with me.Take me to places,even though I said I didn't want to go.Respecting my boundaries,giving me something worth, to take it away.'' A drag after drag of my poison,I continue,'' Then after two months living with them,I got to meet,Drake Spear,my foster brother.''

  
His name.I hate his name.Still.I will never stop hating him,ever.  
''My father worked for yakuza,'' he continues,spitting it out so he could swallow and hide it forever.''He was their right hand,taking care of all the unnecessary people.He had people,as ugly as him.Sadistic people.Blood was their favourite dress,and sharp knives their accessories.'' he looks at me,making me understand the gravity of his words.And I do,juvie and foster system,does that to you.

  
''And his business didn't stop,when door of our house was closed.He didn't hesitate to use his skills on anyone who angered him.And apparently,I angered him the most.'' his voice slow,filled with bitterness.

  
''Cass wanted to adopt me,Drake was going for Navy,thought it would be nice to have a son i.e. me. Drake,he,'' I started,thinking it was my turn.

'' He was overly happy to have me there.Taking me to McDonalds,insisting on 'bro time'.Until ....one day.I got to find out coming into my room late at night,muffling my screams,threatening me,calling me sweet but disgusting names,touching,touching,always touching.And leaving me covered in my blood,was also included in 'bro time'.'' I spit it out.

I hated him.I hated him.I hate him.Hate,hate hate him.He had no right,never did.His smile,his touch.Hated him.

  
We both are not leaving time,not leaving time for other to fully grasp what we are saying now.We are just spitting get out,fast and bitter.Over with.Let us be over with it.

  
''My mother took me at the age of 8 and ran.'' he continues.''We ran to almost every country of the world.I later found out she had stolen hell lot of money from yakuza,and their men were after us too.We never stayed,I made mistakes,she would hit me.Always paranoid,running running running.Until we got caught.I got scars,even more,'' he says pointing at his face,'' and she got heavily injured,we escaped before my father could get there.If he had,I don't even want to imagine where I would be now.''

  
''I survived Drake,thought I could for Cass.You see,she loved her son.Thought self destructive ways of owning my body,became quieter.Life became a series of repetitive events.Lie,get raped,pretend I am fine,cut myself open,not let Cass know anything.

Because I liked her.

Then,I found out I have a twin brother.Drake was more than happy about the idea of us three living together.I couldn't let him meet Drake.I never had anyone to protect,but not my brother. I needed to keep my brother safe.I made a plan,and in a few months.Drake Spear in a drastic accident died,while his foster brother miraculously survived who was in the same car as him.It was indeed a miracle,I had no intentions of surviving,you see.''

  
I could see his eyes,Fire and Blood now.Ice and Hell.And deep rooted understanding,that reflected in my own eyes,as I could imagine his body under those rags.He knew I had killed,he knew I was raped.I knew his father was a famous killer,that his mother hit him,and that he was as broken as me.

  
''Well,my mother contacted her brother,Stuart.And behind my back,told FBI all information about our father.Enough to get my father in jail and a death sentence.My mother and uncle dealt with the yakuza,which ended up my uncle owing them the amount we used plus interest.And why she did all of this,'' he posed a question which he then answered sadly, ''Cuz she was dying.Her injuries where fatal,had a month or two to live.She died,leaving me to my uncle,who is a famous gangster as well and now trying to make it as legal as he can for me, to work his ass off to pay our debts.And me with this new life,I have no idea how to live.''

  
I could only nod at him,we could see the night sky turning into darkest shade of blue.''After Drake died,I couldn't live with Cass,so I found out about my brother.  
He lived a nice life.His mother had died when he was 5,he had been living at his uncle's house,who were known pastor in the area.I didn't want to destroy his life,but foster system was a No too,after everything.So I got in trouble and was sent to juvie.'' I allowed a small smile to slip,make an appearance and then vanish.Epemeral.

''There,I met Betsy,she was my assigned psychiatrist.After two years,on our last session,she offered to be my adoptive mother,and I agreed.''

  
He looks at me and nod,ad we both sink our shoulders at the same time,and lay on the windsheild.Tired all of a sudden,thinking our lives.I wonder about his,mine,Betsy's.Thought how Cass was doing,then only about Neil.Nathaniel he had said.I like Neil better.

  
''We did unspeakable things on the run;lied,stole,always lied,killed,ran,let others be murdered.I also learned a lot of languages.The art of hiding,lying.Masking my true self.''

  
A truth,told just for the sake of telling.Our faucet was open.We were beyond fear,now.The night air eased our minds.Letting words slip and spill.

  
''I am gay.'' I say,'' I tried in juvie.Attraction was a dangerous concept,and accepting even after everything the fact that I was sick enough to want another boy,was totally another hell.Betsy helped,and two years of living with her and two knowing her, helped.''

  
'' I don't ...I don't like anyone.'' This made me look at him.What was that now?  
''I was not allowed intimacy,even fleeting attraction.Not even a glance that lasted longer than a second.My mother would hit me,break my bones,'' I tighten my fist in a ball,'' pull my hair,until I could want anyone. Five years on run,left me empty and full of nothing.''

  
''Nothing.I would lay on my bathroom floor and think I was nothing.Branded myself,re-branded myself.

Nothing does not want.Nothing has no purpose.Nothing does not get hurt.Nothing knows better.Nothing,I was nothing too.Some days still am.''

We were tracing our stories and aligning them together,letting the air steal it and erase our names from it.

  
We stay silent look at the sky make silver twilight.The air was getting colder,and I chose this moment to look at him.''Show me your scars.'' I requested.

His loose body,stiffened.''And in return,I'll show you mine.'' He kept looking at the sky,biting his lower lip and I kept mine on him.It was a bet on who would look away first.  
I won,as he looked at me.And I realized how close he was and how beautiful he was.

  
He looked at me softly,why though? I don't know.And got up to lift his shirt off.

  
And I saw red,white and maroon on his toned skin.Burn marks,knives,something bigger and bullet holes.It was a mess.And I looked at him wondering, 'Why,why are we doing this.Killing our selves over again.'  
I took my arm bands off,keeping my eyes on him as he looked at my hands.'For something better' I answered myself.

'To get over them.The people who still owned us.To break free.To start a new life.'

  
Together,that's what resonated between us.I have chosen him,as my friend.

And he has chosen me.As the sky made morning happy,and we sat in front of each other.'Better.Stronger.'

Not a wish.A promise.

 

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know,that they are both on their way to healing and young.Yes they have suffered but their personalities are not completely developed..they can change which they will with each other,they are both strong and.when you grow up together you do pick stuff up.  
> And the next update maybe a day late.I am gonna post chapters of some cute shit that will happen between then in the next three years,cuz obviously the real story picks up when they are both 17.  
> I know this chapter may seem unreal canon wise,so try making sense of it through this Au.and keep in mind they are young,daring and living in a healthy environment now.  
> Do tell me wat you think  
> And if you have questions  
> I am excited for the next chapters.


	6. From 14-16 (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few moments that occured in the three years,from the start of their friendship till they were 17.
> 
> they are not in any order.just random things,events.  
> I hate punctuation and am poor at it.

''So,how did you meet Renee?'' Neil asks.  
''Oh,I haven't told you yet,'' Andrew muses,and settles into a comfortable position to tell the story,''Well,we both met in a foster system.She kept quiet but was wild enough for everyone one to know she was dangerous.And after a month of her feral behaviour,she started talking to me.Don't ask me why,I don't know myself.Asking me questions about zombie apocalypses and world wars.'' Neil raises an eyebrow at that.Andrew makes a movement with his hand telling him to shut it.

  
''Then when one day after a year-I was 8 at that time -she protected me when the incharge of the foster system tried hitting me,'' Andrew unclenches Neil's fingers forming a fist on his side at that,and resting his hand on the other boy's.Assuring him in his own way,I am here.I am with you.Not there.

  
''And then took punishment for it too,'' Andrew says,remembering.Always remembering.  
''She was my first friend,an ally, in the hellhole we were thrown in.First one to protect me.Then she left after an year.'' He says looking at Neil.

  
''We met in Juvie again and had plenty of time to catch up.At juvie,she had changed so much.Somehow,she did not feel a year older anymore but someone old or simply ageless,I guess she could say the same thing about me too.She found Stephanie there.Stephanie had been making a report on juvie and the environment kids were provided there.And when she chose Stephanie as her adoptive mother,she told me she thought it would be amazing if we got to live a few houses away,in a safe environment.She knew about Betsy,from Stephanie and as a psychiatrist.I ignored her,I didn't think,Betsy would want me but...'' Andrew smiles,looking at Neil.

  
''Here,I am now.''

  
''The best choice I ever made,'' they turn around to see Betsy standing by the door,with water-y eyes and a small smile on her face.Andrew looked at his hands to avoid such an open look,not sure what his face would give away too.

  
Betsy came and ruffled Andrew's hair in a motherly sort of way,slowly though so Andrew could protest.(he would never)

  
''My son is an idiot.'' She said with an air of finality,moving towards the kitchen.And shouting how she would treat them with her cooking skills today.And that Neil could suggest what to make.And Neil,once he had had a taste of home made food(thanks to Betsy),he could not get enough of it.So they both ran,shouting one dish after the other towards the kitchen.

  
*****  
''Andrew,you would end up breaking your foot.'' Neil warns,worry seeping through his voice.As Andrew balances himself,by holding Neil's shoulder.  
''No I won't.'' At Neil's glare.''Okay.maybe I would but,doesn't matter I wanna learn it.''

  
Neil knew Andrew wouldn't be moved by anything,so he just sighed and tried his best to help Andrew.  
What Andrew had done was,he had bought himself a skate board.And has made many fruitless tries for two days.Even now he was still trying,falling and trying again.

  
Neil,well Neil,was left there to band aid Andrew.Listen to his angry shouts every time he fell.And plenty of colorful curses.

  
But Neil also got to watch Andrew's intent and passionate gaze,his determined expression.His smile when he got something right and his amazing patience and control in play.

  
*

  
And if after 3 months,Neil was filming Andrew doing a few mind blowing tricks with his skateboard,expertly.Well,he never really doubted Andrew anyway.

  
****  
Touch.Touch between them was surprisingly easy.Andrew got comfortable around Neil in the first six months,but Neil would always touch him with permission.First,it was safe distance between them.Then the distance that could be crossed by permission but after years,if you found Andrew draped all over Neil or vice versa,it was not a surprise to anyone.

  
Andrew had the comfort of knowing that Neil did not swing.He had never seen Neil interested in anyone or making comments on girls or boys.He was respectful and held Andrew like he was a blessing.When Andrew got completely comfortable about touching Neil,it became impossible to find a time when they weren't touching.

  
Andrew never knew safe touch,except Renee's friendly pats and Betsy's careful,affectionate ones.Neil,was the same too.His mum's cold hands,and sharp nails,were not something one could enjoy.And his father had knives for hands.Lola, or other people,had painted their hands in disgust and spread it across Neil's body.

  
Here they could try and find comfort with each other.The warmth from one's skin became other's haven on bad days.The intimacy that came from holding someone's hand,also became a secret, shared in the late hours of night.

  
It was something they both found challenging and easy.Andrew's hand on Neil's neck and Neil's fingers caressing Andrew's skin when it got bruised on certain occasions.

  
That was their story,knitted so closely to their skin that know one else would ever know.  
It was private,it was theirs.Like everything else they shared.

  
****

''Here, catch,'' Andrew shouts at Neil throwing a brown paper bag at Neil.  
Neil fumbles with the controller in his attempt to catch the the bag.''Jerk'' he mutters,realizing he just lost his game.

As always Andrew couldn't care less,and reached for his bag of his chips and started eating as he sat on his table.Probably,doing his homework.

  
Neil looks at Andrew's back,then looks at the bag.Then looks at Andrew,and pours all of the bags contents out in his lap.

  
He was surprised,he wouldn't lie.Lying was an old comforter,he only used on rare cold nights.He always had Andrew with his honesty on other nights, keeping him warm.Lies became so pathetic after the taste of honesty,falling from Andrew's lips.(metaphorically obviously)

  
He held black arm bands in his hand,like the ones Andrew wore.He could see his hands shaking.His throat suddenly felt dry.He realized he wanted to cry.He didn't know why,he didn't understand why his eyes were stinging,but he knew he had never received a gift.And he never would.

  
Whatever Andrew gave him;his keys,his honesty,his scars,his truths,his subtle but thoughtful pieces of cloths,became priceless for Neil.

  
''Why?'' Neil tried asking,hoping Andrew would ignore the way his voice sounded choked and barely there.

  
He saw Andrew tense,hoping that Andrew wouldn't turn around.Obviously,he didn't.

  
He just stayed silent,not working or eating anymore but not saying anything either.

  
''Consider,'' Andrew cleared his throat,and saying his next words louder and stronger,''Just consider,this our 'friendship's band' ,idiot.'' 

  
And Neil laugh,ignoring my water-y eyes.This boy.

_This damn boy._

It was Best Friend's Day,yesterday.It was weird for me to look at people,adorning their best friend's with bracelets and bands.Neil didn't know how to feel about that.All he knew that his life had changed and given him something,or someone, he never wanted to give up.

  
And late at night,when they both were lying on Andrew's bed,Neil found himself saying,''I would live for you,stay for you and die for you.This life,that I am living,is yours.''

  
This coming from a broken boy who had killed to survive,running whole his life,meant everything.Andrew hadn't replied at that time.

  
But these armbands,in Neil's hand,were Andrew's response.Neil wore them,commenting how they fit him ''fine enough.'' His own version of thank you,and smiled when he saw Andrew's shoulder relax and his pen moving across the page.Neil restarted his game,smiling bright and arm bands on his arms felt like an 'Always' reciprocated back at him.

  
****

  
''Mrs. Richards is an anxious woman and possibly working in a press.Fidgeting,nervous eyes and ink on her hands and sleeves, gave it away.'' Betsy points out,filling herself a glass of water.  
''And a lefty at that too.Her smile was forced and fake,given her husband did not notice it throughout the event,shows not a good marital life,don't you think too?'' Andrew continued playing with an apple,throwing it up and catching it,sitting on the counter.They were back at their game again.

  
While Neil sat on his chair in front of the kitchen counter,watching them with a smile on his face.Waiting for them to mention,one obvious fact that was unavoidable about her.  
And when they didn't,he smirked,looked up at them ,saying,''But you both missed one important thing,'' they both turn to look at him.

  
Neil gets more smug somehow,steals Andrew's apple,creating a suspense as they both look at him expectantly,''That Mrs.Richards is having an affair with Dr.Lewis who lives down the block.'' And then he takes a bite from the apple as he smiles wider at their shocked looks.Neil knows they weren't there when Dr. Lewis touched Mrs.Richards hand while passing her the plate,and Mrs. Richards had looked at him in a way,he now had associated with lust or attraction.

  
They both looked at each other and then asked,''How do you know?''

  
''It was quite obvious,only a fool might not notice.'' Neil answered,fanning his glory.

  
They both looked at each other raising an eyebrow each.Oh no.This is their signature move before they gang up on Neil.

  
''Oh did you hear that Andrew,it was 'quite obvious'.'' Betsy says,giving Neil the stink eyes.

  
Neil's apple got stuck in his throat.

  
''Yeah,and we are 'fools' apparently.''

  
''No,it wasn't that obvious I mean you guys almost gue-'' Neil tried to saving himself.  
''But you know what Andrew,we are the fool who would be eating tortillas today,I just bought this new sauce and wanted to try it today.'' She says casually,as she puts the bottle back in the fridge.  
'No not the tortillas,I love them.' Neil thinks.Betsy makes them the best.AND SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH NEIL LOVES THEM.

  
''Oh great,Bee.We can watch them together while binge watching Doctor Who's new season.'' Andrew says,as he takes the apple from Neil's hand.

  
''While someone will be sleeping in his bed,alone and without food too,probably.''

  
'Cruel.They are cruel.No wonder Betsy adopted this heinous man,they are both sick sadists.' Neil thought.  
(Kidding Neil would never really call them any of that.)

  
''Noooo..Not the threats.'' Neil tried-not-to-whine-but-failed.''You know I don't like sleeping at my place,Stuart's never there,cuz he knows I'll be here.''

  
They both ignore Neil and move out of the kitchen while Neil follows them obediently ,''And you said we would watch Doctor Who together,Andrew,we always watch it together.''  
He got ignored still,while they settled into the couches in living room and Neil just stood in the doorway.

  
''C'mon you both wouldn't actually leave a sweet child like me alone and without food?''

  
Andrew just looks at him for 2 seconds,as if saying 'try me.'

  
'Okay.' Neil thought.'I know how to get them.'

  
''Well,it's a shame.Given Stuart mentioned this really expensive and pristine looking peacock glass figurine he found,about size of a hand,and I asked him if I could have it.'' Neil moved to sit on the couch,Bee's eyes following him hungrily.''Shame I would just have to tell him no.'' Betsy opens her mouth but he cute her off by saying,  
''Not only that,I asked him for an extra ticket for someone,given I am leaving for a week's trip to London.'' That caught Andrew's attention too.

  
Neil hadn't told Andrew about him leaving yet.

  
Neil pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Stuart,sighing and lamenting all the way.Before he could dial the number,he heard a series of ''Of course,I could make another plate.I always make enough for the three.'' and ''Yeah,it would only be a bother to change houses,cuz it will get late while we all are watching from Doctor Who till late night.It only makes sense.''

  
Neil smiled,thinking.'These people,these silly people.' And a moment after that.

'But no matter what, they are my people.'

  
*

  
''You are stupid to think,I would leave for a week,without you.'' Neil mutters lowly,to Andrew.It is three in the morning,Betsy left for bed around 2,while DW plays in the background.Neil knew Andrew would be worried about him leaving.Both of them haven't spent a day apart,since they became friends.

But there was something about Mary's will that required Neil in London.Nothing important,Stuart had said.And Neil believed him.All that was important,Mary had done it herself.And Neil thought it would be fun to show Andrew,all his favourite places in London.

  
''Good.London would be a terribly boring without me.'' Andrew says,sinking lower against Neil on the couch,tension -unseen by others- leaving him.And Neil looks at his small smile,painted in blue form T.Vs light.

  
And felt himself smiling too.

  
'Yeah,my people.' Neil thought.

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if u liked it?


	7. From 14-16 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just post another chapter of this.Then we will begin our fic.  
> Excuse me for mistakes.

  
''Bee,I am not taking a no for an answer,'' Neil says vehemently.

  
''But,Neil,'' Bee counters.It's a weird request.Bee can't say yes,she can't say no.

  
''Atleast,let me pay half.'' Bee tries to reason,but Neil just shakes his head.Neil has decided what he would give Andrew on his birthday,and he will.  
After another 15 minutes of debate,Bee aquiescenced with a sharp,''You know he won't take it for free.''

  
Neil knew Andrew wouldn't.So he just had to make it look like it wasn't for free.

  
*

  
''Are you fucking kidding me?'' Andrew shouts.Neil doesn't quite know if it's in a good way or not.

  
''C'mon,you once mentioned you wanted it.And I couldn't think of anything else,'' Neil reasoned.

  
''Couldn't think of anything else???'' Andrew shouted incredulously.'Okay,it's in a bad way.' Neil thought.

  
''You bought me a fucking Maserati for my fucking 16th birthday,cuz you couldn't think of anything else???'' Andrew looked livid.Neil realized why he had always thought Andrew was beautiful even though everyone else just felt average to him.He was so awestruck,he took a moment to register and reply him.

  
Neil walked towards Andrew,placing his hands on shorter boy's shoulders and smiled softly.

  
''You know money means nothing to me,'' Andrew tried to argue,Neil just inched closer,putting his finger on Andrew's lips.A gesture lasting for a second,just to show it's intention.''Listen to me first,'' Neil asked.Andrew nodded,eyes still burning.This close,Neil could swear he could feel the heat.He tried to concentrate on the topic.

  
''You buy me gifts all the time.Literally,half of my closet is full of the stuff you have bought for me.The CDs,video games,even my freakin' phone.You buy me my tea everyday,pay for me when we grab something to eat.But it's not the money,it's you giving me _something_ that matters to me the most.'' Neil said,thinking about all the trinkets filling his room,even house that Andrew bought for him.Neil had seen Andrew walking down the road and picking whatever shit without even a second thought,just cuz 'Oh Renee would like.''Bee would love it.''Neil is so deprived,that I need to buy it for him.' even though he was there in the first place to buy something for himself.

  
''So,think of this as a thank you gift.'' Neil says at the end.''Now shut up.And start shouting like a fanboy that I know you are over your 'fucking Maserati'.'' I quote him.He stays there,for a moment giving me his glare.Probably thinking over it,and then nodded and looked at the car.

 

Neil counted in his head.3...2...1.

  
''Holy fuck,Neil..Look how sleek and black it is.Fuck even it's tyres look badass.I saw it in pictures but OH MY FAKE GOD.It looks bajillion times better in real life.'' Andrew started 'ranting' as he circled the car,with the most bright smile and an expression of awe on his face.

  
Neil just stood there,feeling happier than Andrew probably,and listened Andrew talk about the amazing quirks of this car.Though he understood almost nothing of it.All he knew was that he thought Andrew would look regal driving a car like that.

  
*

  
And when they sat inside the car and Andrew drove above the speed limit,Neil just kept looking at him.Andrew was smiling so wide,and Neil thought his insides were gonna melt any second.It was weird this warmth.It was always there when it came to Andrew,but it kept getting hotter and fiercer with a 'This boy is mine.' being whispered in the background.

  
****

  
Sleeping together was also a hurdle our boys had to cross.It was a long time before they decided to actually get comfortable.They rarely slept together in the start,and kept wide space between them both.First many attempts were awkward for both parties.Not used being woken in middle of night,as the boy on you side shook from nightmares.Or woke up muffling a scream.

  
They even decided to never do it again.But one day Andrew noticed,Neil getting sluggish and tired.He had huge bags under his eyes.And whenever Neil was asked 'What's the matter?'  
He'll just shrug and say,'Nightmares.It's fine.'

  
Andrew could not bear it after two weeks of it,where Andrew was sure the other hadn't slept a single night calmly.So Andrew started asking Neil for night overs,they would watch movies whole night,or a some tv series.Until Neil got too tired to open his eyes.Andrew would leave Neil sleeping on the couch,wrap a blanket around him and leave for his room.It worked for exactly three days,and then Andrew would find Neil already awake at 5,closing the front door to leave for run when he slept at 3 last night.

  
Next night,when Andrew found Neil slept on his shoulder.All he did was,wake Neil up to ask him to lay down properly and asked his permission.Then he laid down with Neil,half on the couch and half draped over Neil.That night Neil (and Andrew) slept peacefully.

And then it became a routine,whenever Neil would have nightmares,Andrew would sleep almost on top of him or hold him,one way or another.So the boy won't be alone.After a few sleepovers,Andrew saw how it didn't bother him at all having Neil in his bed or sleeping with him.He got comfortable,Neil would rarely move and even when he did,Andrew would open his eyes,find Neil next to him and would fall sleep the same second.

  
They still had set backs,Neil would feel suffocated by Andrew's weight and Andrew disgusted by Neil's skin touching him.But moments like these became less and less,as time passed.

  
****

  
''One cup of Earl Grey Tea,'' Andrew stood in front of the counter as he told Neil's order,'' And no sugar add honey instead,make it lighter. ''

  
Neil had gotten used to Andrew just knowing what kind of tea he would have every day.It was random for Neil but Andrew just knew what he would have.Neil left Andrew to order and went to find a their usual spot.It was by the window and in the corner.A seat for two.

  
When Andrew reached their seat,and Neil couldn't help but ask,''How do you always know what tea I want to have?''

  
Andrew looked at me like the answer was obvious.''Depends on your mood.''

  
''My mood?'' Neil asks.He had moods?

  
Andrew looked as if it pained him to explain,but a kick from Neil under the table made him reply,''Yeah.When you are feeling fresh and active,probably after a great morning run, you have Green tea with lemon on the side.When you are having a bad day and just wanna relax you have Camomile tea with some toasts for breakfast.You have Ginger tea when you are extremely happy,happy like literally bouncing on your feet.On other pleasant days,you'll have Earl Grey tea which is your favourite,as if you couldn't be more British with your teas.''

  
''I am not British.'' Neil stated, even though he was ignored by Andrew.

'' And some days,when you are feeling like challenging the world and breaking the rules.Those days you try something new.Like Lemon Lavender Mint,Peppermint with spices,who does that,and Darjeeling.Once or twice you switch between adding milk or cream.Again that depends on what kind of breakfast we had.''

  
Neil just sat there,feeling known.He knew Andrew was smart and also had eidetic memory but still he was impressed.

  
''My favourite one Masala Chai just because of your reaction when you first drank it.'' Andrew stated and chuckled lightly at the memory,looking down.He just looked fond,peaceful and content.  
Neil could not believe this expression on Andrew's face was because of him.

  
Andrew looked at him and smirked,''I bet you don't even know my fav-''

  
''White chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream and loads of sugar.'' Neil said,before Andrew could even complete his sentence.

Their order came,and boys looked like they had the secrets of universe in their palms. Neil kept a smirk on his face,while Andrew tried to hide his own smile in response,behind his mug.

  
Maybe,it was good to be known and know in return.

  
Maybe it was better because it meant you existed.

  
Maybe it was best because it was Andrew and Neil.

****

''What's that Andrew?'' Neil asked pointing from his window.They were in Andrew's car.So,Andrew slowed the car down to look where Neil had pointed.

  
''It's a tree house.'' He said.

  
Which seemed to have confused Neil some more.''Isn't it too big for birds?'' Neil asked innocently.

  
And Andrew had to stop the car because he laughed so hard on that.''Oh,Neil.'' And he burst out laughing again,so Neil just sat there waiting,his arms crossed over his chest.Okay so what stupid thing had he said now?

  
''Okay,okay I'll stop.'' Andrew said,fighting the smile on his,Neil glared at him and Andrew ended up laughing again,'For birds.' Andrew muttered to himself.

  
Neil got annoyed but also looked on the other side,to hide his own smile.He loved when Andrew laughed.

  
Andrew touched Neil's face towards him,his gaze strong.''We will make one,if you like it.'' Andrew offered.As it was as easy as that.Neil wanted it,Andrew would make it possible and vice versa.

  
''Can we?'' Neil asked.The tree house had looked pretty,but the idea of one had just got better as he imagined it as his and Andrew's.

  
Andrew nodded at that,removing his hand from under Neil's chin and starting the car.

  
The whole way back the smile on Neil's face didn't disappear,and it was distracting Andrew so much that he had to ruffle Neil's hair or poke his cheeks every 10 minutes,because the idiot looked too ....too stupid with his dopey smile.

  
*

  
''I am happy we decided to make it,'' Neil said,dangling his legs from the tree house and Andrew sat beside him.

The tree house had become their new smoking spot.It was in Neil's backyard.

  
Andrew looked at Neil,and saw the orange sunset paint Neil ethereal and whispered,''Yes,I am happy too.'' And when Neil looked back at him,Andrew thought no matter how high,he would climb there just keep this boy looking at him like this,just to keep Neil's eyes on him.

  
This is getting dangerous,Andrew thought,so he smoked his cigarette to ashes instead.

 

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how demi was Neil...and I hope Al_thea and Marichatshipper (wait what? ladybug and chat noir??) found the 'knowing each other's orders' part good.


	8. From 14-16 (Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not posting yesterday.I procrastinated   
> again apologies for mistakes

Neil had no idea what a brilliant sight it would be to see Andrew and Renee fight.Renee was gorgeous,fast and clever.

  
Neil had been skeptical when Andrew had brought him to spar with Renee,as an activity on which both could bond over.Both had a protective streak when it came to Andrew.Renee wasn't that ready to let Neil in and Neil just liked to annoy people,so he was no help in that matter either.

  
So now Neil just stood in the corner,watching Andrew and Renee spar as if their lives depended on it.He thought Andrew would take it as a fun sport,but Andrew was hell fire right now.

  
If Renee's calm strength was badass,Andrew's controlled anger was a miracle on its own.  
After 20 minutes of Andrew struggling against Renee and Renee dodging an attack after an attack from Andrew,until it was becoming hard for her to breathe,did they end the match.Renee was getting tired but also motivated to end it,so she lifted Andrew and threw him on the floor forming a perfect arc.

  
Yes Andrew was Neil's best friend,but _damn son_.Was Renee amazing!  
He couldn't help but respect her or stop himself from clapping.Renee looked surprised at the sound.Neil matched her assessing look with a smile of his own.Until she smirked back.

  
Neil walked over to her,'' Would you teach me? If I could do half of what you just did,I would consider myself luckiest person alive right now.''

  
Andrew scoffed,''Wow,Asshole.I won't lie but your loyalty is admirable.'' And drank from his water bottle.

  
Neil chuckled,'''Don't worry.You were amazing too.'' Andrew was about to make a retort but the sincerity in Neil's eyes stopped him,so he just felt a little flustered and became immensely interested in his water bottle.  
Neil looked confused but decided to concentrate on Renee for the moment.When he looked back at her,he found her looking back at him.Instead of it unnerving him like before,this time it interested him instead.

  
So he let her look at him until they came upon what seemed like some kind of a truce.Renee sparred with him for a minute or two just to see test his caliber.Neil was fine,as far as he could judge himself.

Maybe that's why, when Andrew and Renee had collected their bags to walk back home,Renee had turned to look at Neil,telling him time and date.She had warned Neil to be on time or she would walk back home.

And Neil looked like he had been given a secret passage to Santa's most valuable stash and nodded fervently.

  
When he looked at Andrew,he could see satisfaction in his eyes.Apparently,Andrew had predicted that.Stupid,clever,all knowing asshole.

  
****

  
Andrew knew something was wrong,the moment Neil came to his house in the morning.Andrew waited for Neil to tell him but when he didn't,Andrew thought asking was better.Neil looked down at the question,saddened and muttered that it was his mom's death anniversary.He had stop insisting on being fine,whenever he wasn't because he knew Andrew hated it.

  
Andrew suddenly found himself incapabale of finding a single thing he could do or say that could wipe that expression from Neil's face.  
So he did what he was best at.He asked.  
He asked if Neil had eaten breakfast.He made his way towards the kitchen to fix Neil a breakfast,his favourite cereal,as the answer was no.

  
Then he asked Neil if he was tired and wanted to rest.At an affirmative answer,Andrew took him to his room,played Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on the tv,and laid next to Neil.After an hour or so,Neil was fast asleep.Andrew chose looking at Neil than watching Harry talk to snakes and opening chambers.

  
Neil woke up later,feeling rested and looked around.The sheets were messy but Andrew wasn't there.So he went downstairs just to find Andrew blasting songs in the living room and playing some game.  
Looks like Betsy is not home,or the speakers would be in the dumpster outside.

  
''Hey,'' Andrew smiled at him as Neil sat behind him.  
''Hey.'' Neil replied but ended up chuckling at Andrew losing badly at the game.''God,you suck.''  
Before he could make a certain vulgar comeback,Neil took the controller from his hand.Andrew groaned and thought tackling Neil was an appropriate response.Neil screamed but ended up laughing.

  
''Get off me,you are so heavy.''  
''Excuse you,I am muscular.''  
''No,it's the sugar.''  
''Fuck off.''

  
The boys fought for another 5 minutes for the controller,before Neil tried to make a run with it.Andrew wrapped his arms around Neil's waist and pulled him on his lap.  
''Stop struggling.'' Andrew breathed in Neil's ear.  
Neil stopped struggling and relaxed into Andrew.Andrew leaned back,his head bowed on Neil's shoulder,sounding winded.Neil settled comfortably and restarted the game.Commenting constantly on how to 'actually' play the game.

  
Andrew would try insulting him back at every comment,looking at the screen,resting his head on Neil's shoulder.But secretly Andrew was certainly happy that now his friend-who literally sat on his lap like he owned it,comfortable with Andrew's arms around him-was feeling better now.

  
****

 

  
''Don't make that face.'' Andrew warned Neil.

  
Neil didn't know which fact to concentrate on,that _Andrew_ had made him cookies.Or Andrew had made him _something that's supposed to look like cookies_.Or that Andrew made something _for him_.

  
Andrew,first of all hated,hated Neil's new lame excuse of a hairstyle.Neil had dyed his hair  purple,when Renee had thought of dyeing her hair white.

  
And fuck Neil,for his blue mischievous eyes,purple hair and large grey sweaters that he had bought two.One for Andrew,one for himself that said ''Real men love cats.''

  
It was unsettling at first,looking at Neil and instead of Auburn finding Purple curls on his head.But the longer Andrew looked,the cooler he thought Neil looked.He looked like a hipster,a  hot hipster.Andrew thought a nose pin would be an improvement,but wouldn't dare voice his thought,in fear of sounding as gay as he was.

  
And secondly,Andrew hated how he had tried making cookies for Neil.Which now looked like melted gooey mess and hard crumbs when cooled.Neil had hated sweets but after spending most of his time with two sugar fiends i.e. Andrew and Betsy,he had started like a thing or two.Chocolate chip cookies were one of them.

  
Andrew had thought it would be nice,to make them for Neil's birthday.And now..now half of them were burned and others were a mess.All of the batches were same.

  
Utter failure.

  
As Andrew was cursing every decision he took that lead to this moment,Neil could not help but feel the gratitude and fondness spreading inside of him.  
He knew Andrew hated baking or cooking.He always talked how he could never know how precise the ingredients had to be.And then watching these cookies,knowing Andrew had made an attempt to make them just because Neil mentioned he liked them better than other sweet monstrosities Andrew and Bee liked.

  
Neil just looked at the boy in front of him,who was frowning and glaring at cookies as if they had personally offended him,which they might have had.And Neil couldn't help but say,''Thank you.''  
Andrew looked at him and instead of taking Neil's words as they were he started listing all the things that were wrong with the cookies.But Neil just smiled and picked one up,bringing it to his mouth.

Andrew,instantly, grabbed his arm stopping it midway.''No don't eat it.It's a mess.You'll get sick probably.''

  
''No.I wanna eat them.'' Neil said defiantly.  
''Don't be an idiot.'' Andrew admonished but Neil was not having any of it.  
''Leave me,Andrew,''  
''No.''  
Boys glared at each other,slapping each other's hand away,before Neil lunged and bit into the cookie and smirked at Andrew.  
''God,I hate you.''

  
''Sure.'' Neil talked eating another cookie.''Though,they do taste good,Andrew.Even though they look like huge brown slates instead of cookies.''  
''Shut up.''

  
Neil kept teasing Andrew and Andrew kept throwing his grumpy insults at Neil,so focused on the insults to notice that Neil had eaten all of the cookies,even though they were nothing like how they were supposed to be for Andrew.But they were everything for Neil.

  
****

''The one who is disarmed first,is the loser and has to do three stupid things the winner asks him to do.'' Neil suggests as he throws Andrew's knife at him,which Andrew aptly catches.

  
They both get up from their positions to stand in front of each other in the space between Andrew's closet and his bed.

They were in Andrew's bedroom,trying to get homework done but as usual Neil was finding weird ways of avoiding it.  
And as Andrew was not someone who said no to a challenge,always agreed with Neil's shenanigans.

  
Neil lunged at Andrew,Andrew dodged,stepping to his left.Using his arm to hold Neil's wrist.Instead,Neil tried hitting Andrew's ankle with his foot.

Andrew stepped back,regaining his balance instead of falling.The boys kept attacking each other,before Andrew managed to push Neil against the wall,holding Neil's arms above his head.Andrew had not even gathered his breath that Neil head butted him,Andrew recoiled touching his head.When Neil pushed him on the ground,sitting on top pf Andrew and stealing his knife just to throw it away.

  
Betsy knocked on the door and heard a laboured 'yes'.She opened the door,listening to the sound of shuffling bodies and groans coming from inside.

  
The sight she witnessed was a little different than what she had in mind.Andrew had used the door as a distracting to disarm Neil and push Neil's knife against his own throat from his position beneath Neil,now rising enough to be breaths away from Neil.

  
''That's cheating.'' Neil whined.''I disarmed you first.''

  
''Losers weepers.'' Andrew mocked Neil.The he looked at Betsy,who stood stoic by the door and asked,''Can I help you with anything?''

  
Bee just looked at them both,as they stared back at her as if Neil was not on Andrew's lap and they were not all flushed and disheveled.

  
''You know,when a parent enters their son's room and hear weird noises coming from inside his room,they expect him to be having sex.'' Andrew and Neil looked confused at that which angered Bee,''AND NOT TRYING TO KILL HIS FRIEND.WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO??''

  
Andrew tried to open his mouth,as Neil casually got up from Andrew and started collecting their knives.

  
''Forget it.'' Betsy stopped Andrew.'Why do I have to get the weirdest boys in my house' muttering to herself.But decided to move past it.

If it was normal for them,she'll make it a normal for her too.

  
''Andrew do you remember my book on mental illnesses that you read a year ago,'' at Andrew's nod she continued,'' I gave it to my friend,and now I need to quote it and she is not picking up her phone.Can you help me quote a paragraph or two of it for my article.''

  
Andrew just nodded and stood up.''Prepare yourself,Neil.I won't go easy on you with your 'three stupid' tasks.''

  
''Shut up.I still don't believe that you won.'' And then looked at Betsy and said,''Must be good having a computer for a son.''

  
Andrew expected a retort in his defense but felt attacked when Bee agreed with Neil saying,'' Yeah it is.''

  
Then looked at Andrew and said,''C'mon.What are you waiting for?''

  
''I can't believe the treatment I am getting in this house.You guys only like me for my eidetic memory,don't you?'' Andrew said,following Betsy,down the stairs.

  
''Yes,we do.'' Neil and Betsy said in unison.

  
''I hate you both.'' Andrew muttered as he followed Betsy to her office.

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMAGINE NEIL WITH PURPLE HAIR GUYS.....PURPLE HAIR..  
> i cant think of how to start the story when they are 17  
> so i might not update tomorrow or i might.


	9. Fire doesn't burn us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late.I had my result now I have to apply for universities.So busy days are ahead.  
> I was quite confused about the story and had a writer's block.  
> So excuse the ambiguous povs in this one.I was all fro Neil's pov except the flash back.I am still trying to get a hang of how I want this story to go.  
> Other than that I tried following your guys' advices,i hope i can get better.  
> Enjoy.??

**Neil**

 

''This is what you decided to draw,'' I look at the graffiti drawn on our Principal's door and couldn't help myself but laugh.

  
Andrew is a fucking genius.He had our Principal on his knees, sucking a cock.While Ms. Gonzalez is shouting in the background.And '' You think, we don't know what you do,Charles.'' was written.

  
Andrew had gone all out and used neon colours, making sure the picture was vibrant and could be seen even in the dark.

Good luck to whoever's gonna be rubbing this off the wall.

  
There were rumors on how Ms. Gonzalez and Charles were gonna end up together.Which they already were, not that our fellow students knew that.But, they were also unaware that Charles' favourite pastime was sucking cocks.

  
I look at Andrew who is standing beside me.We both are wearing our black masks,black leather jackets and jeans.Mask was irritating with the a nose ring.I was still getting used to it given I had just gotten it a day before.

  
Andrew's expression is contemplative, but when he looks at me there is nothing but blunt mischief in his eyes. _Well, someone is proud of their masterpiece._

  
I think maybe devil, himself, is sometimes wary of Andrew and his calculated moves.How every move he makes is gamble thrown in the pit to be won.There is hardly ever uncertainty in his decisions.

  
After meeting him, I realized that the most dangerous man is the man who has full control of himself.Us, humans, we live on instincts and impulsiveness.But Andrew was a coiled man,his limbs strapped,his tongue chained at the back of his throat.

  
So when Andrew decides to draw graffiti on our principal's door and suggests that while he is busy doing that, I should trash all of our hallways and some of our classrooms with toilet rolls, on a Sunday night.I just agree and tag along.Knowing that he has thought this through, knowing there is no way we would get caught.

  
Now,it's three hours until our school starts.Andrew looks at his master piece one last time.

  
We pack our bags, locking all the doors that we unlocked when we got in. We were 'lucky' that all of our school cameras had 'malfunctioned suddenly' and were taken off to be replaced in a day or two.I don't know how he had done it,or he just saw the opportunity and took it.All I knew that it worked for us.

  
We walk to our car, with light chatter filling the distance between us.I appraised Andrew on his detailed drawing of a cock, which earned a snort that soon eloped into a laugh from him.

  
I can see the sun rising on the horizon,breathing in fresh morning air, I dare wish myself a 'Good Morning,''

  
***

  
_''Neil,why are you doing this again?'' Andrew asked,his worry evident for Neil to see._

  
_Andrew had stopped hiding his worry for the people he cared about a long time ago.And among those three,Neil made him worry the most.And this time Neil had dragged him to a tattoo and piercing shop,to get a nose piercing._

  
_Neil thought of Andrew's question and could only come up with two answer.1) He did not mind it. 2) He had seen the way Andrew had looked at Renee's favourite singer Troye Sivan when he had gotten a nose piercing.Andrew had just looked at him,and then had looked away saying that, ''He looks good.''_

  
_Neil did not know why that had stuck, but he sure as hell knew that he wanted Andrew to look at him like that. Or not look at anyone else like that._

  
_Anything other than that, was blurred and easily explained by ''Cuz it's Andrew.'' And weirdly, that explained everything for Neil._

  
_''Don't worry, it's nothing.'' Neil smiled at Andrew, thinking it would pacify the other boy._  
_Andrew give him a look that shouted 'You are a dick.' but said nothing and just nodded._

  
_Andrew insisted that if Neil wanted he could hold his hand.Of course, he had seen many people doing exactly that in movies.So even though they were not a reliable source.They were mostly on point on understanding humanity like all the dystopian movies.They were certainly true._

_Humans would  end up killing humans and all the present life on earth._

  
_Andrew had spent hours debating scenarios with Neil and Renee, who after some time accepted defeat saying, ''Andrew has literally no hope for humanity.''_  
_And they were true._  
_But as usual, Neil just looked at Andrew at that suggestion as if saying '' You know I have survived worse.''_

  
_And Andrew cuffed Neil on his head as if saying, ''I know but you don't need to now.'' Or_  
_''That's the difference,you have me now.''_

  
_During the whole procedure,Neil had found his solace in drawing weird shapes in the palm of Andrew's hand with his finger.His calmness had calmed Andrew enough to keep making jokes._  
_They had went out to have frozen yogurt because Neil preferred that over ice cream.According to Andrew, frozen yogurts were fake step sisters of ice creams, but didn't hesitate once when Neil suggested them._

  
_And if Neil caught Andrew sneaking glances at him, Neil pretended he didn't notice._  
_And if they made Neil extremely happy inside, Neil didn't mention it either._

  
****

  
School had been worse somehow after their shenanigans last night.  
All of the students had to gather in the Assembly hall and had to listen Charles lose his temper.He was red in his face,it was quiet funny if I dared myself to think.I looked at Andrew and found him looking at Ms. Gonazalez.

  
I knew Andrew had taken somewhat of a liking to our English teacher. She had always commented on how Andrew's essays were the most intelligent and thought provoking ones.How they understood the story as it was.Neil had also seen Andrew staying behind, once or twice to ask her about something related to the book they were reading.  
Now she stood tall,in front of everyone. I could believe that was commendable.

  
Most people would think, why would Andrew try to embarrass his somewhat favourite teacher like that?

  
But Neil was not 'most people', he knew it was an act of kindness in Andrew's own way.As merciless,as it was.  
Charles was not only cheating on her but hiding behind her. Just because he could not accept his sexuality, he was dragging her along just to keep his 'I am straight' image alive.  
She deserved better than that.

  
Neil had thought that Andrew would have some qualms about outing Charles, giving his own sexuality but Andrew had never hidden his sexuality.And couldn't careless about Charles.  
He had taken his sexuality as a fact about him. He never hid it but the same time he never announced it to the world or 'came out'.He just believed it wasn't anyone's business.  
Just like his favourite color. It was a fact about him and when he was asked about it.He never bothered lying or hiding.

(By the way, his favourite color was not black but blue.And after that Neil had started hating his eyes less and less every day.)

  
After the long and torturous assembly, all of the students were questioned.Seeing if they could be caught lying.  
And they were too good to be caught.

  
The classes were to start after sometime, as students were given the task to clean the classes.Which we both skipped to visit our school's rooftop and play 'Who can fill more biscuits in his mouth.'  
It was a fun game, if you included pulling your jaws apart,talking while your mouth's full and laughing so much that you end up choking, fun.  
''Andref youv are no dowin aye rwiite.'' I tried arguing, but only ended up making Andrew laugh.Fuck,I forgot I can't talk because I have it full by freakin biscuits.

  
Andrew's laugh made me laugh until we were both coughing our biscuits out,slapping our chests and eating the rest down.

  
''No, I was not.'' Andrew countered.''I could fill ten in my mouth.How many did you get this time?''

  
''Oh fuck you.You are lying,they were not ten.'' I told him.  
Andrew just shrugged saying ,''Whatever helps you sleep at night.''

  
''Like I said,fuck you.'' My sentence was drowned out by our school bell ringing, telling us that our periods have started.

  
Andrew got up, picked up his bag and said,'' And like I always say,laters love.''  
Neil laughed at that and got up too,muttering 'Asshole' under his breath.

  
*

  
Neil and Andrew had decided to spend the rest of the day silently.Well as silent as they could be with their never-ending sarcastic comments.

  
They were sat at their designated table in cafeteria, throwing food at each other and creating a ruckus as always.  
They have attained quite bit of a reputation.Being the most notorious ones in the whole school.They fought, made every class they attended a mess,got suspended a lot,were often found in detention and made every one's life a living hell.  
In short, no one bothered them.

Everyone knew them as 'monsters' and kept to themselves. Even the jocks, who had fought them a couple of times, knew they were undefeatable together.And they were never alone.  
But the day had been tedious for another reason. Everyone had gone crazier than usual about Neil getting a nose piercing. Every time Neil entered a room, all the eyes would lock on him and never leave.Much to both of the boy's annoyance.  
Neil was stopped mid laugh as he noticed a blonde,tall girl standing in front of their table.She looked rich judging by her clothes.Neil knew enough to know that she was pretty famous in the school.

  
So he looked at Andrew,raising his eyebrow.  
Andrew just looked at the girl and said,'' So what business could your highness have from the likes of us.'' The amount of sarcasm in that one sentence would have killed anyone.  
The girl just looked at Andrew,'' Good to know,even a monster like you accepts me as his queen.'' She said coolly,dismissing Andrew with a gesture of her hand.  
Neil was ready to smash that girls head.No one insulted Andrew and got away with it.No one.  
So Neil was up and in front her in a flash.Andrew just sat there,bored as always and muttering how surprising it would be if Neil could survive a single day without causing any drama.Neil smirked at that but didn't move.

  
As for the girl, she looked scared but recovered quickly as she realized the whole cafeteria was looking at her.She lifted her hand to remove her hair away from her shoulder,  
''The boy I was actually here for.'' She said smiling sweetly at me.Too sweet.

  
I just looked at her, waiting for her next words so that I could destroy her later.''And?''

  
She looked unmoved by it, or at least acted as if she was.''Nothing.Just wanted you to know that I think,'' she said leaning closer.Too close to actually make me uncomfortable,her voice low, ''that you look pretty hot with that nose ring.''  
That..that actually stunned me for a second.

  
Everyone had stopped approaching me ages ago.Now that we were Juniors, almost everyone knew that I didn't swing.Even her, given she was a Senior.Especially Seniors.

  
I regained myself faster,getting annoyed by all this attention.''Yeah and I would take it as a compliment if I considered you worthy of giving me one.Now scoot.''

  
I turn around sitting at my table, on a chair with my back turned towards her.Andrew just sat in front of me looking quiet and calculated as he always did when he faced a threat.  
She was far from being a threat, but why was Andrew looking at her like one?  
I direct his attention towards me by asking him about the current series we were watching.I don't know when she disappears but next time I look away from Andrew is when Renee arrives at our table.  
She sits, leaning herself forward with her elbows on table.Her white hair falling forward as she steals Andrew's fries.Karma I tell you.Andrew is always stealing my chips,makes sense that Renee would steal his.

Renee mostly sat with her friends,Dan and Matt.But also visited us once in a while.

''So what was Allison Reynolds doing at your table?''     

  
So that was her name. I keep eating,knowing Andrew would answer if I don't.''Apparently, trying to insult me and getting insulted by Neil in return.''

  
The casual way Andrew says that boils Neil's blood.He will literally burn anyone who dared look at Andrew the wrong way.Allison Reynolds, he was not forgetting that name.

  
Renee had the same look on her face, as if ready to smash anyone who tried insulting Andrew.

  
''Oh shut it, you two.It was not even a successful attempt at making a good attempt at insulting me.Please know,it would take someone of higher intelligence to try insulting me.''

  
That caused a laugh from Neil and a smirk from Renee.Yeah Andrew was steel and fire.Someone like Allison could not even touch him.

  
''But she doesn't add up, that's for sure.Too perfect but too contradicting as well.'' Renee said and the way she said showed that she had tried adding Allison up.

  
The atmosphere turned thick as it always did between them, when they needed Nathaniel Wesninski,Andrew Doe and Natalie Shields.

  
No matter what,they never forgot their roots.And were ready to reach that part of themselves when it meant protecting their family.And given, what Renee had said about Allison, certainly meant something.

  
''Oh you know how the famous saying goes,'' Andrew said in a suspiciously serious voice,'' Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.''

  
Renee and Neil responded with a groan, as if it physically hurt them everytime Andrew quoted his favourite band.Andrew just laughed at their reaction which made the heaviness evaporate between them and filled it with teasing banter.

  
Neil was sure,no one could hurt Andrew while Neil was there.

  
  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how was it???  
> Any 50sog refernce was purely unintentional.  
> Fight me but Andrew would be a top fan.. especially andrew in this au.  
> tell me if u have any suggestions as always.


	10. Sit with me during lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POETRY IS MUCH EASIER TO WRITE
> 
>  
> 
> its a mess..i apologize in advance..if everything is going to fast..its my fault i cant write shit  
> and thank you for kind comments..I'll try my best..  
> plus we have so many amazing fics in this fandom..i literally love it.
> 
> Enjoy?

**ANDREW**

 

''Fuck.I hate school.'' Neil whines, as he slumps on the sofa.Twirling his pen between his fingers.Learning a new trick.

  
''We hardly had school today.'' I point out,opening the fridge and taking a chocolate bar and an apple out.Obviously,chocolate for me and apple for Neil.I turn around to find Neil giving me the bitch face.Which only makes me laugh and flip him off.

  
''You are so fucking annoying.'' Neil mutters.I just roll my eyes in return.As if, the feeling isn't mutual.  
I wave the apple at Neil. ''Just throw it.'' Neil says.

  
''Íf you want it, get it.'' I say with the most bored expression on my face.I could've thrown the apple, he does look tired.But would I be Andrew Dobson,if I did that?

  
Neil looks at me and I see a series of emotions go through his eyes.From anger to annoyance, to patience, ending on resignation.He just sighs and stands up.

  
And just to torture me,he takes his jacket off.Now he is in a soft black shirt.His messy purple hair, eyes intense and that fucking nose ring.Looking at me all the while he makes his way to the counter.  
But what the sight does to my insides,makes me believe that unintentionally, he got his revenge.I make him walk towards me and while he is doing that,he tortures me by looking that breath taking.I keep tracing every contour of his face,until its few feet away.

  
''C'mon,give it to me now.'' I realize he is speaking, so I just drop the apple in his hand.It's uncharcteristic of me because usually I would've thrown the apple at him.  
He is looking at me, as if thinking the exact same thing.I feel my breath catch in my throat, how is he so close?  
''Shut it.'' I say angrily,trying to make this awkwardness go away.

  
Neil just chuckles and says,'' Sure.Someone's on their periods.''  
''You should be happy, I don't get them.Cause I truly believe, I would have killed you ages ago during 'that time of the month'.''  
I open my chocolate and take a bite,munching menacingly while giving him my best death glare.

  
He looks at me blankly, but then his face breaks into one of the most softest smiles I have seen.

  
Dafuq? I am not a teddy bear.  
I am Andrew Dobson,who can kill a man in 52 ways without being creative.What made this asshole think I won't try all of the ways on him?

  
But he just leans closer, looking at me with naughtiest expression on his face,''Oh,I would have loved to see you try.''

  
And that's exactly the moment, I realize that if I am Andrew Dobson, he is Neil Hatford.My best friend.The boy who holds my everything in his hands and I don't even complain when he plays catch and throw with it freely.

  
I lift my hand and dig my fingers in his cheeks,pulling him closer.He is now leaning with half of his body against the counter, his arms supporting him.But his eyes remain content,waiting to see,would I really flinch if he dropped it?

  
''Don't be so cocky.It's gonna get you killed me one day.''  
''Many men have threatened to kill me, but I am still here.'' he says,not even missing a beat.He pulls my hand away from his face.Roughly, not caring if I leave nail marks on his face.  
''Next time,don't waste your breath threatening me.Put a knife straight in my neck instead.'' And then lets go of my hand and sitting back in the sit calmly.And starts enjoying his apple,apparently.  
''1 Neil - 0 Andrew.'' He smirks at me.

  
This is a routine between us,but the rush of heat down my body isn't.This is not how you should be feeling when a rascal asks you to put a knife in him.  
I know, I find Neil attractive.Hell, I have even woken up from an awkward dream or two.I don't lie to myself about it.But this...this is new.I should keep it under control.

  
''Are you even listening to me?'' he asks.I ignore him in favour of eating my chocolate.

  
What's there to get under control.When I look at him, I see my best friend.Obviously, I know nothing is ever gonna happen.Fuck, I am not even sure if I want to.It isn't harming anyone, if I look at him when he isn't looking at me.Or that it makes me feel high, when I look at him in that nose ring, sitting in front of me.Remembering his sharp words and steel breath.

  
''No, you aren't important.''

  
It's fine. I won't take it far.It won't go far.Damn, there is nothing to go far.Nothing.

  
''Oh wait give me this,'' I feel myself smile,as I take the apple from his hand and his pen.''Wait for it.'' He looks at me expectantly,I feel my smile getting wider.  
'' I have a pen,'' I hear him groan.I shake my head along,'' I have an apple.''  
''Oh fuck me.''  
I groan loudly and inserting the pen in the apple,'' Apple-pen.'' Humming the tune just to annoy him further.

  
He starts banging his head on the counter and my laughter fills the kitchen.

  
Nothing.

  
''No internet for you.Ever.'' He says,moaning all the while. _Pft talk about dramatic._

  
''No, I am serious.I am ashamed to be your friend.'' He says with a straight face.

  
I fake gasp,'' How rude!''

  
''Rude?'' he mock gasps too.''What? No!! I am only rude to ugly and useless people.'' he pauses and then says,'' Oh wait.''

  
''What?'' I pause for the drama,''You must be a bitch to your mum then.'' I say with a smirk.He looks at me,trying to think of a come back.And when he fails,

  
''1 Neil - 1 Andrew.'' I say back at him while he tries hard to not smile himself.

  
Nothin-

  
Fuck.

 

***

**NEIL**

 

''You have maths next,right?'' Andrew asks, as I drop him off at history.The only period we don't have together.

  
''Yeah.Why,'' I lean closer smiling all the way, ''Will you miss me?''

''Pft,'' he snorts and ends up forcing a laugh.Then he stops and pulls the most uncaring expression.

  
''Nice one,Neil.It actually made me laugh.''  
I just shove him into the class.Asshole.''Don't show me your face.''

  
''Gladly.''  
''You know what,I'll find myself a better friend.''

  
''Bring me pop corns while you are at it.I love watching disasters.''

  
He gives me his two-fingered salute and I shift on the left to let a student in.  
I smile and think how silly it is.The idea of having someone other than Andrew.

  
I adjust my bag and walk towards my class. I heard our teacher is absent, so the substitute will probably be late,giving me some extra few minutes. Oh I might as well distract Andrew from his history lesson by sending him weird pictures.

  
''Wait,'' I hear a girly voice behind me,'' Neil!''

  
I turn around, who the fuck wants to talk to me.I look at the girl and groan.

  
Obviously it's Allison fucking Reynolds.

  
I ignore her and turn back around as if I didn't even see her.I don't want anything to do with her.  
''Oh for fuck's sake,Neil.'' She shouts,trying to catch up to me.Hallways are empty now,as everyone's in their classes.''I have something important to tell you.''

  
''I don't give a shit,Allison.'' I shout back, trying my best to walk faster.

  
I hear the click-clock of her heels stop, she pauses and then says,'' Even if it's about Andrew?''

  
His name makes me stop dead on my feet.

  
I turn around, anger burning fiercer inside me, as I notice the smug look on her face.As if, she knew it would make me stop.

''Don't you fucking say his name.'' I growl.  
''Listen,'' she tries to pacify me.Slowly closing the distance between us. ''I think someone's trying to harm Andrew.''

  
''What the fuck are you saying?'' I close the distance, as I am standing right in front of her now.  
All I can think about is.Andrew-threat-eliminate.

She hesitates,probably rethinking her decision.''C'mon,Allison.Tell me what do you know.''I say barely containing my anger.

  
I will kill anyone who thinks of harming Andrew.And if I have torture it out of her, I will.

  
She straightens her posture, standing taller.She is scared but acting tough.Just like the cafeteria last time.'' No.''

  
''What?'' I ask incredulously,''Allison,I swear,''

  
''Oh stop it, before you start threatening me.'' She cuts me off.

  
''Don't think I won't follow them.'' I make my point clear by almost spitting my words at her.

  
''I know,'' she gulps, '' I know when it's about your precious Andrew, you would do anything.''

  
She puts her index finger on my chest,pushing me back.''That is why,you will do what I ask of you.''

  
I scoff at that.''Yeah sure.'' I slap her hand away.

  
''You know what, I was actually interested in what you had to say.Now that I think about it, we can handle it.Whatever the shit you are talking about, Andrew and I can handle it.''  
I step away,thinking how stupid I was.How could something harm Andrew, when we were together.

  
''Do you really think that?'' She smirks, '' Wouldn't it be better, if you could spare Andrew the trauma.''  
''What trauma?''

  
''Like I said,'' She says studying her nails now,''Someone's planning to harm Andrew with the information they found out about him.''

  
What information?

We both had dirt on our names.We both have shit that isn't for everyone to know.

  
''And I'll help you, by telling you who is threatening Andrew and with what.''

  
Allison is rich, she could easily obtain information about Andrew. Money buys everything. And she wants something from me and she'll try her best to get it.She looks like a spoiled brat. She could paint the target on anyone's shoulder, if it serves her.

  
Because I don't believe anyone else in this high school could find out about him. I'll have to find out,at least what have the hell do they know.

  
I think of Drake,I heard Andrew mention that their accident made it to the news.Drake being the Alumna of his school on his way to Navy and Andrew being the miraculous child that survived such accident.It was a small town, anything would make onto the newspaper.Or him going to juive. Or him being a foster kid.

  
I know Andrew can handle all of this.He wouldn't care about hiding it.But she was right, we are doing fine.Why have Andrew suffer from the bullshit that's in his past, when I can stop that from happening.

And if Allison says something I don't want to do,I'll just say no.

  
''Okay, so what do you want from me.''

  
''Oh,'' She looks at me,smile plastered on her face. ''Nothing much just sit with me during lunch today.''

  
''What?'' I ask.What does that have to do with anything?

  
But she just looks at me with a huge smile on her face and I can't help but think, what the hell have I gotten myself into.

 

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so..do u want exy or no-exy in this au?? and in drop it..it is the everything..how was the ppap ..haha i just could imagine andrew doing that to annoy neil in this au  
> did u hate it???  
> ughh my brains legit filing me..i couldnt even come up with a proper sentence.. but if i dont upload it today i never upload it..i might delete the chap..so  
> tada


	11. Look at me, while I am looking at you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK FUCKF UCK  
> OKAY this is actually my fav chapter and also the first scene I thought of.In December last year.  
> another one of my favs is coming next.Angst is on teh horizon.
> 
> @noorasdandekar you keep me going.  
> Enjoy?!??!?!?!

**NEIL**

 

I am dreading this.I don't even know why.But the hand on my elbow, feels like a Satan sitting on my shoulder.Whispering things that will surely lead me to hell.

  
''C'mon, Neil.What are we waiting for?'' She mutters next to me. Her voice sounding as disgusting to my ears, as her sweet flowery perfume.

  
What I wouldn't do to have Andrew next to me right now!

  
''Yeah.Let's get rid of this shithole as soon as possible.'' 

  
She just scoffs, as if she can't imagine why would I call it shit hole.Well for one, because of the company.

  
''Shut it, lover boy.'' She coos,digging her fingers in my arm and dragging me with her.

  
I'll fucking kill her.I pry her fingers off my arm, as she keeps walking somewhere in the cafeteria. Probably towards her table. Oh fuck me.

  
She stops, when I finally rip her fingers away from my arm.Damn these girls and their long demonic nails.

  
I look at her smirking/Thinking about shoving in her face how I would break her fingers if she touched me again.But find her smiling victoriously at someone in front of us.I frown and look where she is looking.There is a boy standing in front of us, the only boy who matters to me.

  
Andrew.

  
He...He looks blank.But his eyes show many things.First of all,confusion.

  
That is understandable.And next is,amusement.

  
Only this asshole would find my situation funny.Fucker.

  
''So is this the new friend you were talking about.'' He says, looking at me.A smile playing on his lips, ''Can't say if it's an improvement or not.''

  
''Yeah.I guess I have a type.'' I reply,'' Blond, angry spawns of hell itself.''

  
Allison makes a sound as if she is offended and Andrew just laughs slightly.My heart warms up at the sight. A thousand lunch breaks with a top notch bitch for that smile.Feels like a small price to pay,if you ask me.

  
Andrew looks at Allison, finally noticing her.And his eyes go as cold as a frozen lake.

  
He keeps looking at her for sometime, while Allison keeps smirking back at him.They seem to be having a stare down for some reason.

  
Andrew finally looks at me, he reaches for my hand and says,'' C'mon lets go.Horrible meeting you, Allison.''  
He starts pulling me towards a table before I stop him.He looks back at me, an eye brow raised.

  
Third emotion, agitation.

  
''What now?''

  
I open my mouth to say something but Allison cuts me off.

  
''Actually, today Neil is sitting with me.'' She says, faking her polite smile.

  
Andrew just sneers and looks at me as if that's the most absurd thing he has ever heard.He looks at me, crossing his arms across his chest.Waiting for me to tell her, how this was an elaborate prank and I would never sit with her at lunch.For three years, Andrew and I have had our lunch together.It makes sense that he would think that.

  
''Sorry,monster.Neil's mine today.'' Allison says looking at Andrew,smugly.

  
I look at her so fast, giving myself almost a whiplash. '' Who said you could talk to him?''

  
A look of fear strikes in her eyes, before she says,'' Fine.Tell him yourself.Serves my purpose both way. And please do it fast, I am getting tired of standing here.''

  
I look back at Andrew and he is looking at me like he is still waiting for an explanation.

  
Fourth, patience.Fifth one lurks in the corners, denial.

  
''Urm..'' I start and stop.Fuck her, my brain says.Fuck her.

  
I'll choose Andrew.Fuck everything.

I'll go and sit with Andrew and forget about her. Andrew will tell me something funny he found in his history class that no one else did.That he is dying to tell it to me, cuz he knows I'll find it funny.I'll laugh at it,complain how difficult subjects are getting.He'll tease me, saying only if I had a brain.I'll mourn how unfair it is that not every one has an eidetic memory.And we would be okay.

  
But all I say is, ''She is right.''

  
I think I should say something more, or explain better.But..I can't seem to think of one good thing to say.I would have lied, made an excuse,or anything.But I realized living with Andrew has left me empty of all my trickeries that kept me alive on the run.

  
Sixth emotion...even before I can see it, Andrew turns around, muttering '' What ever.''

Would it have been dismissal if I had seen it?

  
And then he leaves. I stand there, something heavy settling in my chest.I watch him meet Renee in the middle,Renee looks my way.Then at Allison's,her expression blank.

It felt weird.  
Them being together and me standing opposite.Away.

  
Why is Andrew not looking my way?

  
Allison pulls me towards wherever she wants, and I let her.

  
C'mon. One look. Anything.

  
We are sat at some table, alone.I was expecting her friends, anyone.

  
He is sitting with Renee on her side.I can see the left side of his face.Renee is chatting with him and he is looking at her intently.Listening carefully.

_Look at me._

  
Allison is talking, about some boy who everyone is going crazy over.His name was Allen or Aiden, whatever.Who everyone thought was new, but he was just a loner who wore lens today instead of glasses and got new hair cut. I don't even have energy to tell her that I don't care.

  
Now Renee says something shoving her hone in Andrew's hand.He looks at it, a smile tries very hard to break through.I can see his dimple from this side.I always loved his dimple.It made him look boyish and handsome if you ask me. He starts tapping at the phone, probably doing something insanely stupid that would have made us laugh. _Look at me, Andrew._

  
''Oh C'mon.Don't look so bored now.'' Allison whines, eating her salad.I just bought myself an apple and a sandwich.I would have bought a milkshake, fries and a cupcake as per routine.But I only bought those for Andrew.So there was no need for them today.

  
''What do you want me to do?'' I ask her, I don't give a shit.She wanted me here, I am.

  
_Look at me.Andrew._

  
''Tell me about Andrew then?'' She asks.She doesn't sound curious, ''Tell me what do you like the most about him?'' She asks nonchalantly eating her salad.

  
I think about whether I should be answering that question or not.Reasons why would she want to know as I look at her.And come up empty.Maybe she is doing it for me.

  
''Well,there is not one particular thing I like about him,'' I say,finding a smile making its way onto my lips.

  
''God,I can't believe you.'' Allison says throwing her hands up in frustration.'' Tell me whatever you want, just don't look so bleak.''

  
I wanted to deny it but I thought I maybe looking as down as I am feeling.So I start telling him about Andrew.One of the many craziest things we have done, a pool party in my backyard, eating burnt cookies, I find myself thinking about eve the things I can't tell her.

Even though I filter my words,telling her as if stating facts, I can't help but laugh or smile when I remember the things we have done.

  
Allison just nods and looks calculating as ever.As if she is figuring something out. I let her be and look at Andrew.

  
_Look at m-_   
He is looking at me.

  
Sixth emotion.Anger. Mixed with something so fierce that it looks like fire.

  
But why?

  
I knit eyebrows and the moment I am about to mouth my query.He looks away, staring straight ahead instead.His jaws clenched, hands forming a fist.

  
''Neil.'' Allison says after she is done looking at her watch.'' We have ten minutes left.Come with me.''

  
''What?'' But she is already standing up.

  
''Come on.'' She starts walking to the door that leads us outside of the cafeteria.

  
I look at her, sigh and just follow.

  
What I don't notice is that Andrew had finally turned my way, only to find me going outside with her.

  
**

  
''What are you doing?'' Somehow she has me pinned against a wall.We are on the backside of our school.Andrew and I sometimes come here for a smoke.

  
_Andrew,_ I think _.I just want this to be over._

  
''Kiss me, Neil.'' She says, her hands on my chest.I hold them, trying to push her away.This is getting old and annoying.

  
What is Andrew doing now?

  
''I don't swing.''

  
''I am Allison Reynolds,'' She says haughtily as if that's supposed to mean anything.  
''I don't care.I still don't swing.''

  
Andre-- She has her lips on mine --'Drew.

  
I don't even remember when was the last time I kissed someone.( Probably that girl in Canada)

And my mother made sure I would never want to either.But even after her, I never felt the need to.I always had Andrew.

  
_Andrew._ Her tongue seeks an entrance.

  
My mouth forms his name and she has her way in.She presses herself closer.

  
I hold her hair, thinking how different they are from Andrew's.

His are shorter, somehow softer.Always a mess.I love them when he wakes up. He would look well rested, his dimple winking at me in the sunlight.He would be wearing a huge hoodie, making jokes.Stealing my french toasts, his messy hair would make everything seem warmer.As if someone dimmed the light,just to set him in a wonderful glow.Making everything disappear for me some time.

  
I grab her waist when she pushes me further. She is curvy, where Andrew was strong. Unbreakable. A hurricane with a smile.

  
She pushes her leg between mine and that's where I gasp and open my eyes.

  
My objection dies on my lips, as I find myself looking at the eyes who looks like the have stolen molten gold from heaven.

  
Andrew.

He looks exactly like he did in my mind.I loved that look on him.Blank steadiness, with strained cold fire behind his eyes.

  
I always provoked him, I loved when he would try punching me without missing a beat.A knife on my throat, his smile wild.

_I wanted to see him lose control._

  
I push her back, but keep looking at him.She has her knee against my crotch and I can't help but gasp.

  
Andrew looks livid.As if he is ready to break everything around him.

I put my hands on her shoulders, wanting to move towards Andrew.

  
But now he is looking at the ground, I can see his body shake.And I want to feel it under my fingers. I want to be near him to know how fast he is breathing now.The urge in me for him gets worst.

  
Seventh emotion, hell.That's all I see when he looks up again, with a small smile on his face. The most fake thing that I have seen on Andrew, it makes something ache inside me.  
I finally push her away and Andrew turns around walking away. She is no longer touching me and Andrew is no longer looking at me.

  
''Wow, and here you were saying you don't swing.'' I look at her,she looks like a mess.

I see her looking at my crotch and I am surprised to find it the way it is.''Your body certainly does.'' She says smugly.

  
I look at her and realize that I have been kissing her the whole time.

Allison.

Rich blonde green eyed.Unnecessary.Unimportant.

  
_Andrew._ I look towards the corner where he stood a while ago.My feet move on their own accord towards him.

  
A hand stops me.I take it in mine, thinking about breaking it in a snap.I apply a little pressure and she screams,'' What are you doing?''

  
''Don't touch me.''

  
''You were liking it a few seconds ago.''

  
I pin her against the wall, my anger getting the better of me.I lean closer to her, so she can hear every word clearly.

  
''Not because of you.''

  
''What the fuck does that mean?'' She looks as daring as always.

  
I push her, standing away from her.Saying the most honest answer I could give her right now.

  
''Not.Because.Of.You.''

  
And turn around, following the path where Andrew disappeared.

  
**** **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW WAS IT HOW WAS IT..  
> FINALLY something i am happy sharing..  
> do comment and share..


	12. I don't want your whispers anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT A CHAPTER..sorry but it will be out soon..im gonna start writing it  
> till then this is something i wrote ages ago and read and realized how andriel it was  
> it is not THE pART OF THE FIC but if you love pain you can imagine it from andrew's perspective\

Stop whispering in my ear.  
Like we are sharing secrets.Between the crowd,only ours to hear.  
Your eyes twinkling with mischief,  
Secrets of universe locked in the space between your lips and my ears.  
You lean in seductively,give me a sigh  
Lean back with a grin.  
Discover,as if you whispered.Discover what it means.  
A nod my head and laugh as an answer.  
A laughter heard across the room.  
Suspicious eyes everywhere,  
we smiled a little wider, just for the stares.  
Think.Think all you want.  
We'll always be, just a little above your thoughts.  
We are forming stars on our tongues not words.  
Your mind can't fathom the magic we whisper.  
So give up.Give up trying to unlock what's ours.  
(All your guesses are wrong,I told you.)  
Because I am also skeptical now,whether it's really OURS?  
Or my perception deceived me.  
That,that I loved your secret smiles,  
your genuine eyes so much  
That it started deluding me.  
I know you,so I know this.  
I know me, so I know that.  
I just don't know us anymore to know  
answers to any of the questions in my mind.  
I am disbeliever at heart,  
but I believed your intimacy.  
Only for me, my conscious whispered.  
Only for me.  
But then I catch your secret smiles,  
your genuine eyes,  
bare in front of someone else.  
And all I can think,all I think is  
I don't want your whispers anymore.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chpater will be out soon.THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS  
> ANGST IS THE REAL GOAL TBH.ha kidding  
> BUt LOved all of the comments immensely


	13. Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PAIN HA HA HA

**NEIL**

 

He has been silent.I have tried leaning forward,whispering funny comments from my chair behind him.

  
He would always laugh as everyone would just stare at us,teachers scowling. We would just smirk and not even apologize.  
But you don't laugh, you just stare out of the window.Mr. Olsen called you today thrice, you didn't even bother with a reply.

  
I couldn't see your face, just your back.But I was suddenly reminded how I fooled you for a mute the first whole month.I was reminded how powerful your silence was.  
Your silence just like your words was a well crafted beast.You could stay silent even though someone died begging you to say something.A single word even.

  
It hurt.Something hurt so bad inside me.I almost crouched with its ferocity.

Something has been hurting me since lunch.

  
Even after I caught up to you, all I could see in your eyes was.

  
Eighth, a smouldering anger.But it was pointed inside.  
Ninth, understanding. It was also pointed inwards, as if telling yourself how things are.  
Tenth, hatred. It made my knees weak knowing it too was for yourself.

  
I had asked you again and again.  
But you just shook your head saying, ''Nothing.''

  
Your eyes would spark with something on that word before you would look away.

  
I tried talking to you about lunch but you would cut me off everytime.I left it.Dead.  
It's carcass in front me.Between us.

  
I don't even know what I would say, but I felt like I had to.I, myself, didn't know what to explain. The kiss... I promised I would think about the kiss and what it meant after I solved everything that was happening.

  
Eleventh, disappointment. I don't...I don't know what that was for.

  
When the class was over, you looked my way.My heart literally flew out of my chest.  
''Would you leave with me today?''

  
The question felt like a slap.We would always go together to our home.HIS.His home.

  
We would eat, do our homework.Or procrastinate doing with something illegal.

  
''Y-Yes.'' I stutter, trying to get the words out.Why would he ask that?  
A small part of me asks, Why shouldn't he?

  
_Today_.He had said.Today.As if not sure anymore where our 'always' started and ended _today_.

  
Twelfth, satisfaction. Even though it was as thin as the mist on the window.

  
You looked at your feet, your hands clenching and unclenching around your chair's back.

  
Nodding to yourself, you got up and went out.Without saying anything else.

  
That didn't make it hurt any less now.

  
I wished for him to look at me.And when he did it hurt.  
Then I wished for him to talk to me.And when he did, it was as if he ripped me from inside out.  
It seems like _'I should be careful with what I wish for'_ today.

  
I get up, when I realize the room is empty. I run picking my bag from the floor next to me.  
Not knowing where you are, I run.With hopes I can find you.  
Where are you Andrew?  
Why would you leave without me?  
What is happening to us? We would never-- we would always leave together.

  
_Together._ Leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

  
Where are you? There you are.

  
But.But with someone else.A dark haired boy with his back turned to me.

  
Who is he? You look tired, annoyed but not stiff as if ready to attack.I think of moving towards you, when a hand stops me.  
I turn around,thinking 'Now what?'

  
I am tired of seeing her face.

  
''Remove that angry look from your face.'' She says, barking the words at me,'' I don't want to talk to you too.I do have self-respect.''

  
''Then why are you here?" I growl,something ticking inside of me.The urgency I relate with wanting to run.Not the hobby that I have developed in previous years. But the survival that kept me alive all those years.

  
''Meet me when the school ends.You did your part of the deal and I'll do mine.'' She says, before walking past me.Hitting my shoulder with her shoulder.\  
Her guts, man.

  
I shake my head, looking where Andrew was standing with that boy and find emptiness there.  
I keep looking there, until our bell rings.Thinking, What the hell is happening today?

***

  
Finally.Finally, the bells rang declaring the end of school.I rush, putting my books in my bag from the locker. The hallway is rowdier due to the weekend.I have my bag zipped half way before I am running.

  
Andrew.We have to go home. We have to talk about it.

Since lunch, this is the first time, I feel hope. We are Andrew and Neil.We'll sought it out.It's stupid to keep feeling this way.

  
We'll be fine.I'll tell Andrew the truth and we will handle all of this together.

  
Together.It feels like a promise now.

  
I run with a huge smile spreading on my face.I run out of the door, people shout at me.I ignore them.Fuck them. I don't have time to even pretend I care about hitting them or not.

  
I run to the parking lot, straight to the black Maserati and the boy leaning against it. I feel something lighten in my chest at the sight of him.Same boy, same uncaring persona that shatters horribly when it comes to the people he holds dear.

  
''Andrew,'' I say.My voice soft somehow.But he turns my way as if he heard me.

  
I run to him almost toppling over him when I try stopping myself.I miscalculated my speed and distance, not that I care about it. But me almost falling on my face makes me laugh, and when I look back at him.

  
Thirteenth, joy. For the first time, he looks like he might smile as well on my stupidity.

  
''C'mon, Andrew.Lets go.Together.'' I say.My smile making it hard for me to speak.

  
Fourteenth, hope.

  
He keeps looking at me. I would call on it,if I was not doing the same.

  
Fuck.I have missed him.Is it possible? To miss someone so much?

  
He just nods. He reaches for my hand and holds it firmly in his.And I can fucking breathe again.  
''Neil!''

  
My blood starts boiling.Andrew's smile stops midway.

  
''Wait for me, idiot'' No not her.Please not her again.

  
I open my mouth to tell Andrew to just start the car now.Let's go.Fuck her. Fuck everything.

  
''Are you kidding me?'' She pulls on my arm,'' I have been calling you. What kind of a dick you are.''

  
''The one whose fucking tired of hearing your voice,'' I reply. I hear Andrew snort.He squeezes my hand.

  
She looks at our hand and then at Andrew.Andrew just raises his eyebrow at her.  
''Neil,'' she says,stressing on the word.As I am supposed to know what it means.

  
''What?''  
''Óh for fuck's sake.'' She says exasperatedly.'' I told you I would meet you after the off time.''

  
And my blood runs cold.She looks at me,patiently.Andrew holds my hand tighter.

  
''Fuck,I forgot.'' I say, turning to look at Andrew.But before I can say anything I notice the look in Andrew's eyes and I stop midway.

  
Gone was the smile from his face.Gone was the hope from his eyes.

  
Fifteenth, Betrayal.Razor sharp betrayal.

  
I can see him angry now, the darkness that lurked in the corner.Now out in the open for me to see.

  
Sixteenth, Hurt.Coated by so many layers of anger.

  
He looks at our hands between us.Keeps looking at them, before he leaves it. Almost violently.As if dropping the poison that has been burning you for so long.He looks at me.

  
Seventeenth, Bitterness. So much of it that it stops my heart.

  
''This is the second time it is happening today.''

  
I know what he is talking about.After some time, when we had become friends three years ago.Andrew had one day, held my hand unconsciously leading me to his room. That day, we had both stopped and looked at our hands. Andrew had looked at it and looked at it.Eerily, just like today.But the difference was, that day he had only held it firmer after realizing that he, surprisingly, was okay with holding my hand.That was one of the moments that eased the touch between us. After that day, Andrew would just hold my hand and take me where he wanted. And I would just follow.Always.

  
Now it was second time today he had held my hand and I could not follow him.And has to leave it because of that.

  
''Second time.'' He adds,'' And trust me, it won't be happening again.''

  
That makes all the scars on my body, ache simulatneously.  
Eighteenth...Nothingness.

  
Why am I not on the ground yet?

  
Because no matter what, during the whole day, whole day I could read what he was feeling.He had trusted me to show me how he felt.Even though we couldn't even have a single proper conversation.

  
Feelings, were always something we had learnt by heart to hide.But together, we had trusted to be bare.To be each other's strength, I recall his words.Not weaknesses.We had made our feelings, a token of our friendship.  
And now, it felt like he had just kicked me out of the door.Closing it shut.

  
His eyes ice cold.Nothingness. His face blank.

  
All the anger, bitterness gone in a blink.

  
I move my hand towards him.To touch, to stop, to explain.I don't know.''Andr--''

  
''No.'' He says moving away from my hand.

  
And somehow, it hurt the worst.

  
Touch, I was not allowed to touch him anymore.He doesn't trust me

  
Andrew doesn't trust me.

  
He moves away, as unknownable as the first time I saw him.I didn't realize what a huge difference it made.Always knowing what he was feeling.

  
Andrew doesn't trust me.

  
He moves around to get in his car, without a second look.And starts the engine and is on the road in a jiffy.

  
Andrew doesn't trust me anymore.

  
I keep looking at my hand, thinking.

  
He... he doesn't trust me anymore.

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BABY I am sorry (IM not sorry)  
> do share your povs


	14. It hurt,I accept.It hurt,I won't lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being late but given I gave you guys two chapters in a day and this long ass shit today it kinda makes up  
> ..  
> Ache??!?!  
> I can''t write enjoy when it's pure ANgst

**NEIL**

 

  
''So who was it?'' I try, concentrating on my words.It's hard. It's so fucking hard. ''Who is gonna harm Andrew and with what?''

  
Allison looks at me pitifully now.''Allison,'' I say,'' I have no patience for this right now.Spit.''

  
''Yeah.Yeah,'' she says looking down at her hands,'' I am sorry though, Neil. I didn't kno--''

  
''Allison.'' I say gritting my teeth.

  
He..He is gone.

  
''Okay, okay.'' Allison raises her head, wiping her hand over her face.'' Yeah so it's Terry. And he found out about it from his girlfriend's best friend.''

  
Terry, an annoying but harmless footballer.  
I wait for her to continue.What? What did he found out?

  
''He found out..'' She pauses, testing her words.Panic rises in me.'' That..Andrew.''

  
''What Allison?''  
''That he is gay.'' She says looking at her feet.

  
He.. he is what?

  
Was that it? That's what the information was about.

  
I feel the anger, the panic , all that I have been feeling since Andrew left, spill out of me.

  
''Are you fucking kidding me,Allison?'' I shout at her. She looks at me, shocked.

  
'''This was the information you thought that could destroy Andrew.Are you fucking kidding me?'' I say.I can't believe it.Whole day of this...this shit.Just because she thought Andrew cared about being gay.

  
''I don't get it.Terry plans on outing him. When Diana, that's his girlfriend's friend, she asked Andrew out, he out right rejected her saying he wasn't interested in her.That he wasn't interested in women.'' She says, panicked.Words spilling out of her mouth, fast and confused.

  
''Did you think for a fucking second that maybe he didn't hide because he doesn't fucking care??'' I am shouting now.I can't believe it. All of it.Everything that happened today was for nothing.Nothing.

  
''I ..How can he not care? It's gonna destroy him.No one's gonna take him seriously anymore.He will become a fucking joke.''

  
''Allison.Allison get your head out of your fucking ass it's not a hat.'' I shout back at her.''It's fucking 2017.No one fucking cares.Even if they did, Andrew doesn't. And taking him as a joke,'' I scoff.''They won't dare. I will personally kill them.And they know it.''

  
She looks like I am telling her that the sky is green.I can get it.A princess who was pampered her whole life.Told to be perfect in every aspect .Used to being idealized.Being gay would seem like a mistake.An imperfection. A social suicide.

  
''Do you have any idea what have you done?'' I say my voice cracking in the end.I am so tired.So fucking tired. I stumble back and sit on the curb on the side.

  
''For the first time, in three years,'' I put my hands in my hair.My voice barely above the whisper. ''I have felt this far away from Andrew, for the first time.He..'' I look at her.

''He is my everything, Allison.I can't lose him.'' I feel something stinging my eyes.I close them.''And now, he doesn't trust me.''

  
I can't forget the look on his face. I promised no one would come between us.That I wouldn't let anyone hurt Andrew.I forgot that I could be the one hurting Andrew.Andrew never gave a shit about anyone, but the people he cared about, he would kill him for them.And die for them.The scars on his arms ,that I caress everyday, are a reminder.

  
He trusted me to let me be his friend.And now I have broken his trust.

  
''Everything.'' I whisper.Allison is quiet in front of me.I don't care anymore.  
''Stand up.'' She says firmly.

  
''What?'' I raise my head to look at her.Her face full of determination.''Stand up, Neil.''  
''Why? Why would it matt-''  
''Oh for fuck's sake.''  
I look at her, confused. ''He is your everything, right?'' She asks as if I am the most stupid person.I just nod in return.

  
''Then what the fuck are you doing sitting here.Go after him,Neil.''

  
Why am I still here? That's a fucking good question.

  
''Tell him whatever happened today.Explain it to him.You've been friends for three years, right?'' I nod in reply.''Then one day can't destroy your friendship.Three years have to mean something.''

  
She is right.I have to explain it all to Andrew.He'll understand.I'll apologize a hundred times.And see whatever he decides.If he says he doesn't want to do anything with me....

  
I'll think about that later.But I have to explain it to him.''Don't expect me to thank you.'' I say standing up,dusting my pants.

  
She had the decency to look ashamed.''I don't want you to.''

  
I look at the tire tracks that Andrew's car left ,looking in the direction of our home.And do what I do best.

  
I run.

  
****

  
**ANDREW**

 

 

''Andrew, is that you?'' I hear Betsy shout when I bang the door shut.Ugh, I can't deal with it.

  
I rush to my room upstairs, ignoring her call.

  
''Andrew?'' she says in a small voice getting out of her office, as I am about to enter my room.  
''Yeah.'' I say without turning around to look at her.

  
''Andrew what happened?'' Her voice getting softer and steadier now.Oh the good old Bee we know.

  
''Nothing.'' I reply out of instinct and then curse internally knowing that Bee knows, the abundant use of nothing was a definite clue that something sure as hell was wrong.

  
''Come to my office.'' I turn around about to tell her that she doesn't have to do this.I am not her patient anymore but she is already in her office.This woman.

  
''Bee..''  
''Close the door now.'' She says as I step into her office, but do as she says.She sits in her chair on the other side of her desk.

  
''Bee, listen.''  
''I know what are you gonna say.'' I raise an eyebrow at that, crossing my arms across my chest.Challenging or defensive.I don't know.

  
''Yes,you are not my patient, but you are my son.And I know talking helps you analyse what you are feeling.''

  
Son.That word.That word from her mouth always turns me soft like a fucking pastel pink cotton candy.Fuck.I throw my bag in the corner of the room and sag against the bookcase on my back.

  
''Now,'' she says smiling, ''Where is Neil?''

  
She sure knows where to poke.I feel the same anger, and all the ugly emotions I was trying to ignore, come all the way up to my mouth.

  
''How the fuck would I know?'' I don't try to lull the venom in my voice.It's Bee and secondly, she asked for it.I might as well go all the way.

  
''Okay.Do you wanna start from the beginning?'' she says calmly.I want to shout at her, tell her to fuck off.That I don't want to tell her anything.But she is right, talking to her does help me.And since..since lunch, I have been feeling hell lot of shit.Maybe she can help me sort out this.. whatever it is that's killing me.

Some part of me thinks, maybe.Maybe she'll curse Neil in my stead.Maybe she'll label him the bad one, so I don't have to fight myself over it.Maybe she would help me not feel guilty over blaming him, my best friend.

  
''Well,it's a long story,Bee,'' I say with a mocking tone.I always had a flare for mocking my misery. ''So get ready.Remember, Bee, I don't like parachutes.''

  
She knows that my stories were always undiluted, bitter, cold and merciless.She knows it, she knows I don't hide monsters.Whether it's in me or others.

  
She only looks at me with the strength that I recognize as Betsy's, the woman who I trusted when I had no one.The woman who gave me a home, instead of doubted my intentions or reasons.

  
''Well the day was going fine,'' I almost smile a pitiful smile.''We were joking, smacking each other's heads.Same old, same old.Oh and I am sure you know what I mean by 'we'.'' She nods so I began.Wanting it out, leaving me empty.Empty is okay to deal with.Once it's out in the open, I'll never have to carry it with me.It made sense.Nothing always made sense.

  
''So we separate during my History and his Maths.Right, you know that.So during the _tedious_ History lecture,'' I say dragging the tedious out.Mockery hides insecurities the best.My insecurities being my feelings. ''So as per routine, I wait for our favourite runaway's continuous messages, 'cause he thinks it's funny.Annoying me with useless puns during my class.But to all our surprise, I get no messages.'' I mock gasp.Never say I don't know how to tell a story  _.Cuz damn I am on fire._

  
''Suspicious right, Betsy?'' I swat my hand in air, showing I don't really care about a reply.''Knowing that he had a substitute teacher today that would ensure the constant nuisance of my message bell.But it doesn't ring.Me, being an _angel_ I am, trust it to be nothing probably,'' I say hating the words in my mouth.

  
''But that was the first clue.Neil is only unpredictable when he is busy being unreal.You know, a pipe dream.'' I laugh at the term I once coined for him when I was high.

  
''So the actual drama starts during lunch,'' I say rubbing my hands together.A good mask to hide their unhealthy shaking.I wish she doesn't notice.Knowing her, I know she does.

  
''I am waiting for him in the cafeteria, so we can buy our lunch and sit on _our_ table.But like I said, Mr. Neil had another surprise stored for us.'' I break in the middle of the sentence,'' Oh, Bee, our boy was full of surprises today and you know how much I dislike surprises that aren't cookies or black 'bitchin' Maserati.Oh wait.Lets apply some brakes.I think we are going of the track.'' I laugh at my car puns.

  
''Dislikes.Surprises.Yeah, Neil.'' I am hating his name.Stop hating him, a voice whispers.I ignore it for the moment.''So,he enters the cafeteria but...Listen closely Betsy, cuz this is where it gets interesting.'' I say moving closer to her.

  
''He enters but instead being alone as usual, he is walking arm in arm with Allison fucking Reynolds,'' I say screaming her name in fake joy, throwing my hands in the air for the drama. ''Yeah, exactly.You are probably thinking the same think,'' I say noticing her frown. ''Who the fuck is Allison Reynolds? Apparently, some pretty rick bitch.An interesting but annoying character in our story.''

  
''So, I do what someone rational accepts me to do.I mock him.'' I say wildly gesticulating during the whole conversation and pacing across the office.Movements, distractions.

  
''He mocks me back.I think _pft_ ,I'll ask him when we are sat on our table.So I am about to drag him away from an unimportant entity.When he surprises me again.He resists.'' One of the many things that killed me today.His resistance.I drag my mind out and into my mouth.More talking, less thinking.

I hate how patient and silent Bee always is. She would usually prod and direct the conversation but not today.Today I take the lead. I am a hero of my self-destruction,everyone.Please clap.

  
''Which confuses me, but he confuses me more by saying he'll be sitting with her during lunch.So I know, Neil.Give me some credit, Bee.'' I say even though she hasn't said a word to contradict me.It's not like this is not an elaborate soliloquy.

  
''I know he would rather put a knife in his throat then sit with her.So I let them be.Knowing and trusting him.'' I grimace at the words.Less thinking more talking.

  
''Knowing there has to be a reason behind it.But But but..fucking but Bee.'' I say feeling my voice shake.No no where is mockery? It's better than vulnerability.I swallow the treacherous emotions down. ''In short, I felt .. you could say territorial.I don't like changes.I don't like my best friend sitting with some unknown bitch.But it's fine,we have our sweet Renee to keep my attention.But my brain just won't listen to me.Another thing I hate, losing control.Is anyone surprised that in many years, it would be Neil Hatford who would make me lose it.'' I laugh, nope.

No surprise.He got under my skin and I let him.''I had to look at him.I don't know why.I didn't want to.He can sit with others,I know,I know, but I had to look at him.'' I say as if pleading.Asking her for confirmation.Tell me it's normal.Tell me everyone would do that in this situation.I hated being relatable but now I would kill to no I am not alone.Anything to not be a freak of my own feelings and thoughts.

  
''Thinking maybe, he hates it as much as I hate it being..away.What can I say, Bee, I am soft when it comes to him.But, our lover boy, is happy.Having time of his life.Laughing with her.He even looks fond.And I _don't_ understand it.'' I look at her, pointing with my hand.

  
''And you hate not understanding something.'' Completing for me.Repetition gets boring.

  
''Yes, thank you.So I look at him, I look at him and I can't fucking believe it.I mean sure you can have lunch with her,'' The say I say _her_ gives away how not fine it is. ''But tell me, explain it to.So I won't bother thinking, in what possible world he would intentionally have lunch with Allison Reynolds and enjoy.And it h--'' No I won't admit it.I won't admit that I gave him a weapon against me and he used it.The only reason I hated him with her was because I just couldn't understand why.No other reason.Nothing else makes sense.I had no other intentions.Simple.Easy.

  
''So I just look away when he looks at me.Childish I know.But oh well.So I shut my mind out.Tell myself he isn't important.He can do whatever he wants.But then I hear sound of chairs,them scrapping against the floor as someone gets out of them,'' Bee gets up from her chair.I point at her and say, ''Yeah, kinda like that.''

  
She moves around the desk, standing opposite to me now.I look at her suddenly nervous.My facade failing me.''So,'' I clear my throat.''Yeah, so I look in their direction and notice them getting out of their seats.Okay yes,I admit.Curiosity, cat whatever.Have I told you ,I don't like these idioms.''

  
''Yes, you say they are too wise for you.'' She says with a smile.

  
''Yeah whatever,so I did what any one would expect Andrew Dobson to do when is given a puzzle.I tried to solve it.'' Rolling my eyes as if it is the most obvious thing.Betsy nods like she knows. She knows,I don't care about things looked down upon by society, for example in this case eaves dropping.

  
''Well in my defense, I thought I would catch her threatening him or something,'' Raising my hands in mock surrender.She keeps looking at me calmly.

  
''But what I found, was the most surprising thing that has happened to me in the last three years.'' No. No, don't think about it.Less thinking, more talking.

  
''You know Betsy, how we know Neil doesn't swing.'' I can see the realization dawn on her.''Guess another fact about him that blurred in front of my eyes.Yes.Yes , Bee.They were making out.'' I didn't have to say, Bee understood it.I didn't have to say it.I wanted to say.Just know how did it feel like,saying it out loud.

  
My unattainable best friend, Neil Hatford, making out with Allison Reynolds.Ha,miracles happen every day.Hallelujah,sweet Renee.

  
''Are you sure?''  
I just raise my eye brow at that.''What I mean is, was it consensual?''

  
''Exactly, what I thought.I was about to kill her for touching him.Hating, thinking how she probably won't take a _No_.But trust me when I say this, Bee.It looked pretty consensual.When I say that I mean Neil looked pretty into it.'' Yes, wow.Who knew it would feel like this, saying it.Somehow I want to say it again and again.Visit the memory of him moaning in her mouth again and again.How he looked at me with lust in his eyes, but for her obviously.How it made me feel.

 _Amazing._ It's surprising how amazing I still am at self-destruction.

  
''How did that make you feel?''  
''Not important, Bee.Story has not ended yet.'' I ignore her.More talking, less feeling.''The rest of the day..was dull.I would say. I didn't know what to think.Maybe has been lying all these years.He was a pathological liar.Old habits die hard.But then I look at him and I can't bring myself to believe that.He tries making jokes and I hate how I can't even bother with a reply.How I can't make myself even look at him for more than a second.Hate how I am suddenly questioning every thing.Every thing.About him.About me.About us.This day is turning into a trip to wonderland, but he gives me normalcy by telling me we will go home together.Like always.'' How I hate that word.How he made me believe that word.

  
''How did it made you feel, Andrew?'' Her voice persistent.  
''Shhh, Bee. But that asshole,'' I let some bitterness slip.My story is a well baked desert, my words are measured ingredients.Not less, not more.And just a taste of bitterness to make them real.Make them sweeter somehow.

  
''That asshole had already, apparently, promised to go with her when he promised me, saying we'll go home together.'' He broke his promise.''I took his hand in mine,'' Clenching mine in a fist unconsciously,'' but he resisted.Again.Second time today.Now that's something I am not used to.''

Not saying he doesn't have a right, just that...

  
''How did it feel,Andrew?'' Same words, same voice.But somehow softer, somehow sharper.

  
''What that he broke his promise to me? That he would rather make out with her than come home with me?'' My voice rising with every question.I am losing it.I can't fake anymore.'' That he chose her over me?''

  
''How did it feel, Andrew?''  
''That he kissed her?'' I keep saying.

  
''How did it feel,Andrew?'' Bee's voice wet and shaky now.But still clear and booming.

  
''It fucking hurt,Mom.It hurt like hell.'' Here I go.I accept.I accept that I gave him the weapon and he left me bleeding.I knew it, I knew it he won't hesitate.That's why I chose him.But I can't help but remember his soft smiles, auburn-or recent purple- hair tousled in the morning.How he would bring me ice cream even though he hates it.How he would listen, listen and understand.Now tell me how could I have not trusted him?

  
''Oh, Andrew.'' Bee, puts her both hands on my shoulders.

  
''It hurt, Bee.'' My voice breaks and I notice she is crying.I wanted her to hate him in my stead not cry.

  
''You know,Andrew.'' she says it like a statement.Know what?

  
''You know why it hurt,Andrew.Don't you?''

  
No.No.No nonono.

  
''You know it, Andrew.'' Tears down her face

.  
''No, Bee.No fucking.Noo, Bee.'' I shout.Losing it.

  
But turn cold the instant, I know I can't deny it.''No.''

  
I stumble on my feet,Bee keeps me standing.I try removing her hand but somehow I can't seem to care much about that action.''No,Bee.No,Bee.It can't be happening.''

  
Bee looks at me like she just wants to protect me.Like she first did when she signed my adopting papers.

  
''My boy.My sweet boy.'' I am not sweet, she knows it,I don't know why she insists.

  
''No, you are not getting it ,Bee.I can't be one who destroys us.''

  
Whole day, I was blaming him.But no, it was my feelings getting in way.

  
''Yes, he should have told me.That's how far his liability in this friendship goes.That he should have explained it to me.But he can sit with her.He can discover his sexuality.He...He can kiss her.I have no fucking right to feel this way.'' I look at her, she is just shaking her head now.

  
''No, Bee.'' I say,earnestly. _Save me.Save me, Bee._

''I should support him. I should be a good friend.This day wouldn't have sucked as much as it did only if I just had been a good friend to him.''   
My...my feelings were the problem.I had somehow overstepped them.He must be so confused.I remember his expression when I left him in the parking lot.Fuck.

  
''No I won't let this happen.We won't fall apart because I couldn't keep myself...my feelings in check.Fuck this isn't some chick flick.The fuck?'' How could I be so stupid.Fuck.Hiding, masking the true extent of my feelings under the pretense that he is my best friend.

  
''Andrew!!!'' I hear his voice from downstairs.Fuck he is here.

  
I look at Bee, her shocked eyes dripping water.Since she has adopted me, I have rarely seen her cry.I hate to be the reason.So I lean in and kiss her cheek.Wiping her tears from her face.  
''I promise, Bee.I won't destroy this.'' Before she can say anything.I am out of the door.

  
''Andrew.'' he calls.

  
Down the stairs.

  
''Andrew, listen to me.Let me explain.''

  
''Later.''

  
Out of the front door.I bring my car keys out.

  
''Where are you going? Andrew!" He is angry.Or panicked. I can hear it in his voice. _I'll be back for you, Neil.But not right now._

  
''I have to tutor some kid.'' These are the last words I say, before I am back on the road.I watch him get smaller and smaller in the side view mirror.

  
'Wait for me, Neil.It will be fine.I'll make it fine.Even if I have to kill myself to do it.'

 

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI this is the first time Andrew has ever called Bee his mom.So yeah cry some more now/  
> Yes and the reason that allison and neil made a deal.Guys I told you its normal high school au the worse thing that can happen in high school is, someone daring to be different.So chillax no fucking drake.  
> Tell me what improvements i can make  
> and do share you povs.


	15. We are equally pathetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been trying to upload this chapter for 6 hours now.]  
> Ao3 was being a bitch   
> So enjoy?

ANDREW

 

I park my car and kill the engine.I still don't know what I am going to do about Neil but I'll probably think about it after I have had some sleep.

  
It was late than I had intended it to be.Guess, tutoring while too much shit is going on your mind proves to be difficult.I haven't even had a proper dinner, Aiden's mum had offered it.But I only found myself eating a bite or two without Neil.  
The front door was locked as it was late, so I opt for the back door instead.Bee must be asleep.

I trudge my way, pushing ugly shrubs away, to our backyard.I step on the porch to open the door.But the door opens itself revealing a very angry Neil Hatford.

  
''Don't you fucking dare.'' He says pushing me back.

  
''I can't bother with this, Neil.I just want to sleep.'' Which angers him more.

  
''Óh guess what, for the past six hours,I wanted to talk to you.So tough luck.'' Now that I notice. he looks like a mess.Hair more disheveled than usual as if he has been pulling on them.An old habit,I urged him to get rid of.His eyes look red, his body is shaking with anger. He has taken off his leather jacket and is in white anger looking button down shirt.

  
''Move away.'' I say sternly.Why am I being like this? I should listen to him, let him explain.There is no need to be difficult.

  
''You are such an asshole.'' He says punching my face.Wow I did not see that coming.

  
''You leave me here.. for god knows how many hours.Not even giving me a chance to explain.And now you think you can come here and pretend everything's fine.'' He pushes me further.

  
''I said move away, Neil.''

''Make me.'' I can feel my own anger bubbling up.The hurt, the betrayal.Everything.I try closing the cap, air tight.

  
''You look like a child, lashing out.'' I say, wiping the blood from my lip.  
''And wow, you look so mature keeping it all in.'' He pushes me further, instigating me.

  
We could've done it so many other ways, not this.Not now.I haven't figured anything out.And now he is in my face, demanding answers.Wanting to 'talk'.

  
He pushes me further away until my back hits the wooden pillar.'' Don't you look at me with that indifferent face.'' His elbow digging in my throat.I look at him and see him shaking with anger and...pain.I have never seen him look like this.  
''I have never asked you to change it, but for fuck sake's if you want me here, stop looking at me like you don't care.''

 _Want him here._ That's what's bothering him.He is right, when everyone used to find my blank expression scary or unnerving he had no issues with it.I don't know when I had started wearing this blank mask on my face again.But that's what's hurting him. _'Want him here.'_

  
Do I really want him here? He is being annoying.Stopping me from having my peace.And if I keep the my idgaf facade.If I don't let him in, he would go away.I know he would.

  
''Cuz I swear to God, looking at you like this, is killing me worse than not seeing you at all.''

  
His eyes burning.And the answer is there.

  
Yes I want him here.Yes I always want him here. I know he will go and sleep in his house.I know I won't be able to sleep knowing he is there alone.Or simply just not next to me.And that thought doesn't make me comfortable at all.In fact, it upsets me more.

  
So I relax my expression, erasing the nothingness.It's a calm, calm face and then it's anger.

  
So I hit him back.I hit back until we are both, off the porch and on the back yard.

  
''You think you have any right to come here demanding anything.'' Another punch.  
''Know this, Neil Hatford,'' I bring him close by holding the front of his shirt.'' I don't care about liars.I don't care about people who break their promises.''

  
And I see the moment it hits him.I see the moment it hurts him.And I see the moment he pushes me away and hits me back.  
''Fuck you, Andrew.Fuck you.'' Another punch but I throw him away.

  
''Sorry to disappoint.But not interested anymore.''

  
Which fuels him more.I have always replied with something snarky and dirty whenever he said that.And my comment now, is a contradiction to that.  
He punches me, even goes as far as kicking me in the shin.Childish.But a child that has me on the ground now.

  
He falls on his knees as I rise on my elbows.''It was all for you, you idiot.'' That stops me.His voice is shaking now.''Ás if I have done anything for anyone else.'' He says scoffing.

  
Instead of placating me, it angers me more.Another hit on his face.''I never asked you for anything.How many times I have told you to stop being a fucking martyr.'' Cuz no matter what, no matter what it doesn't explain the kiss.

  
''So what did she threaten to do? Cut mt nails? Give me a make up?" I know I am mocking him.But I can't help.I'll think about the gravity of his words later.

  
We could've sat down like fucking people and discussed it, but no.I have to taunt him and he has to punch me.

  
''Oh shut it.She knew I would do anything for you.'' He punches me in the stomach.I crouch, still on my knees.He pulls my face up from my hair to make me listen to him.I would have broken him for violence, if he was not hurting, himself, even more than me.

''She said someone knew something about you.That it would hurt you if anyone found out.'' He shouts.''Obviously I said no.I don't care, I know we are stronger together.But-but she knew what to say.She knew I cared so fucking much about you, and she used it.''

  
''Don't you dare throw it on me.I don't care if you do it for me or for fucking Obama.At least, tell me beforehand.Don't fucking lie to me.'' He almost looks livid on that.I know he hates being called a liar.I know it was his past habit that he had needed to survive.I know he has given it up long ago for me.

  
''I didn't fucking lie to you.'' Another punch.Now he is pining me on the ground.'' My phone died.I thought I would say no to her, but she just asked me for a fucking lunch.I don't care about one lunch if it keeps me from hurting you.''

  
''Now look where that got us.'' His fucking phone,obviously he wouldn't have charged it.

  
''And you did lie.You said we would go home together and then,'' I steady my voice.''Ánd instead, you went with her.But do tell me, Neil,'' I ask lifting my head, so it's inches away from his. ''Did you have fun at least? Alone? With her? ''

  
He leaves my hands to punch me again.I punch him in his ribs back.He straddles me.More angry than ever.I hate it.I hate this constant buzz of my heartbeat.I hate how even though we are shouting, our voices break.How we are so miserable and look so close to tears, but we still hurting each other.I hate being vulnerable but worse, I hate seeing him vulnerable.

  
''I wasn't having fun.'' He says fun as if it's the most vile thing ever.'' She promised me she will tell me who was it in the off time.I hadn't known that when I promised you about going home together.'' A punch.

''Because I forgot.'' Another punch.I hold his hands in mine.Pulling him closer.''Because I was so fucking happy to be with you again.''

And it hit me worse than his punches.I remember that.I remember being happy even hopeful, when he had come running to me by my car.

''You weren't talking to me whole day.Silent like I was not even fucking there.''

I had too much going on in my mind that I couldn't share with him.

  
''So what was it? What was it that she promised to tell you?''

  
His whole body sags at that.''It was all for nothing.Apparently, you being gay should've broken hell.'' So I punch him harder now.

  
''Great, go trust a bitch,instead of me.'' I get on top of him now, he fights back .But I am angry.Angry because the whole day had been nothing but many misunderstandings, piled on each other.

  
''And the kiss? Was that part of the deal too? Cuz you have to know, I'll kill her for using me for it.And then you, for putting me in such situation.''

  
''No, no it was not part of the deal.'' I don't know if it's relief flooding my body or disappointment.Suddenly, all of the fight goes out of me.Leaving me sore and tired.He uses that to roll over me and push me down.And I let him.It should've bothered me.It should've bothered me a lot.Letting him pin me down.But that's the thing.I trust him.I trust this asshole so fucking much.

  
''Then why?''

  
Why? Why after all these years?Why her? Why...why not me?

  
''It was not because of her.'' I can't help but laugh at that.It was more self-deprecating than humourous.

  
''Know it.'' He leans closer.His eyes pining me down.Like the butterfly's wings, that I had seen in our Biology's lab.''Know it, that it wasn't because of her.''

  
I want to believe him.I want to.So I let him have the benefit of doubt.Remembering my earlier promise to Bee.I have to be a good friend now.I have to help him understand his sexuality.I have to support him, despite my feelings.

  
''Then who?'' He looks suprised by that question.His eyes suddenly questioning.He looks at temple then my cheeks.Then his eyes stop at my lips before he looks back at my eyes again.  
He is so silent that it scares me for a bit.I think maybe he knows.Maybe he knows my secret too.Maybe he can see it, he can see it in my urgency to know.In me getting unnecessarily hurt over it all.

  
''Just let me keep that to myself.Just for some while until I figure out what to do with it.You know I tell you everything,'' He does, so do I.Except for this new found secret.He brings his hand to my face and brushes his fingers on jaw.It hurts, I think I may have a bruise there.''Just give me some time.''

  
I nod my head.''Take it.''  
Even though it hurts me.''Take your time.''

  
''Figure it out.'' Even though it's not me.''I'll be there for you.''

  
This comforts him, because he falls like a log on me now.Leaving my hand and lying on top of me.I bring my hand to his hair and massage it.  
We lay there for I don't know how long.Numb bodies with numb minds.

  
''You said we won't be each other's weakness.'' He mumbles against my chest.I think I should've pushed him away, given my new revelation about my feelings for him.But I had no energy to deny myself the peace he brought with him.

  
''I did.'' Today was an epic example where we both had forgotten that.  
'''Lets not forget it again.'' He promises me.

  
''Oh shit,'' he says realizing something and gets off me fast.Crawling far away .''I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I know sorry doesn't make up for it.Fuck how could I forget it?How could I do this? Fuckfckfuck.''   
''Neil!!" I shout at him.Removing his hands from his hair.''What are you sorry about?'' His panic, setting fire to my protective streak.That lives in me to kill anyone who dares hurt him.

  
''I..'' He looks so pained.More pained than before,guilty.'' I touched you.You had said no and I touched you.''

  
Which increases the panic and self hatred more in his eyes.''Hey,Neil.Stop.''

  
I tell him that firmly, by pulling him closer by my hand on his neck.''When did I say that?''  
''In the park-parking lot.'' He keeps looking down as if I would start hating him now.That I would tell him to leave.Tell him that he was just like them.

  
''Neil.Look at me.'' He shakes his head.''Look at me, idiot.'' I squeeze his neck to get my point through.He lifts his head slowly.His eyes hesitant.Oh fuck it.I can't take that guilty look any longer.  
''Listen, it was a no then.It's a yes now.You know this,'' Maintaining our feeble eye contact, I tell him.'' You know, it's always a yes with you.Until I tell you it's not.I would've broken your fingers if it was a no.''

He knows that,'' And I would've let you.''

I know that too.He looks at me a little longer and then says,

''Don't say that though.''  
''What?'' I ask, confused.

  
''Always.Don't trust me.'' he says, voice shaking but sure.''I broke it today.Don't trust me again that easily.''

  
How stupid can he be? I am telling him, in whole of the fucking universe, one boy I find attractive can touch me when he wants and he is telling me that I shouldn't trust him.

  
''I already do, you idiot.''  
''You shouldn't.'' Now I get it, he is worried about his sexuality.Knowing that he didn't swing had been one of the many things that had made it easy for me to let him touch me.And now he was confused so he thinks he doesn't deserve to touch me now.An idiot, if you ask me.

  
I pull him in,closer.Our lips merely apart.''Then resist.''  
I remembered his resistance in the morning and how it had hurt.His resistance had hurt, but also had me made me realize that he was not mine.That no matter how I comfortable I got in my mind,thinking him mine.He was not.

  
''I can't.I don't want to.''  
''Then don't ask me to not trust you.'' Me,asking him to resist and him asking me not trust him, were not same things at all.Just their answers were.

  
''I trust you, Neil.And that's my choice.''

  
I looked at him until he understood it.He brought his hand closer to my face.Slower than ever.''Is it a yes?''  
I nodded.He touched my cheek and I tried very hard to not nuzzle into his touch.He lifted himself so that his lips were at level with my forehead.''A yes?'' he asked.  
''Yes.'' I'll say it as many time he needs to hear it.He kisses my forehead with the lightest touch and then settles back to smile at me.I had missed that smile, no matter how small it was now.

  
''Did you eat?''  
''Not properly,'' he answers looking at his hand in mine.''How pathetic right?'' He asks.''I can't even eat without you.''

  
''It's okay.I am equally pathetic.'' He looks at me surprised, relaxing further by every second and smiles.  
''See, I am irresistible.'' I can't but laugh at his cheeky expression.

  
''As irresistible as a mosquito.Every time you see it, you want to kill it.''  
''Oh fuck off.'' He says smiling brighter.

  
''Later.Let's eat something.''  
We both stand up helping each other and groaned as our muscles screamed at us.  
''You didn't have to hit so hard,'' He complains.  
''You started it.''

  
Fuck we are 12 year olds.But it still comforts me.  
I don't have to worry about him suddenly wanting to kiss people.I don't have to worry about me wanting him more than a normal friend would.

  
We are Neil and Andrew.  
Our limits were always different than others.Our secrets.Our affection.Even our anger.

  
We are different but similar in our feelings.So the confusion and indecisiveness that reigns over us now,we will deal with it.Like we deal with everything else.

  
Together.

  
****

 

''Microwave he dinner while I bring some antiseptics.'' Neil shouts, as I move towards the kitchen and he to the bathroom.  
I open the fridge and happy to find foil covering some Chinese.Thank you, Bee.

  
I put it in the oven and move my shoulders.Trying to get some kinks out.I turn around when I hear footsteps behind me.  
Neil walks in looking at some stuff in the first aid kit.And something in me blooms.Just the sight of him in my house, moving casually, makes me feel this gay.Fuck, how did I not realize it soon.I am head over heels for this boy.

  
''C'mon sit over the counter.'' His voice me breaks me out of my miserable day dreaming.''Hello.'' Waving his hand in front of my face.

  
''Yeah yeah I am not deaf.'' I swat his hand away.

  
''What? Are you telling me you lied to me when we first met?''  
''That has gotten old ages ago.Stop mocking me for it.''

  
''Sorry I still can't get over how you pretended to be deaf to get out of having to socialize with me.''

  
''I can not hear youuuuu..!!'' I sing song to block him out, while I struggle to sit on the counter.Maybe it would've been better, I wouldn't have to hear his cocky voice.

  
''What,deaf again?''He looks at me cheekily, while I just give him the énd-it-or-I'll-end-you face.

  
''Okay Okay I'll stop,'' He chuckles loudly.Good.Good sound.Shhh not because I like him but in a 'I am just happy that my friend is laughing again'.

  
He adds some antispetic on the cotton and dabs it on a bruise on my face.I try not to flinch.  
His eyes get serious with every wound.''I'm sorry.''  
''Don't.'' We both say at the same time.

  
''No stop it.It was consesual.I hit you too.''  
''But we have never fought.Hit each other in anger or anything.Friendly spars, yeah sure.But not this.''

  
''I know.It's okay.'' I take the cotton from his hand and start dabbing it on his wounds.''It was our _first real_ fight.'' I mock him, trying to light up the mood.''So we didn't know what to do.We will probably work it out better next time.Though I do hope there is no next time.''

  
He nods empathetically.''As we are apologizing, I am sorry I left you in the parking lot.''  
I know it had hurt him.I could see it on his face but at that time I didn't care.

  
He nods,taking the dab back again.''I am sorry I broke my promise.''  
''I am sorry for not knowing how far was I supposed to let things hurt.'' What I don't say is,I am sorry for falling deeper.I am sorry for crossing the lines of friendship, without you even knowing it.

  
''I am sorry for not trusting you, I should've come to you first.'' He looks over my face, looking for more bruises when he finds none, he picks up my hands.And finds a new cotton to dab at them.  
''I am sorry for not trusting you too.I should've waited for you to come to me.''  
When he is done with my hands.I pick another cotton and put it on his knuckles now.

  
''I am sorry for not being able to tell you about the kiss.'' My hand stops at that, then I urge them to move again.  
''Yeah,I am sorry too.'' For keeping my feelings a secret.

  
''Now that we are done with our apologies and treating our bruises, lets eat.I am starving.''

  
Neil groans at that,''Same.''  
I pull him close, his hips between my legs.And kiss his forehead.''Idiot.''

  
He touches his forehead with mine, smiling all the way.Content.

  
I look at him and realize that I am content too.With just this.With just him.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do share you thoughts..  
> (I have written this sentence 10 times now)  
> All the places that I slanted have gone now..So I cant bother again forgive me


	16. Pancakes in the easy mornin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late update.Thank you for all your comments in my last chapter.  
> Comments always makes me write more as they remind me why I am writing in the first place,  
> I was having problems with skipping weekend or not as I did not have much stroy for it.But skipping it felt weird so I added a short version of it.so enjoy?!?!?

''Stop!'' Andrew shouted as he ran after Neil. '' I'll kill you if you touch my pancakes.''

  
Neil's laughter echoed in the hallway, along with Andrew's footsteps as he followed him.

  
Andrew caught up to Neil, catching the back of his shirt in his hand.Neil let out a scream as Andrew pulled him back.He stood on his toes and leaned in.

''Don't you know,Neil. After all these years, don't you know already that,''Andrew whispered in his ear,''That you can't run from me.That I'll always catch you.'' He heard Neil gasp which Andrew used as his advantage to push him out of the way and ran to the bar stool in front of the counter.He wasted no time and started digging in the stack of pancakes Bee was piling in the plate.  
''C'mon Neil. What are you waiting for?'' He said with the food in his mouth, pretending as if they hadn't run from Andrew's room to the kitchen for the first batch of pancakes.Neil just scoffed in response, taking his time making his way to Andrew and sat on Andrew's right.Waiting for his turn.

  
''Oh,were you a little late.Lucky me, I got the first batch.'' Andrew said with a fake sympathy.Adding chocolate, syrup and cream on his pancakes, smirking all the way to annoy Neil.  
''Yeah yeah, fuck off.''  
''Tsk tsk, Neil.Such foul language in front of my sweet mom.Shame on you.'' Andrew shot Neil a disgusted look.

  
''Mom? When did that happen?'' He asked looking at Bee.He was happy to hear Andrew say that.He knew what it meant for both of them.  
Bee smiled at him and then at Andrew.Andrew looked at her, and then rolled his eyes at the fond expression on her face.Bee just smiled wider at that, ruffling his hair.Andrew's response was a weak, 'I am not a freakin teddy bear.Stop treating me like one, Woman.''

  
Neil laughed at that taking his turn ruffling Andrew's hair.'' Aww isn't he cute.'' Neil cooed at Andrew which aggravated him more.

  
''Yeah he is.Like a cute koala.'' Bee added.  
''Or a kitten threatening you with it's tiny paws,'' Neil said pointing at Andrew's raised fork which he was holding as a warning.

  
''I am ignoring you both pecaefully.'' He said taking a bite of his pancake/sugary mess.  
Bee and Neil just looked at each other and Aww'd together.Andrew groaned at that.Smacking his head at the counter dramatically.

  
But that just made them laugh more.Neil even thought of pinching Andrew's cheek but he thought it was taking it too far.Maybe some other day.  
''And to answer your question,'' She said adding pancakes in Neil's plate. _Finally,_ he thought.

'' It was yesterday in between his angry I-don't-know-what-Neil-is-doing rant.''  
''Beee.!!!!'' Andrew looked so betrayed at that.

  
''What?'' Neil looked at both of them expecting a response.Neil knew Andrew had been angry, so it's probable that he would have talked to Bee.He just wanted to know the details.He was always curious about whatever information he could get about Andrew.Wanting to know him through and through.

  
''One word, Bee.And I am walking out of the kitchen.'' Andrew shot Bee a look.

  
''Oh shut it.By the looks of your horrible faces, I guess you guys sort your issue out.'' We both looked down or away at that, weirdly embarrassed.Neil even touched a bruise on his face.It felt like they were being reprimanded by their mother for kicking and fighting in the mud.  
''So don't feel embarrassed,Andrew,'' Andrew looked as if he was about to debate.But Bee stopped him and smirked at me.'' Neil was actually worse than you.''

  
''No.!!!'' Neil growled painfully.Now he could understand how betrayed Andrew must have felt a moment ago.  
'''He was whining so much.Repeating 'I want to talk to him.''When will he be back?' 'Bee,from when is he tutoring people.?'' Bee said mocking Neil's voice making it sound extremely more annoying than it was.

''God I thought my head might explode if I was him sulk in every corner of this house one more second.So I chose to stay in my room for the rest of the evening.'' She said rolling her eyes exasperatedly.  
''It was so not like that.'' Neil muttered petulantly.Stabbing his pancake with the fork.

  
Andrew just laughed and roasted him with Bee.Neil looked at them and realized,'It was okay.'

  
He got why she brought it up.It was because she was testing waters in her own way.Learning how deep the matter ran.Were we avoiding it? Did it still hurt? Could we leave it in past and laugh over it?  
Neil appreciated it and cringed for the next 10 minutes as Andrew and Bee started mocking his various habits.Jumping from one to another.Like when he couldn't care less about cutting my hair as always and ending up shaving his hair.And had to be the subject of their mockery.Andrew has started calling him 'My kinder joy' lovingly.And many other euphemisms for the word oval, egg or bald.

Or when in the start Neil had almost fainted because he always forgot about eating food.Like literally it started from mocking his whininess from a day before and ended on his malnourished pathetic ass three years back.  
''Okay...'' Neil said in a loud voice, interrupting their play on how-to-humiliate-Neil-in-fastest-50-ways.''Back to the most important question,''

  
They both looked at Neil, waiting.Good he had their interest.''When _did_ you started tutoring?''

  
Bee opened her mouth at that and agreed.''Yeah what's this that I am hearing about? My son tutoring some poor troubled soul?'' She put her hand on her heart and wiping fake tears from the other.  
''I never knew I would live to see such day.'' Bee, she really was something.Neil thought laughing at her antics.

  
''Oh it was nothing.After Mr. Olsen's physic's period, I was walking towards my locker room that a boy stopped me .'' Andrew explained and Neil couldn't help but listen.Andrew had never bothered with anyone to give a second glance, much less tutor them on a Friday evening.  
''He was shy and awkward.Kept pushing his hair out of his eyes.Mumbling shit in his mouth.In short, he annoyed me pretty quick.So I kinda shouted at him to speak faster and get his shit together.'' Bee gave Andrew the look.''I know. I know, Bee.But I was just not in the mood.'' She just nodded at that, understanding.And Neil  tried ignoring the pang of guilt in his chest.Knowing he had been the reason of Andrew's foul mood.

  
Andrew took his hand under the counter without breaking the eye contact with Bee.He squeezed it as if warning Neil of his thoughts.Neil just turned his hand around and clasped their fingers together, telling him that  he was fine.That he will try not blaming himself.Neil thought he would let his hand go when he continued with the story but Andrew didn't.  
''Well his name was Aiden.He told me how he was a nerd and then got sick and missed some classes.But now he had lost his glasses so he had to wear contacts and had gotten some hair cut,'' he explained motioning with her free hand towards his hair.'' And whole crowd went La La over him.Tbh, he was good looking.'' Neil ignored that comment and the weird pause it brought for him.He remembered Allison mentioning a boy like that. ''Well, he said that he needed tutoring for Physics and I was the only person in the list of students volunteering for tutoring who hadn't hit on him yet.''  
''When had you volunteered for tutoring?'' Neil asked.  
Andrew turned towards him to answer.''Don't you remember once Ms.Gonzalez had almost blackmailed me into it.Saying I should be willing to help others, spread knowledge or whatever.'' I nodded at that.It had been almost comical seeing Andrew being lectured by how he was excellent in his studies and it would help him get extra points if he tutored students.And Andrew respecting Ms. Gonzalez as he did had not been able to say anything.

  
''Yeah you had agreed knowing no one would dare ask you to tutor them.'' Neil pointed out.

  
Andrew agreed by nodding and pointing his fork at Neil.''Until Aiden. Bee,he looked so awkward, explaining how he was a nobody but now girls wouldn't leave him alone.They were being persistent in trying to engage him in pointless activities and conversations, ignoring his _No_.He did not want to spend time with them, away at his home after that.Well that made me ask for his number, telling him I'll contact him to see if I could help him.You wouldn't believe he almost squealed with joy.It was funny.''  
''So how was it?'' Bee asked.Eating her own pancakes now.Neil felt awkward at the idea of Andrew hanging out with someone else but he didn't mind it.Meaning Andrew could do what he wanted.Neil had no control over him.Right. _Right?_

''A mess.I couldn't concentrate and he had his test on Monday.'' He squeezed Neil's hand again to stop him from thinking anything bad about himself.''But he was patient.Even requested to try today, on Saturday, if I was not feeling well.He even agreed when I asked him to not touch me even accidentally.He had been nothing but respectful, so I thought I owed him enough.So four hours in a row, and I had explained to him whole chapter about thermodynamics.''

  
He finally let Neil's hand go to cut his pancake and started chewing them.His story was apparently over.The conversation flowed from Neil's Maths class, to Bee's new colleague.  
All in all, it was a pleasant morning after a horrible yesterday.

  
Neil and Andrew took this weekend, fitting against each other.Talking, sharing, bickering.Getting comfortable with the routine.Assuring themselves that it was just a day.A day that had passed.

  
Later on Sunday's after noon when they were supposed to be watching something.But had given up on the idea in exchange of lying on Andrew's bed,lazing around and listening to Andrew's playlist in the background.

They decided to spend the whole day just lying next to each other.Some times talking, other just enjoying being close to the person they held dear.

  
_''I don't care what's in your hair.''_

  
Andrew caressed his fingers through Neil's hair.Massaging his scalp.Their conversation had lulled to a soft hum of familiarity and comfort that existed between boys when they were next to each other.Neil had turned on his side to look at Andrew, staring back.A smile still hidden around his lips somewhere.

  
_''I just wanna know what's on your mind.''_

  
Neil's mind had always been keys and locks for Andrew.Sometimes he had found the keys himself, some times Neil handed them to him.And sometimes, though rarely, Neil would pretend there was no key, appearing as if Andrew would never be able to open that lock.That was the time Andrew struggled with understanding what was going through Neil's mind the most.And he had succeeded in unlocking it.

Either by doing something for Neil that was sometimes casual for Andrew or sometimes important for him.And unintentionally Neil would himself, open the door for him.Without telling him why or how.And smile, just like he was right now.

  
_''I used to say I wanna die before I am old.''_

  
Andrew inched closer.And looked at Neil with so much intensity that Neil's throat felt dry.Neil knew Andrew had struggled with the idea of growing old.Neil himself had.Both of them had doubted they would ever be able to live a normal life.Be carefree.Without looking over their shoulders.Have someone to be this intimate with.Just live.

  
_''But because of you I might think twice.''_

  
Andrew rested his head against Neil's, closing his eyes.Andrew knew it was stupid and impossible to think someone as the sole reason of their life.But he couldn't still help considering Neil one of those reasons that kept him alive.Andrew had found himself wanting another day,another month, another year with him.He had been okay with the now he had with Bee before Neil.But Neil had him wishing for more and more every time.Neil had been dangerous.But Andrew made him home instead.

Now Andrew could not imagine a life without Neil.Now he could imagine waking up years from now, Neil by his side.Bickering, being his annoying self, sharing cigarettes.Maybe have a cat or two and just being content with it.Content and alive.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song mentioned is 'We don't believe what's on T.V' by twenty one pilots.  
> And now I have next chapters figured out so expect an update soon.  
> Do leave comments..i LOve reading them


	17. Renison (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to finally write about renison..so yayayya  
> enjoy!

**RENEE**

 

Monday had come too slow.I have been itching to see Allison.I did go as far as finding her home address just to see her.But changed my mind at last moment, thinking it was taking it too far.And if I had gained anything in this new life of mine, it was patience.

  
I enter the changing rooms and notice her standing in the corner with her friends.Laughing loudly.It made my blood boil and hand form fists.How dare she laugh that carefree after messing with my friends like that?

  
My roots had gotten blurry living with Stephanie but I hadn't forgotten them.I couldn't. It was a muscle memory wired over and over again.My first instinct was always attack when hurt and then third or forth to forgive.I was not feeling particularly kind today.Especially not when it came to Andrew and Neil.I had noticed how much Neil being with her had messed up Andrew's mind.When he had come from seeking them out at the end of the break.I had lost my mind by how hurt he had looked.I had promised myself that I would protect Andrew when we were in the foster system.That I would not let anyone touch this boy.But then I hadn't been there for him and when we had met again.He had changed too much.I had too.But somehow it felt like I had failed him.And Neil...I had been furious at Neil but I had known there _was_ something.I wouldn't have trusted Neil with Andrew if I didn't know that he was absolutely as crazy about Andrew as Andrew was about him.

  
God help me, so I would not murder this woman today.I have come too far to lose my redemption, just because of a high school queen bee.

  
The changing room after P.E was thinning out.It was only her friend and Allison now.So I moved from the corner where I stood to her and tapped her shoulder.She turned around and looked at me.First it was annoyance on her face, then surprise as she recognized me.Probably wondering why in all those years this is the first time I approached her.

  
The first memory Renee had of her was two years back.When Allison had been staring at her from across the class.And when the class had ended she had stopped me just to tell me that she liked my hair.She had raised her hand and almost touched them.Before she could her attention had diverted to a cut on my cheek.Neil did fight dirty.She had stopped for a moment and then moved away.

  
Like I had told boys, she didn't add up.She was too contradicting.She would talk to boys stupidly.I had to hear her being absolutely petty with her on and off boyfriend, Seth, whenever she sat behind me in class.But then once I was helping our teacher sought out some papers and I had seen her essay on economy.It had been nothing but intelligent.She would pass hurtful comments at everyone in class but also clench her fingers on the table when someone looked down on mentally ill people.She had been shit scared of Neil but then stood there like she meant it.

  
She would do something like she did with Neil but then also leave me a cute light pink band aid for my cut.Which had matched my hair.

  
''Oh,you are Renee, right?'' She asked her grey eyes wide.

  
I clenched my fingers, even hating her voice.''Yeah and I need to to talk to you alone.''

  
I did not even bother with pointing with head towards her friend.I just kept looking at Allison.

  
She looked awkward but hid it within seconds _.Seems like you are too good at hiding,Allison_.

  
''Hey could you excuse us for a moment...'' She was saying that to her friend but all I could see was her.

  
As soon as I heard the door close, I had Allison pinned against the locker.My one hand around her neck, other gripping her arm to keep her still.''Now let's get down to the business, shall we?''

  
''What?!" She choked, her nails digging in my hand as she tried to loosen my grip on her.

  
''You know exactly what I am talking about.'' I said keeping the venom there just to be detected, but not enough to be tasted.I will not kill her yet.I do have become merciful.She deserves a warning first.She has to know I will destroy her if she even dared look at what's mine again.Andrew and I worked similarly, we saw threat against our loved ones.We eliminated it.Neil was different, he talked with his fists but he was lenient too.

  
''Renee.Please, what are you talking about?'' I never thought I would hear Allison Reynolds beg.Maybe she is not begging Renee Walker, maybe she is begging Natalie Sheilds.She should be.

  
''About your bet.'' I spit the word out.''How could you be so stupid to bet on such a petty thing.'' God I could break her neck.The neck on which she holds that head of her high.''Everyone is not your toy,Allison.'' I spit and spit at her.

I should be scared of myself.I should be scared how easily I could give in to my past.But I still remember Neil's face when I visited him while he was waiting for Andrew at his house on Friday.He had told me what had happened.He had looked so miserable thinking Andrew would never forgive him.And that, had lit a fire inside of me.I had contacted Dan and others finding out why she had taken an interest in Neil after all this time.

  
''Bet?'' She asked confused.''About Neil?''

  
''Yes about Neil.'' I pressed her further in.A little twist and a quiet snap.And the last thing she would she was my face.

  
''Oh, it was just a harmless bet.''  
''Harmless? You made a bet with your asshole of a boyfriend to see if you could get Neil to kiss you.How can you be like this?How can your stupid minds come up with something like this?''

  
''Hey, listen to me.'' She said craning her neck to get a breath in.'' He had humiliated me in front of the whole cafeteria.I had to uphold my reputation somehow.''

  
''Don't make me hit you,Allison.Because I will.And I would make sure you can't hide it with your make up too.''

  
''Renee, '' she tried placating me. Didn't she know? I was beyond that point.That I had left my cross in my locker today.''I didn't force Neil.He kissed me himself.''

  
''Oh, did he now.So are you telling me he didn't try pushing you away.''

  
''Well he did but..''

  
''And he didn't tell you that he didn't swing.''

  
''Oh now that's a lie...''

  
''Or that it was a No.'' I said bruising her neck and her arm.She loves jewelery right.Good.She would wear the necklace of my hand prints on her neck for a few days.

  
''Oh please.No one tells Allison Reynolds no.And to be honest I did not even hear a single no, you wanna know why,'' She said with fire in her eyes,'' Because his tongue was in my mouth.'' She ended up smirking after that.Why did she clung onto her spine so strongly? This is someone who would travel to hell just because someone told her she couldn't. I hated people like her.Refusing to bow,even when they knew it was better for them.

I pushed her towards me to twist her arm around her back.

  
''Did he really seem into it? Or did he seem confused?'' She looked pained, struggling against me.''You would know what a _no_ is, not by hearing someone say it.But when you are repeating it again and again and no one hears it.No one bothers with it.'' She went slack at that.

  
I pushed her back in the locker, letting go of her.Her eyes wide and full of tears.''Don't come near them again.Cuz you wouldn't know what hit you if you did.I would break you down physically, mentally, socially and emotionally.Don't think I'll hesitate.It's not a threat.It's a promise.''

  
I didn't look back at her as I stormed out of the room.If I had stayed a little longer, I would lose a part of me that I had struggled so hard to nurture and keep.I won't lose myself but I also won't hesitate is she dared repeat her antics again.

  
****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMGG I LOVE RENEEEE
> 
> i was curious what you thought about Aiden as no one commented on that  
> i am so pumped up i wanna keep writing


	18. Your skin distracts me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorri for being late..  
> Enjoy!?

**NEIL**

''C'mon, Andrew.Stop playing this game.'' I whine, but it falls on deaf ears because Andrew is so absorbed in that stupid game of his.He has been playing it continuously since Monday and it's mid week now.It's beyond annoying.

  
So I wait for the game to end and snatch the phone out of his hand.''Hey!!'Give it back, or I'll punch you.in the face.''

  
''No.'' I say smirking at him, raising my hand higher.And he is too proud to jump even though he does try his best to bring my arm lower.

We are standing in our school's hallway.We are the only ones here, as we bunked our class.The other classes will be over in five minutes.

  
''Neil.'' He says sternly.  
''Andrew.'' I say it back but add tinge of whininess in it.''C'mon I am bored without you.You have been playing this stupid game for two days now.''

  
Andrew's eyes soften at that and I allow myself to feel happy for a second until it's squashed by Andrew's next words.''Nice try.Guess what?'' he said leaning closer.  
Suddenly all of my focus zeroes in on his face being a couple of inches apart from mine.His hazel eyes boring into mine.He looks as he always does, his lips burning and his eyes cold.  
He puts his hand on my chin to bring my face closer to his.''What?'' I whisper back.  
''That I don't care.'' he says snatching the phone from my hand.

  
I let out a idignant scream.''Hey!! That's cheating.''  
''No it's not.That's the rule _n_ _umero_ _uno_ , Neil.'' He says smirking.While I try calming my heart that went haywire from his momentary closeness. _Stop it_ , I wanted to whisper to it. _Stop it._

  
''Never let yourself get distracted in a fight.'' He says smiling cheekily.And all my sassy comebacks are lost.So I just move closer to him, he looks surprised for a second but then challenging.I take another step, we would be touching if he does not choose to move back.And he does not. Now he looks like the world has tilted a bit.

  
I lean closer to his face, pressing my one hand on his side.Leaning closer until my lips are almost touching his ear.I don't now why I am this compelled to be closer to him.But after that Friday, all I can seem to do, is be closer to him.I want to touch him every second of the day.I want him looking at me more than ever.I am familiar with this urge for three years, but now it feels like my body is on fire whenever I am near him and I just want to burn him too.I want to see how would he react.Would he move away? Or would he come closer, wrapping his arms around me.Waiting and daring the fire to swallow us whole.

  
''But, Andrew.'' I whisper.I don't even recognize my voice.He has gone silent.I am thinking I may have crossed some sort of line, until a hand grabs my hoodie over my waist.Holding me there. ''How can I not be distracted when it's you.'' I hear him take a shaky breath.

  
This is the moment where I would usually say something funny and annoy him.This is where I would turn it all funny.But it was never funny.Me, wanting to be this close to him, stopped being funny.I don't know when.All I know is I don't want to hide my intentions anymore.I want...I want him--

  
I don't have time to see his reaction as the bell rings loudly and taking both of our attention with it. Students start piling out of their classes.I move away.But with resistance, painstakingly, and slowly.

  
But he has turned his face away.Away for me to see what's on it.Before I can make any movements to turn his face towards me, a voice calling his name distracts me.  
''Andrew!" We both turn to look at the boy calling his name.Is it stupid that I respond every time someone calls his name?

  
The voice belongs to a lanky boy, in his stripped shirt and black unzipped hoodie.He keeps balancing his glasses, looking shy when he notices that I am there too.''Oh.Hello, Neil.''

  
He starts figdetting with his sleeves.God, he is so many movements at that same time.

  
''Yes, Aiden.'' Andrew asks, with a cool voice when he notices I wouldn't reply _this_ _Aiden's_ greetings.I don't know why but this guy just being here annoys me.I was about to ask him or talk to him.I don't know anything to know it wasn't only me.It was supposed to be our time.

  
But Andrew is looking at him.It surprises me.How indifferent and blank he looks when is he around someone else.His expression is as empty as the space you try grabbing with our hands in the dark.To hold something, anything.

  
''Yes, I just wanted to say,'' He says rummaging through his bag, his voice hesitant.If his consistent and panicked looks my way are anything to go by, then he is not comfortable with me being around.Meaning he is comfortable being with Andrew when they are _alone_.

  
I taste that thought and find it disconcerting in my mouth.I keep studying Andrew's steady gaze on him.Now the thought just turned bitter.I move a little closer to stand behind Andrew almost instinctively,eyeing our subject.He brings out some paper in his hand giving it to Andrew.

  
He keeps looking my way, as if distracted by my presence when he wants to only talk to Andrew. _Sorry,man.We are packed deal._

  
''I did amazing at my test, all thanks to you.'' His movements and expressions quiet down a little.A small smile on his face, as he watched Andrew studying his paper.

  
''You got last few wrong.'' Andrew says. Aiden looks down almost embarrassed and then he looks at me to look back at Andrew.''Yeah I skipped last few pages and slept.And,'' Another look my way.'' The questions seemed confusing.''

  
He looked my way again.''Okay you know what.I'll leave.If you look at me one more time, as if I am gonna eat you alive.I might actually punch you in annoyance.'' He looked shocked and more at unease on my words.Andrew looked back at me coolly and then at him.Calculating.

  
''I-I am not..scared..of urm.. you.'' He says touching his glasses again.

  
''Please, you scream uneasiness.'' I look at Andrew, asking him to agree with me.  
''Yeah you do.'' Andrew says calmly, going back to Aiden's paper.Bored of the conversation.

  
Aiden gets quiet after that still looking down.I notice Renee standing by her locker looking somewhere on her right.

  
''Fine, see you in when you are free, Andrew.'' Andrew looks up at me at that.For anyone else, his eyes were saying nothing.For me, his eyes were saying 'okay,wait for me.' or 'don't go anywhere without me, I'll be there in a minute'. I just nodded and ruffled his hair.Bottling my sudden urge to touch or probably kiss his forehead in front of Aiden and half of the school.But I chose against it for many reasons and moved towards Renee.

  
I was surprised how she didn't notice me I had to stand right in front of her.She hurriedly moved her eyes away, from where ever she was looking, to me.I looked where she was looking, but there was only a couple of students, Allison and her friends there. _Oh._

Renee's interest in Allison was something, both, Andrew and I had noticed but made a silent pact to not discuss it with her or ask her if she was not ready to talk about it herself.  
She looked surprised herself that she had missed me walking towards and shook her head to concentrate on me.A smile on her face, '' Hey, Neil. Where is Andrew?'' she looks at both of my sides, furrowing her eyebrows.I thought how stupid, brilliant and terrifying it was.All at the same time.That people were surprised to see one of us without another.  
  
I pointed in his direction where Andrew was pointing at the paper and telling Aiden something about it.Andrew would pause and look at Aiden and continue when Aiden seemed to be nodding or saying something back.  
Andrew looked as untouchable or distant as he could, I thought it was a put off for everyone but the way Aiden kept leaning in unconsciously said it might also come as alluring to others.  
''So what do you think about him?'' I asked.

  
Renee knew what I was talking about.We were both overly protective of Andrew.Always cautious of anyone who appraoched Andrew.Not that Andrew interacted with many people.  
''Nothing dangerous.He looks like just a boy who probably idealizes Andrew.''  
I looked at her waiting for her to say something.''And has a stupid crush on him but wouldn't even dare make a move.''

  
I just raised an eyebrow at her.She laughed and answered,'' I know it may come as a surprise to you.But you both are quite heart throbs of this school.The bad boys.You wouldn't talk to anyone and that is mysterious.If half of them aren't shipping you, they are busy crushing on you both.''

  
What's shipping? But that thought was filed as useless in my mind as I let her words settle in.I had never realized people might have a crush on Andrew.Don't get me wrong, no one would know more than me how amazing Andrew was.But that was the thing.How did everyone know how amazing Andrew was? They knew nothing about him.Nothing at all.

  
I never understood how could people just like someone or have a crush on them.Just by looking at them.How could you like someone without knowing them? Maybe I was just different.Maybe I did not understand attraction that started and ended with someone's body or their face.When I look at Andrew I see much much more than just a face.

  
''So a nerdy, awkward guy who has a crush on my best friend,'' I say, concluding Aiden.Probably I won't have to look that far into him- with Stuart's help of course- if he doesn't hang around Andrew that much.''In short, harmless.'' I say, still unable to keep my eyes off them.As if the moment I look away, will be the moment they  disappear.

Andrew would disappear.I couldn't wait for him to get rid of Aiden, so I could have him next to me again.And reassure my self by touching him, feeling his body heat against me or just getting lost in his presence whenever he looked at me.

  
When I look back at Renee,I see her already looking at me.Contemplative but she just nods and repeats my words,''Yup.Harmless.''

  
It settles weirdly in the air but disappears shortly when Andrew comes our way after having said Aiden good bye.I raise my hand for Andrew's between our conversation and everything settled in me when he held my hand tight in his.

  
***

  
''No.Not that game again.'' I enter the tree house in my pajamas.After taking a bath and not finding Andrew in the bedroom. I had checked my phone,opened a message from him and saw that he had went to the tree house for a smoke.

  
Andrew just smirked at me from the couch where he was currently lying in.  
But I had no energy to fight.So I just moved towards him and stood next to the sofa.I thought about asking him to move but there still would be no space for me.So I just asked him to raise his arms.

  
''What? Neil, I need my both hands on the phone.''

  
''Just lift them.'' I asked after sighing.He then raised his arms, still holding the phone between his hands.And I tried crawling between them which resulted in a lot of 'oofs' and 'ows' from both of us.''Great.I lost my game.'' He shouted but removed his phone and opened his arms.''Hurry now, settle in.'' 

  
And I couldn't help but smile.So I settled on top of him, with my head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me.''Okay now?'' He asked in a small voice.I breathed the smoke clinging to his clothes in.And wrapped my arms around his shoulders from the back.''Yeah,'' I sighed, smiling.

  
''Idiot.'' He said kissing my head and then bringing his other arm around to resume playing his game.

  
And I just laid there feeling peaceful and comfortable.I have never said it, but I loved sleeping or relaxing on Andrew's chest.It was amazing and always made me feel safe.So I let the safety wash over me and allowed myself a few hours of sleep before Andrew would wake me up to return to our bedroom.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait for a tiny chapter ill be uploading soon and it will be from Aidens pov  
> thank you for you comments  
> i loved read all of your povs about renison and aiden..  
> AND WHININESS IS A WORD AO3 F OFF


	19. Great! I look ugly and my crush is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to write more chapters from aiden's pov..initially how aiden approached andrew was supposed to be a chapter from aidens pov but then I changed my mind ..now i want to write more chapters where aiden is just being a hoe for andrew cuz same

**AIDEN**

 

Having my door bell ring on a Friday is weird.My mom won't be home for another two hours as it says 6:30 p.m. on the clock right now.

  
''Coming.'' I shout, nudging 'Ciara' my angry grey persian cat out of my way to the door.

  
I pause for a minute thinking what if it's a serial killer.Everyone who knows us, knows that my mother is a single mother.That our dad left us for another woman long ago.But why would anyone want to kill me? Maybe it's some sicko who needs no reason to kill.Maybe he just enjoys it.

  
I shudder at that and silently willing myself to be brave.But I also can't help but take an umbrella out from the basket by the door and holding it in front of me.  
Here it goes.I wank the door open and am met with the most unexpected person ever.

  
Andrew Dobson is standing in all of his uncaring bad boy glory at my door.  
''Urm..he- aa.'' I open my mouth but all I can seem to do is blink and become annoyingly aware of my ripped shorts and Pikachu shirt.

  
Kill me.

  
Juts do it.Right damn now.

I quickly throw my umbrella behind me and pushing it in the corner with my foot.I don't dare look at Andrew to see how he would react.I feel my cheeks burning up.I look every where, even behind me to avoid an eye contact with him.Wow so now he would think I am crazy along with stupid.

  
He doesn't say anything just keeps standing.''Hey.Is everything..urm okay?'' I get out of my stupid mouth.But his stony face makes my insides go all Whoppity whoop whoop.

  
Gay.I have gay written all over me right now.How embarrassing.

  
''Actually I was here because-'' his sentence is cut short as I see Neil Hatford running our way.

  
''You are such an asshole.How could you just tell me the address, get in your car and ask me to follow you there?'' Not even noticing that I am standing there, he starts shouting at Andrew.He looks all flustered and out of breath.And also smoking hot in his black shorts.His toned muscles on display.Now I am even more conscious about my pale legs and ugly shorts.

  
''Now I will give you your reward.'' Andrew says smirking at Neil and just like that I am invisible now.  
I had always seen them from afar.Andrew always seemed somehow even more unreachable when he was next to Neil.Because I swear to God, an apocalypse could start in the background when they are together, but they won't care about it.They only have eyes for each other.They won't even notice if the sky ripped on or earth started spitting lava.

  
I clear my throat breaking their back and forth bickering.An action too brave for someone who is shitting his pants because to most bad ass boys he has ever met are on his door steps on a weekend.

  
''Here is your reward, pissy pants,'' Andrew says pointing at me with his hand.Neil looks at me confused and I give him a look as if conveying 'no one's more surprised than me'.He just rolls his eyes but before he can say anything.Andrew turns towards me and asks.''Aiden can we pet your cat?''

  
And...okay.  
That is the last thing I expected to happen.He what now?

  
''OMG HE HAS A CAT??!!!'' Neil looks extremely happy at that, reminding me of some fangirls that I have seen on T.V.

  
Andrew just laughs at that and tries calming him down.Andrew is beautiful when he laughs.

  
It's so weird that only Neil can make him laugh, jump around and do crazy stuff.Without Neil, Andrew is a whole another person.Calm, patient, smart and silent.

With Neil, he turns spontaneous, aggressive, mischievous and loud.They were the nicest looking hooligans I have ever seen.Not..that I have seen any.Okay I have seen none, go away.

  
''Yeah sure.'' What else do you say? So I just open my door wide and let the boys in.It is so weird.

  
I was 100 percent sure Neil hates me and now he is excited to see my cat.Every time I thought of or approached Andrew, his eyes seemed to challenge me.Daring me to intervene the world that was so specifically only Andrew and Neil's.And obviously, I always backed out.

  
''Here,'' I made some embarrassing kiss-y noises and Ciara came running towards me.

  
''Omg, Andrew.Look at it.'' Neil gushed as Ciara came to circle between Andrew's legs.  
The week before, when Andrew had come to my place.Ciara hadn't left Andrew's lap.She had even fed from Andrew's hand and slept on him too.

  
Andrew bends down.Picks Ciara up and moves towards the carpet in the living room.And settles on it. And Neil just keeps following him and cooing under his breath.And also saying stuff that has Andrew nodding.

  
Then Andrew asks Neil to sit down as well and transfers Ciara into Neil's lap. Ciara is reluctant, struggling to stay in Andrew's lap.I _don't blame her, I mean who wouldn't. Wait what?_

But after having Neil pet her head and engaging her in a conversation about consent with him, she got comfortable enough with Neil.So next time when Andrew moves Ciara towards Neil, she goes.

  
Neil looks extremely happy at that.His scars look softer because of the smile on his face.Andrew has the most affectionate and fond expression on his face, as he leans towards Neil and whispers something in his ear.Neil chuckles at that and looks back at him, his eyes reflecting the same emotions and mutters something so light that makes Andrew fall silent but his stance meaningful.They keep staring at each other, their eyes burning.Suddenly, I feel like an outsider in my own house.So I leave the room and move towards the kitchen.  
This is why I prefer Andrew without Neil.Because when Neil is there, everything else just disappears.

  
I pour orange juice in two glasses and bring Ciara's treat with me.I serve them the juice.They both seem awkward at that but Andrew reaches for it while Neil picks up Ciara's treat.

  
I sit in the corner.Andrew asks me a question or two about Physics.I answer politely.While Neil is lost in fondling with my cat.I just realized some tension had left Neil's body now.Maybe he was having a bad day and this was Andrew's way of cheering him up.Or they were just getting familiar with my cat so they could steal it.At this point, anything could happen.

  
They said their goodbyes after half an hour.Neil reluctant to let go of Ciara.I offered that they could come visit again some time if they wanted to meet Ciara.And Neil looked slightly less annoyed by my existence after this whole ordeal.

  
_Wow.That was...strange._ I think as I slumped back on my sofa and Ciara curled by my side.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short i know..but i'll try posting next chapter soon..AND if u guys could not guess this was Andrew's way of getting neil used to aiden like he did with renee  
> Thank you for reading this fic and staying tuned.  
> saranghae!!!  
> 


	20. Sinful pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I am late but this chapter is looooooong okay.so I am forgiven?!??!  
> It has many emotions so Enjoy1!?!?! Scream?!?! idk

**NEIL**

  
''How long?!!" I shout,getting frustrated as I saw every second pass on the clock.Andrew and Renee have been in Renee's bathroom for ages.Apparently, Andrew lost some bet to Renee and now he has to dress up in clothes that Renee chooses for him to wear at the fair.It was all Renee's idea.She  had said there was a festival going on just outside the town and we could all go there and have fun.Andrew and I, as we had nothing better to do, had agreed to go with her on our weekend night.

  
But now I have been sitting in Renee's bedroom and have been hearing Andrew whine from across the room that how stupid he looks.To be honest, I was ready to make fun of him.What ever Renee was dressing him in, must have been ridiculous or way out of Andrew's comfort zone if his agitation was anything go by.And as the entitled 'best friend' I had to make fun of him for it.

  
Renee came out of the bathroom and clapped her hands in excitement.''Lo and Behold, the spectacular masterpiece of Renee Walker.'' Which was followed by a few curses from Andrew as he exited the bathroom.Which made me laugh.Oh this was going to be funny.

  
But then Andrew came out of the bathroom and it was not funny.  
No one was laughing.And if no one was me, no one was even breathing.

  
''I'll go get my last accessory,'' Renee said.

 

''As if I need anything else to make me look any more stupid.'' Andrew said stretching his already loose sweater.And I felt like someone had knocked the life out of me.

  
Andrew was wearing a loose pastel pink sweater,that was so loose that it showed his clavicle bones and kept sagging from around his shoulders.With a tight white jeans, that made him look innocent and at the same time would have any priest reciting all of his prayers to keep him from sinning.The sweaters arms were so long that they were almost covering his hands.Sweater paws. _How fucking adorable._

And Renee had made a mess of his hair and sprayed a few of his tips pink.

  
''What?'' Andrew shouted, getting defensive.He crossed his arms over his chest, which to be honest did nothing to ease me as it showed more of his skin.  
I knew he had asked me something but my throat felt drying.I could hear my heart racing as my eyes were stuck on the skin above his collar bone.

  
A fact, I have never seen Andrew naked.  
Another fact, I have never even seen Andrew shirtless.

  
In all those years, the most skin I have seen of Andrew's, excluding his face, hands and feet, was when we had a pool party in our backyard and Andrew had worn shorts, revealing most of his legs.  
And that was it.

  
And how the area of his neck and shoulder just begged me to touch it.Either with my hands or lips.

  
'' _Neil!_ '' Andrew shouted.I stood up at that awkwardly and moved towards him.Suddenly, the urge to touch him got worst.

I did not want to go anywhere.Fuck, I did not even want any one seeing Andrew like this.I want to lay him down,fuck even right now, Renee's bed would do, and just touch him.He looked...he looked ravishing. Irresistible.

  
And if someone like me was having a hard time controlling himself.He would wreck havoc in a crowd.

  
''Andrew,'' I could hear my voice sounding pained.I raised my hand to touch his cheek, the lightest of touches, not trust myself fully.His cheek was warm and tinted red.Why was he blushing?

I skimmed my fingers from his cheek to his jaws. Sliding them below and a brush on his neck.I felt him shiver and then he had grabbed my hand.But all I could do was lean closer.I didn't dare touch him, but I also could not move away.

  
''Andrew.'' I breathed and his grip on me tightened.I rested my head against his, controlling myself.Reminding myself all the reasons, why this attraction that I felt for Andrew, was wrong.Andrew kept his eyes on me and they were burning this time too.Whenever, I was this close to him, I don't why but Andrew's eyes always looked some what feverish.

  
I touched his waist with my left hand.As my right hand was still in Andrew's hold just above his neck.The material of his sweater was incredibly soft and loose in my hand.And all I could think was how easy it would be to get Andrew out of it.

  
''Stop looking at me like that,'' Andrew said, which dragged my attention to his lips.They looked dark pink and wet.As if he had been biting them.And I had to physically push myself away, because I could not trust myself if I kept looking at his lips a little longer.

  
''Okay,'' I whispered letting myself look at him one last time, before I killed every desire in me for him.Andrew looked at me calmly but I could notice how his breath was slightly uneven.I wonder..I wonder if he too..if he too felt ..this...But I stopped myself before I could prolong that thought.

_Then why did he let me get that close?_ One part of my brain debated.

  
_Easy, because he trusted me._ The other part of me answered.

And it was the punch in my stomach as I came to my senses.He trusted me to let me touch him.I could not misuse that trust, given I am very well aware that my urge to touch him is no longer platonic anymore.I could try debating it. I had.

Every day after I had kissed Allison, I had thought about it.How I had wanted it to be Andrew, how looking at Andrew had turned me on.I could not deny it.Because every day after that, it became blatant.My want for Andrew became a lens with which I began to see him.Every one of his slightest touch made something in me burn.And settle when he was no longer touching me.But you know how you can still feel the heat on your skin even after you are no longer touching the fire, that's how I have felt for the past week.

  
And now that want, felt like the most disgusting thing in the entire world. _I could not be like them.I would not let myself be_.

So I bottled what ever stray and unwanted thoughts I had in my mind and looked at Andrew only as my best friend. _Only as my best friend._

  
I was getting bad at lying.What have you done to me Andrew?

  
''What's with the funny face?'' he said.I had almost forgotten how awkward it was that I was just standing here physically staring at him, while mentally I am lost in my thoughts.But as usual he was patient, reading my thoughts from my face.I wish, I wish I hadn't been that obvious this time.But I had slipped for a moment.I knew I had.So I look for anything like disgust on Andrew's face, but came up empty.There was nothing but complete seriousness that he treated me with when he knew something was wrong with me.

  
''I am surprised that how much you can look like a flamingo,'' I eased into same dynamic that we had.Blocking everything else away.

  
Andrew scoffed at that.''You are just saying that because now you are feeling under dressed.'' He said pointing at my plain black shirt under my leather jacket and black jeans.

  
''Yeah, you should've warned me you were going to look..'' I said making a face and pointing at his attire.'' Radiant.I should've bought myself a clown suit to match.''

  
''Hardy har har.'' He said but I could see him trying hard not to smile.Which made my smile bigger.

  
Renee came barging in,''Oh look I found it.I could not remember where I had put it.''

  
Which made Andrew give her a suspicious look though I could not understand why.

  
''Here,'' Renee said putting a flower crown on Andrew's head and I couldn't help but coo.''Omg Andrew.You look such an adorable pastel child. Omg, I am so proud of you,'' I channelled my inner Bee, ''Getting rid of that black gothic Halloween costume that you used to wear.'' I said taking out my phone from my pocket simultaneously.

  
''See, Renee.I told you I would look ridiculous.'' Andrew pouted which made him look more cute.I never thought I would see him pout and think 'cute' in my entire life.

  
''No..You look amazing.'' And then she shot me a look.''Don't worry.Neil is just jealous.''

  
Now it was my turn to scoff.''Yeah sure.I missed my chance of wearing a floral dress and my favourite pink tiara.''

  
I pointed my camera at Andrew before anyone could say anything and in Renee's case throw anything.''Now, come on, bear.Smile for the camera.'' I said cooing at Andrew.  
''I will fucking kill you.Don't think just because I am look like a pastel dream that I still don't have knives on me.''

  
I smiled at him thinking of some sassy comeback but it dies on my tongue as I look at the coldness in his eyes.I can feel the pool of heat in my stomach at that look so I divert my attention towards the camera and clear my throat.''Trust me I learned my lesson from Renee ages ago.''

  
At which Renee and Andrew, fist bumped.And I kept clicking pictures of Andrew.So what if I can't look at him now. I still want to capture every moment of Andrew in that sweater.

  
''Now come on, let's go.'' Andrew said looking at time on his phone.

  
''Sure now that you ladies are done looking pretty, we can finally go.'' Which got me a finger from Andrew.Click.

  
And a pillow in my face from Renee with 'how sexist of you', which only made Andrew laugh, clutching his stomach.Another click.

  
_I am so gone_.I think as I throw the pillow back on the bed and follow them down the stairs.

  
I blame you, Andrew

  
***

**ANDREW**

 

  
I blame you, Neil.I think as I read Renee's many annoying messages.

  
_'See.I told you.'_

_'Ha. He can't even keep his hands off you._

  
_'And don't even start me with that camera.I believe he has filled it with million  pictures of you_.'

  
And I replied all of those with ' _Fuck you'.'Fuck_ _off'_.And last but not the least, ' _Fuck me'._

  
Renee finding out that my feelings for Neil proceeded more than 'just a friend', had been nothing but a nuisance to me.It was more of a _knew before me_ than _finding out_ in her case.It was somewhere between me being sometimes resistant to touch Neil or me forgetting the world existed because I was so busy looking how long Neil's eye lashes were, that she had cornered me and asked,''So you know.You know, what you really feel for Neil?''

  
It was annoying how Bee and Renee had known about it before me.But given how perspective these women were, I tried not being offended.

She had not mentioned anything until today.During,she was dressing me in these hideous clothes, she had a secretive smile on her face which I did not trust at all.And now she had gone off to 'see if Matt and Dan were here or not.' and that 'we should not wait for her.' with a wink at the end for me when Neil looked the other way.

  
Back to her messages, I really wanted to ignore them but it was hard to, when Neil literally had my hand in his.All night since we have entered this fair, Neil was touching me one way or another.It might be picking up an eye lash from my cheek, to a hand on my back when it got crowded.To holding my hand as he lead the way, to his arm around my shoulders.

  
If I was inclined to lie, I would say that annoyed me.  
But as I was majorly honest with myself, I would say I fucking loved it.

  
When we were sitting in the tea cup, and trying not to puke as Renee laughed at us from the stand.Neil had grabbed my hand, cursing the ride and the worker who started it.One thought had sneaked into my mind, tearing my walls down like a flash that, this is almost like a date.

  
That thought was ridiculous in many ways, given we had Renee with us (but now she is not, my mind debated. _Shut up_ ,I told my mind) and as if Neil and I would ever go on a date.But it was there, with world spinning around us,yellow lights becoming a blur and Neil having difficulty deciding whether to curse or laugh, it had seemed possible.It had almost seemed true, when he had chosen to look at and smile instead.

  
Again Neil's hand on my hip bone dragged me out of my thoughts.We were deciding what to do next.All the high rides were out of the question, as I was scared of heights.I mean I was daring but not that daring to actually fall from the sky given I absolutely did not trust these rides especially after watching Final Destination.

  
I look at Neil for the cause of touch and find him glaring at a group of girls looking our way and giggling.

_Ugh, excuse you.He is not interested and I am very gay._ But maybe he is.But then I feel him grabbing me a little tighter and leading me away.

  
''Wow, you are attracting a lot of attention,'' He says, his voice weirder than usual.''I am embarrassed even walking with you.We should have left you at home.Now everyone thinks I am weird too.''

It was stupid, Neil would never care what people thought of him.But that still didn't stop me from punching him in the stomach.

Idiot.He had been making fun of me the entire evening.  
''Oh, I might think you actually like me in pastel, given how fixated you are on it.'' The look in his eyes turned many shades darker as he focused all his attention on me.

  
''Or I could hate you in it, that's why I want you out of it.'' His expression serious, trying to mean every word of his as insult.

  
I stand closer to him, angry how he was making this incredibly difficult.How unknowingly he was squandering all my unnecessary but still there, hopes for us to ever be together.

  
''Out of it and then what.Then what are you planning?'' I hear his heart pumping faster as it is against my own chest.His face contorts into something angry.I don't understand why.I step away, his hand forms fist on my sweater for a second but then lets goes as quickly.What? What is going on with him?

  
We are always flirting.I know nothings going to come out of it.We know that, then why is he so angry?

  
He had been awkward the moment I had stepped out of the bathroom.He had been agitated, confused and angry.No.

At first, he _had not_ been all those.He...he had looked at me..like I dreamed he would if he reciprocated my feelings.He had touched me like I thought he would, in a world where he really wanted me.It had shocked me so much that I had just stood there, held bound by the warmth of his body.So close to mine that I could taste his breath on my lips.

  
It was becoming too painful.His touch.His closeness.His attention that seemed like I had the right to think that we could be together.My mind was connecting dots but in the wrong direction.All his platonic actions were being translated in my mind, into something that held potential that he could also want us to be more than friends.That probably I was no so terribly alone in my unrequited feelings.That maybe...maybe he wanted me against all odds.

  
It was stupid.And Andrew Dobson was self-destructive but not stupid.He knew nothing would come of it.

  
''Here.'' I looked down and had a pink candy floss in front of my face.''Don't expect an apology.'' He said, his cheeks turning red.I had not noticed him buying me one.

  
He looked so adorable that I couldn't even remember what he was asking apology for.  
''Aww you bought it for me!!!'' Which made him blush more.

  
''Eat it.''

  
''But it's pastel.'' He looked a little embarrassed that.

  
''Okay.I won't make fun of you now.''

  
''So this is _you_ apologizing?'' I don't know why I was pushing his buttons.Oh maybe, majorly because it was fun.

  
''You want it or not.'' He said trying to snatch my cotton candy away from me.'' I'll give to someone else.''

  
''Don't you dare.'' I snatched it back and bit into the sugary mess, enjoying this heaven.''As you know,my best friend bought it for me as an apology gift.''

  
He groaned at that and hid his head in his hand.I just laughed at his embarrassment.

  
I offered it to him, just to tease him.He obviously shook his head.So I tore a big ball of it and was about put it in my mouth that, he leaned forward and took it from my hand.It must have been a reflex action, because as his lips touched my hand he paused and looked at me.But looking at my probably, no wait surely, shocked expression, he held my hand with his own.And smirked as he intentionally ate it from my hand.I could feel my cheeks burning.What the hell?

  
But he did not stop, he pulled me and kept eating until that huge ball was almost a tiny mess now between my fingers.I thought he would stop at that, but that idiot, leaned in and wrapped his lips around my fingers.Licking my fingers along and eating the rest of it.

  
Then when I was sure my legs had given away, he dropped his hand.And wiped his lips.  
''It's so disgusting and sticky.Thanks for letting me eat it without having to touch it.'' He said,flashing me a smile.

  
That guy.He had guts to..to..Before I could complete that thought.He was leaning in, bringing those sickeningly sweet lips right next to my ear and said,''Out of it.And then in,'' He paused continuing our previous discussion.''Nothing.I would prefer that.''

  
Then he smiled the most cockiest smile I have seen on his face.

Okay we had flirted, but majorly _I_   had flirted.Him flirted back actually left me a bit winded.And I tried not thinking about it more than that _cuz fuck_ he had just insinuated that he wanted to see me naked.

  
So I did what anyone would do.I stood on his foot and then elbowed him in the stomach.  
A perfect response, if you ask me.

  
****

_NEIL_

Okay I had deserved that.

  
But that didn't stop me from taking his hand in mine.There was this one ride, that was high but somehow, I wanted to be on it with Andrew. Call it the mood or whatever.

  
We had enjoyed a lot, after Renee had left us and had never come back.We had played every game on the arcade.Eaten pop corns.Splashed drinks on each other.And laughed and laughed and fought.On 4-D rides, we were hitting each other or pushing each other more than those cheap chairs were.

And I was immensely enjoying the excuses to touch Andrew more than anything.Well the reasons were purely platonic or as platonic as I good make them tonight.I had suspected right, half of the women population had stared at Andrew.It was funny because Andrew did not even swing that way.But when I had seen some guys looking at him, I had felt the possessiveness, that I normally felt for Andrew, catch fire.I don't know but there was something very attractive about that inch of skin that he showed whenever his sweater slid that way.Whether it was of his shoulders, his exposed neck or his collar bone.It was purely sinful.

  
I knew I was walking on a thin line, but I could not help it.I would stop myself now but then I would catch myself looking at Andrew.Thinking just a minute more.Or just this time.It wouldn't matter.These stolen moments felt like nothing and exhilarating at that time but after they ended left me angry and guilty.

  
I knew I should have not eaten the cotton candy out of his hands.But he had looked so flustered and scandalized, that I could not help it.Getting under his skin was a habit of mine, the more he reacted towards me, the more excited got.If that included stealing his cigarettes or his cotton candy, I did not care.

  
''You know I am scared of heights right?''

  
''Yes.'' I knew.I knew that.But I wanted to see how much, I could push him.It was stupid.And probably wrong but I wanted to know how much he trusted me.Every time he did something incredibly trusting, it filled my chest with warmth and ache in my stomach telling me I was nothing without this boy.Also I wanted him to enjoy this with him.

  
Andrew took my answer and looked at the ride in front of us.Suddenly, I was struck with how selfish I was acting.So I made him look at me and said,'' I am sorry, we don't have to.''  
Then I turned back but I stopped as he had not moved from his place.''Andrew,'' he cut me off as he pulled me towards him with our interlinked hands and shushed me,'' You wouldn't have asked of it, if you hadn't wanted it.And I would do anything for you.''

  
That left me feeling shameful,''But you don't have to.''

  
''I want to.'' He said smiling, stopping me before I could say anything.'' And anyway, it's the most innocent ride here.I don't mind it.''

  
I stood there looking for uncertainty in Andrew's eyes but all I could find was a fond consent.So I just nodded and waited for Andrew to lead me into one of the seats of the Ferris Wheel.

  
It was the one where seats where not closed but were open.But it did look pretty safe that's why I had suggested or had wanted to try it with him.I sat opposite to him, feeling like I should've sat next to him.But before I could change my seat the ride moved, filling the last seat that was left unoccupied with a couple.And the ride began.

I loved high rides contrary to Andrew, I loved the adrenaline but obviously I loved Andrew more that's why I would never leave him to take one.And I didn't mind, if I had really wanted to I would have taken them with Renee.But like I said, with everything, I even wanted to take them with Andrew too.I bet, probably in next 10 years, I could have Andrew taking a giant ass roller coaster with me.

I kept looking down at the all the lights below,loving the low noise that the engine made as they ran all the rides, the screams of people enjoying every second on these rides, and the cool night air making everything memorable.I turned to look at Andrew and found him looking at me.Contently.

And I found him more beautiful than anything else here.His hands held the railings from both sides but other than that he was calm.Pink, purple and yellow lights reflected his skin.The wind left his flower crown a little askew and I think my breath just got caught in my lungs.He looked so ethereal that it made my chest ache.

  
So I couldn't help but take my phone out and take a picture.I thought he would have changed his expression or protested, but he had stayed the same as I took a picture and then put my phone back in my pocket.His eyes remained same, intense and at ease as he looked at me.And I was thankful for that.I wanted to remember it, capture it and dream about it every night.

  
So I did not even hesitate, when I noticed him getting stiff when the ride stopped at the top of the Ferris Wheel and moved across to sit next to him.I settled next to him, and removed his hand from the railing from one side and held it in mine.And put my other hand around his back on his hand on the railing.It looked pretty cozy and couple-y if you ask me.But why should he hold something else when I am here.

So I distract him, telling him about when I had first reached London with my mother and how it was hard for us getting used to staying at one place.How my mum was continuously planning of destroying my dad and then one day she had come home, happy and relaxed.I had never seen her that way in years, probably my whole life.

And that day she had took me to London's Eye, that had been the first and the last trip I had ever had with her.During the whole story, Andrew was quiet and attentive.

After that he had solemnly looked down for the first time since we have gotten on this ride.His expression open and somewhat of awe.Then he squeezed my hand telling me that he understood 'why I had wanted to come here with him'.That he was 'thankful that I had asked him to come here'.I squeezed back as if saying 'It was worth it, if only I could have you away from the world, looking this beautiful and close to me.It would be worth my whole life.'

  
****

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I write like shit but i dont know any other way to write.  
> other than that DID YOU LIKE ITTTT??!?!?!?!?!  
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS I AM REALLY EXCITED BOUT IT..if the caps lock missed to show it.


	21. Regrets after midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorrryyyy for being this late.I hate being late.But I started uni and everything has been shitty.NEW SHIT SUCKS.  
> I have been coming home exhausted and all.I will be uploading on weekends now.I am sorry about that.  
> I know this is a short chap but next one was gonna be long so I wanted to upload anything today at least.  
> Enjoy?!

**NEIL**

 

''C'mon, Andrew,'' I said, looking down at Andrew,'' Get up.''

  
''No.'' He said as blankly as he could and in Andrew's case, it was _very_ blank.

  
''Andrew!'' I muttered getting annoyed.  
''No,Neil.''His voice patient as if explaining it to a kid.''I have been walking for five hours straight and I am tired.My feet ache and may have blisters even.And now,'' he said pointing at the parking lot in front of us,''You want me to walk for another hour.''

  
He did have a point.We had been stupid and hyped and parked our car literally at the end of the lot.Andrew was right it would more than 45 minutes to just get there.But still it was no excuse to just sit on the ground, a little far away from the gate of the fair, and refuse to move.

  
''Andrew,'' I looked at his stubborn face and sighed.I know how stubborn he can be so I just sat on one knee with my back towards him.''Come on.''

  
''Urm..What?'' He asked, his voice condescending.  
''Climb on my back.Are you stupid or what?'' I asked snorting at his obliviousness.''I am giving you a piggy bag ride.'' I made sure to smirk at him in the end.  
''Yeah sure.''

  
''I am serious.''

  
Andrew was silent, I could not see his face from here but I knew he was waiting for me to give up.  
After another elongated silence of five minutes,''Oh fuck it.Whatever.'' he said, trying to sound uncaring.

  
He wrapped his arms around me, carefully and slowly.His sweater soft against my neck and almost hiding all of his hands.I lifted my self enough that he could wrap his legs around me.I held his legs from under his thighs.Given how tight his jeans were, I had to trust his long sweater to cover him from the behind.I jumped a bit, adjusting him properly.His grip loosened and tightened, until we were both comfortable.''Okay?''

  
''Yeah.'' I was surprised how close he was to me.His face resting next to mine.His forehead against my left cheekbone.

  
''Okay.'' I said, moving towards our car.To be honest, I did not mind it one bit,that is carrying Andrew there.I liked being there for him and it pleased me immensely when he'd let me do some of his work.I liked knowing he trusted me enough to let him.  
''You know,Neil,'' I hear him whisper, as we walk.The weather is quite pleasant at this time of night and the parking lot is empty except some cars.We were all alone in this semi dark area, and I could hear his every breath.It was relaxing.''Yeah.'' I assured him that I am listening to him.

  
''If you wanted me to mount you, you could've told me before.''  
And I couldn't stop an unexpected laugh that left my mouth. ''Mount? Wtf? Where do you even come up with such things?'' I asked while trying to keep my laughter away but failing in the end.

  
''What? It was perfect.'' I can hear from his voice that he is smiling.  
''Yeah sure.Do you want me to drop you?''

  
''You wouldn't." he says, sounding cocky.I let him go for a nano second before gripping him tight again.

  
''You asshole!'' He tried to choke me with his arms around my neck.'' I'll kill you.''

  
''Okay,sorry.Stop.'' I said coughing words out.

  
''Promise you wouldn't drop me.'' He demanded, enjoying it. _I could drop him though, to get out of his choke hold.Hmm tempting._

  
''Say it.'' Andrew says applying pressure to my neck,I can feel my eyes watering and I stop walking.

  
''Okay..Okay jeez.'' He releases me, and I suck air back into my lungs.Asshole.

  
''Good.Now excelsior, my lad,to our greatest adventure.''

 _What even?_  But I start walking nevertheless, with a  smile on my face at his silliness.

  
***

  
''Andrew,'' I call as I turn the corner to enter his room and walk up to him,''Is this what you asked for?''

  
I look up at him and forget whatever I was about to say.  
Andrew is sitting on his bed.That pink sweater of his covering his legs, but I can see that he is not wearing any pants.The collar of his sweater sags from one shoulder, exposing it.I can see where his clavicle bone meets his shoulder.And makes my mouth water.Again.

  
Something is different about Andrew, apart from his obvious nakedness, and it makes my breath hitch in my throat.''Andrew-'' I mutter but it gets stuck in my throat as Andrew moves towards me,standing on his knees now.Pulling me towards him by my collar.

  
His lips, his red lips.That's what is different.And the unclothed lust in his eyes.''Neil,'' he whispers, kissing my cheek bone.

  
I hold his bicep to push him.This Andrew...felt too lewd.One way or another.That it made me feel very cautious to not take advantage somehow.

  
''I don't understan-'' I try saying but Andrew puts a finger on my lips and says, '' _Shhh_...'' then he kisses my jaw and I can't help but arc my neck back as his wet lips touch my throat,'' Can't you see.It's not time for talking.''

  
And before I can contradict him, somehow we are on the bed and he is on top of me.''You wanted it, didn't you?'' He says, as he kisses my neck to my collar bone.His voice thick with want and I grab the sheets under me.

  
''You have wanted it the whole night.'' I can't help but let out a moan as his kisses my nipple.The wetness of his lips, making my nipple hard.I feel the softness of his tongue and I feel my eyes close.My fingers gripping bed sheet harder.

  
 _Where did my shirt go?_ This thought comes and goes as I feel him sucking on the skin just under my last rib.His hands keeping me down, but also touching as much skin as they can find.Hungry, like I wanted him to be,

  
 _Why am I not touching him?_ Some part of me wonders.

I don't know, maybe because it feels too explicit.And maybe touching him felt dangerous.

  
He moves up, his eyes boring into mine.He looks at my lips I think he is about to kiss me but instead he starts moving his hips against mine.I groan, unable to control myself at the friction between our bodies.He moves like a wave.Touching and teasing.

I can feel myself throbbing.And Andrew.. looks so fucking elegant moving his body against mine.I keep raising my hips.When the pressure becomes unbearable I lift my hands to touch Andrews hips to push him further against me.But before I can do that Andrew pushes away from me.I open my eyes trying to find the reason.But only wake up to an empty room, without knowing if the memory of disgust painting Andrew's face, was actually there or was it just my imagiation.

  
I look around the darkness and realize I am in my room where I slept after dropping Andrew to his.Thank God, I had decided to sleep in my room today or otherwise this situation would have been awkward to explain.I turn the bedside lamp on and notice it's 4:45 a.m. on the clock.I am sweaty and my breath is laboured.

I get it in control.And wipe sweat of my face.  
I try ignoring the bulge in my pants and the ache, begging me to touch myself.

  
 _Fuck_.I got hard from a dream about Andrew.How stupid can this shit get?

  
So this is why I was not touching him.Because it was not consensual.Even in my dreams I knew Andrew would never let me touch him like that.  
As if Andrew would ever kiss me willingly.Stupid I should have realized it before that it was a dream.

  
I groan as I shift in my bed.I am so dirty. _Who dreams about their friends like that?_  
I am truly miserable, aren't I?

  
Andrew would truly hate me if he knew what I thought about.

  
I am such a hypocrite.All night I was leading Andrew away from people who looked at him suggestively when what I, myself, had wanted to do with him was not so different from them.  
''Ugh,'' I groan.I might as well take a shower, as I can't possibly fall asleep now.

  
I get up and pick up my running shorts from my wardrobe and enter my bathroom.

  
I have to find a way to stop this.Either I have to make a move or end it.

There is no third option.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who guessed it was a dream?  
> I did keep it pretty vague at the same time tried giving u lot feels  
> I dont know how to write anything and smut is even horrible under my hands  
> Do comment guys it keeps me going  
> and thank you for the comment on last chapter..your excitement always made me smile


	22. Renison (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope u like their dynamic in this chap  
> I really wanted to write andreil I hope it doesnt show in the chapter  
> enjoy??!

**RENEE**

  
''Come on, you guys could've told me sooner.'' I try very hard to not sound pissed, understanding their situation.

  
''I know, I am sorry, Renee.'' Dan said.''Yeah we are really sorry.'' Matt chimed in after her.  
I was on phone with Dan and Matt.They had promised they would be here but then Matt's mum had suddenly called and they both had to go to a fancy dinner at her place.And they would stay there for the weekend.Which meant now I was stranded here,at a festival.Alone.

  
''Okay.I understand.Take cares ,okay.Matt tell your mom I said hey.''  
''Sure we will.You too.And once again, we are really sorry for ditching you.'' Dan said.

  
''Nah it's okay.I get it.Bye guys.''  
''Byee.!!'' They both say in unison which makes me laugh.

  
I hang up and look around me.What am I gonna do here? I was reluctant to disturb Neil and Andrew.I wanted them to spend some time together.

  
I look towards the stall on my left.It's a stall where you shoot with a rifle and if you win all three rounds, you get something for free from the shop on the right.There is a person standing there, in baggy pants and a black hoodie. Covering their hair and half of their face.  
I don't know what's so suspicious about it but it makes me want to look a little closer.The person, they are debating with worker on something.It is a strange argument as it is only one sided.But then the person keeps giving money and taking turns.They are good.They know how to hold a rifle and win first two rounds easily.But somehow keep failing the third round.  
I move closer to the stall to look at them properly.I only catch a side of their face and it makes me furrow my eye brows in confusion.Because I am damn sure that looked like Allison Reynolds.

  
But everything else was a blur.What was she doing here? And dressed like a hobo.She literally looked like she rolled out of her bed.If I look closer, she also had a painting drawn on the other side of her face.A black dragon of some sort, right below her right eye.  
I move towards her, trying to confirm if it is her or not.I touch her arm lightly,''Excuse me,''  
The reaction I get was not what I expected.She looks at me annoyed at first for being disturbed and then jumps away screaming.

  
''Renee.'' She says, a hand on her chest.Trying to calm her self.''God.''  
''Urm...Any particular reason why you look like you saw a ghost.'' Looking at her suspiciously.

  
''Ugh,you won't get it.'' She says, suddenly conscious of her clothes.Looking left and right as if expecting someone else to pop up too.  
''Try me.'' I could leave her, yes I could.But this was too strange for me to not question.She even looked embarrassed and anxious.That was a new look on her.And what surprised me more was that, she was not even putting an effort to hide it.She even looked confused about doing exactly that or not.  
''It's..urm.Can't you just pretend you saw nothing and go your own way?''

  
I could do that.But,''No.''  
''Renee,'' she said earnestly.

  
I just stand there, looking at her blankly.I was patient, I had lost it that day with her, because that day required Natalie.But I have been observing her for the past week.She has done nothing to get in contact with either Neil or Andrew.I really hope she would just stay sway from them.My caution about her died down, but I am still as curious about her as I always was.So no, I wouldn't leave until I know what she is doing here.

  
''Oh Fuck it.'' She says throwing her arms in exasperation.  
''Okay then.This is my day,'' She explains and I just raise my eye brow at her.''I get to be me, one day every two months.And that's what I am doing here.''

  
I still don't move.I want to know more.I know she has told me enough, I should go away now.She clearly wants the day for herself and I might be ruining it.But 'I get to be me.' stopped me from leaving her.  
''C'mon that's enough.''  
''No.''  
''I told you I won't talk to Andrew and Neil.This is not about them.So stop worrying.''

  
''How can I be sure? Given that they are here too.And you are dressed like that.'' I say pointing at her dress.  
''Oh come on.How was I supposed to know that? I am not a stalker.''

  
''Can't be sure.''  
I know I was being petty and illogical but...

  
''Fine.I am dressed like this because I did not want to be recognized.'' Her voice rising with every word.Her anger seemed reasonable.I had destroyed her day.  
''This stupid tattoo is for that too.I wanted to have one day, without having eyes on me.One day where I can laugh loud, eat as much as I want, be stupid.And not have to explain it to anyone.'' She was out of breath now.Her face red.I realized she is not even wearing any make up today.Her eyes somehow look more grey under the bright light of the stall.

Somehow, I feel guilty.I mean I could give her a rest.I can not imagine how difficult and different other's lives are.So I just nod and step away from her.But not leaving.  
''Okay.'' She says, looking surprised that I let her go that easily.She looks to her left and then right.Then she returns to the stall.Picking up the rifle again.  
Knowing it's Allison, who is handling that rifle makes it 20 times more interesting.She keeps shooting Bull's eye.Right in the middle of the moving monkey with a black circle on it's tummy.  
But when it comes to the third round, something shifts.I don't what, but the change is there.  
I wish Andrew, was here.He would know.

  
And Allison keeps losing.All three shots of her, fly just shy away from the monkey.  
''Ugh, you are doing something,'' She shouts at the shop keeper.  
He just shurgs and keeps chewing his gum.  
''Try again.''  
I lean closer to her and tell her.Now even I am curious how she keeps missing.She looks at me skeptically but somehow agrees and tries again.I don't know why she is willing to let me stay on her day.But I don't complain.

  
She tries again and on the third try I notice the shop keeper shift a little.It's subtle but there.If I had not spend major part of life noticing small things, I would've missed it.He was good.Then I started noticing the monkey on her third round.Again she missed her first try.Before she could try again,I stopped her and asked her to give me the rifle.

  
She just looked at me inquisitively but gave the rifle to me.I stood in her place.She was just to my right, a little close in my opinion but maybe it was me being super conscious of her.  
I set my aim and fire at the switch that's just beside the shop keeper's leg.And turn it off.The switch had changed the speed and distance the monkey covers on one movement.Which keeps making her miss.I don't wait to see how Allison or the shop keeper reacts, as I aim for the monkey.And it's into the circle. Allison screams behind me.  
''Fuck you, you asshole.I said you were cheating.But you kept lying.'' Allison screamed at the shopkeeper.Then she launches into a victory dance.Moving her arms, away and then close to her chest in a circle,''Oh yeah.Oh yeah.Suck it.''

  
It made me laugh and even made me feel a little smug at the look on shop keeper's face.  
''Now, we will buy something.'' She touched my hand and pulled me towards the shop.I looked at her hand which made her look too.Then she awkwardly lets it go.''C'mon, we deserve a gift.''  
Then we moved towards the shop and started looking at various trinkets and toys.

  
''Here,'' I turn around with a lioness in my hand.''For you.'' She turns to look at me when I speak, a smile on her face.She looks at the toy in my hand, her big smile drops into something small and sweet.''For me?'' She asks.

  
And suddenly, I realize what I am doing.I literally almost broke her arm not a week ago.And now I am giving her a toy.I am about to pull my hand away, when she reaches for the toy and takes it.''Thank you.No one has ever given me such a gift.'' She says smiling down at the lioness.Such a sincere expression on such a selfish and arrogant girl.

  
Allison today is so different.She is not cocky, or making snide comments.The fire is still there but it's softer.Like a camp fire when everyone decides to sleep.  
She keeps surprising me.What did she mean no one has given her such a gift? Why was she looking at the toy with that smile on her face? And why did it make me feel happy somehow too?

  
''C'mon,'' She looks up and moves out of the shop.And I keep standing where I am.It's too weird.She is basically no one and now I am giving her gifts and enjoying her company.It is reasonable because she is not being bitch.She is just a normal girl right now getting happy over toys and shooting rifles.Okay the last one is not normal but still interesting.

  
She turns around when she notices that I am not following her and asks,'' Any reason why are you just standing there?''  
''Urm.. you go continue your day,I don't want to spoil it any further.'' I say politely.

  
She pauses at that and then walks towards me.Thinking, she raises her hand.''Hey, I am Ally for today.Nice to meet you.''  
I awkwardly raise my hand and shake hers,''Renee.And surprisingly, the feeling is mutual.'' Which makes her roll her eyes and me smile in return.

  
''Now, that we have introduced ourselves.Renee, I would like to be your friend for today and have fun at this festival with you.What do you say?''  
Her hand is still in mine.She has longer fingers and soft skin.I can't go back to Andrew and Neil.Matt and Dan ditched on me.

I could be here alone or, I could go with her.  
So I chose her company over one place in world where it's not fun to be alone and just plain boring.

  
''Okay.For today,I'll be your friend,'' I pause and say,''Ally.'' Which makes her smile and I think it's just a few hours.It wouldn't kill me to know her a bit.

  
****

 

''Don't you find it is weird that I want to be 'Ally' today? Because I am sure it makes me sound like I have split personality or something.''

  
I think about it for a while.Her need to be called Ally today instead of Allison, is not so different from me wanting to be Renee instead of Natalie for the rest of my life and to be honest I understand it perfectly.And I tell her exactly that.

  
She looks a little relieved at that as she licks her cone.We are both standing in a line for a roller coaster and eating our respecting cones.

  
Today... had been fun, to say the least.We had talked about interests.Nothing personal but still something real.She told me that her whole family would go hunting when she was young, and that's how she learned how to shoot.She said she could hunt Deers and once she had even killed a Bear.I was impressed.

She had told me child hood stories and I told her some of my fond memories with Stephanie.It was light.We both kept the conversation light but still never ending.She told me she wanted to learn how to play an instrument.I told her Andrew plays piano.We both decided that we love art but were incapable of it.

And I told her how Andrew can draws mean graffiti which made her raise an eye brow and I remember the recent incident of a graffiti on Principal's door, but she just ignores it and asks me to carry on.I tell her how fast Neil is and he doodles over every surface he can find.She tells me about the rarest moments when she had been happiest with Seth, her on and off boyfriend.  
We talked about forests and adrenaline.We took all the dangerous rides.We even went to the horror house, it was the most amazing part of the night.Ally was standing and complaining about shitty graphics when a man in a Gorrilla mask sneaked behind her and scared her.I had never heard such a high pitched scream.

We both had burgers and all the fattening things that Ally seemed to enjoy today.  
''Oh, come on.It is finally our turn.I bet I look like a 70 year old woman now.''

  
''No worries you always look like that.'' I mocked her, knowing perfectly well how flawless her she always looked.

  
''Ha Ha, you are hilarious.'' Which makes me laugh.

''That I am.''

  
She climbs to the ride and I follow her.When she is on it she turns behind to give me her hand.I look at it for a moment but let her pull me inside.We put our seat belts and can feel the anticipation wreck our body.The sound of the ride makes us both scream in excitement.I turn to look at her and she turns my way too.There is fear in her eyes but a wild smile on her face.I think I might look the same.

  
''You are strong right,'' She doesn't wait for my answer and interlock her arms with mine on the seat, our roller coaster getting higher and higher,'' Save me, if I fall,okay.''

  
My reply is cut off as we hit a stop and then our roller coaster drops with high velocity.Only our feral screams are heard and I realize this one of my favourite days ever.

  
***

  
''It's okay I'll drop you, tell them to leave,'' Ally offers.I think about it for a minute but then tell Andrew to go on without me, we are buying fries right now.I look at Ally and can't help but wonder why is she being so nice to me?

  
She has no reason to, she has been nothing but genuine today.She has been funny, modest and embarrassing.Which is the exact opposite of Allison I know.I threatened her and this is how she pays back.It makes no sense.Maybe she has an ulterior motive.But then I see her smiling at the chips in her hand as she pours ketchup on them.How can she have an ulterior motive when she is friggin' excited about eating chips?

  
''Oh,tell me if I am being rude,'' She stops mid way as I pick my packet,''But is Andreil real?''

  
Which makes the chips stuck in my throat and I start coughing.She curses and then pats my back and goes to buy a water bottle.I hit my chest and after long excruciating five minutes of my life, my misery ends.''God you scared me.'' She says, worry apparent on her face.

  
''Sorry.''

  
''It's okay idiot,come lets sit.'' We walk towards a bench and sit on it facing each other.She quietly munches on her chips, not asking the question again.Respecting their privacy,I believe, which might be the only reason which makes me answer.

  
''No they are not together,'' She looks at me waiting for a but.

  
''But,'' I say, sighing.''They are crazy about each other.'' I was not gonna tell more.It depends on them who they think should be privy to their feelings.It's none of my business.

  
''Yeah, I got to saw a bit of the 'craziness'.It's scary,you know,'' She says, contemplating,''How much they mean to each other.It's scary having someone like that.'' She looks serious and her tone a little sad.

  
''Yeah.You wouldn't believe how they have tested each other's trust repeatedly.They would keep coming up with stuff to see how much the other person trusts them or trust exercises to make them stronger.'' I say, remembering them when they first met.They would get into the craziest shit for each other.''We all thought it was pretty scary, how closer they intended to get or were.But...but it worked for them somehow.And I wish it stays like that.''

  
''Hmm.'' She nods at that.''You know what,'' she leans forward.''I want them to get together.I,'' she looks at her hands,cleaning them with wet tissue now.''I didn't know what was everyone's perspective on Andrew being gay.''  
I instinctively felt myself go rigid,''But Neil thought it was the most stupid thing to worry over.I could not understand that.Where I come from, if I turn out to be gay or hell even bi,it would break hell.But like he said, no one cared.Few people passed comments but it was long forgotten after a day or two.It became a fact and then unnecessary.No one would dare question Andrew given his reputation and with you and Neil at his back.''

  
''I can understand.'' I was not lying I could get it.For someone who came from a background like hers it would seem a taboo.''Just so you know, I am bi.'' I told her, I don't know why but it felt like a right moment to tell her.

  
She looked at me but then just smiled and nodded.''So..'' She leaned further,'' do you find me attractive?'' She said smirking, a little. _Hello, Allison._

  
I just roll my eyes and push her away.''I am sorry, I am not into old women.'' But I also can't help but appreciate her grey eyes as she laughs.Delicate features, sharp cheek bones.And fair skin.It was a fact that she was beautiful, undeniable and irrefutable.Even without make up.Probably even more without make up.

  
''Hey...'' She says faking an offense.

  
''Come on.Lets go now.Or do you want me to look for your cane.'' I get up throwing our empty packets in the bin, she is on my heels when I start walking towards the gate.Her bag on her shoulder with the lioness peeking out.

  
''You know what, I really like you Renee Walker,'' She says nudging her shoulder with mine.Smiling at me softly.

  
I just nudge her back and accept that,'' I like you too, Ally.''

  
I keep looking at her, I don't know what was in my voice that has her blushing and looking away.But I do know that it's real and it's there for Ally.A girl I might be meeting or seeing for the last time.Ever.

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so please share,what do you think.Or if you have any suggestions etc.


	23. Hiding our faces in the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello I am here.late I know.  
> Guys please give feedback cuz it is my only motivation for writing.  
> If you don't like the chapter, say it.Don't leave it with nothing.  
> Other than that, noorasdandekar and 5a5b5p5 thank you for commenting on my last chapter.  
> and enjoy1!!

**NEIL**

  
I had come to Andrew's room around 8 after hanging around with Bee for a bit and then jumped on his bed, where he was sleeping, to wake him up.After fifteen minutes of curses from Andrew's side and nagging from my side, Andrew got up to wash himself in the washroom.And I am leisurely lying on his bed right now and strolling through my phone.

  
My attention is diverted as Andrew's phone rings, insinuating that he has received a message.I furrow my eyebrows but continue strolling through my feeds.

  
Another ring.And then another.My curiosity and annoyance got the better of me and I move from my position to pick up Andrew's phone from the side table.I don't know what I was expecting but it was sure not Aiden's name on the screen.And three in front of it indicating that previous messages were from him too.

  
''Andrew!'' I shout.  
No response.''Andrew!!'' I shout again.Andrew opens the door of his attached bathroom, poking his head out,''What?''

  
His hair are wet, tinges of pink still there from last night, but he is fully dressed.He shoots me a look and then goes back into the bathroom leaving the door open behind him.  
''Aiden has texted you.'' I say trying my best to not pout.

  
''Ahan.'' He comes back with a teeth brush in his mouth and stands leaning against the door frame.Then he says something that should have been 'So?' but sounded like 'Fsho.' His teeth brush still in his mouth as he rubs it against his teeth, white foam covering his mouth.

  
'' _So?_ '' I repeat his question.''I mean when did _you_ start texting with Aiden?''

  
I know when I met Aiden at his house, I kinda decided that I am okay with him.But something uneasy settles in me every time I think of him with Andrew.I don't know why but it has nothing to do with what kind of person he is...I just..I don't know.  
Andrew looks at me for a bit and then lifts a finger indicating 'one second', goes back into the bathroom.I hear the tap running and him spitting.Then after a few seconds he comes out of the bathroom, with a towel in his hands which he uses to wipe his face.And leaves it around his neck.

  
''Well, we exchanged numbers, obviously, when I went to tutor him.And we realized we like some of the same bands, so now we just exchange some memes once in a while.'' He explains as he searches for his charger to pug his phone in.  
''Hmm.'' It is reasonable, still my face feels like plastic.

  
Andrew turns around and moves towards me.I also sit up.He looks down at me, waiting for me to say something more than a 'Hmm.' but words have left me.I can't even look at him because I feel awkward in my body, unsure of what should be my reaction.

  
''Hey,'' he turns my face towards him, as I had unconsciously looked away from him.I did not want him to read my uneasiness before I knew what it meant.''Spit.''  
''Urm..it's nothing.Just,'' I look at him realizing, maybe sharing with him would help me, just like it always has.''I feel weird about you talking to him.''

  
''Weird how?''   
''I don't know.''  
''C'mon, Neil.I need something more than 'weird'.''

  
''Well, how would you feel if I started texting someone, we have never known, all of a sudden.'' I spit, getting angry for no reason.I know where this anger is coming from.It comes from my fears.

  
He pulls me by my hair towards him, his eyes like burnt coal.He doesn't say anything just makes me look at him.

  
''Who knew you were so possessive of me?'' It wasn't an insult but somehow it felt like one.Maybe because it was truth.Maybe because it put light on my insecurities that maybe...maybe Andrew liked Aiden.And Andrew liking Aiden even as a friend, made me want to rip everything apart.

  
I pulled him by the towel around his neck until his face was inches away from mine,'' You don't even know half of it.'' I said every word slowly as if I was making sure he understood it.  
I pushed him back, not comfortable any more with Andrew witnessing my vulnerabilities.''Message me if you want to do anything today.'' I say as I make my way out of his room,'' Oh,'' I turn around at the door,'' Obviously, only if you are not too busy 'texting' Aiden.''

  
I know I was being petulant but oh well, I never said I was wise.Or mature, that was Andrew, not me.I was all impulses and anger.

  
***

  
**ANDREW**

  
Okay, in retrospect, it may have not been the best idea to jump in front of cops in a black mask, waving bottles of alcohols in my hand and shouting,'' I am seventeen.Ha bite me, suckers.'' Because now they are running after me and I realized I may have miscalculated the distance between us and how difficult it is to run with breakable bottles in your hands.

  
Fuck.Because one of the cops was fast as heck.

  
I take a turn and spot Neil leaning against my car.''Open the door!'' I shout at him.He turns around, recognizing me in the mask in a second and throws the passenger door open.I run towards him, handing him the bottles and throwing my mask and jacket in the car.

  
As soon as he done, I take his hand and start running.I take a turn as soon as I hear the cops getting closer.

  
Fuck.I recall all the moments that resulted in me standing here.

  
I remember waking up with Neil jumping on me.Then something weird was going on with Neil, and I felt as if he knew how I felt about him, or the real reason I was angry at him with Allison.I felt like he was taunting my feelings for him, which I hope he has no idea about, that what would happen if he was involved with someone else.Platonic or not, that idea felt like a cold water to my face.Then he had been angry and had taunted me about making time for him.

  
To be honest, I don't get why is he feeling so insecure about me talking to Aiden.I won't leave Neil or choose anyone over Neil, no matter what. Aiden is nothing but an interesting distraction when I find myself thinking about Neil too much.Which I shouldn't.

  
I had felt weird whole day at the idea of Neil being angry.So I had decided to barge into Neil's home and sit on him.And demanded him to play Mario with me.After couple of insane gaming sessions, we decided to get drunk tonight.I told Bee we will be drinking and then when I was buying drinks with my fake Id, I saw Officer Hernandez and I felt nostalgic.So, I thought why not remember good ol' days.Luckily, I had a mask in my jackets pocket in case I could not buy the drinks.

  
And now I am running with Neil and the other officer,that was with Hernandez, who is also young and quite fast, is chasing us.

  
If he sees us both running, they will know Neil is with me.But we now have them at least away from the drinks.

  
We both pause in front of lane with different shops.There are a few people around.But not many.

  
I see the young officer looking at people, his eyes searching.Fuck.

  
I notice an alley way on our left and push Neil there with me.

  
''What are you doing, you idiot?''

  
''Shut up.It was Hernandez how could I not annoy him?''I see him trying to resist a smile.

  
He looked beautiful, as always, in this half lit and half dark alley.The light slanted across his eyes, leaving his mouth in the shadows.I wanted to touch them to find them.

  
I hear foot steps of someone running, unlike that of any passerby's.

  
I look at Neil and the most stupid idea ever flashes in my mind.I hear footsteps get closer to the mouth of alley, and I pin Neil against the wall, my hands around his wrist.I press closer to him with my body and whisper quietly,''Just...just play along.Okay.''

  
***

  
**NEIL**

  
I don't know what's happening.

  
One minute, I am waiting for Andrew.Next we are running like crazy dogs from surprisingly fast cops.And now, Andrew has me against the wall and is asking me to play along.

  
I mean, _wait what?_

  
He takes my one hand and puts it in his hair.''Andre-''

  
''Shhh.'' And separates my legs with his knee, and slides his leg in between to stand impossibly close to me.

  
It's too intimate.Too close.I don't like it.

  
Only because I want it too much.

''Yes or No?''

I don't what he is asking but I know it's a,'' Yes.''

  
He gives no sign that he has heard me but just continues with whatever he is doing.

After putting my hand in his hair, he puts that hand of his on my waist and pulls me further against him.We are touching every where.There is not a single part of me that isn't touching him.

  
He keeps one of my hand in his grip against the wall, and hides his face in the crook of my neck.

  
I think I feel his lips on it.My whole body freezes and then starts burning after a moment.

  
What is happening? I think I would know the answer only if I could just concentrate properly for a minute, but Andrew has me distracted in so many ways that at this moment,I bet I would not even know my own name.

  
I yank his hair, asking him what the hell is this happening?

  
Then I hear the footsteps stop in front the alley, ''Excuse me.Have you...''and that's all I can hear because then I feel something wet and warm on my skin where Andrew's mouth was a few seconds ago.

  
I can't help but arch at the touch, pulling him closer by his waist.Andrew doesn't stop or gives me any time to think or react, he just starts sucking on my neck and moves his leg in such a way that it's touching my crotch.A moan unintentionally leaves my mouth.

  
Andrew had taken his jacket off, meaning I could feel his body from the black shirt he was wearing.His strong shoulders to the small of his back.I hear the wet sounds of his lips, and I become incredibly hot.I start moving in, asking for friction between my legs.

  
He indulges me for a moment before, he is ripping apart from me and standing on the other side.

  
Where it's darker.

I feel the night air against me, now that he isn't pressed to me and shiver at the feeling.His face is hidden and I feel incredibly vulnerable in half light.

  
I move away turning my face towards the shadows, he moves towards the end of the alley.

  
''Urm..'' he clears his throat,'' The cop left, I believe your face was hidden too so it is safe to assume that he did not recognize me or doubted us.''

  
I turn around at that,''What?''

  
He looks at me for a moment, still too far away for me to notice anything on his face.I inch to my left, using darkness to hide how disheveled he has left me.

  
''The cop, he took us for lovers and left us alone.'' He says still avoiding my eyes.

  
Oh, so that what it was.

  
Obviously, how silly of me.

  
I feel so embarrassed for losing myself like that.I am so so stupid.I let myself think...I let myself enjoy his touch like that.

  
''And I must say,'' He says looking at me for a second, something very serious about his stance now,'' You were amazing.You even had me fooled for a moment there.If I ignore the fact that you don't swing or are, sexually ambiguous right now, whatever.''

  
_Play along._

His words echo around me.I feel like a hot mess.I am so embarrassed and my anger is pushing words against my tongue, filling my cheeks.Asking me to shout at Andrew, for not asking my consent.Or for using me.Anything, anything that would hurt him.

  
He had no right to touch me like that and then act like it's nothing.

  
But...but then I realize that he had asked me.He had asked, 'Yes or No?' and I had agreed, desperate for his touch.

And also that we had done this many times before.

  
Kidding that Andrew is my boyfriend and getting out of situations.Buying cakes and faking our 'anniversary'. Hugging each other to hide our faces.Pretending we are having a lover's fight so that no one would question us about the spilled trash cans everywhere.

  
We have done this a couple of times.And Andrew did tell me before he did anything.I can't blame him or shout at him.

  
I was just so caught up with my feelings for him that I didn't realize it.  
But something, about this was different.Majorly, because no one was laughing in the end.

  
It was not funny.No, we were not proud that we fooled that cop.It felt like we just ripped our band aids and are stopping our wounds from bleeding on our own.Heads turned away, hiding the pain.

  
''Andrew,''  
''Hmm,'' Andrew says, distracted.Still facing away from me.

  
''What...what was it?'' I dare ask him.Making my voice neutral.

  
''It's not the first time we have done it.I apologize if it made you uncomfortable, I...I couldn't think of anything.'' He pauses,''Plus it's nothing big.Let's go now.The area is clear.''

  
''Nothing big?'' I repeat his words, glass shards caught in my throat. _Nothing big,_  he says.

  
''Yeah, it's nothing.'' His voice gets incredibly low at that.

  
''Come one now,'' He says after a beat and walks out of the alley.

  
And I am alone.I am alone where it's too dark for seekers and too bright for sinners.

  
I step into the light as I follow Andrew out.I need to get my answer.Even if it's a no.

  
I just..I can't be like this.Doing nothing.

  
I'll ask him.And if he rejects me, I'll forget I ever found anyone attractive.And if he accepts me...I don't want to think about that now.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry..my babies are just silly.  
> I mean come on thats wat u here for a cliched shit


	24. No one had to know that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG GUYS THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS..i mean my Monday morning turned amazing reading all of your comments..  
> thank you..and i hope i can upload another chapter tomorrow  
> ENjoy!! or cry!??!1

''God, you are so drunk,'' Neil exclaimed as he saw Andrew trip on a bottle, and land on his bed.Laughing in such a way that it made Neil laugh too.Andrew's laugh was the most childish laugh and Neil absolutely loved it.

  
Their idea to get drunk went a little too far, as they now had plenty of bottles strewn around the room.Maybe getting drunk was easier than worrying about what had happened earlier that night.Maybe them being wasted helped making it seem like something that happened ages go.Something stupid, juvenile and temporary.As long as you did not think about it too much, and a brain that is poisoned by booze was perfect for that.For not thinking.

  
They joked around, remembering, and recalling one of the most funniest moments they have shared together.

  
''I am not as think as you drunk I am,'' Andrew said quoting one of his bands, and then he rolled around the bed, clutching his stomach and laughing.But then he stops, a smile still paining his lips as he sits on his bed.Clutching the sheets and making a mess of his bed.

  
Neil shifts closer when he sees Andrew sway.Andrew pushes Neil's hands away when he tried steadying him.So Neil just chose to sit beside him as he himself could not stand properly.  
Andrew cracks a lame knock knock joke, which has Neil shaking his head and stealing beer from his hands and putting it on the table.When the lame jokes and references start, it's the time to take the beer from Andrew's hands because then he is utterly sloshed.

  
''Hey,'' Andrew slaps Neil's arms as he puts his beer away.Neil just kicks him away and struggles to pick some of the bottles off the bed but he realizes it's hard to pick them somehow.They keep disappearing whenever he tries touching them.Maybe he is too drunk himself too.

Sighing, Neil just hits the bed instead, in frustration of not being able to pick the bottles up.

  
A hand moves in his vision as it easily picks up the bottle and puts it away. Neil moves his eyes from the hand that picked up the bottle to the arm that is connected to a black clad shoulder.He knows this shoulder, he touches it, he believes, and then looks at the face in front of him.

  
Andrew is looking at him quite steadily for a guy as drunk as him.He looks at Neil's hand on his shoulders, and then back at Neil.It's Neil's turn to laugh, slapping Andrew's shoulder.''Woah, you are so strong,'' Something about it makes Neil laugh and he finds himself hitting Andrew harder,testing his strength, complimenting it even.Knowing nothing could really shake Andrew.And Andrew proved that by not even budging slightly.

  
Andrew catches both of his hands in his own,after some more slaps and rests them in his lap.Again Neil is surprised by how quiet he is being, given a moment before he could not even sit up.  
Neil feels his whole body sag as Andrew starts caressing his hands.''You know,'' Andrew speaks, his voice thick from beer and smokes he had had.It makes Neil's stomach feel funny.No, Neil thinks, he does not want to puke right now.'' I'll let you in on a little secret.''

  
Or that's what it sounds like, Neil tries concentrating on Andrew's lips to find out what he is truly saying as it feels important.

  
Andrew looks up from where his eyes were glued to their hands, now interlinked, to Neil's face. '' I am seriously never as drunk as I look.Half of it is pretense and other half a slight buzz.Even now I could walk in a straight line if I really wanted to.''

  
Neil did not know what to with that information, as it looked like a total bullshit.Neil has seen him jump into a pool at 4 in the morning and make barbecue after because he claimed to be ''too drunk to care''.But now that Neil's tired brain thinks about it, Andrew would not have successfully done all of those if he was truly drunk.And secondly, Andrew hardly ever lies.

  
Neil keeps looking at Andrew's lips, trying to figure out how to shape his own reply.But after some time, he just gives up struggling.He is reaching that point of the night when his brain is lulled, and all of his senses start fooling him, because their is no reason other than this, that would have Andrew saying what he is saying now.

  
''You have kissed people,Neil, how is it like?'' Andrew asks, now his own eyes glued to Neil's lips which Neil finds himself licking.

  
The world becomes clear for a moment or two and Neil finds himself noticing lust in Andrew's eyes.''Why are you asking me that? Have you never kissed anyone?''

  
Neil is surprised he can talk, maybe because this moment feels important and Neil's brain is trying to hold onto his conscious for it.

  
''Never.'' Andrew says, it surprises Neil's lazy brain for a moment,'' It was never Drake's priority and in juvie I realized I did not trust anyone enough to try.''

  
His voice too blank than it should have been.Neil's anger at Drake's name is almost instinctive.He holds Andrew's face in his hands, pulling forward.Andrew looks at him calmly, but intently as if this moment weighs something.

  
Neil's brain keeps compelling him to believe that this is just Drunk Andrew's confession.He has rarely done it, but it has happened before.Maybe Andrew himself doesn't know how drunk he is.It seems funny so he chuckles a little in his mind, maybe out loud too.Who knows?

  
Andrew touches Neil's hands on his cheeks,'' Say, Neil,'' He says licking his lips and inching closer,''What if I wanted you to be my first kiss? What if I...'' he inches too close that Neil can taste his breath.'' What if I wanted you to kiss me right now, would you?''

Andrew's voice was shaking, Neil gently pressed his head against Andrew's.How silly was Andrew!

  
''No,'' Neil whispered.Laughing a little, at how ridiculous Andrew sounded.Even after all these years, if Andrew thought Neil would kiss Andrew when they both were drunk, then how little Andrew knew of Neil.Which was a contradiction because Neil believed, Andrew knew him the most.So no, Neil would not kiss Andrew right now.

  
No, Neil would love to be Andrew's first kiss but not like this.He wanted it to be special just as everything about Andrew was to him.Incredibly special and irreplaceable.

  
Neil really wished he had said it all out loud, because now he could not hold himself upright any longer.His hands slipped from where they were locked with Andrew's and as soon as his head hit the bed, his conscious accepted peaceful darkness with open arms.

  
***

  
It was stupid.Andrew had known it was stupid.

  
It was a test and he had failed miserably.His chest felt like it was betraying him as it ached in the worst way possible.His eyes even rebelled against him by getting watery.

  
Not only he had been rejected instead he had been laughed at.At the prospect of Neil kissing Andrew.

  
Andrew had gotten 'Dutch courage' tonight, to perform his little experiment.Neil was always honest when he was drunk, and their friendship was too precious to be risked when they were both sober.Well, at least when Neil was because Andrew had not lied.He never got drunk.It was his curse because now he really wished he was.Maybe it would hurt less.

  
And what the experiment had gotten him? His heart out in front of Neil, bare and ugly, as it always had been.Just to be mocked aside.

Andrew did not blame Neil, he might have laughed himself at the idea of Neil asking Andrew to kiss him, if he did not feel the way he did.If he only had been a 'best friend' to Neil, they might have even kissed for the heck of it and forgotten it as nothing.But the no was still in the air.Because the no still hung upside down in from of him.

  
Because the _No_ kept resonating, hitting him harder every time. _Neil didn't want him._

It was a good thing Neil was drunk, other wise his answer would have been morphed by his care for me.And pity, was what I had wanted the least.

  
 He had to accept it and move on.But it was so hard because it hurt him so much.He was so so so stupid to have hoped anything else.

  
Andrew laid beside Neil, enveloped in darkness and if a tear slipped, no one had to know that.

  
***

  
**NEIL**

 

''Andrew!'' I shouted entering the house.''Andrew!!''

  
No response.

  
Where the hell is he? If he was at the house he would have shouted something back in return.Probably something insulting, but still would've replied.

  
''Andre-'' I stopped mid sentence as I turned the corner, and entered the living room.''Oh Bee.It's you.''

  
I moved to sit on the couch in front of Bee as she poured me a glass of hot chocolate.

  
She apparently had a jug with her as she sat amidst the papers around her, her glasses making her look scholarly and serious, which was in contrast to a woman in her late 30's, wearing a 'I only use my psychology super powers for good' tee-shirt and drinking hot chocolate.

  
I murmured a thank you and asked,''Where is Andrew?''

  
''Oh he didn't tell you, he went to Aiden's,'' She said.

  
''Aiden's?'' I reach for my phone in my pocket and find it dead.I stifle a curse and move towards the charger in the corner of the room and plug it in.I turn my phone on and find Andrew's text telling me that he would be at Aiden's.

  
''Oh yeah, he told me.My phone was dead.''

  
I leave my phone there and move back on the couch.Well I don't mind spending some time here with Bee.

  
Aiden...That's what I don't understand.Andrew has been spending his time with him.Not a lot, but still more than usual.

  
Since, I have decided to confess to Andrew, somehow I can not find a single moment with him alone.Every time either Andrew is with Renee or we are with Bee.Sometimes he is asleep or like now, with Aiden.If I could guess, I would have thought Andrew was avoiding me.

  
But he had no reason to avoid me.I mean that part should have come _after_ I had confessed to him.I try thinking of something that I might have done, but come up empty.Something about the night we got drunk, tickles my brain, but I don't think I had done anything stupid.Like confessing to him or, I dare think with horror, kissing him.I don't think I did anything like that.I _would've_ _remembered_ both of those.

  
I lift my eyes and realize Bee has taken her glasses off and is now looking at me.Clinically if you ask me.

  
I raise my eye brows at her but she keeps looking at me.Sitting a little straighter now.I know she is gonna say something important even before she opens her mouth.

  
''Neil, have you ever thought about Andrew getting a boyfriend?'' And I choke on my hot chocolate.

  
Because that was the least thing I expected her to say.

  
Bee hands me a tissue from the table beside her. I wipe my face and hands.I can't help but laugh trying to hide my awkwardness.''What?? You think Andrew is interesting in dating someone?'' It seems funny, but then a name flashes before my eyes.It is the most absurd thing ever.

  
''Don't tell me Bee you think he is gonna end up dating Aiden?'' It is so stupid that I snort at the end.But Bee looks at me like she doesn't think it is that absurd and just shrugs,''Could be.I mean, there is a possibility.''

  
''Yeah and so is there a possibility of that not being true.''

  
I bare my voice of any defensiveness that my words seem to be suggesting.

  
''Okay for a moment, let's assume that Andrew decides he wants to date Aiden,''

  
I snort at that again, looking everywhere in the room but her.It's stupid, Andrew would never.But the more she talks the more I can't help but think one reason why not.

  
''...do you think you'll be okay with that?''

  
''With what?'' I realize she had been talking while I was lost in my thought.Hating the thought of what she could possibly be asking,

  
''With Andrew getting a boyfriend.If not Aiden, then someone else, it doesn't matter.What matters is...would you be okay with it?''

  
''Why wouldn't I be?'' But I feel like there is a stack of copper pennies in my mouth and I am trying to balance them on my tongue.

I had not thought of it.  
Of Andrew being interested in anyone else.Andrew has never given me a chance to.I have been the only boy he has ever talked or gotten comfortable with.Something tells me, he hadn't even kissed anyone before.I don't know how I know that, but somehow I do.I remember him telling me that.

  
''Well, it could change your friendship a bit,''

  
''Bee...'' I am about to protest but she cuts me off.

  
''I know.I know nothing can come between you two.I am just saying...we know Andrew.He is too passionate, too loyal.That is why I had my qualms about you when he brought you home and introduced you as his 'future best friend' three years ago.Trust me, Andrew getting a boyfriend scares no one more than me, but I have to consider it.I also have to consider your reaction to it.''

  
''I don't get it, Bee.I get you being worried about Andrew, I just don't get why now? What made you think that Andrew would want a boy friend now?''

  
''He is young, Neil.If not now then soon.He has grown so much as a person.He has gotten so comfortable with you that he doesn't mind your touch or your closeness.I just don't him to keep playing safe.You are his best friend, he trusts you.But he has to start trusting other people, especially of same gender, to fully grow and recover.I am not gonna push him, but I just really hope he realizes it and does something about it.He has to give other people a chance, he has to try and explore himself romantically and sexually with at least someone in near future.''

  
The idea of Andrew touching someone or having someone touch him, angers me so much that I want to throw my glass away, shout at Bee, leave the house.I don't know.All I know is that I can not accept it.Andrew is so precious to me that I can't imagine him with someone else.Don't want to imagine him wanting someone else.

I keep thinking about all that Bee has said and find myself unable to talk, without declaring my feelings about Andrew to her.Without telling her that, Andrew did not need anyone, that he had me.And I loved him enough for--

  
I loved him.I loved Andrew.

  
I knew that...I just...

  
''Look, Neil.I did not want to pressure you or scare you.I just thought you should keep in mind, how...how Andrew is.How possessive, how protective he is when he considers something or someone his.And especially if he really likes them..'' Her voice grew softer at that, now she was looking at me differently.It felt personal, too personal.Like she knew all that I could not say.I could hear my heart beating, my breathing was laboured.And in years, for the first time I wanted to cry for some reason.

  
''If he likes someone, the whole world diminishes for him.He would do anything for that person, anything.His love is boundless, even his care.I just want you to be ready for it, or just ready for the idea of Andrew, dividing his time or his attention that he showers you, even me, with someone else.''

  
I was just looking at my hands in my lap, having put the glass back on the table.I could just nod on that.

  
''And for both of our benefit, I do wish that doesn't happen soon.Or maybe ever.''

  
I would've noticed how weird her sentence was given the context, only if I could think of anything properly.I did not even need to say my good bye, she seemed to know what I was feeling.So I just got up from the chair, pulled my phone from the charger, got out of the house and ran.

  
And if my vision got blurry at the thought Andrew wanting or loving someone else, no one had to know that.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it..and even if you hated it please do comment and share.


	25. Renison (Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry.I am getting late every week.I promise I'll try uploading next chapter soon.  
> My tests are starting at uni so I don't know if I can time.  
> Other than that..THANK YOU LOADS FOR YOUR COMMENTS.  
> ENjoy>!! 
> 
> warnings: sexual assault in really vague words.

**RENEE**

 

It was weird, to say the least.

  
I did not expect to see Ally instead of Allison walking in our school hallways, on a Wednesday morning.She had her head bent and no make up on her face.She was wearing plain grey shirt and blue jeans under it.She had her hair down and that was the closest I had seen her, in the past week, look like Ally.

  
Other's noticed it as 'strange' but I don't think even they knew what it truly meant.

  
Whole day, I knew I was staring at her blatantly.Even during lunch break, I kept looking at her table.All of her friends were chatting and laughing but she just sat there, inattentive and distant.

  
The knot in my stomach kept getting bigger and bigger as the day passed. _Something was wrong._ I wanted to ask her but every time I was about to, something in me told me that I had no right to.That it was a one day thing, the festival.She is not my friend and if something was wrong, she certainly would not share it with me.

  
In the parking lot, when I was about to leave, I saw her with Seth.I did not want hear it, okay...They were just being loud and I had ears.

So I caught on a few things.It looked like they had broken up (It made me happy, she deserved better.Don't know why.Given they were same in school. ) and Allison was kindly telling him to fuck off.My 'not eavesdropping' was cut in short when Allison turned her face away from Seth's in annoyance and her eyes locked with mine.My first instinct was to look away.But all I did was stand there.Looking at her.

  
And she did the same.She kept looking at me like she wanted to say something, or literally just spend next four hours, content, looking at me.Which was stupid, so I just shook my head and looked away.In what world, we would be close.And in what damned world, I wanted that.

  
I got into my car and rushed my way out of there.

  
***

  
It was probably not one of the best decisions she had taken, Allison thought.

  
Because now she was alone, and the night had fallen.And it looked like she had forgotten her way home.Her day was already going bad and the last thing she wanted was paranoia fueled walk home.

  
She had been angry at Seth and left school's parking lot without her car, because he wouldn't let her in until she patched up with him.And Allison did not want to do that.Recently everything with Seth felt pointless and Allison saw no use of dragging this relationship if it held no magic.She does not know what had changed, why now all of a sudden she wanted 'magic', but she did.And being with Seth just felt wrong.

  
So she had started walking out of the lot, thinking she can pick her car later from there.She just wanted to roam around the town and loose Seth, before she could go back for her car.So she had a coffee in the nearby coffee shop and when she thought she saw Seth even there.She ran to the one place she knew Seth could not follow her.

  
The town's Library.

  
She went in there, found a comfortable spot and started using her phone.Which after some time felt awkward, so she entered the row with 'Law'' labeled on the front.And picked up a random book and went back to her spot.She got her reading glasses out of her back, tied her hair in a bun and now she did not feel uncomfortable in the library.

She felt like someone who could stay there.

  
As she kept reading, she realized that the book had some interesting points and she started noting them down.And after an hour or two she felt her eyes tiring, so she took her glasses off and rested her head on the book.

  
And fell asleep.

  
Now it had been so late that the roads were empty and she could not go back to school to get her car.Moreover, she thinks she has taken some wrong turn, because this looks nothing like the road to her home.

  
A jingle.A laughter.

  
The voices and sounds drifted with the wind.They all seemed at first too close to her and then too far away.

  
She could not realize whether she felt alone or surrounded.

  
She started walking faster as she saw some group of boys, with lit sticks in their hands and bottles being raised up to their lips and then down by their sides.They stood in the corner against the wall.Their raucous laughter only coming to stop when Allison was walking in front of them.

  
Allison felt fully aware of her limbs as she walked by them. _One more step, one more step._

  
_Don't notice me, do you own thing._

  
She brisked past them, thanking god when they did not reach for her.

  
She had never been alone, or in any of these circumstances.Or in such a shape that she would be actually scared.But everything just caught onto her own a wrong day.

  
Today she was not strong Allison, today she was timid Ally.The memories of this day few years back, still ripe in her mind.

  
As she walked ahead and finally saw a shop she realized, she could not help but heave a sigh of relief.Now she knew where she was.Now she could get home.

  
But then she heard footsteps.Few steps behind her, heavy and staggering.The same laughter she thought she had left behind her.She opened her bag sneakily and when she was about to drag pepper spray out, one of the boys from behind got a hold of her arm and pulled her arm harshly.She felt herself scream, as she was pushed against the wall.And if the pain in her shoulder was something to go by,she knew she had dislocated her shoulder.

  
She pushed them with her other arm, kicked and even pinched one of them.But they were persistent and getting furious by her struggle.Their slurs getting louder and more in number.

They were four in total.And Allison could not see any scenario in which she could leave unharmed.

  
She screamed and screamed but they put a hand on her mouth and started opening her pant's button.

 

_What was happening? Why was this happening?_

  
How did she even get in this situation? She was regretting every turn she had taken which had led her here.

  
She kept screaming 'NO! No.No.Please, no.'' But she was unheard.This had never happened.Everyone always heard Allison.With the stink of alcohol around her and tears streaming down her face, she remembered those stupid words.

  
_''You would know what a no is, not by hearing someone say it.But when you are repeating it again and again and no one hears it.No one bothers with it.''_

  
Allison does not know how she had known it.But now there was nothing else she could think about.She heard her shirt tear, and felt night air on her skin.The pain in arm was killing her but she kept struggling.

  
She felt a hand reaching for her and everything went black for her.

  
No.Please, I'll apologize.I'll change.Just...No.

  
And then the bodies were snatched away from her.And cold wind enveloped her as she felt her legs give away and she fell down.Clutching her body, curling in.

  
She lifter her head to see what was going on and found a silhouette of a girl standing in front of her.She recognized her immediately, how could she not.For the past minutes, it had been her words torturing her more than the hands on her.

  
Allison moved behind, when she saw the boys move forward.No...now they were gonna hurt Renee too.

  
Allison wanted to shout at her to just call police or why was she even here.But she stopped when she saw her kick the guy that had moved towards her.

  
The noise of her foot against his face was heard loud and clear.I could see other guys looking as shocked as me.But she did not stop.Her moves were so angry that it surprised Allison.Was she the same girl with pastel hair and kind smile?

  
But Allison had seen that side of Renee, when she had warned her in the locker room.But even then her anger was contained.This? This was chaos.

  
She was fast and brutal, her fists relentless.The guys were bloodied but she held no mercy.Two guys on the ground, unable to get up.

  
A guy behind her had a pocket knife out, _'Renee,'_ ' Allison screamed.

  
But Renee did not need that because she was already twisting that guys arm and kicking Allison's spray's bottle on the fourth guys head.Three down.  
Renee took her time looking at the fourth guy.And then twisting his arm slowly and slowly until it looked painfully disfigured.After a few punches on his stomach and a head butt.All four were down.

  
Their screams still ricocheting from the walls of the empty street.Their lifeless bodies were a relief to Allison.

  
For a second she thought, had Renee killed them? But then she realized she did not care.She tried standing up, but the pain in her shoulder made her moan.

  
Which dragged Renee's attention towards her.

  
''Hey, how-'' And she was cut shot as she got closer to me and asked,''Allison?''

  
Her voice had dread and surprise in it.Allison felt ashamed but could not do anything about it.So she just tried standing up again.

  
Renee moved towards her and Allison jerked back.Renee stopped where she was.

  
Allison was shivering so bad, she did not know what to do.She wanted to hate her for her words, be scared of how easily she had defeated the guys and scared that she might leave her here alone now that Renee had realized it was Allison.But Renee only took off her jacket and took her phone out of her pants.

  
''I won't hurt you Allison.'' Allison wanted to believe that.Allison took a step forward.

  
''Hey,Ally.Ally.I promise I won't hurt you.Or even touch you.Just wear this jacket.''

  
She gave it to Allison.Allison lifted her right hand from her left dislocated shoulder, but found it hurt too much to.

  
Allison heard Renee swear, it was weird because it did not match her.But then she asked,''Can I help you?''

  
Allison had been ignoring the urge in her to just collapse against Renee and at that sentence, she just did.Renee had her arms around her in a second.''Ally, I need to hear it.''

  
''Yes,please.'' Whimpered and hating how weak she sounded.

  
Renee took a shuddered breath and wrapped the jacket around her.She then dialed a number on her phone and left it at speaker.

  
''Hello,'' Which sounded a lot like Andrew's voice said on the phone.

  
''Four bodies at Ecer's.''

  
Andrew's voice turned serious at that.Renee struggled to keep Allison up with her one hand on her back and adjusted her phone in the other hand.

  
''Dead or Alive?''

  
''Still breathing.But they are down.'' She rested Allison's head against her shoulder.Allison was like doll against her.Renee was founding it hard to keep her standing.''And make sure they stay down.''

  
''Are you gonna be there when we reach?'' It was Neil's voice, asking that question.Renee could hear the car's doors closing behind them.

  
Renee looks at Allison, her eyes shut and her hair plastered to her face.

  
''No.'' Renee said, her voice clear.

  
''Okay.We'll be there.'' And then they hung up.

 

''Hey, Allison,'' Renee tried waking her up.''Stay with me,okay?''

  
Allison murmurs something, but that only sounded gibberish.

  
 _I have to get her home_ , Renee thought,picking her up. _I have to make sure she is alright._

 

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Marichatshipper suggesting me to move angst to renison..  
> The next chapter is also going to be renison.I am still not clear if you like them or not..so please make sure you comment and let me know


	26. Renison (Part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urm..I know I have been posting renison not andreil forgive me..Upcoming chapters will be about them,  
> Thank you for your comments and I might upload a short chapter later tonight  
> Enjoy!!

Renee thinks she has hardly ever handled anything with more gentle than she handled Allison.

  
Following her slurred directions, Renee moved towards her room.It surprised her, and at the same time did not surprise her, to know that there was no one home.A maid came but Renee just hushed her away, saying Allison was just a bit tipsy.After obviously, the maid stopped staring at her and asking her again and again whether she should ask her son to carry Allison upstairs.Saying,  _'it must be a difficult task for a sweet girl.'_

  
Renee chose to kindly tell her no.Used to these kinds of remarks when it came to her strength, she could not bother with maid's assumption.And to be honest, right now her prime worry was Allison.

  
Renee had not believed her eyes, when she had seen that it was Allison in the alley.Whole day, she had been acting weird and now this.

  
Renee had been furious when she noticed those boys and then she just went crazy when she saw Allison.She was so scared and looked so weak.Things that were hard to relate with Allison, but what surprised Renee the most was that it was not Natalie that was hitting those guys.It was not the usual face she wore when she needed Natalie.She was Renee, it was Renee that hit those guys.It was Renee that was furious, it was Renee that wanted to kill anyone who had dared touch Allison and made her look like that.

  
Renee tried her best not to jostle Allison when she was climbing the stairs.Damn these rich people and stairs!

  
The house was as pristine as one could imagine.The furniture was speckless, the paintings on the wall seemed extremely expensive.But it looked like one of the houses whose pictures people put in magazines and less like a home.The only messy and homey thing Renee saw in the house was Allison's room.

  
It was ...surprisingly full of pictures and papers on the floor.The shirts were thrown everywhere.On her bean bag and on her desk chair.The furniture was not too expensive but instead comfortable.The lights were low.There were lots of books on the desk.The room had a nice vibe on the whole.Except the papers everywhere, they looked serious and suspicious.

  
Renee settled Allison on the bed, which woke Allison up.She gasped and moved back, but her shoulder ached so bad that the movement had her wincing.

  
''Hey, hey it's me.Renee,'' Renee tried her best to calm her down, while keeping the appropriate distance.It was weird, for the first time everything in Renee instead wanted to hold her close.Renee had used the excuse to bring her here, just to keep her close and in her arms.

  
Allison looked at Renee, her eyes watery,probably from the pain.''I know.'' She held Renee's jacket against her which made Renee look around for a wardrobe.

  
''Ah...where is your closet?''

  
''Urm that door.'' Allison points at a door in the corner on her right.

  
Renee moves towards it and opens it.

  
Fuck these rich people! She has a whole room almost as big as her room for a closet.

Designer dresses and shoes and accessories lined.Looking as lavish as Allison looks in them.

  
''No move ahead, to the door in the end.'' Allison's pained voice told Renee.Renee moves towards that door hurriedly, wanting to help Allison.This door leads to a smaller closet, which had all the comfortable clothes.Sweatpants, hoodies, sweaters and shirts.All looking soft.

  
Renee picked up a shirt that was kinda big but looked warm and a pajama with giraffes on it. _What even?_

Renee came back to Allison's bedroom and tossed the clothes on her bed.

  
''Okay, I need to see your shoulder.'' Renee knows she needs to be clinical right now.She didn't think Allison would appreciate Renee coddling her right now.

  
''Okay, but I think it's dislocated.Let me get dressed and then we can go to the doctor.''

  
How can Allison still have her brains working right now, Renee did not know.

  
''No I can fix it.You don't have to go anywhere,'' Renee said urgently, making sure Allison doesn't have to move much.''But if you want, we can call a doctor here.'' But she also did not want to sound like she was taking a mile, instead of an inch.

  
''Can you do it?'' She asked still holding her shoulder with her hand.

  
''Yeah,'' Renee told her making sure, that she could see just an inch of her past.To let her know that yes, Renee has handled things worse than this.

  
Allison kept looking at her before, nodding and shifting.Making space for Renee to sit next to her.

  
Renee did not know, what Allison was feeling.No tears, no shivers.She just looked she would rather just move on.Just take it as a fact, and get on with it.Renee was not sure if this is just how she worked with every problem or was it because Renee was here, so she had to act like that.But to be honest she did not look like she was acting.She looked tired and thoughtful.

  
''Better you than a doctor,'' she said.Thinking and looking at the jacket covering her.She would have to take it off for the Renee to fix her shoulder and her shirt was completely torn underneath.  
Renee sat down, carefully, next to her.Looking into her eyes,she said,'' It's okay, I won't look.''

  
Allison snorted,'' I don't fucking care if you do.'' The fire and bitterness in her eyes,defiant despite what she been through tonight.It used to anger Renee but now she under stood it.

  
''I know, I still won't.'' Renee said it calmly.Looking at her she moved her hand towards Allison's shoulder.Allison's eyes followed her movements, but Renee kept her eyes on Allison.Not moving away from her face.

  
Renee removed the jacket, Allison's eyes snapped to hers.Cautious but not scared.This is the Allison Renee knows.

  
''I need to use my other hand too.''

  
''Get on with it.'' Allison snapped.''I am not porcelain.''

  
Renee ignored her cattiness and felt her shoulder with her both hands.Her eyes still locked with Allison's.It was hard, but not impossible.

  
''Count to three.'' Renee told Allison.

  
''Renee,'' Allison said that as if it required exercising a lot of patience.'' I.Am.Not.Porcelain.''

  
Renee, once again, ignored her and started counting herself.

  
''One,'' she held the shoulder and arm firmly.

  
''Two.And..'' She snapped the shoulder back into the joint.''Three.'' Which was followed by Allison's screams and curses.

  
''Bitch!!! you did not even count till three.''

  
Renee just smirked at her.Allison looked at her, shooting daggers.''Okay, just shut up.''

  
Renee threw her hands up in defense,'' I am not even saying anything.''

  
''Yeah, yeah.''

  
Renee moved to the end of the bed to pick Allison's shirt up the one she had brought form the closet and and started opening the buttons.''Give me your arm.''

  
''I can do it my-'' Renee just took one of her arms and put it in the sleeve.Still not looking.Tore remaining of her previous shirt.Moved a little forward, trying her best not to get too close to Allison.Her face inches away.

Renee passes the shirt from her one hand to the other, covering Allison's back.This could be almost an embrace but Renee wouldn't dare.Not now.Renee tries moving Allison's injured arm, as carefully as she can, without using her eyes and touching much of Allison's skin.Once the shirt is on, Allison's hand straight goes to her injured shoulder.Renee starts closing the buttons.The silence is heavy and tense.It even looks feeble like the space between them.

  
As soon as Renee has her buttoned up, she moves away urgently.''Okay so, get your pajamas on and I'll bring some ice for your shoulder.''

  
Allison keeps staring at her lap and just nods.And Renee rushes out of the room.

  
What is happening? This is not the time to get awkward!

  
Renee gets her thoughts in line and focuses on bringing some painkillers and ice bags for Allison.

  
By the time Renee comes back, Allison is under the covers, lying on one side.Renee gives her the ice bag and pain killers.Pours some water from the jug on her table for her.

  
After that, Allison settles on her bed again.Something in Renee wants to caress her cheek, unintentionally she even moves her hand.Until, her own bloodied knuckles come in view.  
Allison notices how Renee looks at her own hands. She moves them away from Allison and rubs at the blood on them.Allison isn't stupid.She knows, no one can fight like that and have a nice christian background.But Renee just saved her, and Allison liked her enough not to ask about it.

  
It seemed like consent had a whole new meaning for her now.She saw Renee move away and look around the room.

  
The room looked like Allison's past laid bare, but Allison didn't think Renee knew that.Not the pictures and all the papers.No, she did't know what they meant.

  
''So..I should be leaving.'' Renee said, shifting on her feet.

  
Anxiety bubbled up inside of Allison and she moved to her hand from her shoulder to hold Renee's, the only time it did during since they same here.''No. Stay.''

  
She couldn't say more.She couldn't say that she wanted Renee staying here.That she bought with her shit load of safety and comfort.And that Allison could be herself in front of her easily.Something that she struggled with everyone else.

  
Renee looks at her and nods in return, looking like she understands.

  
Maybe that is why, when Renee has settled in her desk chair next to her bed that Allison's mouth runs loose.

  
''Have you noticed that we have no pictures in our whole house?'' Allison says bitterly, tired of keeping everything in.Renee had saved her from losing everything, the least she could do was let her know the real Allison.Ally.It's not like she would be seeing it for the first time.And if she didn't move away, hopefully not the last.Allison ached for a true friend.

  
Renee nodded her head at that.''And you have noticed them in my room only?'' Again another nod, her eyes shinning.As if knowing this is something important to Allison and being serious about it.  
''Have you seen who is in those photos?''  
Renee shakes her head,'' No I did not have time to.''

  
Yeah obviously, she has been worried about Allison all this time. Allison picks up a picture on her table and without looking at it tosses it at Renee.

  
''That's me and my brother.Allen.''

  
Renee looks at her, shocked to have heard about a brother. Allison's voice shakes as she mention him.

  
Renee looks at the picture and smiles.''You look different and happy.And your brother is hot.''  
Allison laughs at that.A watery laugh.''Yeah he was.He had all the girls swooning over him.Even aunts at our parents 'parties' were his fans. Our maids or the waitresses in the diners we visited loved him.''  
Renee did not miss the 'was'.Suddenly the frame in her hand felt heavier.The fondness in Allison's voice made her stomach churn.She did not have any guts to ask what had happened.

  
''He was such a perfect son.He was everyone's favourite. And he was so so kind.'' Allison's eyes teary, like an auto set. She always cried when she mentioned or thought of his brother.That's why she rarely did it.Only one day in the whole year she allowed the memories of her brother in and let herself cry remembering him.

  
''You know, he wanted to be a lawyer.He saw how politics worked, as my father is a congressman. And he wanted to expose what's right. He would come and tell me all the laws that he learnt about and everything he found interesting and I would listen to him raptly about it.He treated me really well.As he had all the expectations and hopes of our parent's on his shoulders, I got to be whatever I wanted to be. I could do whatever I want. Which obviously led me living like a hobo.No literally, I would go on trips to unknown places.I was the adventurous kind.I had my parents money.I would listen about something happening somewhere and spent days reaching there and staying there.'' Allison could hear nostalgia in her voice.It was so so hard staying at one place and living this monotonous life now.

  
''And I could be all that because my brother would convince my parents to let me.And then one day, we received a call.'' Allison saw all of it happen before her eyes.Her mother panicking, her father dialing numbers, calling people.And Allison, Allison was the last person to know it.

  
''I was out, when I came home it was a chaos.Everyone was rushing to the hospital.No one was even telling me what had happened.And when they did I wished they hadn't.Allen had been murdered and left on the road.His body was in such a bad shape that...'' Allison's voice got stuck in her throat and she started sobbing.''I couldn't even recognize my own brother.''

  
Renee moved from her chair, and sat next to Allison, hugging her.Careful with her shoulders but still holding her tight.Allison cried and cried.''No one knows what happened to him.My parents tried.Everyone blamed my dad's profession.Him being a politician, led many enemies to our door.My mum was bitter towards him, dad started blaming himself.No one could find out what had happened.Everything..everything fell apart.

  
''Suddenly, I was the only daughter.I had to represent Reynolds everywhere.My mother as a designer wanted me to be a model.I had to check my weight and dress like a Reynold.All the attention was on me.And I, who had rarely been to any of those posh stupid parties was being shown off like a priceless horse of high pedigree.

  
''Everyone was asking me what I thought of helping my mothers clothes, and what make up I used.How did I stay fit? I could answer the last one, my mother had me on a fucking diet.''  
Allison moved away from Renee.Renee gave her the tissue to dry her eyes from the side table.

  
''No seriously, I knew nothing.I never had to.And then, suddenly my life took a 180 and no one asked my opinion in what I wanted to be.And my brother...when my parents couldn't find anything about him...they just stopped trying.All of the sudden all his pictures were being removed his degrees and his room changed.Can you believe it? They threw all his stuff away, I stole some of it.But no, I should just 'learn to keep my pretty mouth shut'.They gave up on him.''

  
Allison broke again.''Renee, they gave up on trying to find who killed their own son.They gave up on their marriage or being nice parents.And worse they killed my dreams.They never asked what I wanted. I...after him..I wanted to be a lawyer.I still do..so bad.I want to bring him justice.But they won't let me be.They hate lawyers, they even hate being at home.They have decided what I am supposed to be and won't listen a word.They even threaten to disown me, if I tried.''

  
Renee hugged her again and Allison cried to her content, holding onto the chance of sharing her grief and hurt with someone else.''No one ever mentions him.I miss him so much..but no one ever fucking mentions him.Every year on his anniversary, which was today,I open up the box with his stuff in it.Every year I try finding stuff about investigations on his murder.Every year I come up empty.It's been three years and I still know nothing about him.

  
''I miss him Renee.I miss him so much.''

  
Renee held Allison all night as, Allison told her how difficult it was.Being one thing, wanting to be another and living as another.She could hardly be what she was again..that was the adventurous, curious Allison.She could hardly be a lawyer, what she wanted to be for her brother's sake and to live her brother's unfulfilled dreams.And she was being forced to be a model and a designer, take part in stuff she had no interest in.

  
Renee did not know what to think..but what she knew was.

  
1) Somehow, after this night Allison was a part of her.Just like Stephanie, Neil and Andrew were.

  
2) And that somehow Allison had combined Renee and Natalie.Making them one person.Soft and fierce when needed.Forgiving but also merciless.Renee had never had that.She was always very clear.

  
3) She would sure as hell find what had happened to Allison's brother.

  
***

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So please do tell what you think about allison and all.I added bits of halsey refrences  
> ANNNDD..guys your comments are very less on renison which makes me that think you don't enjoy it??¬.-  
> But IT IS part of the story so please try leaving comments..  
> thank youu


	27. Uncle is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well either you are gonna hate it...or love it..So yeah  
> Enjoy?!?!

**STUART**

When you come back home after a few weeks, you expect a warm welcome.Or at least smiles and hugs, no matter what.

You don't expect an empty house.But you are used to it, if your nephew has a stinky midget for a friend.What you really don't expect is, your front door opening and your nephew barging in and falling on the floor.  
That is what I did not expect, and that is what I got.

  
''Neil,'' I run towards him.He is breathing fast.And if someone had lived as dangerous life as we, my first instinct to look around and search for threat.When I find nothing outside, I come back and ask him,

''Is everything okay?'' I pat his back and help him stand up.''C'mon, Neil.''

  
''Uncle!'' He says in a raw voice.My worry for him reaches its peak.I look at his body checking for wounds.''What is it? Are you okay? Did something happen?''

  
He looks at me like he wants to say yes, which makes my heart clench. _Mary.._.what have you left me with? Even after years, I still don't know how to help him.

  
''Neil..'' I urge him to at least tell me something, holding him his arms firmly.

  
''Yes, Uncle.I am fine.'' He says clearing his throat.'' I was just running and then fell on the floor from exhaustion.''

  
I feel relief through my body.Thank God, this boy is okay.But the crease between his eye brows is still there.The worry is still evident in his eyes and he keeps shaking under my hands.

  
''What is it? Is it about that midget?''

  
Again what I expect at that is _'C'mon uncle we all know you love him_ ' or a brat-y eye roll just like his mother.But tonight is the night I keep getting things I wouldn't expect.

  
''I am in love with him.''

  
''What!!''

  
''I am in fucking love with him.'' And then he swears and rests his head on my shoulder.''What do I do, Uncle? I love him.''

  
''Wait..I don't get it.I thought...is this 'he is my best friend and we are creepy close.' _love_ love or 'he is my best friend and we are creepy close AND I am attracted to him.' _love_ love. Which one is it? Cuz as far as I know, son. you don't swing.''

  
Neil groans at that.'' That's what I thought.But I do.For him.''

  
''Fuck..my nephew is in love.'' I say patting his back and smiling as if I have won a trophy.

  
''It's nothing to be happy about.'' He grumbles like a child and moves away from me.He starts walking towards the kitchen and I follow him excitedly.

  
To be honest, it is not a surprise.I mean they were pretty close.But I did think it was all friendship.I bet Bee knew about it, she knows about everything.

  
''Soooo, how did you realize it? That you are attracted to him,'' I asked leaning against the door frame as he drank water from the fridge.''Or the fact that you are in fucking love with him?'' I couldn't stop smiling.Damn it, I am supposed to hate that neighbour kid.

  
''Uncle, please can you even pretend that you are not extremely happy? And you hate him...because your smile is freaking me out.''

  
''Oh shut up.And don't change the topic, I am just postponing my hate for him.For the sake of my nephew.''

  
''Ugh, so kind of you,'' he moves from the kitchen to the lounge and I follow him.He groans again as if he thought that he would loose me by moving away.Foolish of him.''Well, I was kissing this girl and then I just ...very embarrassingly realized that I wanted to kiss him instead and then that's all I could think about.''

  
''Whatttt!!!?'' Okay I may have squealed at that.Damn this mellow life is making me soft.Would any one believe that people used to quiver at the name of Stuart Hatford.Good thing we are away from England.Even though I have left everything, I still have a reputation there.

  
''Explain _embarrassingly_.'' I ask wriggling my eyebrows.And the only response I get is the cushion that smashes with my face.

  
''Okay..Okay.At least tell me how did you realize that you love him.And does that mean you are gay now?And when did you start _kissing girls_?''

  
''It was an accident.And no,I don't like men.Or anyone.It's just Andrew.And the answer to your first question is...urm. Well Bee just mentioned a possibility of Andrew finding someone else, which made me want to burn the world down along with that 'someone'.And many other things, whole of them combined.It's all that stupid 'love'.Even more, if you ask me.''

  
Bee..If she asked that.It must mean she knows something.She wouldn't do anything if she did not think it was necessary.

  
''Talk to him.''

  
''What?!! No.Never.''

  
''Neil, talk to him.''

  
''Uncle,''

  
''Talk to him.''

  
''You don't know what is at stake.''

  
I moved forward and garb his hands in mine.Looking at those scarred hand, I feel my heart shatter.The heart that this boy made me realize that I had.He has given me more to live for than blood, cruelty, planning and gang wars.He is the reason I can appreciate this nice, quiet life.Have dinners with nice genuine people, where Bee cooks sometimes and boys bicker back and forth.Where that midget throws salt at me screaming 'Stay away demon!' and later stays at par with me when we are drinking beer.Where Neil makes stupid breakfasts in the morning and I can look after his menial needs.Buying grocery is even something I have come to cherish.

  
''Neil, my son.Talk to him.''

  
Neil has resistance in his eyes but I just squeeze his hands in mine, stopping him even before he can say anything.''Just do that okay.''

  
He looks at me for a minute longer then mutters,''Only if you do the same with Bee.''

  
That fucker!! 

  
I leave his hands and sit back on my sofa.''I don't even know what you are talking about.''

  
''C'mon Stuart.You are a changed man now.And I am sure she will not hold your past against you.''

  
''Kid...''

  
''No.If I talk to Andrew.You talk to Bee.'' He gets up from his chair.To change his clothes before he suggests we both move to the house next door for dinner.

  
I only nod and say that I'll think about.And sitting in my chair, all I do is think.

  
Think about Neil growing up and falling in love.About the tiny monster, and thinking if he would take care of my son.Knowing that he would.Thinking about my work.Thinking about how soon I would have to return back.Thinking about everything except her.

  
Her brown hair that I know are usually in bun but whenever I am there for dinner, she lets them down.It makes me feel stupid.Like I am in middle of a gun fight and I am tripping with my safety off.

  
I think about how less I see her.I think how I want to change that but have no courage to.I think about how in the start I struggled with raising Neil and watching the tiny monster wrapped around her finger and how she respected him in return, helped me.How I would ask her for advices _. 'What should I do now? How should help Neil? And how to god damn cook a decent meal?_

  
Neil..is right.Now I know what's at stake if shit goes wrong.

  
***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay...so Whattt???  
> Please do tell me your pov on bee and stuart (tell me if you want more of it..i dont think there will be more..)and our neil baby..  
> Thank you for reading and commenting..  
> oh and just for the record this is before the recieve renee's call..just arranging the timeline


	28. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I don't care about this chapter but it was kinda important so..here it is..  
> Enjoy?!?! or just read it to move towards the next chapter..

**NEIL**

''You wouldn't believe what just happened?'' I sat down next to Renee and Andrew in the cafeteria.

  
I was still blown away.I felt light and heavy at the same time.

  
Andrew turned towards me.And noticing something wrong, he instinctively cupped the back of my neck.And I felt all the tension leave me.I couldn't help but relax into him, my voice smooth.

  
''Allison apologized to me f-for... kissing me that day.'' I said, wary of how Andrew would react.Surprisingly, he just squeezed my neck and nodded.Asking me,'' What did you say?''

Just a few minutes ago, she waited for me after Maths class like before and asked me if she could talk to me.She looked so different and I could see dark circles under her eyes.I told her I wanted nothing to do with her but then she begged so, I caved in.The least thing I was accepting was an apology.

  
''Well I forgave her.She looked pretty sincere and I was somehow also at fault, given I could have pushed her if I wanted to,'' I felt Andrew go rigid beside me, his grip loosening.And when he pulled his hand away I caught it in mine and rested it on my thigh.''So yeah, I forgave her.I don't hold anything against her.''

  
I would not dare look up at both of them.I could not tell them how sorry she was and how she was crying. saying now she understood and really wanted to apologize.I forgave her for kissing me, but not for using Andrew as a tool.I will never forgive anyone for that but I also won't hold it against her.

  
I let them both get used to my decision and got up to bring some chips for Andrew and apple for me.

  
***

  
**ANDREW**

  
As soon as Neil left, I opened my bag, having specially brought it here for this purpose and brought a designer bag out of it.And tossed it towards Renee.Renee caught it but looked terrified as she realized whose it was.

  
''Andrew..''

  
''Shut up.I don't care.It was there when we reached and as Neil was busy with the bodies I hid it in my car.What she did with Neil...'' I said swallowing my spit.'' If Neil forgives her, then he does.And I have mentioned it before, my hurt at that time was from my own reasons.Yes I hate her face...but if you like her Renee, you don't have to worry about us.''

  
I have been meaning to say it.I have seen Renee looking at Allison's table whole lunch and getting more worried by every second that Allison refuses to appear.

  
''Andrew..I-I..'' Renee looked speechless.I hated that look on her but I meant what I had said.I don't know what's going between these girls, but if Renee likes her and decides to protect her.I will trust her.

  
I just held her hand and squeezed it for a moment.

  
''I know.Now stop looking like a freak before Neil gets here.''

  
Renee just laughs at that and smiles.Somehow looking lighter than before.

***

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK EVERYTHING READ THE NEXT CHAPTER.1!  
> but do comment your povs about Neil forgiving Allison..as many of you had qualms(not necessarily) about it ..


	29. Anger and Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay okay...so I was generally hating writing this fic and then guilty wrote it..And mid way started enjoying it and then....  
> ahskfllf..I'll talk about it in the end.This chapter has a lot of emotions in it though.  
> so ENJOY!?!?!

                   ''I am filled with you. Skin, blood, bone, brain, and soul.

               There’s no room for lack of trust, or trust. ''

                                                                                      -Rumi.

**NEIL**

 

The view in front of Andrew's house never looked so sad and dull.Maybe it is because of the company or lack thereof.I never realized it this profoundly, but I am so alone without Andrew.This past week, Andrew has felt so away to me.I tried being understanding and then patient but now I am just confused and angry.Does he not know what he means to me? Does he not know what he is doing to me?

  
Everyday I wake up in hopes that I will tell him how I feel about him and everyday I can't find the right moment, due to multiple reasons.First, we are rarely ever alone.And second, he is always away.Last but not the least, even when we are together...I can't do what I want to.For example, just hug him because I haven't seen him in ages.Just ask him stuff like why is he behaving like this? Is it really like Bee said, that when he will find someone things between us will change? And..is that someone Aiden?

  
Every night I come into his room feeling like a stranger.Every night he sleeps beside me and I feel like a ghost.So yesterday, I just got up and left.This is not us.And I am starting to question if I really want it if it's not us.

  
But then there are those moments where he speaks with his eyes.Where he holds me still and tries his best to look away.Where he brushes his fingers against my spine and moves away.Where he holds my neck and whispers 'Stay.' Reminding me that he is there,there..just not with me.

  
I don't know what hurts the most.

  
I take one last drag of my cigarette as I hear the tires of Andrew's car screech to a stop.I see Aiden before Andrew, getting out of the passenger seat.My designated seat.It's petty but fuck, if it doesn't hurt like a bitch.I close my mouth and keep the smoke in until my eyes water.At least, I have a rational reason for that now.I stub my cigarette as I force myself to not think about why Aiden is laughing the way he is.

  
What's gotten into me? I am supposed to... supposed to punch anyone who gets between us not sit passively.

  
The laughter gets closer to me and I exhale the bits of smoke that are left in my mouth and try looking everywhere but them.

  
''Hey Neil.'' Aiden says.

  
''Hey.'' I say raising my hand in a sluggish wave, with a fake smile on my face.Andrew is a few steps behind him and I don't think I can look at him.

  
Thankfully, I don't have to.Andrew asks Aiden to move inside the house and follows him.

  
Not a single glance.Wow.

  
I did not expect Andrew to like..this _Aiden_.. so much that he forgets about me that soon.So I stand up, rubbing my eyes.Smoke and tears, that's what I get.

  
As I remove my hands from my eyes, a hand rests on my arm.And I know this hand.I know these knuckles, because I have wished so many time to kiss them.I know their warmth, because they have held me up so many time.Time and time again, these hands have been my salvation.And the man too.

  
I keep looking at his hand, until he grabs my arm that is now aligned with his own and pulls me closer.

  
I can't help but look at him, because if I don't I will be looking at his lips and that's the least thing I want to do.

The first thing that I think when I look at him is, 'I have missed you.'

  
Second, 'Fuck I have missed you.'

  
Third, 'I wish I hadn't missed you that much.'

  
Others are just a mess.His eyes are serious and searching.He has never had to ask me to look at him, obviously he would like to know why.He raises his finger and taps it on the corner of my right eye, his grip on me getting stronger.String enough to bruise.And don't ask me why, if I say it pleases me.

  
''Why?''

  
He looks angry and I think my eyes might have been red.Either he knows that I held the smoke in and is asking why or he knows somethings wrong.He has rarely seen me like this, I don't blame him.In the past years, I rarely had any reason to be like this.Messed up, self destructive and quiet.

  
Before I am about to open my mouth I hear Aiden calling Andrew from inside the house.And the angers starts bubbling inside of me.How dare he ask me why? When he is the reason.  
When he is spending every day with this _Aiden._ When he can hardly mutter a meaningful word to me and he makes Aiden sit in my seat.And then he thinks he has the right to know why?

  
Fuck you, Andrew Dobson.

  
I rip his fingers off my arm and look away.I keep looking at the overgrown shrubs that I have been looking for the past half an hour.Thinking, if I could set them on fire, only if I concentrated that much.

  
''Go inside.'' I mutter and even I don't realize the voice that I say it in.It's pained and angry.

  
I don't know what I sound more like; pained or angry.Maybe both.

  
Andrew keeps standing there.He won't touch me again, I know that.Now that I, myself, have removed his hand.He stands there for a while but next time, it's Bee who calls his name and he has no choice but to go.

  
''Come inside, or I will drag you in.'' He says it like he means it.And when he passes he intentionally brushes his shoulder with mine.I don't know what to make of these touches anymore.So I just kick the cigarette in the bushes and follow him.I don't know how _not_ to be close to him when he is around me.It's like a reflex action.All I know is, I just have to be close to him.No matter for how long.

  
***

  
**AIDEN**

  
Neil is setting the table with Betsy when we arrive at the dining.We both got called downstairs, from Andrew's room where he was teaching me 'Welcome To The Black Parade' on piano.I notice him stopping in his track at the scene before him.

  
To be honest, it was weird that Andrew decided to teach me at his house, when we were closer to mine and I also had a piano.

  
But he just drove to his and I didn't question.And while driving, he had this restless energy in his movements, as if he couldn't wait to get to his home.And I found it somehow comical, how fast he got out of his car, which made him threaten me to shut up.Which made me laugh louder.

  
Right now, Andrew had this tiny smile on his face and shine in his eyes as he looked at Bee and Neil laughing and making jokes.I wonder if Andrew knows that he looks like this every time he is looking at Neil and Neil isn't looking back.

  
Call me stupid, but I think the major reason he insisted on coming to his house was Neil.

  
I have noticed something is weird between them.They are not functioning like a creepy duo anymore.They still gather or move around each other but that's because it comes unconsciously to them.The intended movements, that is where the difference is.That is where they are hesitant around each other.

  
Andrew doesn't spend that much time with me, but I know Neil thinks he does.I don't know why he thinks that.

  
I move when I notice Andrew moving.Like a magnet straight towards Neil and a few steps in front of him.

  
''Stop buttering Bee.She has already accepted you as her second adopted son.'' He says teasingly to Neil.

  
Neil looked up, mischief in his eyes.Andrew shot same cocky smile, and something settled in Neil, in the way he sagged his shoulders and smiled in return.That is the Andrew and Neil I know.The unapproachable, wrapped in each other, Andrew and Neil.

  
''Oh please you think I don't know that.Maybe,'' His lips curve into a smug smile and I watch Andrew leaning in, unaware of his reaction to Neil's smile.''Maybe, I want to be her _best_ adopted son.''

  
Andrew just scoffs at that and says,''Yeah, keep trying.I got here first.'' But I can see he is trying hard not to smile.

  
He is so different around Neil, I wish ...I wish I was not so envious of Neil.

  
''Doesn't matter.I am hella charming.No one can resist me.'' Neil says, brushing his hair from his forehead and flashing a smile.

  
And Andrew just looks at him with fondness and then away, muttering something that sounded like a ''Fool'' and ''Sure.No one.''

  
I don't know, what they were saying anymore.They are standing too close now.And I felt the same feeling of being a third wheel return to me.I looked around the house and found Bee looking at me and passing me a sympathetic smile.

  
I just gave her an awkward smile of my own, feeling weird about being known.

  
After a few huffle and shuffle and a few orders from Bee, we are all sat at the table.

  
Conversation flowing smoothly between Andrew, Neil and Bee.Sometimes I would add something when questioned which would just start another conversation among the three.It was funny and warm, it made me feel at home.Like whenever my mum was home and we ordered pizza because she can't cook for her life.

  
But then something weird happened at the table, Neil pushed his plate forward and without saying anything Andrew put his fork and spoon on the table and picked up the salt shaker from the table and shook it two to three times on Neil's plate, while Neil was busy talking to Bee.

  
I thought it was weird but then it happened again.Neil just stopped eating his spaghetti and left the table, just to come back with red sauce.He poured it on Andrew's plate in the corner first.But after Andrew took a bite or two he poured it more, and closed the bottle and left it there on the table.I don't know how they both realized what the other needed or how the other liked his food but apparently this is how they eat.

  
I even saw them filling each other's glasses with water.At my confused looks, Bee took pity on me and explained while they were busy talking about some game.

 

''I know it is weird.I have gotten used to it but I can realize how strange it must be for you.''

  
''No no..''

  
''Oh it is okay..I was questioning their sanity too when two years back they said that they would eat in one plate.Some bonding exercise.They were at it for more than six months until I had to force them to choose different plates because they would not even eat if one was missing.That is something they still do, they always eat together.''

  
Now that she has said it, I realize Andrew always has his lunch with Neil.If Neil isn't there, Andrew would hunt him down. Whining all the while how hungry he is and it is all Neil's mistake if they miss lunch and Neil would just buy extra chips and milk shake which I have noticed he never eats or drinks, just to give it to Andrew.And also during dinner Andrew always leaves early.Even the first time at my house when he stayed late, I remember him not eating anything.

  
''But then they just decided to know how the other liked their food.So instead of eating in one plate, they eat like they ...are..one.'' Bee made the weird face at 'one' which was funny because this weird bond brought the same reaction from me.So I just laughed at that and said,''Relatable.''

  
Neil and Andrew stopped their conversation to look at us laughing.''What's so funny?'' Andrew asked.As he got some sauce on his lip and Neil without saying anything handed him the napkin.Andrew took it and wiped his face, both of them still looking at us, puzzled.

  
And I could just hold it in and burst out laughing.I looked at Bee and realized she was laughing as well.

  
''Nothing, just nothing.''

  
Even their poker-slash-annoyed faces are similar.Which made me laugh harder.

  
Idiots.They are creepy lovey dovey idiots.Not some bad ass scary dudes.

  
***

  
**NEIL**

I have picked up some cigarettes and now I am standing at the freezer picking up some ice cream for Andrew.I bring out mango flavour and turn around to shake it for Andrew, who is standing by the cashier.He makes a face, knowing I know he hates mango flavour.I just laugh at his face and bring out blueberry and cookie dough that I know are his favourite.

  
When I told him I was going to buy some cigarettes, I was surprised when Andrew said that he would take me there.Not that it was out of routine on contrary it was the routine except for the last week.I was so happy and had to stop myself from jumping up and down and throwing my fist in the air.But then at the same moment, Aiden got out of the house saying he should also leave for his home.And Andrew invited to drop him too.

  
Which made me deflate like a sad sad balloon.So I just stood by Andrew's car awkwardly, until he shouted at me to get in.I was not going to but then I noticed that Aiden had left the passenger seat for me, which made me run for it.Feeling somewhat triumphant.

  
Which sooner evaporated.

  
I turn to show the ice cream to Andrew, knowing he would just make a just-get-it face and roll his eyes.But when I turn around I find Andrew's back facing me, as Aiden stands next to him laughing about something.

  
Okay..I have realized something.I don't fucking like sharing Andrew.With Renee it was okay, because she is family.But no one else.I throw Andrew's favourite flavors back and bring mango with me to the counter.

  
Yes I am that petty.That's all I am these days.Mr. Petty Shit-faced Coward Hatford .Sue me.

  
I rudely and loudly put my stuff on the counter and pay for it myself, knowing Andrew was about to.

  
Andrew just looks at me, I hurriedly pick up my stuff and leave the grocery store.

  
I think about walking home, but the idea of leaving Aiden in car with Andrew, probably sitting on 'my' seat, makes me walk towards the car and throw the bag in the back seat and sit petulantly with my arms crossed.

  
Andrew gets back in with Aiden behind him, which makes me scoff. _Wow now they are doing everything together_.

Playing piano, like excuse you.He has never taught me piano, saying that I don't have a single musical bone in my body.But then he doesn't mind sitting with Aiden on a small stool and teaching him.Aiden even gets to ride shotgun in his car.He is eating dinner with us and has inside jokes with Bee now.I don't like it.I don't like it one bit.This shit is getting tiring and I am angry.I am always angry these days.I hate my anger as I believe it got me closer to The Butcher...my anger just like his is irrational and violent.But the fact that I am rarely angry makes up for it.Except this time.

  
I know Andrew keeps looking at me trying to figure out why I am not saying anything and clearly emitting a dangerous aura.

  
And our sweet Aiden guessing awkwardness between us starts talking about topics that only both of them know.Wow he is really asking me to kill him.

  
And Andrew having nothing to do, starts cheerfully ranting and answering what ever Aiden is asking.Which makes me want to punch both of them in the face.But mostly Andrew.

  
Doesn't he know I am hurting? Before he would be doting me every time I started feeling slightly down.He wouldn't leave me alone.Asking me stuff, pushing my buttons.Annoying me until I shouted and then hugging me until I told him what was wrong.

  
Now ...now it's been days.He knows something is bothering me but he doesn't care.Clearly, I am upset but he would rather keep looking in the back view mirror at Aiden and joking.

  
I feel my insides tremble and I tell myself to keep it all in.I wonder if helplessness is the new name for love.The name I didn't know.The name where you have to watch the person you love be happy with someone else, but say nothing.

I decide I don't like love.

  
I don't like it one bit. _Why does he keep looking at him as if he holds the secrets to universe?_ Maybe I shouldn't have gotten in the car.

  
Stuart says I should talk to him.But why should I?

  
He has found someone and even if he hasn't, he already has stopped caring about me as much as he used to.I can hardly tell him what I am feeling.

He is putting so much distance between us.He hardly talks to me.

  
_Stop looking at him in the back view mirror._

  
Why should I lose all when he isn't giving me an ounce?

  
The car stops and Aiden says his goodbye.But I don't care, I keep looking at Andrew looking at him.

  
As soon as the car starts, I smash my hand against the mirror and break it.

  
Fuck the mirror.Its pieces fall everywhere in the car. And my fist starts aching like a bitch.

  
Whatever, at least the mirror is gone.I don't think I can look at it again without getting angry.So I broke it.

  
Andrew stops the car so suddenly that I hit the dashboard.Which makes me realize I am not wearing my seat belt.

  
''What the fuck was that?'' Andrew turns towards me, opening his seat belt and reaching for my hand.

  
I push his hand away.''I'll pay for it.Just drive the car.''

  
''I don't fucking care about it.I am asking why would you do it? And for fuck's sake give me your hand.The glass looks like it's still stuck in it.''

  
He holds my arm,pulling me towards him.But I stay in my place and keep my arms crossed and my hand away from him.

  
''Neil.Give.Me.Your.Hand.''

  
I scoff at his anger, ''Don't pretend that you care.''

  
The silence after that would have been deafening if he had not grabbed my face and forcefully made me look at him.''You think I am pretending.'' His voice angry.I always loved when he would lose his control.And this is the closest I have seen him come.Still too much control to satisfy me.

  
I just nod in return, pushing him further.

  
He grabs my neck with one hand and uses his other hand to uncross my arms.

  
I keep myself rigid, unmoving .But he just digs his fingers in my neck, getting violent by every second and it makes me for some sick reason happier and angrier at the same time.He reaches for my injured hand and holds it so tightly that it almost makes me want to scream in pain.

  
''You think I am pretending.'' I, again, nod in return.

  
Now that he has my hand in his, he removes the one on my neck and puts it on my head rest and maneuvers himself across the gear and on my lap.

  
''You think...I.am.pretending.'' He says in a low voice, threatening me to say yes.I don't know why he is so close to me, or why cares so much about that question.But now that he is this close to me by his own accord, he has to be foolish to think that I would let him go.

  
He holds my face with his other hand and I use mine to garb him from the behind.Using my strength to have him further against me.I lift my face, inches away from his and say, ''Yes.''

  
Fire lights in his eyes, instant and uncontrollable and I smirk in return.

  
But the second he moves forward and crashes his lips with mine angrily,I am not smirking.I am not winning.I am not making him lose control.

  
I am losing my control and I am being defeated again and again.

  
He moves away to mutter, ''I dare you, asshole.I dare you to tell me that I am pretending to care about you.''

  
And then he kisses me again with the same anger and passion that I know burns in me too.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING  
> THERE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A KISS  
> NOW THE WHOLE STORY THAT I HAD PLANNED IS IN RUINS AND I REPEAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING  
> i said if they kissed their story will kinda end for me...but their story has not ended but I have made them kiss and now i have no idea what to do..so next chapter is probably gonna be the worst chapter..cuz i feel like I am gonna destroy this story or IDKK  
> JHAHGFJKLJ  
> oh and one thing Andrew is mostly out..majorly alone sitting on the cliff that boys visited -and where they shared their stories -and just being sad..while neil thinks he is with aiden...i believe this chap shows how neil is perceiving every thing (dramatically which is understandable given the person he loves starts acting differently for no reason while neil himself is fighting whether to confess or not) and how things are ..  
> so yeah...and please do tell me what have been your favourite chapter so far???


	30. Tastes like heaven when our lips collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sorry for being late as I legit had no idea what to write i had so many ideas..until I called my best friend (god bless her) and made her listen to this whole fic until I reached the last chapter and asked her about what to do with it.She gave me some amazing ideas..which i was gonna write about but then..Juts before that I had another amazing idea.  
> which confused me and I ended up writing this.whatever this is...  
> E NJOYYY!!

 

_''This confusing joy, your doing, this hangover, your tender thorn._  
_You turn to look, I turn. I’m not saying this right. ''_ **  
**

                                                                                          -RUMI

**NEIL**

 

It was the last thing that I expected him to do, but suddenly it was the most right thing he could've done.And the moment his lips touched mine, I realized our lips had other things to do than talking.So we left our weapons somewhere in the backseat of the car, and attacked each other cheerfully.

  
He gripped my collar, pulling me in as a punishment and I was biting his lips in retaliation.I think I even heard him scoff at the back of his throat, but that only made me pull him closer.He was pulling my hair, distracting my hands, sliding them from his back to his chest.And god, did I lose my mind as every second passed.

  
I did not expect it to be like this.To be honest, I have never even imagined how it would like to kiss Andrew.Yes I dared wish it, but never imagined it.But something tells me even if I would have, I still wouldn't have been able to imagine this.This was Andrew in his true essence.Urgent but with an ease, as he unravels you bit by bit.Leading you on, only to have you where he wanted you all along just to let you go.Where he lets you have all the control.It's maddening, it.. it feels like winning over and over again.

  
He moves away, his lips moving further away from mine.I chase after him, eyes closed, head first.He grabs my face, I open my eyes to look at him.

  
I look at his wide pupils, wet lips and dusted pink cheeks.I see my hand gripping his hair and his ragged breaths.I move forward again, but he holds my face where it is.My anger gets the best of me, so I use my injured hand to pull his hand away.And use my hand in his hair to push his face forward and he meets me in between.With the same passion as he did before.

  
''It's my choice,'' I whisper between my kisses.Making sure that he knows.That I want it.That I want him.

  
Which only makes him bite my lip until I taste blood but I can't help but smirk.

  
_I love that he hates that I know him so well._

  
''Is it because of something I said, or did,'' He says voice raw, as he moves down to my jaw, my neck.

  
I moan and arch against him.I remember, days before when he kissed me on the exact same spot in the alley and how I lost my sense of purpose the moment he started sucking my skin.

  
''What do you think I am, love? A saint?'' I laugh but it is cut short as Andrew takes my skin between his teeth and licks it.My breath hitches and I scratch his back with my nails above his shirt.

''Then why?''

  
''I have my own selfish reasons for wanting this.'' The noises he makes while sucking my neck is driving me crazy.He moves away with a soft kiss on the same spot.

  
The pressure inside my pant is becoming unbearable.Even the sound of his strong, husky voice is pushing me towards the edge.

  
''What reasons?''

  
I close my eyes and rest my head against the headrest.Trying to breath properly.Trying to step back and collect my thoughts enough to answer him.

  
I open my eyes and look at him.I brush his hair back from his forehead with the slightest of touches _.I have made a mess out of him._

  
Never in my life, I have seen Andrew look so wrecked.And don't even ask me, how happy it makes me to think that he let me.That he let me do this to him.

  
I softly touch his forehead with my finger pads, scared,or better, in awe.As if God decided to descend the earth and hand itself over to me.I caress his cheek, he leans in a little bit.His eyes sharp, focused but hazy at the same time.His whole body strong but eager against mine.

  
''Guess?'' I keep my bloodied fingers a shy away from his skin, thinking I might stain him.My fingers stop as they touch his lips.Red, his lips always turned red when he worried them.Which was so uncharacteristic of him that it rarely happened.And when it did, I always found myself staring.

  
Like I am now.Andrew takes my bloodied hand in his and raises it to his lips.Only to kiss it.In the most seductive and soft way that I groan in frustration.

  
''Fuck, do you have any idea what you do to me?'' I ask, running my hand through my hair.Andrew just raises his eyebrow at me, as he focuses all of his attention on my hand.Careless but attentive.

  
''This,'' I say raising my hand, until he looks at me,''This is what the thought of you liking someone else does to me.''

  
He looks confused, as if I told him that the sun is in my left pocket and it has suddenly turned cold.

  
Which makes me cup his face in both of my hands and say,'' Every time I am near you, I wanna get closer.I see an inch of you skin and I can't walk straight.You literally had me bumping into things.I see you with him...with _Aiden_ ,''

  
''He means nothing to me.''

  
''...and I turn petty enough to buy the ice cream you hate.''

  
I shake my head at how stupid everything sounds, and that how fast my heart is beating.Maybe he kissed me for something else.Maybe it was just lust and I am making it love.But...but I have to say it.He kissed me like _that_ , it has to means something to him.

  
''You smile and I want to taste it, I dream about you.Can you believe it? I have the most sensual and tantalizing nightmares...in which you kiss me in places that embarrass me when I wake up.Every morning I see you, I keep hiding my eyes.Thinking you might be able to see...b-but then I see you do something that's just _so Andrew._.that I end up smiling like a goof.And I think you won't see anything in my eyes that wasn't there before.''

  
Andrew looks awestruck as if he is looking at me for the first time.But it is short lived as confusion settles in the curve of his lips as he asks,''Just one thing, you..you said no.When I asked you to kiss me, you said no.'' Andrew asked as I rested my head with his.I can feel him shaking, or maybe that's just me.I think I can hear it raining against the roof of the car.Which lulls the silence but the electricity remains the same.

  
''When?''

  
''When we got drunk this weekend.''

  
It makes my throat sore as I kiss his nose.My hands shivering where I am cupping his cheek.It's getting colder in the car.

  
''Don't you know me, Andrew? In what world, would I ever dare kiss you when we are drunk,''

  
''I wasn't drunk.''

  
''I was.'' I whispered, kissing his cheek where my cold hands are touching.I think Andrew might have left a little bit of his window open.''And I would want to remember every second of it.Of me kissing you.'' I say, kissing his other cheek.His warm hands wrap around mine.He smells of smoke and vanilla essence, a weird combination.But something that I related to home and safety.I feel so safe, that I even let these words slip.

  
''I love you, Andrew.I am head over heels in love with you.'' I said it as I believed it.Irrefutable, a law of nature.As there was no version of Neil that existed and didn't love Andrew.I said it like I always told him Good Morning.I said it like I waited outside of his class for him.''Don't ask me how or when.Maybe always.Maybe for forever.''

  
''Shut up, idiot.'' He said.''Just shut up.'' He closes his eyes and leans in.Resting his lips just above mine.

  
''You too, okay. I..,'' He says, mixing his words in a mumble as he presses his lips with mine.''...you too.''

  
And he said it like he passed me his half lit cigarette.He said it like he stepped into the feris wheel with me.And he said it like he punched me.

  
Which made me laugh.This idiot can't even confess properly.

  
''What?'' He said moving away, scrunching his eyebrows.Which made me laugh louder.

  
God, I was so happy.I felt so light as if his weird confession just lifted loads of weight from my chest and I could see Andrew's lips turning upwards.

  
I shook my head and kissed the corner of his lips,'' Nothing.You are just an idiot.''

  
''Oh, I am an idiot.Who punched his hand in the mirror for stupid reason?'' He said pointing at my hand.

  
''Hey, it was not stupid.'' I said with, what I believe to be is, a pout. ''You were looking at him and were hanging out with him the whole week.As if I didn't exist.Obviously I got territorial and jealous.''

  
''Jealous,'' Now it was Andrew's turn to laugh.'' You had no reason to be jealous.I wasn't with him the whole week, just few times.Moreover, I think Aiden knows what I feel about you,'' he kisses me,'' given he was laughing at my urgency,'' he kisses me on my lips again,'' to get home,'' A kiss.'' Home to you, idiot.''

  
Which made me smile and kiss him properly.This boy.How could all of my happiness encompass largely into this one moment?

  
''So you are telling me you never got jealous?'' I ask,'' Well if we think about it, I never actually had any interest in anyone.So...in short I was always yours.''

  
Which makes Andrew shift a bit and pull back.

  
'' Wait.Have you? When? Where?'' I end up asking.

  
''I don't know what you are talking about.''

  
''Don't you dare shit me.''

  
Andrew just moved away from my lap to his seat, starting the car.

  
''Andrew.'' I said, stressing on his name.Suddenly excited.Wanting to know, how the hell did Andrew end up falling for me?

  
Curious and curiouser, the longer Andrew avoids my question.I start thinking about all the moments he might have found me attractive.From the way he kissed me, I have to say he is hella attracted to me.Which makes me want to jump in giddiness.God, I am turning into a fool.

  
''Allison,'' He bites out.''When I saw you kissing her.''

  
And suddenly, I remember, Andrew standing there as Allison kissed me.Angry and shaking.Betrayed and ...and jealous.

  
How stupid I had been.Andrew looked exactly as I have looked for the past week every time I thought about Andrew being alone with Aiden or when Bee mentioned Andrew getting intimate with someone else.The thought still boils me inside out.

  
''I had never had any reason to be insecure about you.You...you were always mine until you weren't. I had been so angry at you.Unaware about the real reason behind my anger.Making excuses, blaming you, until I talked to Bee.''

  
He turns to look at me, talking my hand in his as he looks back on the road.He always drove fast even though it was raining cats and dogs.

  
''When I talked to her, I realized.You did nothing wrong other than, well, not telling me about Allison beforehand.It was my jealousy and possessiveness over you that was making me blind.Ignorant of the fact that...that I loved you a little more than I was supposed to as a best friend.''

  
I squeeze his hands in mine.Thinking back to all of Andrew's reactions.Wondering about all the confusion Andrew had to go through.Then I think about Bee's impromptu questions about Andrew dating someone else.She knew what Andrew felt about me, and somehow detected what I felt for him too.Nice catalyst, Bee.No matter how cruel it tasted at that time.

  
''Well, to put you at ease,'' I said sighing and shifting so I could look at him.Andrew driving was always the most beautiful sight to me.And now..I could look at him as much as I want.I think nothing stopped me from that even before.But it still felt nice, knowing that I could.

  
''It was never her.It was you.'' Andrew turned to look at me, almost giving himself a whiplash.''Eyes on the road, idiot.I don't wanna die.Not now especially.''

  
Andrew just laughs and looks on the road and kisses my hand.I think it's gonna become one of my new favourite things.

  
''Well you were there looking all hot and angry and it got me all bothered.Hey stop laughing.''

  
Which does nothing to make him stop laughing.''Andreww!!!''

  
''What! you find me getting angry a turn on.Are you kidding me?'' And he started laughing again which made me move towards him in a flash and kiss him on his lips.

  
Okay maybe I just went back on my words about wanting to die.But it was supposed to be a matter of seconds till I heard him applying brakes and fisting my hair with the hand that he previously had on the steering wheel.I kept leaning against him, as he kissed me to his fill.

  
Fuck, I don't think we'll ever be able to do anything other than kissing each other.

  
I pull back after a while when I started feeling my back ache.

  
''This is exactly how you looked that day when you were kissing Allison,'' His words turning sharper at her name, as his eyes wander on my face.I let him see, I let him see how much I want him.Which makes him groan and mutter, 'Nice to know it was not for her,' and kiss me harder.

  
''Lets go.'' He says after a while when we both run out of air to breathe.He kisses me for the last time and gets out of the car.I move back and get out too.

  
Forgetting for a moment that it was raining.And that we are already home.

  
''Fuck.Fuck fuck..'' I start swearing in all the languages I know as I run to the other side of the car.Which is apparently highly entertaining for Andrew because he starts laughing.Asshole.

  
''C'mon.'' I say pulling him with me.But he keeps still.''C'mon Andrew.'' But instead of moving he pulls me towards him. And kisses me.

  
I could push him, I could make him come inside first but fuck if it wasn't more convenient, kissing him like this.So I just wrap my arms around his as he does the same with me.Rain making us seek warmth against each other.Water drips on our lips, Andrew's hand against my wet shirt.

  
This was everything I wanted, everything I needed, and I was never letting go.

 ****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how many times did you scream?? was it cheesy or not?? Do share in the comments below..


	31. Because of you I might think twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow someone is late...how rude..

It should not have been as much of a surprise to Neil as it was when he saw Andrew shirtless.

  
After getting wet in rain, both had run to their respective rooms in their respective homes, quite reluctantly, to change.Neil after changing had come back to Andrew's room.Still not believing that Andrew had kissed him.With a goofy smile on his face, he sat on Andrew's bed, looking through his CDs mindlessly.Andrew was still in the bathroom.But that was okay with Neil, it was as much Andrew's room as Neil's.Until, Andrew stepped out of the bathroom, in a low black pajama, water dripping from his hair as he dried them with his towel and then threw it on his side table.He looked at Neil, carelessly, almost looking away, until he realized that he was shirtless.

  
And Neil, it was as if he had forgotten how to breathe.Neil in the total span of more than three years had never seen Andrew shirtless.He always slept in long-sleeved baggy shirts, he even worked out it half-sleeved shirts.Moreover, he always came out of the bathroom wearing his clothes.

  
Except now.Andrew looked at Neil, suddenly aware of his nakedness and the small duration that had passed since they had both kissed and quiet heatedly at that.

  
Neil did not look anywhere except Andrew's face after the first glance.It was as if everything in him had stilled and told him not to.No matter, how much he wanted to.Suddenly, Neil looked down and sat on his hands.Not knowing what to do with his body.

  
Andrew stood still at his spot.After all this, Neil still surprised him.Andrew may have thought about his decision a little more.He may have gone straight to his closet, picked up a sweater and worn it.He might have thought it was too soon.. only if Neil hadn't looked away.Only if he had not bent his head, given that Andrew had seen the lust in his eyes, in the second he had taken the fact that Andrew was shirtless.Andrew might have ignored this instance if it had been anyone except Neil.

  
Instead, Andrew just moved towards the boy, who still was looking quietly in his lap.

  
Neil heard Andrew move, but could not hear the door of the closet open instead heard his footsteps coming nearer.Neil felt his heart racing, blooding rising to his cheeks.He knew Andrew was standing in front him, in his periphery, he could see the skin of his toned abdomen.

  
''Andrew,'' Neil complained? Whined? Urged? He does not know.All he knows is that he wanted Andrew standing away from him or with a shirt on.  
But Andrew just put his finger under Neil's chin and tried lifting it.Neil resisted.Grunted and cursed.Looking away.Until Andrew ordered him to look.

  
Neil lifted his eyes, still keeping them intact on Andrew's face.  
''Neil, look.''  
''Andrew, it's okay.''  
''Neil.''  
''Andrew go wear something, it's too early.''

  
''Neil look!'' Andrew shouted.His chest rising and falling and Neil...he looked.

  
He looked and looked to his fill.He looked at Andrew's broad chest, he remembers feeling it in the car under his hand or all those moments Neil slept on him.He looks at Andrew's abs, how many times Neil would punch it and found it hard and unbreakable.He looked at Andrew's scared, silvery arms to his bulging biceps.Neil suddenly had the urge to bite them.He looked at Andrew's mole on his collarbones, his neck as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down and lastly, he looks at his eyes.

  
Neil expected there to be discomfort or hesitance.But all he found was pure want and anger that Neil realized that was always there whenever Andrew found himself being fond of Neil.

  
Neil smiled softly at that, which made Andrew grunt and attack Neil's lips.His weight making them fall back on the bed.

  
Neil clutched the bedsheet from both of his hands and squirmed under Andrew's weight.Andrew cupped his cheeks and kissed him.Neil thought he would end up losing his mind if Andrew kept going like this.Andrew grabbed his wrist and put it above their heads as his other hand sneaked in Neil's hoodie.Neil shivered at the touch but arched his back to let Andrew have an easy access.Andrew bit his jaw and then his neck.His hand still gripping Neil's wrist tightly.Andrew's heavy breath drove Neil insane.His warm body and how the muscles on his back moved as he dipped his head to kiss a spot on Neil's collarbone.Neil could see the muscles of his arms bulging, as he lifted himself above Neil.It was all Neil could take before he had to bit out,''Andrew, ah...I need..to..know.''

  
Just at that Andrew's cold fingers touched Neil's nipples and Neil 's voice died in his throat and instead a moan escaped.Neil used his hand to pull Andrew back from his hair and muttered,''Tell me the boundaries, Andrew.I am not as patient as I look.'' And attacked his lips again.

  
Andrew pulled back and said,''What if I never allowed you to touch me?''

  
Neil, to Andrew's surprise, rolled him over on the bed.Now Andrew was lying on his back as Neil hovered over him.Neil tried looking for hesitance but he found passive anger in his eyes and also in the way Andrew held him by his shoulder.

  
''Think about it, Andrew,'' Neil whispered as his lips brushed against Andrew's ear.Neil started moving down, his arms supporting him on top of Andrew.Neil was sure Andrew would have killed him by now, but looking how turned on Andrew looked, Neil doubted it would be happening anytime soon.

  
Neil resisted the urge to touch his lips to ever accessible skin of Andrew, and only kept his lips centimeters away.He moved lower and lower, as Andrew looked at him with as much as anger as he could muster before he just groaned and threw his head on the bed.His hands still bruising my arms.''What makes you think,'' Neil's lips hovered now just above Andrew's nipple as he breathed on it a little bit, and at Andrew's exhale of a shaky breath, moved lower,'' that I can't,'' Lower until his lips were just above Andrew's navel,'' drive you insane,'' This was becoming harder for Neil more than he thought, so much that his lips quivered and glistened his saliva,'' without even touching you.'' His teeth almost grazed Andrew's skin until Andrew groaned and pulled Neil above by pulling his hair and smashed his lips with Neil's.Neil did not even try resisting because he could not even pretend that he did not want Andrew like Andrew wanted Neil.

  
''Assohle,'' Andrew said angrily and Neil just laughed, all of his bravado fading away.He got back up and looked at Andrew softly.

  
''No, I am fine with it, Andrew.Really,'' a kiss on Andrew's neck, ''really fine with whatever you say.''  
''I know,'' Andrew said and kissed him on his mouth.This time the kiss melted into something soft but still passionate.''Abovethewaistallthetime.''

  
''W-what?/'' Neil had to struggle to try to understand what Andrew was saying, given he had mumbled half of it in his mouth.

  
''I said, above the waist, all the time.'' He repeated as if I was a two-year-old.

  
''Andrew.. are you su-.''

  
Neil was cut off as Andrew shut him up by kissing him,''Yes, Neil.Yes.''

  
Neil tried to judge the validity of his words as much as he could.Knowing Andrew as much as he did, he found that Andrew really meant it.Which made Neil smile wide and attack Andrew's face with kisses.Until Andrew started cursing and saying how embarrassing Neil was being.

  
Neil just kept that big goofy smile on his face and pecked Andrew's lips one more time and rolled over.

  
''Go wear your shirt and come back to bed,'' Neil said, getting under the duvet on Andrew's bed and picking up the Cds again.Andrew looked at him with a smile on his face, grateful.  
Neil looked at him incredulously and said ''What?''

  
Neil knew exactly what but he rolled his eyes as if he was annoyed by Andrew's dopey smile.Andrew got up and pulled Neil forward and placed the biggest and softest kisses on Neil's lips and muttered, ''Idiot.'' His voice warm and honey-like.Then he got up to find a hood that he could wear for the night.

  
''Now whose gross,'' Neil muttered as he pressed cool CDs against his burning cheeks.What the fuck? Neil Hatford doesn't blush.Andrew had made him stupid and it's only the start.

  
After shuffling he decided a CD and pushed it into the speakers.The song started to play as Andrew slid under the covers with Neil.As soon as he was in, both of them gravitated towards each other.Looking at each other calmly as the song played in the background.It was  _their_ song.

  
_''I don't care what's in your hair,_  
_I just wanna know what's on your mind.''_

  
Andrew pushed Neil's face away with his hand as he saw Neil's mouth break into a cheeky smile.''Shut up.'' Andrew had given this song to Neil in one the CDs he had made for Neil.They had listened to it so many times over the year.

  
Neil just laughed and moved closer.His nose almost touching with Andrew's as he touched their foreheads together.This was the moment Andrew allowed himself to smile as well.

  
_''I used to say that I'll die before I am old,_  
_but because of you I might think twice.'_ '

  
Andrew put his hand on Neil's neck, playing with the curls. He opened his eyes and looked at Neil's content smile as he laid next to Andrew.His scars on his cheek looking papery under the moonlight.Andrew felt a rush of fondness for the boy in front of him and leaned to kissed Neil's forehead.

  
''Good night, Neil,'' Andrew said, brushing his hair behind his ear.

  
''Night,'drew,'' Neil's voice slurred and lips loose.Andrew smiled at that and closed his own eyes too.

  
***

  
''I swear I'll kill you if you wake me up this early one more time,'' Andrew said grumpily to Neil, supporting a bed hair and banging a bowl on the counter for cornflakes.

  
Neil just smiled and hugged him from behind, not after making sure that Andrew knew where he was and his intentions.''You always say that, Andrew.And I am very much alive.'' Neil muttered hiding his face in Andrew's neck.

  
''Not for long,'' Andrew mumbled and Neil laughed against his skin.

  
Neil after that moved a little and sat on top of the stool and pulling Andrew along so that he was between Neil's legs.  
''Give me a spoon too,'' Neil said pouting.

  
''Fuck off.''

  
Neil laughed but persisted.'' C'mon..one spoon.''

  
''Get your own.''

  
''But my hands are busy.''

  
''Where?''

  
''They are busy holding you close to me.'' At that point, Andrew had to jab the spoon in Neil's mouth just to get him to stop being a huge pile of cheese.Neil laughed at how lame he knew he was being and Andrew just shook his head, thinking all the reasons why had he said yes to this asshole, and stifling an embarrassed smile.

  
After a few minutes, Andrew had fully turned towards Neil.Both of them laughed as Neil teased Andrew and Andrew kept pushing his face away from his spoon.After suffering through long periods of annoyance, Andrew asked what would Neil take to stop annoying him.Neil as much of a sap he was said, ''A kiss.''

  
Andrew punched him in the stomach for that and then sarcastically kissed him on his cheek.''Oh sorry.A reflex action to bullshit.''

  
Neil heaved in pain and laughed, clutching his stomach.But when he looked at Andrew, Andrew quickly covered any worry he had in his eyes and smirked instead.

  
It filled Neil's heart and he launched to kiss Andrew.Andrew resisted, calling Neil names until he put his bowl down and kissed Neil himself.And the fervor with which he kissed Neil was in contradiction to how he had been ''complaining'' just a while ago.

  
They broke apart when they heard a thud and looked around to find Bee pouring milk into her bowl.

 

''Oh no, please. Carry on. For all, I know this is what I should have been walking in on ages ago, instead of knives and bruised faces.'' She tried to say it with a straight face but you could see she was happy that the boys finally got together.

  
Andrew just rolled his eyes and Neil smiled brightly at her.

  
''Nice to know you guys did not even notice me as you were too lost in each other.'' Then she sighed and dramatically said, ''Young love.Due to it, I had finally managed to sneak up on you two.Your defenses are getting weak, boys.''

  
Both boys just smiled at her, as if there was something she didn't know.Bee's face dropped as she said, ''What now?''

  
''I did not have to look for you,'' Andrew answered.

  
''What does that mean?''

  
''Well you came from the door that I had my back too, so I did not have to be aware of it,'' Andrew answered casually as he took a spoon into his mouth and dipped it again into the bowl to give a spoon to Neil too.

  
As he noticed Bee still had not got it,  he began to explain,''Neil looks after my back and I his.So, if you were someone else, you wouldn't be standing as you are.''  
Bee looked at Neil from Andrew and found Neil nodding and saying, ''I saw you.''

  
''Wow, I had to adopt two of the creepiest teenagers.''

  
Both just laughed and continued with their morning chitter chatter.Explaining how they got together which was somewhat embarrassing for boys.As Bee wouldn't stop cooing at every point.Andrew even threatened to pull his knife out just to maintain his image.When all was said and done, boys exchanged a look and Neil moved his mouth to ask,'' So...Bee.Now that you know how our night went.Why don't you tell us about yours?''

  
Neil managed to ask it as casually as he could but the hungry eyes of the boys gave them away.Bee just scoffed and looked away saying, ''It was fine.Nothing special.''  
Both boys yelled,''Bee!!!.''

''C'mon spit.'' Andrew urged.

  
''Bee stop acting like a teenager.'' Neil said at the same time.

  
''Hey, is that any way to talk to an older lady.'' Bee admonished them and boys just looked at her like 'Do you even know us, Bee?' or 'Bee, stop bullshitting.'

  
''Oh okay.'' Bee muttered.'' Bunch of idiots, all in my house.'' Then she raised her hands and looked at the ceiling.''Why God? Why?''

  
''Bee we know you are not religious.''

  
''Yeah get on with it already.''

  
Bee rolled her eyes as she prayed silently asking God to forgive her sins and remove demonic teenagers from her premises.  
When she was done she just looked at them to find that the boys had moved on.Andrew was on his phone and Neil was finishing Andrew's bowl.Bee laughed at their antics and said,'' Okay huddle up, boys.Storytime.''

  
Both boys stopped doing what they were doing and eagerly turned towards Bee.Bee could feel the excitement bubble up in her and she cursed herself for feeling like this.

  
''So as you guys know I went on a dinner with Stuart last night.'' Hiding her smile, she said.

  
Andrew rolled his eyes muttering ''Duh.'' And Neil said,''You know you can say 'date' we don't mind.''

  
''Let me continue,boys.'' She said, picking up her bowl and moving towards the living room, with boys on her heels.

  
As they all had settled onto the couch, Bee finally started giddily.

  
''First of all, he was so nervous asking me out.I almost controlled myself from bursting into laughter.''

  
''He is an idiot.'' Neil commented.''Totally.'' Andrew agreed, ignoring how stupid these boys had been acting themselves for the past week.  
''Oh shut up, it was cute.Second, I literally saw an ex-gangster do a little victory dance after I had said yes and told him to pick me up after six.In his defense he did not know I was looking through my window, so he can maintain his macho image in front of me.''

  
''As if.That man is a huge koala in front of you.'' Andrew said.''I know right.I am still surprised when I hear people that fear him back in London.''

  
''Guys...'' Both boys shut up and motioned for Bee to continue on.Everyone knew the silence was not gonna last long.

  
''So, he came around 5:50 and I saw him hanging outside for twenty minutes until he decided it was appropriate to knock.''

  
''What a loser.'' Boys whispered among themselves.

  
''And let me tell you boys,'' Bee continued ignoring them, ''he cleaned up nice.'' Bee said with an impressed face, as boys hooted at her.Much to Bee's embarrassment.

  
''And we went to dinner.He was such a gentleman.Kept pulling my chair for me and opening the door.With his British accent and tailored suit.Damn, boys.''

  
''I can almost smell oxytocin in the air.'' Which earned Andrew a cushion on the face from Bee.

  
''And the restaurant was really nice, we chatted while eating.He told me about London, and I told him about my life here.He asked me to show some cool places he knew there and I couldn't help but agree.Which made him so happy and his eyes turn all shades of warm.And boys, he is such a charmer, don't even get me started.He acted all shy but once he got comfortable, I could see why he had been getting deals after deals even though he had just started a new business.And then we danced,''  
''You are a mess, Bee.''

  
''That's what you think,'' Bee smirked at Andrew.''I am quite a dancer when it comes to salsa or such.'' Which made Andrew look at her skeptically.

  
''And when we went out...God, it's so cheesy.He bought this bouquet of flowers for me.And wrapped my shawl around me when we decided to walk in the garden in front the restaurant.It was..if I dare say perfect.''

  
Boys just smiled at her at this, until she blushed.''That was only until he dropped me at home.Shuffling and fidgeting.He couldn't get a word, I almost thought I, myself, would kiss him goodbye, just to ease him, but instead, he kissed me on the cheek. And left.Which made me want to stop him and after I had called his name I realized I did not have anything to say, so I ended up asking him for a night out, next time he came to America.''

  
Bee put her hands on her face.'' I am in my late 30s I have to stop being acting that impulsively.But thankfully he was just so happy that he agreed in a heartbeat and left almost skipping.''

  
''An idiot 2.0.'' ''Ditto.'' Andrew and Neil commented respectively but not without a smile.

  
It was then when they heard their front door knocking.All three got up and walked towards the door.The boys followed Bee as it was an unusual time for anyone to be here.  
And the person behind the door was the last person anyone expected as the said person was supposed to be in a whole different country.

  
''Stuart.'' Bee uttered, looking back at boys as if looking for an answer.Boys simply shook their head and shrugged.

  
''Bee.'' He started saying, his hair a mess.His suit a little disheveled and he still had his designer briefcase in his hand.He looked at Bee and then said,'' Erm...can I come in?''

  
Bee looked at the boys and then simply let him in.Everyone gathered in the living room.Bee on the sofa with Stuart and boys on a sofa chair.All three kept looking at Stuart questioningly.Stuart was sweating under everyone's gaze.He would open his mouth and everyone would unconsciously lean closer until he closed it back again and threw his briefcase aside on the sofa and loosened his tie.

  
He looked at Bee but then looked at the boys and said,'' What are you doing awake?''

  
''You almost sound like you want us gone.'' Andrew said at the same time Neil said.'' What are _you_ doing here ?''

  
''Asshole, I always want you gone.And Neil just because I don't act like your uncle most of the time does not mean I will hesitate to throw my shoe at your face.'' Stuart said to the boys.Boys just laughed as if daring him.Stuart cursed under his breath to look at Bee for a minute and then looked away to say,'' I kinda extended my stay here.''

  
Everyone looked at him shocked until Neil stated the fact everyone was thinking,'' Stuart you never extend your stay because your meetings don't get extended they only get canceled.''

  
Stuart just shrugged and looked at Bee to say,'' This time, I wanted to stay.'' Until he looked away.

  
Boys looked at each other and noticed how overwhelmed Bee looked.

''So what are we doing then?'' Stuart changed the topic and everyone instinctively eased at that.Bee leaned towards him on the couch a bit and boys closer to each other.

''And what's that?'' He said pointing at Andrew's arm around Neil, as Neil sat on the armrest of Andrew's sofa.

Bee smiled at that and said,'' They got together.'' Stuart smiled half because it made Bee excited and the other half because it made Neil smile.

''Finally.I knew that Little Finger likes my nephew.''

''I hate his face. And you are not much taller yourself.'' Andrew replied.

''He kissed this face last night and just this morning.'' Neil chimed in.Until Andrew pinched him where his hand rested around his waist.

Bee laughed as everyone started bickering among themselves.And somehow this morning became one of the best mornings for all four of them.

 

****

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry but the story is almost ending and that made me lazy and uni became important,,my finals are approaching I wish I can complete it..basically only renison is left..so I'll try being early, but no promises.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this and havent gotten too bored with this story  
> I can bet you I do have some cute scene left


	32. Renison (Part 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urm...yeah...ahahah so hello  
> God my writing has gone back to being ugly..and my issues with pov are still there..just stick with me I'll try my best getting better  
> Okay I know it has been ages and you might have forgotten everything about this story  
> It's just my semester ended I had my finals and all..so without further ado..

**ALLISON**

 

What I absolutely hate on a day off, is when I hear my doorbell ringing.I clasp my hands together and pray to the many Lords above that whoever it is, does not bother coming in.  
They should come, to their job and leave.  
But life hasn't been kind to me for ages because as soon as I open my eyes and unclasp my hands I find Renee Walker standing in the doorway of my lounge.

  
Multiple thoughts cross my mind at seeing her standing there.

1) What the fuck is she doing here?

2) I really hope no maid tried stopping her and got injured in turn because she looks angry.

3) That she looks damn fine in those black shorts.

  
''Why haven't you been coming to school?'' She asks, her jaws tensed.

 

I groan in response. _Oh, so this is why she is here._

  
''Why? Miss me?'' I say with a smirk, instead of answering her question.

  
Renee just crosses her arms over her chest, her gaze sharp and livid.I sigh and turn around on my sofa, resuming my movie.

  
''Allison,'' Renee says in a low voice.It sounds dangerous, but I keep watching the movie.

  
''Allison!'' Her voice turning colder. I find myself shivering unconsciously, but do not dare look at her.I don't mind her, in fact, I think she might be the only person I don't mind these days.I look at her texts and smile but don't dare reply.I just can't...

  
The hairs on my neck stand up as she stays silent and keeps shooting daggers at my back.I fidget where I am sitting, focusing on the girl behind me and missing all my favorite parts of the movie.  
I hear soft footsteps and almost fear that she will hit me.That I would come face to face with the same Renee that had threatened me when I had meddled with Andrew and Neil and would get her answers no matter what.

  
So when she stands in front of me, blocking my view of the tv screen, her silhouette making my heart race up. But still, I don't dare look at her.I don't know why I am being so stubborn.Maybe because I have shared already too much with her and she is relatively a stranger to me.

  
''Move,'' She says in a tired tone.I almost jump out of my skin at the sound.

  
What?

  
I look at her befuddled, instead of an angry frown.I find soft smile and eyes that seem to understand.''What?''  
''Move, I said.Death race is my favorite movie too and I am not missing the end,'' She says cheekily.

  
I shift giving her place to sit, still uncertain about her mood.But she just smiles, drops beside me on the couch and picks up the bowl of popcorn.

  
I keep looking at her, lost in my thoughts as I feel cold relief settle on my skin.

  
She turns her head towards me and smiles.I keep looking at her trying to figure out her intentions.  
''Relax! I won't ask if you don't wanna tell.'' And suddenly I feel a clog stuck in my throat and my eyes water.

  
How is that when I am trying to be strong in front her she leaves me more vulnerable than before?

  
So I just sniffle and grin back at her.Picking a handful of popcorns and munching them all together.I am sure I must look ugly as fuck but I don't care because suddenly Renee is laughing like a maniac and filling her mouth with popcorns too and making faces at me.Which makes me laugh and feel like my heart has grown wings.

  
I look back at the screen, smiling and feeling grateful.Because this is the lightest I have felt in days since my brother's anniversary.And for a friend like her, if I dare consider her one.Well, she does certainly know me more than anyone else.

  
***

  
''I think I have a crush on Mila Kunis,'' I say while I look at Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman making out on the screen, as we had moved onto watching Black Swan next.

  
I don't know why I said that it's just the atmosphere was getting awkward and they looked really hot.

  
I am surprised when Renee just laughs loudly, slapping my arm lightly,''I don't think you are the only one.''

  
I don't know why I say what I say, but we have been sitting here for an hour, commenting on how hot both of these girls are and I just think that if I can't tell Renee this, there is literally no one else I can tell.

  
''Renee,'' I say, my voice a little louder than a whisper.I hear her respond with  _'hmm'_ her eyes still stuck on the screen.

  
''IthinkIambi.'' I say in a rush.

  
Renee looks at me, her eyebrows furrowed.''What?''

''Urm..'' I say looking at the screen now, and then at the pillow in my lap.''I think I am attracted to girls as well as boys.''

  
Renee is quiet but then says in a soft voice,'' Finding Mila Kunis hot does not make you Bi,'' She says with a smile on her face, probably making me feel easy.

  
''Yeah, kissing a girl and loving every second of it, does that make me bisexual?'' I look at her and say in a serious tone, not holding anything back.Her eyes round and lips apart.But I don't stop there.  
''What about wanting to do it whenever I see an attractive girl? Wanting to do more than just kissing? Does that make me bi enough?'' I watch her adam's apple bob up and down.

  
Her voice throaty when she replies, ''Yeah,'' She coughs making her voice audible.''Yeah that might do it.''

  
I just smile at that and return to the movie.Not paying attention to it but still using it as an excuse.

  
Feeling smug somehow.I still haven't figured how she feels about it. But she is bi herself, both of her best friends are gay, well in case of Andrew, I have no idea what Neil is.So it can't be anything bad, right?

  
I know she is looking at me, I just smirk but refuse to look at her.Until, I hear her groan and have a pillow on my face.

  
I scream indignantly, ''What was that for?''

  
''Spill, you idiot. You can't just drop 'Oh I am bi, Renee.' And expect to just say 'Cool story, bro' and move on.'' It's funny how fast she is talking, maybe that's why I end up laughing loudly.

  
''What?'' She says hitting me again wiith the pillow which makes me laugh harder.

  
''Give.Me.Details.'' She says hitting me with the pillow after every word.

  
''Okay..okay..'' I say holding her wrist and stopping her from hitting me.Damn my cheeks and stomach hurt.I don't think I have laughed that hard in days.Putting my cold hands on my red cheeks, I pause the movie and turn towards her.

  
''So what do you wanna know?'' I ask, trying to control my grin.A foolish and childish excitement making its way in my stomach.

  
''All of it, potato head.Who was your first crush? And the girl you mentioned?'' Renee asks, literally jumping with same excitement.

  
So I told her.

**

  
Allison had never had a girl best friend, had never got to talk about something as silly as her girl crushes.She had never even confessed to anyone about her sexuality except probably hinting his brother that she liked girls too.

  
Allison Reynolds always had to be the arrogant bitch who could have anyone she wanted.So she could not admit having something as juvenile as a crush.But since it was Renee, Allison told her everything.

  
Renee in turn shared all the girls she found attractive in school or the first boy she had ever kissed.Then they compared which celebrities they would totally do.Which lead them to gossiping about anyone they both happened to know.

  
And without both of them realizing it was almost ten on the clock.

  
''Oh...my mom must be worrying,'' Renee said looking at her watch.Her eyebrows furrowed as if she was herself also reluctant to leave.Or maybe Allison was just projecting.

  
So she should've felt guilty for being tactful like this but,'' I'll come to school.''

  
Which made Renee stop pulling her converse from under the sofa and look at her.''What?''

  
''I'll come to school, but on one condition.'' Allison said, holding Renee's wrist and making her drop her shoe.

  
''And what would that be?'' Renee said with a smirk on her face.She would do almost anything to get Allison out of her house.Renee knew how easy it was to lock yourself in four walls and pretend that the world did not exist.And also how difficult it was at the same time, when you finally had to face it.

  
''Stay the night.'' Allison said.She tried to sound confident, she really did.She even tried to conjure her Allison persona, but it was becoming harder and harder to just be Allison Reynolds with Renee when she had seen all of Ally and accepted it.

  
Renee just smiled and made Allison let go of her wrist.Allison's smile dropped and she looked away, desperate to hide any of her disappointment.

  
Allison was lost in her thoughts when she heard Renee say, ''Hello,''

  
Allison turned her head and found Renee on the phone.''Yeah, mom.I am fine.I just wanted to ask can I have a stay over at my friend's?'' Which made Allison gasp and almost squeal, much to her own embrassment, but Renee only laughed, shaking her head and resuming her conversation on the phone.

  
''Urm Allison.Yeah,'' Renee seemed to be telling her mom which friend's house, which made Allison lean closer and stick her head next to Renee's to hear what her mom's answer was on the phone.

  
''Oh no but I did tell you about Ally.'' Allison did not know how to feel about the fact that Renee's mum knew her as Ally rather than Allison.

  
''Okay? Okay..'' Renee said smiling and nodding at Allison.

  
So Allison did what every sensible girl would do in this situation.She started screaming and thanking Renee's mum on the phone as loudly as she could.Which had both, Renee and her mom, laughing.

  
After the phone call had ended, they decided to go on a car ride and buy pizza instead of just ordering it.

  
After they had eaten pizza, it was almost midnight.But Renee took them to the park she had seen on their way to pizza, and decided to stop there.

  
After a lot of diss and shade, Allison also ended up on the swing beside Renee.And then on the slide, monkey bar (where Allison got to see some of Renee's muscles under her white shirt and salivate) and see-saw.

  
It was stupid, but at the same time this was the most fun Allison had had since the carnival (and that was also due to Renee).She might have been scared of being outside this late and in an isloated park but she felt being with Renee, she was as safe as she could ever be.And maybe that's why Renee has brought her here.

Who knew?

  
***

  
It was not that Allison did not have any questions for Renee, it was just she did not know how to ask.

  
It was not that she had never had fun breakfasts (they were a routine when his brother was alive), it was she has never been this carefree with her laughter and her appearance out of family and recently even with her family.

  
It was not that she was not surprised when she found out that Renee was adopted at meeting her mother, it was just that the love between them was as real as she had ever seen, for her to overlook that minor detail.

  
It was not that she had not been hugged or cared for, but when Renee's mother did it, Allison had to pause and hold her tears back.

  
It was not that she did not believe Renee when she said that no one can catch her off guard, it was just that she really liked the challenge and ended up making a bet with her.

  
***

''I am not scared. I am not scared.Stop being a wuss.'' Allison repeated this mantra as she stood in front of her school on the Monday morning.

  
It was weird stepping into the school today.She had changed so much in the past few days.Become more bare.Everything that had mattered before, had become so meaningless now.In the morning, when she had tried to pick up her cothes or apply make up, she found that she did not give two shits about it.

So she had ended up wearing a stylish top with jeans and some nice boots.Along with the most natural make up she could carry.And suddenly she felt nice, she had never tried this look.It made her look simple yet presentable.Nothing that screams Allison Reynolds but at the same time, would catch your eyes.She decided she should add this look more in her life.

  
She was brought out of her mind when she felt someone stumble into her from behind.She was about to curse when she saw Renee standing there with a cheeky grin on her face and heard her mutter the fakest apology ever,''Oh sorry, didn't see you there?''

  
Before Allison could even think anything, her face broke into a smile.She muttered some colorful words under her breath and said, ''Oh you didn't see me, did you?'' And as if reading her mind, Renee broke into a run with Allison hot on her heels.

  
Allison had only taken a few steps when she realized that everyone was looking at her and suddenly she stopped running.

  
Renee was running freely, until she turned around and found Allison stuck in her place.Her smile dropping slowly.

  
Allison saw Renee walk towards her, Allison expected her to say something motivational but Renee looked uncertain as she stood in front of her.Noticing Allison's reaction, she slowly said, ''Do you want me to leave?''

  
In what world, Renee thought that _that_ could help Allison, Allison did not know.

  
It was weird to think that Renee thought Allison would suddenly find Renee uncool now that they are inside the school.Allison tried hard not to be offended as previously after the festival both of them had pretended as if they did not know each other except few casual glances only because Allison had thought Renee would not want to associate with the bitch Allison Reynolds was in school.But now that she knew that Renee liked her too for whatever the fuck reason, Allison was not going to just ignore Renee and also she did not give a fuck about the people here.

  
She had been on top of the food chain for as long as she could remember, there was nothing fun there.It had gotten her no friends and given her the authority to turn the worst version of herself.If she can get away with being the biggest bitch, Allison can sure as fuck get away with being a little silly and doing what makes her happy.

  
''Yes, as long as I am letting you.Cuz when I catch up with you, I am gonna keep hitting you in your locker as if _I can't_ see you.'' Allison said with a huge grin on her face and took pleasure in Renee's smile which grew bigger with every word.

  
''Huh as if.'' And then Renee was off, and without even looking back.She knew Allison was right behind her and she did not have to turn her head to confirm it.

  
***

  
''Fuck you are fast,'' Renee commented as both of them stood in front of Renee's locker, slightly out of breath.

  
''Of course I am.I told you I was adventurous and that certainly included running away from a lot of things.Plus I do gym every day.''

  
The _running away from a lot things_  got Allison an eye brow raise from Renee to which Allison simply responded with 'laters' which Renee accepted with a nod.

  
Allison had not thought it would be that easy being with Renee.She had thought she would be a little awkward or would take time fitting into Renee's small group of friends.But she realized that all it took was a few sassy comments, tired face when anyone mentioned 'the change' in her and turning soft everytime Renee did something, to have them accepting Allison as one of her.But Allsion knew it was gonna take a lot of time to have Neil and Andrew warm up to her given their history.But since her apology, Neil had turned almost polite towards her and Andrew was tolerable of her presence at their table during lunchtime as much as he could be.She was a surprise for Renee and she had a doubt there must have been some talk between him and Renee about her.

In case of Matt and Dan, as they were seniors like her and knew how she had been, they were reluctant to accept her as well.But after a few tries from both sides, especially Allison's because her instinct was to turn bitchy at every offensive comment, they had been able to hang out after their class, quite pleasantly.Allison was surprised when she realized she liked all of them.They all had interesting personalities and Allison found that once their differences were out of the way, it was easier to click with all of them.

Allison could see they all of them majorly trusted Renee's decision about Allison and given the looks Renee was giving them, Allison could conclude that it was also the only reason they were willing to give Allison a fair chance and Allison was really grateful for that.These people looked like they knew what being someone's friend meant, and after being alone for a long time.Allison almost ached for friends and something real.

  
Things were changing too fast for Allison.Doubt still lingered in her mind to just give up and go back to being as she was.But she realized once you start being yourself and have few people who accept it and cherish it, the most hardest part was going back to pretending.

  
And that was what she had come to realize was common among her, Neil, Andrew, and Renee.

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah..just stick with me for three more chapters..I hope you all have not given up on this story..Cuz I have some really meaningful and cute scenes left...  
> so please stick with me I'll try uploading them regularly and obviously..comments are much appreciated.


	33. From 14-16 (Part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you guys just love me..i worked really hard on this chap i dont know why maybe cuz it's been ages since i have written but yeah..or cuz i love andreil so much i feel like i am never doing them justice..but i really hope i conveyed it as i wanted to  
> so ENjoy!!!

Neil and Andrew did not come to trust each other easily.

  
When it came to trust, both boys had taken each other's soul, ringed it between their hands and had asked the other to smile.

  
It was how they worked.Life had not been easy for them, trusting someone completely was worse than killing yourself for these boys.Survival and suspicion that's what the boys thrived on.  
So yes people might not understand their 'trusting' or 'bonding exercises' but for them it meant everything.It was a proof that both of them very ready to put the effort, it was a statement, it was saying again and again that yes I choose you, that yes I choose you even over me.That no one else is there for me except you.

  
So it is true, even though it might not appear like one, but Neil and Andrew _did not_ come to trust each other easily.

  
***

  
It was nearing midnight.Andrew had been quiet all through the night, speaking occasionally at the dinner table.Even Bee had eyed Neil across the table, but Neil had just shrugged in response.Waiting for Andrew to take the first step.

  
So when around 11 on the clock, Andrew comes and stands in front of Neil, asking him to follow him.Neil does not question it, instead just gets up and ties his shoes properly.

  
The silence in the car makes Neil look at Andrew repeatedly and then look away when he notices Andrew's stony expression.Rest of the long ride was passed in comfortable silence.

  
Until Andrew circles the car in a wide, isolated landscape where there seems to be no living soul for miles.Andrew calmly got out of the car asking Neil to do the same.Neil stretched his body when he got out himself, looking around and noticing how dark it was. Meanwhile, Andrew opens the door of the back seat pulling something out of it.

  
Neil really wanted to make the classic 'did you bring me here to kill me?' joke but it died on his lips as he noticed a gun in Andrew's hand.  
Andrew could see blood draining from Neil's face as he unconsciously took a step back at the sight of the gun.Not because it was in Andrew's hand rather because Neil was shit scared of guns.A little token from his previous life.

  
Andrew had seen from the past few months how Neil would wake up heaving and his hand would ultimately reach for an invisible gun under his pillow that Andrew knew was his habit from the day on the run.  
Andrew had waited for it to pass, but a week ago there had been a few gunshot scenes in the action movie they were watching and every time either Neil would look away or excuse himself from the room.  
Andrew was tired of this bullshit.It was a personal offense to him, that Neil should be scared of a gun when Andrew had asked him to just trust him.

  
So this is why they were here.Neil had to trust Andrew completely, there was no other option.  
Neil watched Andrew pull a single bullet out of his pocket.It was stupid to ask where he had gotten the gun or the bullet from.

  
Neil watched in horror as he opened the cylinder to put the bullet inside.Neil's vision got blurry, so he fixed his eyes on Andrew instead.  
''What is this?!'' Neil could not even recognize his own voice.It was so weak, so unlike him.

  
Andrew just closed the cylinder with a click and looked Neil in the eyes.''Hold it,'' He ordered pushing the gun towards Neil.  
''Andrew...'' Neil began but the remaining words vanished when Andrew thrust the cold gun in Neil's hand.Memories came flooding, almost blinding Neil.He would've dropped the gun but the old cigarette scars on his hands began to burn.That was his mother's way of punishing him for dropping the gun.So he held the gun in his hand, he held it.The weight made his stomach coil and his dinner come up to his throat.

  
''What is this Andrew?'' It had been stupid of Neil to think Andrew would not have noticed Neil's recent aversion to guns.But what Andrew did not know were the dreams that were the source of it.One particular kind of dream.  
Andrew kept looking at Neil until he had all of Neil's attention.It was sickly amusing to see, how even now Neil held the gun firmly in his hand.It was not held loosely like a beginner or someone wholly scared of gun would hold it.It was grip of death on a weapon that you knew would not kill you as long as the muzzle of the gun was not towards you.

  
''Do you trust me, Neil?'' Andrew asked.Andrew knew there was nothing funny about the situation.Andrew had calculated everything.If Neil did not trust Andrew fully, after this Neil might never recover properly.

  
''What kind of question is that Andrew? Obviously, I trust you...'' Neil says, his voice shaky and his eyes begging Andrew to believe those words.  
''Then shoot me.''  
If Neil thought Andrew was as cruel as he sounded, Neil would have actually loaded that bullet in Andrew's head.

  
''Andrew.'' Neil's voice shook.  
''Shoot, Neil.Stop being a coward.''  
''You don't get what you are asking of me, Andrew,'' Neil begged, his whole body shook so bad that it pained Andrew to just look at him.But Andrew was nothing but steel to the core.

''You think I don't know it,'' Andrew replied, his voice full of raw emotions but still steady.

  
''Andrew...I can't.It's you in front of me.'' Neil said, rubbing his face with the gun still in his hand.Trying the burn the dream out of his eyes.This was Neil's recent horror.The thing that kept him awake at night.The thing that was killing him every moment.

  
Andrew in front of him.And a gun in his hand.And Neil fires.He always fires.

  
''Do you trust me, Neil? If the answer is yes then shoot.''  
Neil looked at Andrew helplessly.Opening and closing his mouth.

  
''I have no use of a coward for a friend.'' As soon as words had left Andrew's mouth, a fire ignited in Neil's arms, he pulled the trigger and shot.Because Neil was Andrew's friend and Neil would not let Andrew tell him otherwise.

  
But it was a blank shot.

  
''Shoot again.'' Andrew said calmly.He loved the boy in front of him for his struggle.How weird it is, others touch Andrew and he hates them.Neil shoots at him and Andrew finds himself loving Neil more.

  
''Andrew, it missed now.It might not happen again.'' Neil reasoned.His voice tired.The aftershock of firing, leaving him empty and almost yearning for Andrew.He can't lose Andrew.  
''I know.Shoot again, Neil.'' Andrew was not done.If Neil could shoot once, he could shoot again.Muscle memory won't let him stop.

  
And Neil shot. Again no bullet.

  
Neil's eyes turning emptier with every shot.But his body did not let him lie.His body trembled so bad, that worry ate Andrew inside out.He had never seen Neil so scared.But Neil's face and voice did not shiver after he shot the second fire.

  
''Why are you doing this?'' Neil asked, quietly.  
''Because you don't trust me.''  
Neil scoffed at that,'' How would killing you prove that I trust you?'' Andrew was so stupid sometimes.Anxiety was eating Neil alive.He did not let it show, but every fire that he shot brought the probability of Andrew dying at his hands closer.

  
Andrew just shrugged.''I just want to see, what would you choose.Your fear or me?''Andrew was not doing this because he doubted what he meant to Neil, it was obvious that no one else existed for the boys other than each other.He was doing this because Neil had to choose Andrew.

  
Neil understood none of it.But he fired nonetheless.Because for him the answer was always Andrew.And as far as Neil knew, Andrew did not have any reason to get himself killed in such a way.  
And again the shot was blank.

  
Andrew smirked.Finally seeing Neil acting on Andrew's words.''You know what to do, Neil.You have three more remaining shots.''

  
Neil's hand finally began to shake and he shot.  
Again blank.Two more tries.Neil forgot all of his mother's pieces of training.

  
Yes, he closed his eyes, yes he looked away.Yes, his hands shook, yes his aim might have missed.

  
It was Andrew...Andrew in front of him and his heart was beating beating beating as if it would stop beating itself if the bullet touched Andrew's head.  
''Two last tries.It's almost done.'' Andrew whispered, his voice as soft as he could make it.He knew it was killing Neil and he just wanted to be done with it.''Shoot, Neil.Neil...Neil look at me,'' And when Neil did, his eyes tired and watery.His lips bitten and cheeks hollowed.Andrew almost dropped on his knees when he said,''Trust me, Neil.''

  
And Neil bent his head to the left and shot.No bullet.

  
Neil's legs shook, tears dropped from his eyes.Andrew said one thing,''Last one, Neil.''

  
''I love you, Andrew.More than anything.'' Neil said, not even bothering wiping his tears away.His lips shaking.All he wanted was Andrew next to him and he wanted it right this second.Neil did not know what to do.Everything in him screamed to fire the last shot but with the muzzle against his own temple.He would happily do that.He would kill himself a hundred times over to let Andrew live.Andrew had given all Neil could never imagine having.And if this was Neil's way of thanking him, Neil thought it was the cheapest gratitude ever.

  
Andrew was shocked at the confession.His heart jumped and fell at those words, how much of a goodbye they sounded.Maybe that was the only reason that made him rush towards Neil.He picked up the gun and pointed at his heart.Holding it there with his own hands.''Trust me.Only me.Don't listen to yourself.I am here.Give yourself to me.'' Andrew pleaded ''I'll be there.I'll hold you up.'' Andrew said these words with as much vigour as he could.He could see the struggle in Neil's mind.He knew Neil would never fire.''Please don't fail me.Trust me.Completely.More than yourself.More than everything else.''

  
Andrew's last words removed every doubt from Neil's mind.Andrew was it for Neil.Andrew asked Neil to shoot, Neil would shoot.If Andrew asked Neil to suffer the rest of his life without him, Neil would do that too.Neil had chosen Andrew long ago.There was no going back.

  
So, he trusted Andrew and shot the fire.And Neil gasped as if his own soul has left his body.

  
His eyes stuck to Andrew's chest where the gun rested, waiting to see Andrew's white soft shirt turn red, instead it remained the same.

  
The last shot was also blank.Neil looked at Andrew with blurry eyes and he saw Andrew smile and raise his hands to show a bullet held between his index finger and thumb.

  
''When did you become so stupid. I never put the bullet inside, you idiot.'' Andrew had trusted Neil's fear and the darkness around them that Neil would be so lost at the sight of the gun to miss the small fact, that Andrew never put the bullet in the cylinder.

  
Relief flooded Neil.He wanted to ask 'what was Andrew even talking about?', he wanted to hit Andrew until he could see nothing but Neil's fists.But Neil did none of that.He just fell.  
He fell on his knees and began to sob.Muttering Andrew's name again and again.But Andrew did not let him fall.Instead, before Neil could even fall, Andrew wrapped his arms around Neil.

  
And the moment Neil felt Andrew's arms around him, he threw the gun away and held Andrew closer to him.He forgot everything and used every ounce of strength he had in him to hold Andrew close to him.If it had been another day, Neil might have cared about bruising Andrew or crushing his body, but today all that he cared about was holding Andrew.Because the thought of losing him had crushed Neil, so badly, that Neil could not do anything else other than holding Andrew close to him and crying against his chest.

  
Neil didn't think he had ever cried this hard.Close to it when he had lost his mom.But if this is how he felt just at the thought of losing Andrew, Neil could not imagine what would happen after he had lost Andrew.He could not even think about losing Andrew permanently.

  
Neil had thrown survival out of the window the day he had chosen Andrew.And then, again and again, he had let Andrew wreck him, and seen the same blind faith reflected in Andrew's eyes as well everytime he let Neil do what he wouldn't others.

  
He jostled Andrew with the force he crushed Andrew next to his body.His arms holding Andrew's waist, sometimes his neck.Andrew's head tucked against Neil's chest, his lips against Andrew's forehead.His hair fisted in Neil's hands, his tears stained cheek against Andrew's cheek.Neil did not know how many hours passed, as held Andrew all night.He knew it was after the sun rose, that exhaustion took over him and he pushed Andrew on his back.Refusing to let go and slept on Andrew's chest, with Andrew's arms still steady around him.

  
Andrew had let Neil do whatever he wanted.Andrew had just sat through it all.Telling Neil that he was okay, that Andrew was here.That he would never leave Neil even if the God demanded it himself.That Neil did not need to worry himself about anything when Andrew was there.

  
And when Neil had slept on top of Andrew, Andrew just laid there, holding Neil's face.Then caressing his hair.Where Neil had held him strongly last night, in return Andrew held him softly now.

  
*

  
After they had returned home, for the next few days, there was not a single moment that Andrew's body stopped aching.

  
He had taken his shirt of to take a bath and winced every second.He had looked into the mirror and found bruises all over his body from being in Neil's arms whole night.And instantly, Andrew had blushed and had felt warm all over.And then frozen as he realized how differently he felt now as compared to his past.When looking at the bruises on his body had always filled him with disgust and agony and had made him run away from the mirror.

  
And now everytime he tried picking something up and felt a slight ache, he only smiled and looked away hoping no one had noticed.

  
Neil's touch had restored another part of Andrew unknowinly.It had made sure that love can cause pain too.That being held by someone so strongly that it would bruise, could also mean something good and it could make you feel happy, in a total non-masochistic way.

  
That touch could give you the best memories, if the person was the right one and knew how to touch you.

  
*

  
And as for Neil, now every time he woke up from a nightmare he found Andrew's arm under his pillow.He would turn to look at Andrew and find him already looking at Neil even through the dark.Immediately, Neil's shoulders would sag and he would fall beside Andrew, his face in the crook of Andrew's neck.Hoping that Andrew doesn't push him away.

  
And Andrew never did.Instead he would bring his one hand, touching Neil's hair or face lightly and remove his other hand from under Neil's pillow and use it to hold Neil closer.Protecting him.And Neil could swear he would not get any nightmares for the rest of the week, after that night.

  
*

  
I could kneel before you.  
Someone as unaware of anything holy as me, could kneel before you.  
Because you gave me everything that God couldn't.

  
***

  
It was Neil that came up with this one.That was what was more surprising.

  
Andrew was the quiet one but at the same time the most verbal one.He used too many gestures which were a subject of pure fascination for Neil, but one day they were sitting with their backs against Neil's bed, their game paused as Andrew told one his anecdotes.It was then when Neil just wanted to put one of his hand on Andrew's mouth and use the other to hold his hands together and then ask Andrew to talk.

  
Andrew was most beautiful when his eyes talked.Which he didn't allow to happen often.And also Neil had been noticing that the boys had been talking too much.Sharing everything, explaining everything.Getting to know the layouts of each other's minds.It was not bad, just Neil liked chnages.Abrupt and total.He was still a runner deep inside.

  
So one day he told Andrew to not talk.To spend their days, without saying a single words.Communicating without words.Andrew had looked at him and just nodded, all of his hesitance hidden away as he noticed that Neil was serious about it.And just said 'well for old times sake.' Which made Neil laugh as he remembered when they had first met.Eyeing each other, measuring weaknesses.Making silence and body language do all the talking.They were both perceptive.

And just because Andrew had been talking too much these days, Neil knew something was wrong.And when he looked away, as soon as he agreed with Neil's idea, proved Neil right.There was something Andrew was not saying, something that Andrew's body would say if he was not continuously distracting it.

  
Neil did not know how he knew it.But he knew this much.

  
As for Andrew, the idea was horrible for him.He hated it.

  
He cursed Neil day and night after that.But he could do nothing about it.Neil went with all of his crazy ideas.So as much as it scared him, he looked at Neil and just smiled.

  
For convenience, they decided they could talk at night if they wanted to shares something that they couldn't through silence.The coming two weeks were the hardest for the boys.Neil had missed Andrew's voice and it had been hard communicating when one of them was away or not looking at the other, but Neil still persisted.

  
It was the new kind of vulnerability, especially Andrew.

  
You think why? Because it was around this time, Andrew had started noticing how attractive Neil was.His throaty laugh, his long scarred fingers.  
Everything about Neil was driving Andrew insane.He could hardly breathe properly when he looked at Neil.

  
It was just his hormones, he kept telling himself.It was just him rediscovering tiny facts about Neil.Nothing more, just puberty.

  
But Neil being an observing asshole he was, he decided to bare Andrew of any cover.Neil was so cruel and he had not a single clue about it.

  
It was also during this time when Neil had decided they should have a pool party.  
All more reasons for Andrew to hate Neil.No literally, where even was he coming up with such ideas.

  
You ask why again? Because the pool happened to be the pool in Neil's backyard and you know what that meant.That meant Neil Hatford, in all of his runner's glorious body was shirtless and wet for the rest of the party.Party being Bee, Renee, and Stuart joining them later.

But right now it was only him and Neil.Neil would jump into the freaking pool like he owned it (which he kinda did) and do a few laps using those strong arms of his.And get out of the water, dripping everywhere, making Andrew look everywhere but him and pushing his wet hair out of his face.And Andrew for a moment could swear he saw God on earth.

  
In short, as Andrew sew his lips and did everything in his power to avoid Neil during that time, or to keep all his hormones under control, Neil refused to take any break from being a seductive little asshole as Andrew knew him to be.Worst part was that he was so oblivious.

  
Andrew Dobson was fucked up.And again the only reason was, Neil Hatford.

  
As for Neil, it was like he fell in love with Andrew all over again without even knowing it.

  
He loved all the tiny things that Andrew did.Neil never knew that Andrew shivered that much at his touch, or how beautiful his adam apple looked when he swallowed, he always did that Neil did not know why, when Neil inched towards him.Or how his pupils dialated when Neil laughed.His cheeks had taken a love for sun probably, because they were always red these days.

  
Neil loved Andrew's smiles, without words they were so open and rare.His laugh was the best sound for Neil to hear.

  
They were at the pool now and Andrew was wearing a loose tank top and shorts.Neil even loved that.He loved how light reflected of his arms.Or how his muscles protruded when he lifted the chairs to put them infront the pool.He loved noticing Andrew when he was busy.

  
Neil got out of the pool, with a plan in his mind.Andrew had been avoiding pool all this time and Neil was not having any of it.  
He might have called him, or teased him, to get into the water but they had no talking rule going on.And as Neil was still getting Andrew in the water, he just walked towards him and hugged him from behind.He expected Andrew to punch him for making him wet, but Andrew's reaction had been totally different.

  
He knew Andrew had known he was out of the water and they had spent almost three years now together, touch was comfortable between them.But when Andrew got still in his arms, Neil almost thought he had made a mistake, except Andrew was not pushing him back instead holding him tightly.Andrew tilted his head a little towards Neil, so Neil could see half of his face and suddenly the atmosphere felt charged for both the boys.

  
Neil did not know what it meant, but when Andrew parted his lips while his eyes almost looked at Neil's hungrily, Neil felt himself pulling Andrew closer.Neil saw Andrew lick his lips and something in Neil was acting up, turning urgent by every second.Andrew kept looking at Neil, eyes wide and questioning.Neil did not know the answer, he did not even know the question.So before he did something, he did not know what, but something he would regret.He pulled a little away.He smirked awkwardly to ease the atmosphere and jumped into the pool with Andrew still in his arms.

  
Andrew had screamed and kicked him in the water and everything had went back to normal.

  
But Neil still remembered the gold of Andrew's eyes, the shine of his skin, and the red of his lips.

  
So later at night, he told Andrew to just quit the no talking thing.Saying, they had learned a lot about each other to move on now.And they had, Neil just did not know what and Andrew thought he knew too much.

  
***

  
***sometime in the future when they are both 18***

  
''What are we doing here, Neil? Why are people jumping from the cliff? Why are people so insane I really don't get it?'' Andrew kept spouting questions and Neil began to take his sweater off, Neil would never be shirtless in a crowded place so he still had a shirt on.

  
''Why the fuck are you taking your sweater off? Do you even know how high we are? Everyone's crazy.You are gonna smash your fucking skull?''

  
Neil knew Andrew was rambling, because being this high was freaking the shit out of him.Except once asking him to go on the ferris wheel, Neil had never asked him to face his fear of height.But this time Neil wanted to ask.Their relationship was progressing so fast that Neil needed this assurance.He needed to know that Andrew trusted him, so he simply looked at Andrew and took a step back, ''I am not jumping, you are.''

  
Andrew's expression became blank.He looked like he wanted to say 'what the fuck, Neil?' but they have been playing this game for far too long, he knew what Neil was asking.  
Andrew looked and looked at Neil.Did he trust Neil?

  
He had been asking this question and answering it a lot these days. He had thought being in a physical relation for him would be like slowly dying a painful death.But when Neil touched him, that was least of his worries.His mind went haywire, his breath laboured and he incessantly wanted more.

  
He did not hate, infact he loved it, when Neil did not pause or hesitate.It made him take comfort in the fact that he was not the only one losing his control.Kisses and touches.Sucking little spots to biting his skin.Their hands wandering, legs closing the other in.

  
It was a pandemonium and both of them were chained in.

  
Andrew continuously thought did he trust Neil enough to go further? Would he let Neil go down on him? Would he let Neil do any and everything he pleased with Andrew? But then Neil would look at him like he was right now and the answer became obvious.

  
Neil touched Andrew's left cheek and whispered, ''Trust me.''

  
And Andrew did.

  
It was as simple as that.Andrew trusted Neil.Which made his touch not something to be scared of or run away from, instead something that Andrew craved, hell even anticpated.

  
So without even looking how far below the jump was and keeping an eye contact with Neil, Andrew jumped.

  
And the last thing he saw, was Neil's panicked face as he had not been expecting Andrew to actually jump this soon.Stupid Neil.

  
And Andrew was laughing.He was laughing and he was falling. _Neil was so so stupid._

  
Neil's heart had almost stopped when he had seen Andrew slip through his fingers.Neil had expected a little resistance, this blind faith should not have been surprising for Neil.Obviously Andrew trusted him.Neil himself would have jumped from Heaven to straight Hell for Andrew.

  
So without thinking, as Andrew jumped, Neil had jumped after him.Having no intention of letting Andrew fall alone.

  
As soon as Andrew felt Neil collide with him and his arms wrap around Andrew's body, Andrew laughed louder.

  
This boy, this boy would be the death of Andrew.This boy asked Andrew to jump from a cliff and then got scared when Andrew did.He asked Andrew to trust him and when he jumped, rushed after him and held him closely.This boy was the most stupid, insane and precious thing for Andrew.

  
So Andrew spread his arms wide, as Neil clung to him and held him close, he flew towards the ground.

  
If falling was this beautiful, Andrew thought, he would never be scared of it for the rest of his life.

  
***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay..so first of all  
> i was not supposed to write the 'no talking' thing lke this..it was supposed to be meaningful and complicated and you know but i just turned it light and i dont even know what i am doing..and ..i just really hope u guys like it  
> and i also tried to depict Andrew's pov about getting happy bruises that would remind you of your loved ones instead of abuse..and i just wanted to write it nicely,..i dont know if i was able to  
> i did try to show the level of trust these boys were tryna achieve..i hope you could understand their intentions


	34. Renison (Part 6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRRYY FOR BEING LAte  
> next chapter is going to be last and full of Andreil fluff  
> ENJOY!!  
> this ones long

It was after months when Renee trusted Allison enough to share her past life.By any means, Renee deemed it unnecessary.Because neither her past interfered with her present life nor did she let it.

  
But one day Renee was explaining something to Allison, both of the girls sitting in Renee's soft and comfy bed, retelling anecdotes when Renee had mentioned something about Andrew when he was a child and at Allison's inquiry Renee realized that Allison knew next to nothing about her life.

  
And when she had seen Allison off that night, she came to her room and spent most of her night, deciding whether she should put some light on her past for Allison or let it just be.  
Then there was also the fact that to discover about Allison's brother's murder, Renee had to get in touch with her past and when, one day, Renee had to tell Allison the truth, she would have to explain how she got to that truth.And Renee could not explain her brother's murder to Allison without her being unaware of Renee's roots.

  
Renee knew that Allison was becoming an important part of her life.Already both girls were texting each other and video chatting even after spending a major part of their day with each other in school.Renee was not stupid, she knew Allison considered her as her only friend and shared everything with Renee, almost unabashedly at this point.Renee felt unfair withholding information about her own past but at the same time, she feared.Maybe Allison did not want anyone like her in her life.After suffering alone in darkness and finally on her way to recovery in a healthy way, would Allison want someone who had once been darkness herself? Someone who even though had been reborn still had almost terrifying power in the wrong parts of the town?

  
The decision was made.Allison had to know about Renee and as soon as possible.Renee did not think she could bear to lose someone as important as Allison, but it was Allison's call.If she decided that she no longer wanted anything to do with Renee, Renee would hug her and wish her best for the rest of her life.

  
And if she decided to stay, Renee would swear that she would protect Allison with her own life.And make sure that the girl never has any reason to be sad again, to suffer remembering her brother or have to cut herself in half to please her parents and society.Renee would make sure that Allison lives happily and healthily and she would never be alone again.

  
Renee had fidgeted all evening as Allison had chatted beside her.Distracted, all Renee could think was, should she really tell Allison everything she has done in her past?

  
Renee did not even realize that Allison had stopped talking until Renee felt Allison's cold hand on her wrist.Her hands were always cold, and Renee absolutely adored when she would thrust her hand in Renee's, leeching all of the warmth from her hand.

  
Renee looked at her and found that Allison had rested her head on the back of the sofa and was looking at her patiently.As if she could put pieces of Renee's mind together just by staring at her.She did not ask anything, just pressed her thumb on Renee's vein in her wrist and looked at her.

  
Renee suddenly felt really emotionally, her heart beating fast in her rib cage, her throat rebelling against her.It was stupid, utterly stupid to be scared of a girl who looked as defenseless as Allison did right now.Maybe that is why Renee was scared.

  
Renee cleared her throat and asked Allison if she wanted to hear a story, story of a girl who was born Natalie Sheilds.Allison's eyes grew bigger as she recognized the name, but she only nodded her head and focused whole of her attention on Renee's next words.

  
Renee told almost all of it looking at Allison's hand around her wrist.And by every word she saw it move away.At first, it fastened around her wrist almost restricting her blood pressure when Renee told her about the abuse she had gone through.Then Renee saw her fingers loosen their hold on Renee's wrist when Renee told her about the times she had held a knife in her hand.Her previously cold hand, which now was warm due to Renee's body heat, shifted and settled beside Renee's hand.

  
Renee's heart sank deeper and deeper with every movement but she did not look up.

  
When she was done, she told herself that she should be proud of her struggle, that it should not bother her what Allison thought about her past.But it was harder to believe all of it when Allison completely withdrew her hand from Renee's and asked her to leave.

  
Renee did not look up, she wanted to.But she knew the struggles Allison went through every day.How strong her morals were, heck she dreamed of becoming a lawyer one day.Renee wanted to make Allison believe her innocence but even she knew the blood on her hand was unwashable.Given that Allison had already seen too much of her own brother's blood.

  
So Renee got up, the blanket falling from her lap softly on the floor.The jubilant songs on the speaker that they were previously jamming to was almost abhorrent to listen to now.Renee wanted to look at her, but Renee looked everywhere in the room except Allison.She could hear her breathing on the sofa and the sound tore something in Renee that she did not think she had.

  
She remembered her promise, of what she would do if Allison threw her out of her life.But it sounded almost comical right now given Renee could not even bring herself to even look at Allison now.

  
So she did her best to neither walk lazily out of Allison's house nor rush out of there.She was a survivor and she would leave Allison like one too.

  
The weird part was, Renee kept hoping Allison would reach out and pull her back on the sofa.Exclaiming anything, even shouting at her for being stupid...just...just not letting her go like this.

  
But that didn't happen.  
*

  
Renee did not cry.No she was too cruel hearted for that.But when she came home and told her mom what had happened, she felt her heart screaming and her eyes stinging when her mom hugged her in response.She simply told her mom to not worry and left for her room, forgoing the dinner.

  
She sat curled on her bed and then decided to stand up and exercise a bit.After some time she opened her books but did not even read a single page.Soon she played sad songs then changed them to happy ones, ate some chips, she kept stealing glances at her phone and then threw it away.

  
It was not a big deal, Renee told herself.If someone does not accpet whole of her, Renee did not want that person in her life.It was better like this.Thank God, she found it sooner than later.

  
Did all of this help? No.

  
So Renee shut the light of her room off and laid back on her bed.Playing the sad playlist that Andrew had recommended saying that 'these songs understood a part of us.'

  
Renee had never bothered with, finding no need to drown in self-pity anymore.But today she played it, wrapped the blanket around her, and let the thoughts she had been keeping at bay to crowd her mind.

  
All the parts of the past that still hurt.Saying them, again and again, hurt her in the most inexplicable way but more than that she thought about her new friend.Who did not seem so new anymore.

She almost nostalgically thought about how she had threatened Allison in the past.Meaning every word, which looked foolish now.But Allison...she had changed.So drastically that Renee still had a hard time remembering who she was three to four months back.

  
She thought of Allison's laugh, their easy company.How it surprised Renee that how easily they clicked.When Allison would fall behind just to walk with Renee.How Renee felt proud when Allison helped someone when she wanted to instead of just walking away, when she scored highest on tests much to everyone's surprise.When she would challenge Andrew that she knew Renee more than him and wouldn't give up even after losing every time and saying that one day she will know Renee more than Andrew does.

  
She thought of Allison's silence and what would it mean for them.Would Allison ever talk to her? She thought all of it, most importantly, she thought Allison's hand in her hand and then Renee's own empty hand.

  
*

  
When Renee's doorbell rang the next day, she did not want to move.She was in her PJs even though it was 2 in the afternoon and was sat at her dining table playing with her food.How lame, she thought.

  
She let the bell ring, thinking all the people important already had the key to their house.And her mom was working right now.So it meant, it was someone unimportant and would go away soon.

  
But they did not go away.The doorbell somehow kept ringing louder and louder even though it was not possible.

  
Renee let out a growl, threw her fork on the table.And picked it up feeling embarrassed by her own outburst.

  
She sighed and tried her best to make her loose and long hoodie look presentable.Which really brought no change, she sighed again as she moved towards the door.

  
Praying to God that she could keep her annoyance under control and could be calm sweet Renee that whoever at door was, knew.

  
But it turns out, her slightly loud and annoyed voice got stuck in her throat when she saw who was at the door.

  
Allison stood there, in all of her rushed and panicked red cheeks and urgent limbs, shaking with palpable tension.

  
''Thank God,'' She muttered before lunging at Renee and pushing both of them further into the house.

  
Renee did not even know what to think.All she knew was that Allison was somehow thanking God and apologizing to Renee in the same breath over and over again.  
'God, Renee, Thank God, Renee.I am sorry, Renee. God, God, Renee,' Now imagine what hearing these words did to Renee's heart who was a  believer through and through.

  
Renee's breath seemed to be stuck somewhere in her lungs.Her cheeks were getting warmer with every word that Allison said.

_'I am sorry I should have said something.'_

  
_'I'll never leave you.'_

  
_'I am so stupid, you are indispensable for me Renee Walker.'_

  
_'If you hadn't punished you abusers yourself, I would have done it myself, hell with all the stupid laws.Never protecting those who need to be protected.'_

  
_'You just made me more adamant to become a lawyer. I swear to God I'll fight my parents, anyone I have to, to make sure that I become one.'_

  
_'We need more people like you, Renee,'_

  
And lastly, ' _You have been a savior for me since I saw you standing like a fucking angel in that dark alley, and you will always be one for me.Even at the time when all you could save was yourself.'_

  
All the while Allison kept her arms around Renee, her mouth to brain filter forgotten.Her voice warm and meaningful.And somehow she kept holding Renee close and closer to her.  
Renee smiled with tears of gratitude in her eyes as she hugged Allison back.Feeling everything that she hasn't felt.These feelings were all new to her despite all of her experiences.These raw feelings, she felt like she did not understand her heart at all.

  
And at Allison's words that she almost sighed, 'God, Renee.Your arms around me,' All of Renee's thinking processes stopped and all she wanted was to kiss the girl in her arms.She could feel Allison's body heat and felt conscious of every part of her that touched Renee's own body.

  
She caressed Allison's back and almost felt her control slipping through her fingers.But stopped herself as soon as she felt Allison shudder instinctively.

  
Renee pushed Allison away and felt like she was looking at her for the first time and quickly looked away, fearing Allison would see something she shouldn't.

  
Fear along with anger, hunger, love, fascination, want, burned in Renee's heart which she threw ash on and tried her best to  _not_  focus on now.She took Allison's face in her hands, having realized that she was crying.

  
''Shut it, you idiot,'' Her own voice shaky.''C'mon wanna eat something.''

  
Allison made a sound which was a laugh and a groan at the same time, ''Yes, please.I am starving.''

  
Renee laughed in response and pulled her towards the kitchen, trying to think of anything other than Ally's hand in her own.This time though, her own hand was colder than Allison's.

  
***

  
''C'mon Ren Ren, tell me does this dress look good on me or not?'' Allison whined, standing in front of her mirror as she tried her fifth dress that evening.

  
Renee, sat on Allison's bed browsing through Allison's laptop, said without even looking, ''Yeah it looks amazing.''

  
''Reneeee!!!''

Renee threw the laptop on the bed, made a grand gesture of standing up and walking towards Allison.She stood behind Allison and looked at her n the mirror.Allison was wearing a tight black dress that reached her mid-thigh.She had no make-up on, her hair was messily thrown over her shoulder.And she looked like a fucking Vogue model, not that Renee was gonna tell her.

  
''Hm..it looks nice,'' Renee merely shrugged and moved to the chair in the corner, where Allison had thrown her dresses and started folding them.Guilty about finding her friend hot, she kept her back to Allison.Maybe that is why could not see Allison frowning at herself in the mirror.

''Nothing looks good on me,'' She said huffing and looking down at her body accusingly.

  
Renee lost in her thoughts, missed Allison's self-deprecating tone and commented,''Yeah, you look horrible in everything.''

  
Allison shocked at the comment, sagged her shoulders.And went towards her closet, pulling some comfortable clothes out and changing into them.

  
When she came out, Renee expected to find Allison in another dress and was about to pass another funny comment, when she saw Allison had changed into her casual clothes.Renee raised her eyebrows at that and asked,''Why are you not trying another dress? Have you decided what you are gonna wear to the richass dinner tonight?''

 

''Meh,'' Allison said shrugging, moving towards the bed, to just fall face first on it and forget that the world existed.But Renee stopped her, holding her bony wrist in her own hand.Allison made an attempt to make her let go, but Renee only tightened her hold on Allison.Allison huffed and looked at her, shooting daggers.Renee smirked in return and pulled Allison towards herself.''Tell me what's wrong?''

  
Allison said nothing, and to avoid the question, she started working on Renee's fingers to get out of the hold.Renee noticed Allison's drooped cheeks, avoiding eyes and angry hands.And made sure to hold her wrist a little loosely and affectionately, yet firm.

  
She revised their previous encounter to find out what went wrong.And  grasping at straws, she lifted Allison's face by holding her chin and asked,''You know I was kidding, right?''

  
Allison just nods with dead but raw eyes.

  
Renee can't help but laugh because how stupid can she be.Allison offended by Renee's laughter, started angrily pulling her arm away.

  
Renee shocked by the fury behind Allison's actions, for a second, decided to let her go but kept her grip strong.

  
She held her shoulder with her other hand, making sure they stay there instead of moving on their own accord.''No, I mean it.''

  
Allison looked unsure but said,''I know, Renee.Now let me go.''  
''Don't,'' Renee breathed.''Don't ask me that.''

  
Which made Allison pause and the anger in her melted.

  
Damn Renee's hands, because they did move on their accord.One held Allison's cheek lovingly, other started massaging Allison's wrist where she had held her.Making sure it doesn't hurt or bruise.

  
''You are beautiful, Ally,'' Renee said, noticing the shake in her voice and praying to God that Allison didn't notice.''You look fabulous in fancy ass clothes, sexy in skimpy tight ones, cozy and warm in these stupid PJs, and breath-taking in your casual attire.Shh..''

  
Renee quietened Allison when she saw her open her mouth, probably to object.''I don't tell lies, Ally.And I don't flatter.When I compliment you, I am not being nice.I am saying it because, for me, it is a matter of fact.You are beautiful and that's it.''

  
Allison looked at Renee shocked, her heart rate sky-rocketing.Allison felt her cheeks warm up, under Renee's hand.She tried to pass it off as a joke, realizing how her previous worries had vanished after Renee's genuine compliments.

  
''What, Renee, '' She forced a laugh,''Are you trying to make me fall for you?''

  
Renee's eyes widened a bit at the words.Shocked by how real they sounded,''What if...'' She said in a quiet, unsure voice.''What if I am? Would it really be such a bad thing?''

  
Allison sucked in a breath at that, but before she could even think anything the maid knocked her door, telling her that her parents had arrived.

  
Renee coming to her senses moved away quickly.What had she done? She had confessed to her best friend.There was so much Allison didn't know yet, it was too quick, too soon.Renee was never that stupid, but she had also never learned to lie to herself.She had accepted her weaknesses, guilts, pains and love as they were.

  
Allison stood there, shell-shocked.Had Renee really said what Allison thought she had? Her hands sweating, her lips wouldn't come down from a smile.Her wrists, where Renee had held her, tingled.What...What was she gonna do now?

  
But Renee being an angel just came back with the dress she had just worn and said,''Wear this.Keep your hair up and make-up to the minimum.Let your mother's posh friends know that you are beautiful nevertheless.''

  
She handed over the dress to Allison.Avoiding Allison's reply or giving her time, Allison didn't know.

  
''Send me pictures okay,'' she said picking up her phone and keys.'' Stephanie will be back in...urm half an hour,'' looking at her phone now and scrunching her eyebrows.  
Allison just nodded, dress still sprawled in her hands.

  
''See you,'' Renee said.Brushing her hand on Allison's shoulder, instead of hugging her goodbye.

  
After she had rushed out of Allison's room, Allison thought maybe she should've said something.

  
***

  
Allison tiptoed towards Renee.She had her back to Allison and was arranging books on her table.Noticing that she had earplugs inserted, Allison decided to scare her.She had been looking for a way to catch Renee off-guard the day she had told her that no one can.Needless to say, she had failed every time she had tried.

  
But knowing that Renee was not expecting her and was in her own world, this moment was as good as Allison was gonna get.

  
When she was almost behind her, she raised her hands to scare her because Renee was humming now.And it was gonna be beautiful when she would realize that Allison had scared her.But before she could even move her hands, Renee had spurred around, caught Allison's hands in her own and circled her around.Like this Allison's arms were locked around her body and Ally had her back pressed against Renee's front.

  
''I always keep my volume low, Allison,'' Renee whispered in Allison's ear and Allison heard her breath hitch and body get warm.''And I would realize your footsteps anywhere.''  
Allison could not comprehend how Renee could even hear her footsteps when she had barely made any noise.But her brain had short-wired and she could not think straight.  
She felt her body push against Renee almost as an instinct.

Renee felt her victorious smirk drop and lips open, not expecting Allison's eagerness. Her hold on Allison tightened before she let her go.Coming to her senses, she moved away and made a joke about how Allison would never be able to achieve her stupid aim.

  
Allison stood there, surprised by her own neediness and Renee's withdrawal.Her cheeks burned with embarrassment, but she decided to ponder over it after she had reached her home.

  
***

  
Yes, Allison was expecting Renee for a night stay at her home.But no, Allison was not expecting her to look this serious and on alert.

  
Instantly, Allison straightened her shoulders.Her eyes asking Renee to tell her what had happened.

  
Renee looked like she wanted to look away but she only stood a few steps away from Allison and looked into her eyes straight on.''I know what happened to your brother.''  
Allison felt the ground slip from under her feet and before she could fall, Renee caught her.Falling on the floor with Allison in her arms.

  
''I am sorry.But I...I wanted to help you so I did..some of my own research.And..erm,'' Renee rushed, tried to get the words as Allison sat still in her arms.''So I found out what happened to your brother and who killed him.''

  
Renee paused after that, she knew Allison had been getting better.She had been growing bolder and stronger.Even standing up to her parents but in a way that it came off as a decision of a strong lady instead of a rebellious teen.She had been happy.But Renee did not think she could sit on this information any longer.She had been already avoiding it for days.

  
She waited for Allison, and after Allison's quiet but steady, ''Carry on.'' She told her everything.

  
She told her how her brother died at the hands of Richard 'Dick' Harrison.How it was not his father's profession that killed his brother rather it was an accident.How his brother had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.She told him that Dick was just a lowlife junkie, but he had connections to big bad places.People who worked in the underworld.

  
They had sent Dick with another two of their fighters, Jack and Stephan, to threaten someone who owed them money big time, Renee could not gather who though. But Dick being high out of his mind had confused Allen for that man and instead of just threatening and miming had ended up killing him.And when the news had reached Dick's boss he had been furious.The two people who were there beside Dick had sent Allen's picture to their boss only to find out it was not the actual man.After realizing that they had killed Allen Reynolds, the boss had wiped out all the pieces of evidence.The cameras were hacked and footage erased.Including Dick and the other two guys had disappeared from the earth's face and Renee suspected, no knew, that they had been killed.

  
All this time Allison shook in her arms and cried, sometimes silent but other times screaming.Regretting, blaming and missing her brother.She screamed how unfair it was, how she could not even kill the murderer because he was already dead, how she loathed it all.She kept promising that she would find that boss and break whatever organization he ran.She kept saying how stupid her parents were that they kept blaming dad's profession and destroyed their marriage and family along with it for no reason.

  
And Renee had just sat there, her heart breaking for Allison.She had even cried when Allison had, holding her and letting her vent everything out.Renee was surprised by how much pain Allison had inside of her, how much she missed her brother.By all of it.

  
But she said nothing, just hugged her and laid her on her bed, when she had fallen asleep from exhaustion on the floor in Renee's arms.

  
The coming days were only going to be harder for her, Renee mused.

***

  
Allison had changed after knowing what had happened to her brother.She had occasionally tried telling her parents about it, but they always brushed her away after hearing the name of his brother.Allison would shout at them and call them careless, only to have a door slammed at her face, as her parents left her alone in the house.

  
She was miserable and rarely happy.The high school did not know how to handle dark-circled and pale Allison.She was quiet or bitchy, there was no in between.Basically, she was only quiet around Renee and bitchy around everyone.Renee had feared that Allison would hate her, as she was the bearer of the news but instead Allison had been grateful because no one had ever bothered to find out about her brother.Allison had asked the source of Renee's information and Renee had apologetically told her that it was all confidential, the least Renee could do was to try and get her the camera footage.Allison had urged Renee to involve her but Renee had given her a curt no.Allison had bristled, ready to shout at her.But the stern set of Renee's mouth had told her that she would not be able to convince Renee.So she had said some harsh words about Renee not caring about Allison enough and had left Renee's home before she could say something more.

  
Next day, she had been shit scared that maybe she had lost Renee forever.But in the evening Renee had come to her house as if nothing had changed and asked her to do her homework with her as Allison was good in economics and Renee needed her help.Allison had got teary eyed but agreed readily.

  
Andrew and Neil knew about Allison's reason behind her antsy behaviour.So for everyone's peace, both had tried their own ways to get her out of it.

  
Andrew had entered her car when she was about to leave the school, and muttered a sharp 'Drive.' and got comfortable in her passenger seat.

  
Allison despite her annoyance had started the car and followed his directions.After fifteen minutes she found out that they were driving out of town.She had asked him where they were going, but Andrew only muttered directions in return.Allison did not give up but Andrew was equally patience and did not say a word.

  
After 40 minutes drive, he had looked Allison in the eyes and asked her to drive and make sure that the meter did not drop below 110.Allison had looked at him, shocked and cursed at him.  
Andrew had only looked at her as if he had already won, provoking Allison by calling her a 'good girl' and 'incapable' of actually driving that fast on a crowded road.Allison had only huffed and told him that she would give the name 'Reynolds' if she failed.

  
After that she had driven her car as if she was on a cloud.Taking rash turns, pressing horn to get everyone out of the way.She had been able enough to not get caught but when a camera had taken her picture, she had only looked at smirking Andrew and said that she was rich enough to pay for this shit.Andrew had laughed and called her arrogant.Allison had only smirked and muttered thanks.

  
Allison could not fathom why Andrew would bother but she also could not deny that after the four-hour ride where she had driven like a madman, she felt incredibly better.She had slowed down after a while and noticed that Andrew said nothing.Maybe he knew that after the speed had cured her, a long road and silent ride would be the best way to ease her.

  
Allison had felt warm when she had dropped Andrew at his home and heard him say,''See you tomorrow, Pink Panther.'' Andrew had given her that name saying that she bit like one but this time because she raced like one.

  
Allison had smiled and smiled until her cheeks started to ache.Andrew was a pain in the ass but Allison knew she cherished his unexpected acts of kindness and genuinity to the extreme.

  
Neil, however, had been different.

  
Well, not that different as he had also hijacked her when she was in her car and instructed her to drive.It had made her shiver how similar Andrew and Neil were sometimes.She was expecting the same shenanigan but was surprised when Neil let her to some area in town where she had never been.And contrary to Andrew's silence, Neil had given her equally snotty and sarcastic responses when she had dared question his motives.

  
When they stopped, she noticed it was outside some weird kind of gym.Telling Neil that she was sure as hell not doing some cardio, Neil had only rolled his eyes and ignored her.

  
When they reached inside, she realized that it was not a gym.It was a fighting pit of some sort.It was huge and had various portions.Some people were boxing, some exercising, some doing various kinds of martial arts and others just fighting dirty.

  
Neil had not stopped and started walking towards the end of the hall.Allison had felt overwhelmed and hurriedly walked after him, fearing that she would get kicked accidentally.

  
After walking for what felt like ages, Neil stopped and Allison ended up bumping into him.She was about to scream at him when she saw where he was looking and her voice died in her throat. Neil seemed to be smiling but Allison looked at the scene as if she was starving.

  
The scene in front her unfolded Renee in all of her sweaty glory in her push up black bra and shorts, pacing around the mat as she waited for Andrew in front her to attack her.  
Allison had no idea that Renee had such toned stomach or muscles.Her legs were hella strong, she had a few scars over her body which made Allison's blood boil, and her biceps were the most riveting thing Allison had ever seen in her whole life.

  
Both of them did not look like they were fighting, in fact, they were joking around.Renee teased Andrew to look at Neil and Andrew sassing back that he was whipped not stupid.Which made Neil laugh beside her.Allison almost did the mistake of thinking it was a friendly fight, but when Andrew launched a punch at Renee and Renee sidestepped and attacked Andrew's ribs, Allison could see the ferocity.It sure as hell was not a friendly fight.

  
But Andrew simply caught her hand and twirled her saying something in her ear.And suddenly she found her eyes locked with Renee's, and Allison felt her whole body burn under Renee's intense gaze.It seemed like it was all Andrew wanted because he then in a moment had overthrown Renee, but Renee had regained her conscious hurriedly and gotten up just to kick Andrew in the face.

  
Neil stiffened beside her but Andrew being a sassy asshole he was, fell to his knees and avoided the kick in the most badass way Allison had seen.Even Renee laughed because if he had been a second late and Andrew would've been on the floor.

  
Neil nudged her after that and said she could stop drooling at Renee's body.Allison had coughed and cursed, denying Neil's claim but he was already walking and asking her to follow him.

  
Allison ran after him and hoping to God that Neil had not been loud enough.

  
When Neil stopped next she realized they were in a room full of weapons and tools.

  
Neil sidestepped and asked her to pick one.Allison was shocked she had never seen anything like this in her life.There were various kinds of guns, sticks, blades, bow, and arrows, boxing gloves, weird looking spears and slings, and Allison could bet she even saw an ax in the corner.

  
Before she could ask, Neil explained how it was all authorized and there were cameras all around.You have to sign a consent form before using anything here.The fights are brutal but not fatal.

  
It did nothing to calm Allison's nerves but Neil promised he wouldn't kill her and Allison believed that.

  
She picked up the easiest tool and that was- a pair of boxing gloves.Neil snorted at her choice and Allison told him to go fuck himself.Neil cockily replied that he would rather fuck Andrew, unlike someone who was still pining.

  
Allison chose to ignore Neil, as he had caught her in a moment of weakness and took comfort in the fact that if Andrew had heard him, he would've punched him in the gut.

  
Neil brought the gloves to her and some tapes.He wrapped it around her fingers, instructing her all the way.He said that she only had to try, and she would not need a consent form as she was practicing.

  
He spent an hour or some telling her techniques and asking her to punch pads in his hands.When her arm had started aching a bit and her grin had become more consistent, did they move towards the punching bag.

  
Neil was one of the most entertaining people to be around in the group.It seemed like he knew her more and understood her, which made it easier for Allison to be herself around him.They both had sassy personalities which was fun and he seemed to think it was his duty to tease her about Renee every once in a while, which was annoying but gave Allison a chance to admit her attraction towards Renee without saying it.

  
Allison, after Renee, was close to him the most in the group.After punching bags and laughing at Allison's miserable attacks, they stopped when Andrew and Renee joined them.  
Neil ran towards Andrew and seemed to be asking for a kiss because now Andrew had him in a Nelson hold, as Neil laughed and instead of begging to let go, looked like he was threatening Andrew instead.That was so Neil that Allison felt herself smile.

  
When she turned back, she found Renee standing there.Her hair wet from a shower and a tank top which revealed her arms and accented her body.Allison suddenly swallowed and looked at the bag, hitting it with new fervor.

  
Renee laughed at her stance and started insulting her saying probably it was not for her.Soon she was joined by Andrew and Neil, who took it on them personally to make fun of her.She started shouting at them and when Andrew threw an actual worthy insult at her, she took off her gloves just to throw it at him.Andrew dodged and laughed as Allison started taking her other glove off and ran after him just to throw this one at his head.She could hear Neil and Renee laughing and realized that all of her previous worries seemed to be far away and everything looked a little brighter with the fact that now she had true friends behind her, who supported and cared for her in their own way.And with them, she knew she could stand a little taller and prouder like all of them did.

  
***

  
Allison was sitting with Andrew, Neil, and Aiden in the cafeteria.She was staring at the empty seat beside her where Renee should be sitting, with her calm eyes and mischievous smiles.But she isn't.

 

After asking Andreil, she found out that Renee was out seeing her 'friend' Jean Moreau who was in town to meet Renee.Now, Allison being the curious person she was, lept at Andreil, bombarding them with her questions.But both of those jerks kept quiet, giving answers as if their lips had been stapled together.And Aiden just sat there, curious and amused.

  
All she could figure out was that Jean had some past and Renee had helped him get out of it.And now Jean tried every year to ask Renee out, to which previously Renee had rejected, much to Allison's relief, saying that he has not recovered properly.Or he was just imprinting on her.

  
And this year, Jean was out to prove that he actually wanted to ask Renee out, purely because he liked her.

  
That had silenced Allison.

  
Needless to say, she spent the rest of the day, looking at Renee's chair in all of her classes.Sometimes looking out of the window, other times at the door.What if Renee said yes?  
What if she had been waiting for Jean to get better? What if she realized that this was it?

  
Allison was restless, her heart skipping and dropping whole day.Her stomach was jumbled, making her nauseous. Her only comfort was that her appetite had died during lunch and she was empty stomached.

  
When the bell rang, she walked towards her locker.And after that, lazily towards her car.Renee still had not come back yet, she checked her phone for a message or a missed call.None.  
When she reached the parking lot, she saw Renee standing with a tall dark-haired boy.He was hot and smiled warmly at Renee.

  
They were both standing by Renee's car.Renee had her back to Allison and Allison instinctively started walking towards them.Before she realized what she was doing and thought about backing away.But the boy had seen her.And she was not gonna back down as their eyes locked.Which only made the boy smirk, and Allison found herself walking confidently towards the pair.

  
''Hey, Renee,'' she said, throwing her arm over Renee and stood facing _Jean_.Not even sparing Renee a glance.

  
''Oh, hey, Allison,'' Renee said in a weird tone.But Allison did not look at her, otherwise, she would have missed the boy's reaction.He had looked at Renee when she had said Allison's name, his eyebrows raised and mock surprise all over his face.Then he looked back at Allison, critically.Judging her.His eyes seemed to stay a little longer at Allison's arm around Renee's shoulder.

  
Which only made Allison stand taller and stare him down.He only smiled, dismissing her glare and looked at Renee affectionately.Allison wanted to gauge his eyes out.Only by accident though.

  
Allison was possessive by nature, but this time it was different.This time it was humbled, insecure and desperate.It made Allison wanna beg instead of snatch.

  
But he only said, ''I don't think you would have to wait a long time,'' his French accent prominent.''Take care, Renee. You know I am only a call away,'' He smirked.Renee only mock punched him in the stomach.Making Allison drop her arm.

  
''I would rather you stay with Jeremy,'' she replied wiggling her eyebrows.

  
Jean only rolled his eyes at that.The unknown names and unreachable conversation made Allison itchy.

  
After a final hug and kiss on the cheek from Jean's side, he got into his car and left. _Fuck French men and their kisses on the cheek._

  
Renee after waving him goodbye turned towards Allison.Smiling awkwardly at first but then serenely.Allison felt the uneasiness unravel inside of her a bit.  
''So...'' Allison tried to sound brave,'' had he healed enough?''

  
Renee only furrowed her eyebrows slightly.Allison knew that half of her expressions where only for the sake of others.Andrew and Renee could spend days without giving a single expression.''I am guessing Andrew or Neil opened their mouths.But yeah,'' she said giving up and rubbing her temples,'' He is completely healed now.''  
She said it with a pride in her voice.As if this small fact, made any heaviness of the day, worth it.

  
''So, you said yes?'' Allison said accusingly, her eyes watering and voice strained as if barely keeping her anger in.She hated how vulnerable her anger had started making her.

Renee's tired features relaxed into apathetic ones.Her eyes giving nothing away.She, like this, scared Allison the most.She was like a God, in whose arms you would find comfort but at the same time feel like you were goading something dangerous.Welcoming self-destruction with open arms and a smile on your face.

  
''I can't recall a reason why it should matter to you,'' Renee said, not coldly but factually.Allison's heartbreaking before she continued,''But no.I denied.''  
Allison thought she was gonna fall from the mere effect of her words.The wind soft against her in the deserted parking lot.The clamour of students, enjoying their off time felt ages away from both of them.

  
''I thought it was cruel of me to tell him yes when I had already given my heart to someone else,'' Renee said.Her eyes challenging.  
Allison could not understand a word until...until she realized that maybe she did.

  
Renee was not close to anyone and Allison knew everyone Renee hung out with.She never went out for dates or simple fun nights.She had not mentioned a single crush in months Allison had known her, that would be almost six months now.And the only person she spent most of her time was... _Allison._

  
And all of Renee's soft and fiery eyes came rushing to Allison's memories.Her touches, her warm body next to Allison's.Her compliments and all the exceptions she made for Allison.  
And lastly, her words.The words she had spoken the day she had told Allison that she was beautiful to Renee no matter what.

  
_'What if I am? Would it really be such a bad thing?'_

  
It seemed like Renee had given up while Allison was lost in her thoughts and was already opening the door to her car.

  
''I will see you tomorrow, okay.'' She said tiredly, from the window of her car.

  
Allison nodded dumbly.Renee looked as if she was expecting a response.Allison thought what it could be until it was on the tip of her tongue.

  
''Me too,'' She said but only to realize that Renee had already gone, leaving dirt flying behind her.Leaving Allison alone with her numb mind and exhausted body.

  
***

  
It was not a decision.It was not a coincidence.

  
Both of them were sitting on Renee's dining table and she was working on her neighbor's accounts.Her lips pursed as she calculated her neighbour's expenses for her.As Ms. Daisy was too old and could not do maths at this age.

  
Allison had been looking at Renee and smiling to herself.

  
Like a secret.

  
Fascinated by Renee's various small, but many, kind acts.

Renee had been so lost that she had not bothered with Allison.It had been the same for the last ten minutes.

  
It had not been a mistake, it had not been planned.

  
It was as if it was the most natural thing when Allison leaned towards Renee to place a soft kiss on her lips.

  
Renee sucked in a breath, her eyes blown in shock.Allison moved back an inch.Smiled, and moved her fingers and rested them against her vein on her throat.  
''Look, I caught you off guard.'' She said sweetly.

  
Renee's eyes hardened.As if daring Allison to break her heart and held her hand away from her skin, a little firmly if not strongly.''I don't joke about this, Allison.''

  
Allison only rested her head against Renee's and muttered with enough conviction to have Renee's shoulder relaxing in return.

  
''Neither do I.''

  
***

  
Telling Allison's parent truth had been hard.

  
But Renee had stood behind her at the door, or maybe it was Natalie.Allison didn't know, both looked the same to her.

  
Allison had started speaking and hadn't stopped.She knew her parents could not move past Renee and leave the conversation.So she had simply said all she wanted to.

  
She started with her sexuality.Her parents' questions and complaints, ignored.Calmly she talked about how Allen's death had changed her, how she had suffered because of her parents' selfishness.How she had needed them.Then she talked about the truth about Allen's death.

  
Her parents had screamed and cried.But Allison had stood in front of them, her words pouring out.Her face messy with her tears, but she hadn't stopped.She knew they would ignore her if she did.

  
And at the end, she had told them that she was going to be a lawyer.Their senior year had almost ended and Allison had gotten herself into a Law school on scholarship.And that they could disown her if they want, she would work her way through.But she would fulfill her and her brother's dream.

  
At the end, she left the room with Renee's hand in hers, only stopping to say that she really missed and loved them.

  
*

Her parents had ignored her.Lectured her.Shouted at her for the next whole month.

  
Told her to go live in the street, that she was no good to them.

  
And when Allison had left to stay at Renee's for a week because at this point she was the only one holding her up.Giving her a shoulder and a warm house and even warmer kisses. Then suddenly her parents had called her and asked her to return home.Allison had looked at Renee with teary hopeful eyes and Renee had only smiled at her and told her to go.

  
Allison saw them look apologetic and simmering at the same time.Too proud to say anything, they only ordered her to go to her room when she came home.

  
In the morning she had found both of them at the breakfast table and had almost cried with happiness because she could not remember the last time they had eaten together.

  
They were both stiff and awkward but she knew they were trying.And well they had seen her college application form and only passed it to her, as they selected their own mails from the pile.

  
And lastly, she was not living on the street.

  
They were not warm and chummy, they still did not care.But Allison took their cold but present shoulders as a blessing and hoped it could change for the better.

  
And also she reminded herself to probably thank Renee for their changed behaviour.

  
***

  
''Do you even know how to cook?'' Allison said munching on the carrots Renee had worked hard to cut.They were the only nice looking thing on the counter.As Renee was master with knives not spices.

  
''Shut up.I am trying to read this.'' Renee said looking at the recipe on her phone.  
It was funny because Renee could not even cook spaghetti.So Allison sat royally in front of her and grinned at her scrunched face and calculated hands as she added noodles to the pan.

  
Allison got up from her chair and walked to stand behind her.Hugging her from behind like a koala.  
Renee merely shrugged in annoyance, trying to get her off.''Allison!''

  
''No.''

  
Renee grunted in response and tried maneuvering around the kitchen, Allison still attached to her.Each of her movements made Allison laugh.

  
She was so adorable.When she had finally set the spaghetti in their respective bowls, which looked a little too soggy but Allison loved them nevertheless, she had turned Renee around and given her a big sloppy loud kiss.

  
Renee pushed her face away, making Allison pout.Only to roll her eyes, cupping Allison's face and kissing her softly.

  
Which made Allison grin into the kiss.

  
********

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I referenced my other yoonmin fic that i wrote last week.Which is the main reason i could not write this one  
> If u like/ love bts do give that fic a try  
> and lastly keep fighting y'all


	35. Can we call it 'Always' now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it may have not been the best of shit i have written..but...basically i just wanted to finish..so bear this bs with me  
> and thanks to all my readers ...hayee what a experience..i have never written chaptered fics and then 35 chapters..pshh never..
> 
> okay......sorRYYYYY i know i am like a year late but ...i just changed fandoms and then..im just sorry  
>  if anyone has stayed..here is the last chapter

It is stupid.Absolutely stupid.

  
But everything related to Neil usually is. And sadly, Andrew is used to it. To Neil being an absolute idiot.But it's also absolutely stupid and comical how fast Andrew's heart beats with every punch.  
Currently, Neil is panting, his knees pressed against the hard asphalt. In the hindsight, not a good idea to wear those ripped jeans, Andrew thinks.

And he is landing one punch after another to the man that is under him. It has been going on for a few minutes, according to his watch that Andrew deigns a look. Andrew is almost bored.He shuts his phone after sending Bee a quick message as he waits by the lamplight.

  
Before this poor man, Neil's ''victim'', was Neil's turn to get the shit beat out of him.But now, one of the two men's face is being plummeted by Neil and the other one lies a couple of feet away from Andrew, bleeding profusely from the cuts made from his own weapons. Andrew smirks at irony and how Neil's hands curve around a knife.

  
When the light finally leaves man's eyes and he goes limp in Neil's hand, does he moves away from the bloodied man.

  
Neil is stupid.

  
Neil is stupid for he spends fifteen minutes beating shit out of two strong men with knives in their hands because they tried stealing from a fifteen year old girl. The girl they knew worked hard to pay her sick mother's bill. The girl that ran as fast as she could when Neil intervened. Smart girl, if you ask Andrew.

  
So basically, Neil is stupid and Andrew is damn proud of him.

  
So when Neil walks up to him with bloodied lips, knuckles and grazed knees.Andrew only grabs his face to scrutinize and look at the damage.And then tilts his head down, so he can kiss his forehead.

  
"Come on, let's go." Andrew whispers.

  
Neil sighs, grabs Andrew shirt in a fist over his waist-a thing Andrew knows he does a lot- and nods.

  
Andrews lets Neil hold on until he feels ready enough to let go, lets Neil drive all the strength from such a little gesture. Then he frees Neil's hands from his shirt, intertwining their fingers like he knows that Neil loves- how Andrew loves--and drags Neil to their car.

 

***

  
Neil knows it's stupid.

  
Everything is stupid about Neil when it comes to Andrew. When its Andrew. Or when he is merely near the said man.

  
But Neil is pretty sure, its considered a special type of stupidity, a colossal one, when you get half hard in the middle of the road, just because you saw your best friend and realized how freaking breathtaking he looks driving a car.

  
Yeah, Neil knows but fuck.

  
It was an average morning. Well as normal as it can be for the boys. Waking up lazily but sharp. Then wrestling each other to the bathroom until they have accidentally turned the shower on and are dripping wet in their sleeping attire. Then laughing and kissing each other crazy until one of them-mostly Andrew- pushes the other out the shower and claims it his own. Then the one leaving would go away, bickering and making obscene remarks about their wet clothes sticking to their body now- mostly Neil- and how they know that the other is only pushing them out of the bath is because they have poor self-control and are weak willed. The other-mostly Andrew- silently agrees.

  
After the whole scenario, they would fight with Bee over the pancakes.Or leave the house after witnessing Bee and Stuart making out in the kitchen, such was the case that morning.  
So basically, Neil is stupid, but really he was just telling Andrew how impossible it was to get the car through such a narrow place between already parked cars and a hole in the road.

  
But Andrew just looked at him from behind his steering wheel as Neil stood outside of the car looking at the ditch and raised his eyebrows. Looking every bit of a stubborn boy Neil knew Andrew to be.

  
But as he saw Andrew looking at the hole behind him and the distance between the cars from his window and maneuvering his car as he willed. Neil could not help but stare.

  
Suddenly, his feet were taking him to Andrew's side of the road, to get a better view. Neil could see the sweat on Andrew's neck, the slight pinch of his eyebrows. The burning eyes as the car roared under his hands.

  
And Neil found himself shaking.It was such a mundane thing but Andrew's bulging bicsep under his black half-sleeved tee made it so much worse for Neil.

  
Neil waited for Andrew and watched him manage the car free from it's previously cramped position. He had reversed a few, turning his head to look at the pothole. He had shifted the gears, moving the car like a slow lion who had all the time in the word, nestling his car between two other and then applied breaks, reversed, moved the steering with the flick of his wrist and Neil's mouth ran dry. Neil could see few of the bystanders looking at awe and others shaking their heads at Andrew's stupid attempt but soon realizing that Andrew could and would succeed in his attempt.

  
Before Andrew could even turn his head and leave Neil a smug comment, Neil was already moving.One hand clasped over Andrew's door and the other pressing on the head rest of his seat, Neil ducked inside just to kiss the fuck out of Andrew.

  
Andrew gasped in surprise, which was a rarity because Andrew was never surprised, kindly stress on never. Usually Neil might have been careful in approaching him like that but damn boy, was he hot for Andrew right now.

  
But thankfully before Nel could think maybe he had done something wrong, Andrew recovered quickly and grabbed Neil's hand and kissed him with equal ferocity.

  
Boys were not into PDA but Andrew sure as hell was enjoying a sexually frustrated Neil, until Andrew pushed Neil out of his window and asking him to get in the fucking car.

As for Neil he only stood there, feeling zoned out after the kiss. He could swear he could feel Andrew's lips between his teeth even now. Fuck, he swore and dragged his hand in his hair, calming his body down and moving to sit back in the car but fuck was he stupid for Andrew.

  
**

  
Andrew thinks Aiden needs a good smack against his head for doubting Andrew when it came to Neil. If Andrew says Neil can win this shit he means it.

  
''No, Andrew, that's not possible.People have been preparing for this race. Neil isn't even part of the School's running club.'' Aiden states all of this as if he is an expert, ''And...it's legit 2000m. Meaning 200m per lap and he has to make ten, Andrew. Ten.''

  
Andrew keeps looking at him like he is waiting for him to get to the point. Aiden just looks at him incredulously, then simply shaking his head. '' Its kinda not possible, Andrew!''   
Andrew wastes precious few minutes of his life before he walks away from Aiden and towards Neil.

  
''Hey,'' Andrew shouts at Neil, standing in front of him. His arms crossed against his chest as he looks down at Neil where he is sitting on the bench. It's a sports week at school. A bore if u ask Andrew but bets, bets make everything interesting.

  
Neil shoots a look at Andrew and his face turns into a grin.

  
Idiot, Andrew thinks, as his own lips twitch.

  
''Hey to you too.'' Neil says, voice low.

  
Fuck him.

  
Andrew shoots him a pointed look because Andrew is weak and they are in public so he can't have his way with Neil and Neil should know better than to entice Andrew on.

  
Neil just laughs at his look, ''So what do you want?'' He asks looking at Aiden behind him and then back at Andrew.

  
'' Win this.'' he replies calmly, nodding his head towards the track.

  
Neil looks at him, the track and then back at him. Eyes cool, gone is the boy with smiles. He stands up to his whole height which is not much and takes a step closer to Andrew. Meanwhile, Andrew stands still and lets him. Neil looks to his fill and leaves.

  
Aiden sputters what and why and what again, but Andrew mainly ignores. Until Neil shows up after a few seconds, having changed into his shorts, the ones he keeps in his locker at the gym and starts stretching his body.

  
''So what will you give me in return?'' Neil asks, jumping now.

  
''Don't ask me questions you already know the answers to.'' Andrew quips.

Neil just considers it for a moment and then simply smirks. Then that asshole, just moves towards the track telling our sport teacher, Mr. Quint, that he would be participating in the race too.  
And Andrew _does not_ feel excited as he looks at how confident Neil looks. _Does not._

  
Everyone, at the starting line, gets ready. Neil relaxing his muscles, his posture cool and at home.

  
Andrew can hear Aiden fretting on his side, but Andrew can't bother with what he is saying because all of his attention is on Neil.

  
''Ready...'' Quint shouts, and Neil gets into the position.

 

''Set.'' he waits for the effect and then screams,''GO!"

  
And Neil shoots ahead. Andrew can swear that bastard smiling. He always ran like that. Burning all his fuel in the start. Says, he likes the thrill of firing ahead. Being ahead. Staying ahead.

  
And just like that a lap has passed and Neil is second. Another lap and Neil is number one.

  
But that bastard does not slow down, instead somehow gets faster which is actually 'kinda not possible' as Aiden had said it. But its Neil and  every time a lap ends, he grins like the asshole he is.Proud and victorious.

  
Andrew can hear Aiden cursing and can't hide his own smirk away.

  
The last lap starts and Andrew's stupid curled hands start to relax a little, but the person on the second is still close to Neil.Not too much, not to take over but Andrew will relax fully when the race is over. He can see Neil shooting a smile to the one on the second position when he crosses the line and Quint whistles declaring Neil the winner. He even runs backward just to be a fucker and Andrew laughs out loud. Until Neil turns his way and starts walking, shrugging Quint off him when he tries to stop Neil probably to declare him the winner or something but Neil seems to have his eyes on Andrew.

  
The blond picks up a towel and water bottle as he walks towards Neil too. Aiden splutters few things but then just gives up in the end.

  
As Andrews moves towards him, Neil starts smiling and Andrew returns that smile wider but Neil's just turns bigger somehow.

  
And when he is near enough to Andrew, he whispers,'' Okay, so hold me before I fall on my knees.''

  
Andrew laughs and Neil joins him and throws the water bottle and towel on the floor to hold Neil's hand and arm with both his hands, making it look a casual congratulatory gesture without disclosing the real the purpose.

  
''So can I get what I want now?'' He asks his voice a little strained, as he leans a little to rest his head against the blond's.

  
''Yes,'' Andrew whisper letting him catch his breath.He literally had done no warm up.

  
''Okay, I know it is really stupid,'' he pauses, gulping air into his mouth before starting again,'' but you know everyone has names for it.We never bothered but ,well I just thought you know...''

  
Andrew looked at Neil, perplexed. What is going on with Neil? Why does he look so skittish?

  
But Andrew says nothing as he waits for Neil to explain it himself. ''But I just wanted to know.We are best friends, I know that.We love each other I know that too.People call it, y'know, soulmates, boyfriends or partners what we are.'' Neil gulps nervously, looking at Andrew.

  
Andrew tries his best to calm his stupid heart down, but it keeps slipping from his tiny fist.

  
''So, Andrew, will you be my lover, Andrew?''

  
He what?

  
Andrew just stands there, wanting to laugh, scoff, anything. Because this is plain out --- Andrew doesn't know what it is.

  
So Neil could have asked Andrew of anything and he asked him of something he already is? What an anti-climax.

  
It made no sense but nothing ever did with Neil.

  
Andrew looked at Neil and Neil actually looked anxious, muttering,''You know, officially and all.''

  
And Andrew looses it. He laughs loud,his dimple popping and leans into Neil,''For fuck's sake, Neil.''

  
Neil only pouts at him, ''Hey...'' But Andrew can't help. Neil is so so fricking stupid.

  
''Andreww!!" Neil says, dragging the last syllables of his name.

  
''Okay..okay.." Andrew says calming down.He pauses, pulling Neil closer as much as he can, but they were already literally standing close enough to throw all the ''we-are-in-public'' bullshit out of the window.

  
Andrew looks into Neil's eyes, using his sleeve to clear the sweat of his eye brows, check bones softly.''What is that cheesy thing that you say?'' he asks rhetorically.

  
Neil keeps looking at him as if the world has stopped for him.

  
Andrew answers it himself, ''It's always yes with you, Neil.''

  
Neil gasps but his lips turn into a content, small, secret smile that has Andrew ducking his head.  
''Mine?'' Neil whispers, shyly.

  
Fuck you, Andrew wants to say, but kinda rests his head against Neil's cheek and concedes with a ''Yeah, yours.''

  
''And I am yours?'' Neil asks, and Andrew can practically hear his smile in his voice.

  
Andrew rolls his eyes, raising his head to look at him and his smiling eyes,'' Mine.''

  
''For forever?'' He asks with a shit eating grin on his face. Dragging it longer on the sight of Andrew's cheeks that he freaking knows are red.

  
''Yes fucking yes..Now stop being weird.'' Andrew pushes back, only to hit Neil on the shoulder when he only laughs. And he actually tries to make the hit painful but Neil stays the same.

  
''Fuck,'' Neil laughs, looking happy and carefree.

  
Andrew, trying hide his smile, picks up the towel and bottle. Just to throw them on Neil and walking away.

  
Andrew is too old for cliche confessions like that. Why did Neil had to be such a walking cliche?

  
''Hey, at least wait for me.I ran 2000m for you and you are making run again.'' Neil whines as he jogs up to Andrew.

  
Andrew rolls his eyes but slows down.He turns around, to say something when he catches the sight of sweaty Neil drinking water from the bottle, looking every bit sinful that he is.  
Andrew gulps. He really did not think Neil would be this close. His lips red against the bottle's mouth,''You know, I actually thought you would rather ask for a hot, sweaty, sexy night.''

Even Andrew can detect the thirst in his voice, he would cringe if he was not busy looking at Neil's Adam's apple moving as he swallows and then...starts coughing. Loudly. And slapping his chest.  
Andrew snaps out of his lust filled haze as he looks at Neil, looking back at him with eyes wide open. Barely holding his coughs back as he looks at Andrew in shock.

  
''A what a what?" He asks all flustered, his mouth is literally hanging open.

  
Andrew wants to suddenly laugh but decides smirking instead. He walks a little closer to Neil and watches him noticing Andrew's movement. His eyes flitting all over him and resting on his lips and eyes when Andrew is close enough.

"What? Are you okay?" Andrew asks with mock concern. Neil rolls his eyes and is probably about to say something snarky but stops as Andrew takes another step closer and brings his hand to Neil's face and wiping the stray drop of water from Neil's chin and then from the corner of his lips.

  
And Andrew practically feels the shaky breath Neil slips out instead of words through his whole body.

  
"What I said was, I was actually expecting you to ask for something,you know,'' Andrew repeated, voice low and eyes locked onto Neil's lips.''For something sweaty and.." Andrew gulps audibly, tugging at Neil's lower lip,'' ..and dirty.''

  
Andrew takes this moment to look at Neil and thinks he has never seen him look as beautiful as he does right now. Blue huge eyes, throat gulping, cheeks red from exertion, lips hanging open and wet. But the look in his was the one that shook Andrew to the core. He looked like he couldn't wait to throw Andrew on the floor right now and make sure they do get all sweaty and dirty.And... if that did not arouse Andrew like crazy, Andrew did not know what did.

  
"Fuck,'' Neil said as he moved away.The bottle in his hand whined from how tight his hold was on it."Fuck, Andrew you can't say stuff like that and expect me not to lose my shit."

  
Andrew actually did not think Neil would lose his shit. It was still a weird thing to have Neil so horribly attracted to him.  
Andrew just shrugged and started walking. Clenching and shaking his hands open. He would have to talk to Bee about this. How the idea of Neil pushing Andrew down actually made me excited instead of scared. Andrew knew he was far from ever practicing the previous thought but the idea, itself, was another thing.

  
''So wait, are you telling me I could have asked for that?" Neil asks, trying to catch up to Andrew again.

  
"Yeah, could have." Andrew stressed on 'have' just to rile Neil up. Knowing that Neil would never ask for anything like that in a bet but if Neil was playing along so could he.

  
"Damn it..Okay I take that lover-slash-boyfriend shizz back.Let's do what you just said." Neil asks following Andrew, trying to sound convincing.

  
Andrew hid the smile making its way onto his face."No no, lover.You lost the chance."

  
Andrew said, and waited for the response, but turned his head towards Neil when he did not get one.  
Neil was looking at him. his eyes shining. Apparently he was waiting for me to look at him, then he spoke,'' If I could have you call me your 'lover' for the rest of my life, I think I can deal with it."

  
And trust Andrew when he says that he tried really hard not to shy away .Really hard. But fuck Neil.

  
Neil now having received the reaction he wanted, walked ahead. Andrew cursed under his breath and followed him.

  
"And you know what,'' Neil said after sometime. Making Andrew look at him again, ''I could have you hot and sweaty whenever I want."  
Now it was Andrew's turn to almost trip .Almost. Andrew is too cool to actually trip. Okay!! Excuse you!

  
"Pft, as if." Andrew said.  
"What ??! I can! Look at me." Neil said, sounding offended and motioning towards himself. ''I am practically irresistible."

  
Andrew so badly wanted to either scoff or make a sassy retort but with Neil's sweat-cooled body, happy eyes and recent headband in his hair-wait when did he wear that?- Andrew actually could not help but agree.

  
So he just ended up walking faster and away from an indignant Neil. But offers his hand which Neil quickly holds back.

  
***

  
"Allison, this is fucking stupid. Aren't you supposed to be good at this thing?" Neil hears Andrew shout at Allison.They have been going at it for hours.

  
If Neil knew that Renee suggesting Andrew to go with Allison to shop for their Halloween costume was going to end like this, he would have sat on Renee and muffled all those cursed words. Even risking the danger of being stabbed by Renee. Because no matter what Andrew says he is extremely conscious about his clothes and has a peculiar taste when it comes to fashion himself. And so far he is disliking everything Allison is coming up with, when I say both I mean Allison manipulating Andrew into wearing weirdest shit and Andrew putting all his knives out on the table, just in case he needs to end this shopping quickly with a knife in someone's, *cough*Allison's*cough*, neck.

  
Neil has been tuning them out most of the time and playing games on his phone. Only looking up to see how hilarious or weirdly attractive Andrew looks in leather pants and cowboy hat and continuing his game. Neil would never understand the fascination the girls had dressing Andrew up. When asked they always said that Andrew was painfully attractive and they just wanted to see him in different things. Neil agreed with the first and couldn't bother with the second.If his best friend, lover, allowed it, Neil was fine with it. Plus, he got amusement from Andrew's misery.

  
"Okay that's a big no Allison even you know that." Andrew for once sounds scandalized for real. Neil would look at what costume has him like that but his game is really at a crucial point and he is sure Andrew would be wearing it after a fifteen minute debate because no matter what Andrew is having fun and is too curious for his own good to see how he would look in all those clothes.

  
"Allison noooo!"

  
"Okay I know.But c'mon don't you want to know..." the rest of her sentence is muffled as she whispers it to Andrew. Neil furrows his eyebrows. Because now it's suddenly too silent.

  
But Neil still can't look away from his phone but when after 5 minutes his game ends he looks up and finds he is alone in the dressing area. It was initially only three of them as Allison had asked the manager to not allow any customers in this area and limit the staff. It was fancy to say the least. The reserved area of the shop had changing rooms, a bathroom, shelves of clothes and two to three boys standing just outside the door waiting for them to be called, who by now were either talking on their phones or scrolling twitter.

  
Allison had gone out of the area to probably look at another costume in some other part of the shop while Andrew might be in the changing room. Neil gets up from the comfy sofa and stretches his body. Putting his phone in his pocket, he thinks it's probably time for him to intervene and help Andrew decide on one thing and have Allison agree with it too.

Neil moves towards the wall length mirror next to the changing room. Busy looking at his roots, now that his hair are almost back to being auburn. Neil smirks knowing that no matter how much Andrew loved his purple hair, he absolutely is weak for his original hair color and long hair.

  
He hears the lock of the changing room open and he turns to look at Andrew, but Andrew is already talking and Neil chokes on his own spit.

  
"I told you Allison, this is shit ..I don't even care what you were saying. I am not taking another step out," Andrew is still busy handling the red cape on his back, standing just a little outside of the changing room," and why the fuck you gave me this stupid gold head band too..."

  
Neil is sure Andrew had a lot more to say but his words die on his tongue when he notices Neil standing in front of him rather than Allison.

  
And as for Neil, he thinks he is hardly breathing.Okay, so...it's fine. It should be fine. But Neil can see Andrew's shoulders, arms and legs and..holy fuck Andrew is wearing a fucking chiton that reaches his mid thighs with red cape on it's back and a gold laurel on his head.

  
And holy fuck Neil thinks he has ascended. Because he can see so much of Andrew's skin and he feels hot all over. And Andrew is just looking at him shocked and Neil is sure if he adds Andrew's naked torso from previous month and his naked legs now he can make a mental image of Andrew where he is 90 percent naked.AGAIN NEIL DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.

  
Neil's eyes shift to Andrew's legs, they are all taut and firm and before Neil can even reach his thighs he feels his cheeks burn. And Andrew's pale gold skin looks absolutely delicious with the white chiton. His strong arms with black bands still on and half of his chest on display.

  
He is so so beautiful that Neil's hands get shaky and his heart palpitates. _Neil is never letting the girls dress Andrew up again, given the amount of skin he ends up showing in the end._ Never. 

Okay maybe once or twice. When they are alone or Neil is ready.

  
Apparently Andrew has had enough of the staring and tries squaring his shoulders defensively,"Where's Allison?"

  
But Neil has short-circuited because he had dragged his gaze to Andrew's face and realized that Andrew is fucking blushing. So someone is flustered as Neil is.

  
Neil snaps out of his haze when he notices voices behind him, and looks around to see the staff outside probably coming in to make a formality check up. Neil does not know where this possessiveness comes from, but suddenly he is all freaked out, grabbing Andrew's hand and dragging him back into the changing room and locking.

  
It burns Neil to know someone might have seen Andrew like...like this. Neil may not know much about wet dreams but he is sure Andrew fucking looks like one.

Suddenly Neil could hear all of Allison's previous rants on Andrew's beauty.His perfectly proportional face structure, with high cheek bones and gentle nose. Neil has seen how red Andrew's lips can be or what a sight he looks when he pushes his hair back. Neil had heard enough from Aiden too to know that practically what it did to people when Andrew's black shirt hugged his chest.

  
That..that is why he wants to hide Andrew. It's stupid, selfish and he will regret it when they return home but right now Neil's brain has been fried and he can't think properly.

  
He stands with his back to the door as Andrew stands on the other side of the room. Andrew won't fidget, Andrew knows better to fidget, but Neil knows he is nervous. His fingers close and open resisting the urge to hold the edge of his chiton, his eyes looking at Neil but cautiously. And to be honest, Neil also has no idea what he is doing here.

He could've asked Andrew to go in and change or anything. Not get in with him. Only now realizing how small it is and he is breathing so fast that it can be heard in the room.

  
But Neil just pauses and decides he can't be a mess.He relaxes his back against the door, listening to the staff come in and waiting for them to leave.Till then he clears his expression to something cool and calm. And...he looks back at Andrew.

  
Andrew apparently has done the same and is looking at him, curiously.

  
"So.." Neil clears his throat realizing how dry is, "..I can guess you are not wearing this to the Halloween."

  
Andrew puffs, crossing his arms, straightening his back and leaning back now too,''Obviously."

  
Neil nods,relieved because he knew if Andrew wore that anywhere Neil would spend rest of the night glaring his knife at everyone who as much as breathed near Andrew.

  
"But I guess you already knew that, even before wearing the chiton, so why wear it?" Neil asked stepping a bit inside.He can only control so much, wanting to be closer to Andrew.

  
Andrew's eyes shifts to his movement, knowing that one step more from Neil and he would be pressed against Andrew. Neil used to think people kid about the electricity they feel, the so called 'tension', that happens when you are near someone you are attracted to. But now when Neil can feel it in the way Andrew keeps staring at him and Neil's hands itch to touch. To feel every inch of Andrew's skin. Neil knows that the tension is no joke.

  
"Nothing much..." Andrew is whispering now, his eyes liquid amber," Allison got me curious about something."

  
"And what would that be?" Neil asks taking another step forward, putting himself right in front of the Andrew.  
Andrew looks at Neil, judging and calculating, knowing absolutely well how turned on Neil is right now, "Just curious to see the reaction I would get, I guess."

  
Neil would really listen to what Andrew is saying but his body is being stupid. So he raises his hands on both side of Andrew on the wall behind him. Leaning closer, head bent as close to Andrew's face as he can. Andrew uncrosses his arms and adjusts his posture, leaving Neil's body breaths away from Andrew's on.

  
"Sorry if you could not get the reaction you wanted." Neil says, feeling totally unapologetic. Fuck, he is euphoric that no one even got a glimpse at Andrew, even Allison, and reacting to him is a fucking dream.

  
And the way Andrew scoffs a little, Neil thinks he knows how much off a lie Neil's previous statement is. But Neil keeps his eyes hooded, his cheek brushing against Andrew's as he feels the heat of Andrew's whole body against his own and his breath wet against his skin.

  
"Well I have you pressing me against the wall of this small changing room, looking practically animalistic, so I believe I sure as hell got the reaction I wanted."  
It takes a little for Neil distract himself from staring at the skin of Andrew's bare neck and shoulder and concentrate on his words but when he does he feels like someone has punched him in the gut in the most pleasurable way possible.

  
Neil does not know what to think. Andrew...Andrew was curious about his reaction. Fuck, Neil feels warm and content all over. He lifts his head, feeling weirdly confident now and looks into Andrew's eyes. Voice less shakier than before as he asks,"Andrew?"

  
"Yeah," Andrew whispers, his voice husky.Damn those cigarettes and bless them at the same time, Neil thinks.

  
"Andrew, can I kiss you?" Neil asks.

Andrew closes his eyes for a moment and then opens them again, his hands rising to rest on Neil's waist.The boys stand there looking at each other for a while until Andrew has had it enough and mutters,"Don't fucking make me beg for it."

  
And Andrew does not even have to say another word because Neil is pressing Andrew against the wall and kissing him passionately. Neil feels like he has let the reins free and is on the fastest ride he could ever get. Andrew nibbles at his lips, poking his tongue in, already impatient. Neil would laugh if he wasn't, if not more than equally, desperate either. He is scared how wild he gets, so scared because every minute he spends kissing Andrew the more out of control he feels.

  
Animalistic, Andrew had said, that's how Neil feels. Neil keeps pushing against Andrew unable to resist the urge to be closer and also unaware how to achieve that. Andrew breaks the kiss to let breathy moan out when he feels Neil's crotch rub against his own.

  
Andrew is always quiet whenever thing get heated. Actually both boys were, if not for soft grunts as they would bite each other on the lips.

  
But Neil loses his mind when he hears how much Andrew wants it. Andrew does not want to push away. Andrew is not disgusted by Neil pressing against him. Andrew wants it instead.  
If the bulge he feels against his leg is anything to go by.

  
Before Andrew can even be embarrassed about it, Neil almost scratches the wall behind him and curses, "Fuck, Andrew." And then he rubs against him again, Andrew only breathes faster and throws his head back against the wall.  
Neil keeps grinding and moving his hips, slowly but gently waiting for Andrew's 'No' or his reaction to change. And when he doesn't get one he stops, only to feel Andrew's hand grabbing his butt and pushing him closer.

  
"Is it a yes Andrew?" Neil bites into Andrew's neck and asks.  
Neil waits for Andrew's answer peppering kisses in the hollow of Andrew's neck which has him shivering against Neil. Apparently Andrew is taking too long to answer, because now Neil is sucking Andrew's neck.Slowly and sensually, lapping the skin he has caught between his teeth, "I am still waiting!"

  
"Yes fucking yes." Andrew grunts out.

  
Neil smirks against Andrew's neck, before he starts biting at Andrew's neck.Busy leaving marks there, he can't say Andrew is complaining but Neil can feel his impatience in the way he keeps shifting his hips. Neil has had his fun, so he starts moving his hips against Andrew's. Andrew's arms holding the boys in an intimate embrace.

  
And Neil swears he loses his shit. He has never felt this way. He so wants to go slow, but it is impossible. Because the moment Neil realizes the faster he moves his hips, the greater the pleasure. The more Andrew's breaths get shaky, the more blush rises on his cheeks.

  
"Neil..." Andrew whispers, controlled but barely there. Neil takes that as a challenge. Neil has said many times he actually does want to see Andrew lose control and he was not lying even once.

  
"Yes, Andrew." He also tries keeping the most neutral voice he can, as if they were merely in their bedroom sitting, and watching moving, not grinding against each other in a fucking changing room.  
"Ass- ughh" Andrew mutters. His sentence breaking as Neil brushes his leg just right against Andrew's crotch. At that Andrew lets out the most obscene noise Neil has ever heard and before Neil knows he feels himself coming. He wants to stop not sure if that's allowed or not, but when he feels Andrew holding him closer and kissing his cheek, Neil realizes Andrew feels the same.

  
And both boys reach climax in each other's embrace, because the moment Andrew had came, Neil had removed his hands from the wall and hugged him.

  
Andrew had stayed still, both boys shaking in each other's arm. Neil moved away to look at Andrew, his eyes closed face flushed. Neil kissed his lips and Andrew opened his eyes slowly.  
"Fuckin beautiful," Neil said, his voice awestruck.

  
Andrew looked at him, getting tense for a moment and then kissing him crazy.

  
*

Well lucky for them, when they awkwardly came out of the changing room, only realizing their action, they found the area empty. They relieved a sigh when they noticed a pair of pants for Neil, two under wears, a bag and a chit with a message from Allison telling them that she had already covered the charges for the spoiled dress and that they could take their time with a cheeky wink and thank her later.

Boys scoffed but took turns to go to the bathroom. Andrew changed into the clothes he had come and decided to go with the stupid cowboy costume.  
It took one look from Andrew to see Neil in the leather pants and knowing he was fucking buying them as well.

  
In the end, they balled Neil's previous pants in Andrew's bag and Andrew just threw money on the counter for his cowboy costume and Neil's pants.And they practically fucking ran out of the shop and sending a quick text to Allison telling her that their little shopping spree is over and that they are leaving.  
Allison had come in her own car so that was not an issue. And by her note, it looked like she had already left, knowing boys were busy.

  
As soon as they had settled in the car, " So what were you even trying be with that chiton?" Neil asks, barely keeping the smile from his face.

  
"A fucking roman king or hero o something. Go ask Allison." Andrew muttered all angry and sharp movements. His hand gripping the steering wheel hard.

  
And Neil thought if Andrew were to be a king, Neil would have no problem getting on his knees and kissing his sword.

  
So he moves his hand and gently rests it on top of the one Andrew had on the gear. Until Andrew, moved his hand so he could hold Neil's properly.

  
Neil tried suppressing his smile as he said, " Unfortunately, we still ended up buying it."  
Andrew only groans and mutters, "Shut the fuck up."

  
And Neil can't hold his smile any longer and ends up laughing in the car as he feels Andrew look at him, his own lips turned into a soft smile and tightening his grip on his hand.

  
***

It's after two at night, both of them are sitting on the school's roof.It was dance night in school, that both boys waited a while around for but them escaping on their own. But not after witnessing Renison slow dance and being happy and Aiden being asked out by one of the emo looking guys. With black ruffled hair and horribly shy posture as he asked Aiden to dance. And Aiden had apparently been the guy's friend, said yes equally flustered.

Andrew and Neil had not stopped laughing even after they were gone to the dance floor and Aiden shooting them death glares.

The night on the rooftop was soothing and cool. The stars were out and Andrew looked incredibly hot in his white, now messy and untucked, dress shirt.He had forgone smoking a cigarette and chose to kiss Neil's finger every five minutes instead.

And Neil just sighed and smiled at the sky.

"So, technically we have two house between us four- you, me, Bee and Stuart- so what should we do about it?" Andrew asked, looking at the parking lot.

Neil looked at him confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well maybe we should shift, I don't know. Two couples, as , two houses do the math."

To say Neil was surprised would be an understatement." But you would never leave Bee."

Neil said it as a matter of fact.He looked at Andrew and knew that right now Andrew was not even ready to move to a house next door and leave her and Neil knew the feeling was mutual.Andrew looked back at him and knew from the troubled look in his eyes that it was true.

Neil just smiled and leaned to kiss Andrew softly. "It's okay...how about we make it a one giant ass house instead."

Andrew looked at him for a while, his eyes slightly blown at the suggestion but then he slowly smiled and said, "Yeah, that could be done.We could use all of Stuart's legal money on it." Which made Neil laugh and Andrew to smile that dimple provoking smile of his own.

"So this time, I want a fucking gaming room." Andrew said.

"Oh and a sparring room too.Going to Halley's gym is getting tiring too." Neil added.

"Ugh yess.. and we could add a giant freezer for ice creams too."

" Andrew no."  
"I'll tell Bee about it and we would surely have it."

"But Andrew..."

So the boys stayed on the roof top, huddled together discussing an always both of them had never dreamed they would have.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i promised fluffy but it came out smutty..*shrugs*  
> okay i just had this scene of laurent from captive prince in chiton stuck in my mind and i just wanted to have Andrew in one too..so yasss..And...  
> i was rereading this fic months ago..DAMN ITS A MESS hahaha..i have made sooooo many mistakes and it hurts to see them..i'll prolly edit the mistakes at some point but yeah..idk how u guys braved through it..  
> and i think i changed Allison's eye color half way through the fic too so APOLOGIES..

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and Kudos please..:P


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